Andy told me all about his adventure.

First, though, it looks like Gizzy does like his 2nd floor. I was beginning to wonder if he’d ever go up to it, cuz he’s so stuck on his wheel when he’s not asleep, but he goes and rests at the top of the tube. I don’t think he explores much in the cage up there, but that’s OK. Now that my mug collection is pretty much over, my new collection will be collecting tubes for him and building a maze for him to enjoy.

Tom said he was surprised he didn’t try to escape when it’d be so easy for him to do that now. I knew he wouldn’t. Not as long as he has his wheel.

We screwed this morning, but neither of us got off. We still enjoyed it, though. It looks like he’s putting more effort into us having more sex, but I also know that it’s bound not to last.

Still, despite any of my bad days, I do have a wonderful life and a man most women would kill for and that I’d die without. I made sure Tom knows that just cuz I get upset over not having a baby, it doesn’t detract from any of the good things I do have. It doesn’t lessen my love for him. It doesn’t lessen my love for my animals. Or my hobbies and it doesn’t cause me to not thank my folks and God that I live in Arizona.

Yesterday, I was pissed at this shit with Dr. Rugg. It made me wonder if she might not know what she’s doing. She’s the only one who keeps getting bloody paps, which is what the call was all about. Tom brought up a good point, though. Maybe it’s cuz since we’ve been having sex and since he’s got a big dick, that it’s causing this, but why don’t I spot at the wrong times then? This blood, if that’s the case, has to go somewhere.

I also didn’t appreciate her bringing up a subject I wasn’t ready to discuss and didn’t know if I would be ready to discuss.

I agree with Tom that if we had been having a normal amount of sex, then it’d be time to bring it up and get the ball rolling as far as seeing what could be done to help us. But since we have less sex than most couples, it’d be better to wait till the sex is up to a regular amount, then discuss it with a doctor. Of course, I don’t see sex regularly and a kid happening on its own, but Tom was also right when he reminded me of other things I said I didn’t see that I did end up seeing. Well, I hope I eat my words again.

The nurse also said that Vanceril should not cause any weight gain.

Tom made me feel better about the whole thing and then he said something that really touched me. About how my feelings and actions about this whole thing are perfectly normal. For once, a normal thing about me, huh? In fact, he thinks I’m quite normal enough. How sweet of him. It still seems, though, that when I am normal, it’s in the wrong kind of way. I don’t want to have to have the “normal” feelings that go with not being able to have a child. I’d rather the child, instead.

So, we’re kind of compromising here. I made an appointment with a Susan Bock for a PAP on April 17th. I’ll be mid-cycle then. We’re not going to screw for about 4 days before that, in case the bleeding is from sex. But then that still leaves us time for fun in the right time frame. I’m kind of trying to have the relaxed attitude that he does and get off the counting, planning and worrying trip. He understands, though, that that’s just what women in my case do, though, and he even says that if he has to change some of his ways, without me changing mine, he’ll do so. That was very nice of him, but I sure as hell wish I could go about this whole thing with the attitude, actions and feelings of a man.

So, the lady I made the appointment with said that some people who have seen Rugg for years are much happier with this Susan Bock. Well, I hope I am, too. Rugg is a very nice lady, but I still don’t know if she really knows what she’s doing and I don’t want to be put on the spot again with her rehashing the temperature chart/baby thing. It’s still pointless now. If we have sex more often and he gets off more often, then that’d be a whole different thing. Or, if we’re unable for whatever reason, to up the fun and his getting off cuz then we’d have to think of a way around the situation.

Once again, though, if all I must ever do is not have a baby, it sure beats being without Tom and my old life back East.

Marla’s coming in next Tuesday with her sons for a few days and I hope to see her while she’s here. Laura will be staying elsewhere while they’re here. Then, at the end of April, Andy will need to be a house guest here for 3 days, while Laura has company visit her. I told him that I’m sure that’ll be no problem.

About his adventure. Well, God saved him from being electrocuted, he says. It was about 3 AM. He was super tired. Then he heard water running and was too tired to go investigate it. So he just crashed, and then 5 hours later there was a knock on his bedroom window. He figured it was Laura and that she’d just lost her keys. He still didn’t give a damn, was too tired, and went back to sleep. Then the knocking began again. So he got up, went to the door, and it was his neighbor Stephanie. There are two carports in between their two houses and when he went outside, he saw that the carports were flooded with water. It was coming from their storeroom. He and Laura just bought a washer and a dryer from one of Laura’s friends and it was the cause of this. So, he opened the door, got sprayed with a hose and in daylight, he could see that the light, as well as outlets, were drenched, so he could see not to touch anything. Then he opened the dryer door and since it was dark in there, he reached in to feel if there was water in there. There was, cuz he got zapped. Nothing serious, though. So, Stephanie showed him how to shut off the water. Then, after he got to thinking about it, he realized that God made sure he was tired. Too tired to check it out, so that he could be saved from being electrocuted. He said that if he had gone to check it out in the dark, his first impulse would’ve been to reach for the light and he’d be dead now.

That’s cool and I’ve had similar experiences myself, so I believe in this kind of thing. Yes, I believe there’s some good in God, but I still believe he’s mostly cruel and unfair. God must not be too enthusiastic about winning me over. They say he’s a jealous God who wants to have as many people as he can, like and respect him. Give me a child, God, then I’ll love and respect you.

I forgot to mention earlier, that believe it or not, I’ve been hanging at 106 pounds today. I’m sure that’s only cuz I slept around 12 hours. Something I rarely do. And also, I’ll be right back up to 108 soon enough. Maybe even higher.

Also, the Humane Society sent 4 beautiful animal cards as a gift for sending them $15 (2 cats and 2 dogs). But they obviously screwed up, cuz they sent the same 4 cards twice. That’s fine with me, though, and I’ll send one to my folks, Larry, Kim, Andy, Lisa, Becky, Sarah and Tammy & Bill.