Woke up just before 9:00.

The military still hasn’t gone back to flying. I’m amazed!

I saw Jennifer the morning before court and yesterday afternoon. Guess she’s working both days and nights. She looks even uglier, though, and like she might’ve put on a few. Her face, which was a 1, is now a –5, and her great body isn’t so great anymore.

Tom got us a cool new toy the other day. It’s a laser light and it’s really neat cuz it scatters light on cut glass which looks really pretty. It also doesn’t get wide and dim when you shine it against far-away walls like a flashlight does.

Once again, God just won’t leave our fucking stuff alone and let us have one solid month with nothing breaking or causing some sort of problem. The fucking well shorted again yesterday right after we were going to get together at our usual time – Sunday, late afternoon. I got the immediate feeling that something did not want us to get together yesterday, and I couldn’t figure out why. It was too soon to be ovulating, and so what if I was? You’re talking about a guy who’ll never cum again, so what difference does it make even if I were sterile and ovulating? Anyway, the vibration of the insulation and wire rubbing against the conduit, thanks to the incompetent cocks who did the well, ate right through the wire, so we had to go to a hardware store to get $14 worth of shit to fix it. No one should have to spend $14 on a well they just paid thousands of dollars for less than a year ago!

I heard a car stereo kind of stereo softly thumping about when I went outside yesterday. It was soft enough that it couldn’t be heard inside the house. Again, I couldn’t tell precisely where it was coming from. I’ve seen the red pickup go by a few times, but it’s been quiet. When I told Tom how much I dread the day the blacks and Mexicans come to freeload and blast music in back of us, (cuz I know there’s not a damn thing I can do about it and that I’ll just go to jail if I try), he said we can build a 20’ wall out here, unlike we could in Phoenix. Yeah, but no one should have to live like that. I shouldn’t be forced to build a wall like that and spoil the beautiful view to get some peace around here all because someone can’t keep their antics and their music to themselves. You mean I have to build a 20’ wall on account of someone else’s desperate need for attention? I don’t think so!

I slept fine last night, but the night before was no fun. All night long I dreamt about being chased by the cops and having to hide out from them with Tom’s help.

I guess now’s a good time to finish up about our visit to Sharon’s. I was surprised at how much personal information she told us. She’d have gladly told us her whole life story! I wouldn’t have minded so much if I weren’t so dead tired, just wanting to get home and into a soft, cushiony bed. Oh, it felt so good to come home to the comfort and privacy of my home, bed and toilet! To take a nice relaxing bath in my own tub and to do it alone meant so much to me! Never again will I take for granted the ability to shit with no one else in the room, either!

Sharon said she’s been through everything except for being arrested. She said her youngest kids are in prison for listening to their friends and not their mom, and that she’s buried babies she lost. She would’ve had 11 kids instead of 6, she told us, if 5 of them hadn’t died. Also, both she and her brother say they’re miserable parents, wishing their kids were little again so they could control them.

I learned some scary things from her too, such as how easy it is to get arrested. Anyone can get arrested for anything. Her sons are in prison simply for planning a robbery. They never acted out their plans, yet they’re in prison for it. Tom said he thinks she’s got kids in prison cuz of the close connection to prisons that they grew up with (both she and her brother were COs). Either way, it’s not very comforting to know you can go to jail just for planning something. She said I could slap myself in the face, tear my blouse, and say Tom raped me. They’ll arrest him too, even though he’s my husband. Maybe I should’ve bruised my face, called the cops and said next door did it when we lived in Phoenix, but I have a feeling that if I had tried they’d have shot me for it, or God would’ve really gotten me good for it somehow. Remember, I can’t get away with things. If someone else lies, abuses someone, speaks their mind by phone or mail, or defends themselves in any way, well, all right. But me? That’s like murder if I do any of those things.

Even though she wouldn’t shut up and went on and on forever yacking about this and that, she really was a nice lady. Lively and positive. The last thing I ever expected to hear about upon visiting a bonds company was all this bullshit about having faith in God, but I sat back patiently and put up with her delusional stories about God. I told myself, I know the truth. I know what God really stands for when it comes to my life, so just let her get it out of her system and be done with it.

In the end, she gave me a hug on our way out and an ice cream bar, too. She offered Tom one, but he declined.

Meanwhile, I have to call Sharon every Tuesday to let her know I’m alive and inform her about what happens with this bullshit case, but she swears I have nothing to worry about other than the hassles of going to court. She said whatever I do – never plea bargain. No problem. I’m not about to say I’m guilty when I’m not. I will never plead guilty, trust me, for I am not the guilty party here. Another thing she and her brother told me was that the responsibility is on the county to prove me guilty. See, I thought one was guilty till proven innocent, but they say it’s the other way around. Either way, even though I’m the one who was harassed, and even though I sent the mail and made the calls, I’m sure that in the end I’ll be faced with fines or counseling or even community service where I’m forced to cater to the freeloaders of society. And in the end, the 4 years I had to spend with the blacks and Mexicans in my life will be more like 6 or more years. No judge or jury is going to see this thing for what it is – yes, I made the calls, yes I sent the mail, but I’m the one that was harassed and victimized and pushed into doing what I did. What do they expect? I mean, how far can you badger someone before they either snap completely or do something like send the kind of mail I did? What those blacks and Mexicans need to do is sit down and be grateful I did send them mail and that I didn’t go out and shoot them.