It used to be that when I would have a piece of clothing that was stained, I would wash it right away in our old top-loader and it would still be present. But now I can leave it sitting for days in our “sidewinder,” and then it comes perfectly clean. This thing is a pain in the ass to keep dry and keep laundry pods and small G-strings/ankle socks from getting trapped in the seal, but totally worth it.

Anyway, the good news is that I’m feeling a lot better, and I’m determined to keep this shit from happening every so often. It’s a vicious cycle that is beyond exhausting. Really, I’ve had it with this on-and-off madness and I really think the medication is indeed the main culprit versus the perimenopause. Tom thinks the medication is only about 30% or 40% of the problem, but after doing the math we decided my best bet would be to skip a dose once a week rather than wait and let it accumulate and for things to get bad again.

I don’t give a shit at this point what my numbers say or what my doctor thinks is the case. I know my own body. Skipping weekly would put me down to around 63 mcgs, which might actually be a touch too low, but it won’t make me hypo enough to hurt me in any way. I know for a fact that 50 mcg is too low cuz after I was bumped up to 75, my hair started thickening up and growing. But 75 mcg is simply a touch too high for me, like it or not. It’s not way high like 88s were, which is why I didn’t get as bad and I was able to bounce back in a week instead of a few months.

I’m sensitive to stimulants, which have the potential to terrorize, and I have to make adjustments until I finally hit menopause and at least omit that instigator from the equation. But I don’t expect this to happen for another year or two, so this is the way it has to be for now. If I have problems again in a few months even at the lower dose, then we’ll have to try something else. I won’t know what will help till I try it.

Meanwhile, homeopathic doctors aren’t covered by our insurance, so that’s not going to happen. I still say that if I can eliminate the main instigator, then there’s no need for homeos, shrinks, therapists or psych drugs. I just can’t keep taking this “fake fear” every so often. It’s like smoking a joint and telling yourself not to feel high. No matter how much your logic tells you you’re not in danger, the mind and body might not respond that way if it has too much thyroid hormone in it. Fear has no logic. Especially when it’s chemically produced.

I really think the perimenopause is more responsible for things like hot flashes, dizziness, sleep issues and fatigue as opposed to anxiety. I’m not saying that it’s not causing some of it; I just think it’s only causing a small part of it.

I was going to try an experiment this weekend where I had Tom take me out of the park as soon as I got “stabbed,” but if all keeps going well, maybe we won’t have to unless we want to go out. The idea was trying to prove or disprove whether or not it really could be something haunting the house, even though we both agree this is the least likely scenario.

I feel really bad for the guy across from Bob and Virginia. I guess it really was serious after all. I was sitting out on the swing earlier before the direct sunlight became obnoxious and saw Bob tending to his tomatoes, which he thinks will be ready at the end of the month. He said he saw the guy fall but he couldn’t move him because he’s so heavy. He apparently had a stroke and was really confused and all that. Confused or not, I would think that would have to be utterly terrifying.

We’re going to be in for a week of triple-digit temps, and I’m looking forward to hitting the pool this weekend. We both are.