The phone’s out again. What is it with these stupid, incompetent cocks cutting lines around here? Can’t they do anything right?

We screwed yesterday. It was the usual, but damn did my crotch hurt! This endless curse God’s put on my crotch just won’t go away. The opening stung and bled when he went in me like it sometimes does, but this was way worse than usual.

I changed my mind about walking on the walker. It’s pointless to do so when I can elevate my heartbeat enough on the Bowflex, as long as I row quickly.

Anyway, my allergies are going off again, as usual. It’s come to be nearly an everyday thing now, partly thanks to Tom. Since the phone was out, I typed him a piece of mind and it goes like this:

It’s pretty ironic how my allergies have gotten worse since you decided you had to trash your office after you promised you wouldn’t and that you would wait till we got sheds/workshop before you went trashing things. Anyway, as always, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do and to hell with me unless it was a matter of life and death.

During any of the times you were taking breaks over the weekend to play computer games, did you ever think to check eBook rules or order that CD? No, or else you’d have told me and this is exactly what I mean by your thinking of you first and being as selfish as I am, only in different ways. I’m sure you know what I mean by this, but in case you don’t – if you wanted my tits bigger, I’d do everything I could to get them that way, even though bigger tits are the last thing I want. It seems like 95% of the time you’ll only do things for me or with me as long as it suits you, interests you, or has anything in it for you in any way. I hope you’ll remember to make my appointment or give me the number to make one myself.

It’s up to you what you do about the eBook rules, but here’s a reminder – you sat and watched me cry for years, begging for you to go to a doctor, begging for your support, while you made one lame excuse after another, therefore, I’m entitled to a $10 CD every now and then, don’t you think? I’m not asking for a $300 doll right now, or a $200 CD changer, or even a $75 mural.

Also, when I suggested sleeping together on weekends and you went into the big spiel about it, I knew right then and there you didn’t want to do it when all you had to do was say no. am I that hard to say no to? You said to think about it and a week later I told you I had thought about it, was still OK with it, and asked you where you stood on the idea and you said you hadn’t thought about it. Well, if you hadn’t thought about it, then it’s obviously not important to you, but again, you could’ve been upfront about it and told me that for whatever your reasons may be, you weren’t interested in sleeping together on weekends. Why is it that the more I want to do something, the less you want to? Why is it that you’re too OK with knowing my beliefs and opinions about you? If I were you and my wife thought I was lying about things that I wasn’t lying about, I’d want to do everything I could to prove this to her. Not seemingly go out of my way to prove her right! And don’t try to tell me you haven’t thought of sleeping together on a weekend cuz we moved. It won’t work. We’ve been here for 6½ months already.

As much as I love a million things about you, I don’t think I can ever forget how I once said I wanted a kid, which you said you wanted too, yet you wouldn’t do a damn thing to help us achieve this. You couldn’t have said to yourself – we’ve done it my way for this long, so I can at least compromise and do it her way for a little while, but no. It all had to be your way. Things still turned out for the better and it was important for us to get out of Phoenix, cuz Phoenix was getting to me and Phoenix isn’t a great place to raise kids nowadays, but God help me should old feelings/desires return, for all I’d get is the same lack of support, lies, and lame excuses as to why you couldn’t do your part, even out here where the air’s cleaner, people are safer, and there are no assholes a few feet away to live with/deal with 48/7. God’s done enough on his own to control me and limit my choices in life. I never needed you to lend him a helping hand. You can keep me under your thumb and control me if you insist on doing so since there’s obviously not a damn thing I can do to stop you and you can keep your office trashed, but meanwhile, I want the CD in exchange.