If there was ever any doubt that dyeing the hair makes it thinner, it’s gone now. I noticed I lost a lot in the shower, plus it feels thinner in front. If only I could convince myself to cut it off and stop dyeing it. Then again, it would be easier to dye if it was shorter; it would just be thinner. Brown-black is a wee bit too dark for me, but it should fade in a week or two. Maybe I’ll wait until I have 2-3” of regrowth, take my hair no higher than my shoulders (man cuts on women aren’t for me) and cut my bangs back. Long hair may look nice, but it really is a pain in the ass and I’m tired of all the shedded hairs around here that you normally don’t notice when they’re short. They love to get stuck in our robotic vacuum’s brush.

Nonetheless, my hair is in horrible condition and definitely needs to go. Will I look older and uglier with gray hair? Yes. Will my face look fatter with bangs? Yes. But comfort and ease are more important to me these days than appearance.

So, SO nice to be feeling better, even if I know it’s temporary. Yeah, yesterday was a rough day. PMS/periods during the perimenopause phase are a million times rougher than when you’re pre-perimenopausal. Insomnia and anxiety have been my best friends these last few days. I’m having an awful lot of days where I’m up longer and sleeping less, wishing for some of my old problems back that now don’t seem nearly as bad as they once did. I couldn’t even make it to the lab. There was no way I could get up after just three hours of sleep. My body just can’t do that anymore. Will go to the lab on Saturday instead, even if that means waiting an hour with lots of screaming brats.

My period is still going on, and just like I finally smartened up where women are concerned, I’ve smartened up where periods are concerned. I’m going to get a period every 2-3 months, probably for another 1-2 years, which means I’m going to feel like shit every few months, too. So yeah, my favorite month hasn’t exactly been off to a great start. Like I said, though, I am feeling a bit better. I really thought I would feel anxious throughout the night and tired, but I can’t say how I’ll feel later on. For now, I’ve taken advantage of my temporary energy to do some Spanish lessons and Bowflex exercises.

I had a dream that I met with my cousins Lori and Lisa somewhere. Lisa came up to greet me, stark naked, large body covered with tattoos. I knew she was making a statement… this is how I am and you better fucking accept it.

“Nice tats,” I told her, and it was true. They looked good whereas in real life I can tolerate a small tattoo here and there, but never cared for bodies that are plastered with them. Anyway, satisfied that she got her point across and received the approval she felt she needed, the dream ended with her slipping into a long coat-like dress.