As far as the legalized discrimination that has been allowed in four different states simply because they believe that they’re fictitious God sees gays as evil sinners, I realize yet again what a truly sick and twisted world we live in. So let me get this straight (pardon the pun), it’s perfectly okay to discriminate against those who only seek equality, but we’re supposed to be totally okay with those who have proven time and time again to be a danger to society with their bombs, machetes, their “honor” deaths, and even their vehicles?

So what if many black people are playing the race card and ruining lives more and more these days and resorting to rioting when they don’t get their way? And so what if so many Mexicans want to invade our country illegally, bring their guns and drugs with them, then jump on welfare and burden our resources?

No matter what you do, as long as you’re not attracted to the same sex then you’re all fucking wonderful. Right?

Later…

Always open to possible home jobs, I wonder why there aren’t more jobs helping the police catch online child pervies or something like that. But I guess certain things border too close to entrapment, and well, I’m not keen on the idea of helping or supporting the police anyway. Not with the way so many of them use and abuse the law. In many ways, they can be just as shady as drug dealers.

Stopped at Goodwill after he got off work. It was surprisingly busy and we found nothing of interest.

We stopped at Raley’s for a few things, and I also got some wine coolers for when the anxiety hits. I’m fine so far today but yesterday it got bad again. I didn’t take anything for it, though.

I am so, so disappointed and so afraid that I’m never going to get better. What if A is right? What if it’s not the meds at all? But then again… if just three skips can kick me up to 16, can three doses push me back down around 7? I just don’t know what to think anymore. All I know is that I’m seriously considering ending it all at times. I can’t continue to live with this endless torture where sometimes I’m fine and other days I feel like shit. What if it’s got nothing to do with the meds or peri? What if I simply broke somehow and I can’t be put back together? God, I miss my old self! Any part of my old self from any part of my old life… New England, Phoenix, Oregon, the trailer… but that person who didn’t know this feeling is never coming back.

I haven’t been lightheaded since being up, but I went head rushing in my sleep again, so Tom threw peroxide and alcohol in it. I was getting up to pee when I felt it. I did Tom’s ear for him as well because he’s got swimmer’s ear.