Tomorrow, early in the morning, we’re gonna bomb. It’s a bitch when you’ve got animals, but it’s worth it.

I decided I’d walk on the walker that’s in the retreat, as well as row and do my usual exercises, cuz rowing is just too easy. It just doesn’t get your heart booming like the walker does. I’ll read while I walk for 20 minutes a day, and will still row for about 5 minutes before workouts. Instead of doing the 14 exercises I do every other day, I’ve decided to do 7 one day, the other 7 the next day, and keep rotating back and forth like that, doing 7 a day.

I’ve decided to go back to getting regular books, the old-fashioned way, at used bookstores. It’s just so much easier than printing out eBooks. Also, I can trade books for store credit and won’t use up so much paper and ink.

Heard a boom car stereo yesterday afternoon for about a minute. It was coming from either the front of the house or maybe even next door. If anyone next door remotely resembles anything Mexican, well, that’s what Mexicans do. They’re very loud people. Maybe not the ones that live there, but their company might come banging in and out every now and then. When there are kids involved, that’s all the more likely there is to be music, but then again, what Mexican doesn’t have kids? In fact, come to think of it, I’ve never heard of any such thing as an infertile Mexican. Maybe there isn’t. There are some illnesses, diseases and conditions that do tend to pick on certain races. Tom was telling me kidney problems are a big thing with Indians. Sickle cell anemia is a black thing, so maybe whites are much more susceptible to infertility.

Last night I wondered if maybe I was still meant to be a writer after all, but only after I work really hard at it. Then I said, nah, or else God would’ve given me the motivation, drive and determination to keep writing, but I have lost all interest in writing save for these journals. On the other hand, wanting to do something may not be enough. Look at all the things I’ve wanted to do, but was never able/allowed to. Remember, I was once willing and determined to work at being a singer and there was nothing I really could do to be a singer, and God certainly didn’t lend a helping hand, either. Back when I wanted a kid and would’ve had invitro in a heartbeat, I had a husband who refused to see a doctor and who would not support me. Now, although he’d fight it and be against it every step of the way, I could get in for invitro, or close enough to it, yet I have no desire to do so, despite the fact that my not losing a child that was conceived either naturally or not is a one to million chance. So, having the resources available doesn’t mean something’s meant to be.

My schedule’s just about back to days. I got up at 4 AM. The rats are back on schedule, too. They had changed their schedule to fit mine, but of course, to them, changing their schedule to fit mine means sleeping for most of the time I’m up.