Not much to update on at the moment. Just that the freeloader was parked next door when I got up at 6 PM. An hour later it quietly left. If I didn’t see it leave, I may not have known it, save for hearing the engine rev up. No car door. No music.

What was it doing here? Making nicey-nicey with its bitch? God, not yet! When I see the U-Haul, and I know I will sooner or later, then that’ll mean it’s back, but not this soon, please!

Guess the bitch stayed home yesterday, cuz no Caddy or freeloader pulled in at just after 7:00 as usual.

As God would have it and will always have it, he’s keeping Tom a slave to our shit of a car. One of them, anyhow.

Later…

Oh my God! Now I’m 118 and I’ve been up for hours. I did a test and ate a hot dog, then re-weighed myself and guess what? I weighed the same! That means my metabolism really is starting to roll. I really think this is it. I’m going to lose weight and that dream I had was not just a dream. It was something’s way of telling me I could begin losing weight now.

I thought about going into that bag of clothes I set aside for Laura and taking back some pieces I really love, but nah. That might hex it. And besides, since I have to pay for everything good that comes my way, maybe God will feel that giving up some clothes I really love is payment enough. I’ll just start over if I really do get thin again, as I feel I will, and buy new clothes.

This water pill really is some potent stuff and I probably won’t take it tomorrow.

Later…

What a gorgeous night it is. It’s quite warm, but the pool temperature’s just perfect. It must be in the low 90s. I swam up and down and just enjoyed the peace and quiet of the night. I made my swim physical for the exercise part of it, but then I also relaxed and had fun just floating about.

It’s been really hot and the summer we thought we’d never have, has been here for a while now. I’ll be looking forward to the monsoons, but not the humidity that comes with it, or playing the game of leak and bucket.

I feel better than I did yesterday. I felt a little bummed yesterday, but nothing compared to what I’d go through back when I wanted a kid. My period’s starting and hopefully it won’t be just a spot, then I’ll have to wait another week before having a full flow. Hopefully, it’ll take off within the next day or so.

Blackie and Velvet really love to sit and stare at each other. He gets Velvet bouncing around.

Anyway, I feel so blessed to have a guy like Tom who wants me forever. He may be a sexual misfit, but he sure is one in a million and I could never live without him.

I thank God that I’m dreamless at the moment. That’s a rare occasion in my life. I mean, I still want to move, of course, but that’s a material dream. One that’s sure to happen, too. It’s just a matter of time. So, aside from being thin again, and wishing I could change a few of my personal traits, I’m at peace and I hope to hell I never dream again. Cuz if I do (a non-material dream), the answer’s no. Nothing I could want really, really bad could ever be granted to me. Nothing that I want really, really bad that’s on my mind day in and day out, year after year. God, please don’t ever let me dream again!!

Later…

It looks like my payment for losing some weight is that old horniness and thoughts of a kid kicking up again. I hate being horny a lot. I mean, after my period, it’ll simmer down, but there’s nothing like being horny a lot with a busy, dead-dicked husband. Remember, I love my husband, but not in bed. And I hate thinking of the impossible. I have to remember that God sterilized me for a reason. He knew I could never handle a child. He knew I’d be more miserable than ever if I had to give up my life and freedom to a child.

Even so, I’ve decided that I’m sick of living a life of wondering why I’m sterile. I know I’ll feel better about myself if I just stop being a wimp, put my superstitions and suspicions aside, and just find out whatever modern technology can tell me. That way I won’t wonder year and year and it won’t eat at me as much. Stupid, I know. Like Tom will let me get as far as getting any real answers? I don’t think so! I know the first thing they’re gonna do is tell us to screw for several days in a row at certain times. And of course, he’s gonna conveniently not be able to get in there and if he does get in there, he’s just gonna be too tired or sore to cum.

Well, there’s no sense in wishing to be someone I’m not. The kind of woman who sleeps with her husband, holds a schedule without a problem, has a healthy, normal sex life, is all-woman, has a child she can handle, is not who I am. No, it’s not that I’m back to wanting a kid. I don’t want to suffer from what a kid would entail. I just sometimes wish I was different, is all. Most of the time, though, I love my uniqueness. It’s all I know.