I still haven’t found out what Andy’s adventure was all about. He called earlier to have me look something up in the TV Guide for him, but then he was off to bed. He said he’ll tell me about it some other time and that all he could say was that there’s definitely a God and that he’s alive cuz of him. Well, I’m glad he’s happy with God, as was the only thing Tom would tell me about it.

Yesterday I was so fucking furious. I hit 109! What the fuck is going on? So, God’s gone and taken that too, huh? The right to lose weight? It fucking figures. What else is he gonna take? Is gonna take Tom, too? He’s taken enough! And the day before yesterday, I managed to hang at 106 all day. So, what was it? Just a tease from God? Did he want me to think I was about to lose weight? Well, what’s the point of exercising if all I’m gonna do is gain weight from it?

Anyway, in about 5 hours I’ll be calling Rugg’s office to see what the hell is going on, but I have a hell of a feeling that I’m not gonna find out why I’ve gained weight, let alone be able to do something about it. And Robin said not to bother losing weight and that I wouldn’t be losing weight for a while? I guess she was right on that one.

In the end, my body, my life, is all up to God. I’m sure I’ll have no choice, but to gain the weight and live with it. It’s not over. I know it’s not. I’m gonna keep right on gaining.

I just hope to hell it’s nothing to do with my thyroid, cuz if I’m right, you have to take medication for that for the rest of your life. I hope it’s just a simple infection that’s caused the extra weight gain and water and that antibiotics will clear that up and then God will let me lose weight. I know that’d be too good to be true, though. Am I ever gonna return to the days when I go for a PAP just once?

We went to screw yesterday morning and for the third goddamn time, this sexual fuck up couldn’t even get Tom in there. This is the third time in a row! Is something trying to tell me something? To quit sex? Well, yesterday couldn’t have been about something trying to stop us from making a baby, cuz yesterday was too late for that. You know, I really wish that something would just corrupt itself in me so that I could have a hysterectomy. Why the hell not? I know exactly why God hasn’t ordered me a hysterectomy and I guess that if he hasn’t by now, he never will. But why put the extra work on himself when there are 6 billion people to deal with and have to make sure each month that we miss it when he could do something to take away my parts? Just to tease me. It’s all just to tease me. Each month, in his eye, I’m wondering and hoping he’ll have a heart, change his mind and just let us have the kid only to laugh at me each month when I see that he hasn’t changed a bit.

Later...

Tom came home after being up for over 24 hours, but he promises we can spend time together tomorrow. And of course, I hope that goes well, without and dumb-ass arguments.

It’s a good thing I didn’t fall asleep sooner than I did yesterday. I was in bed, getting close to sleep when I heard the bass. The first thing I thought was how that would’ve definitely woken me up if I had been asleep. And that I was gonna go over there next door and put an end to it for good. It wasn’t them, though. It was that druggie that passes up and down a few times about once or twice a week.

The trailer people haven’t been around for 2-3 weeks, but it looks like I may have lucked out and that they do give a shit about others. Time will tell, but at first I thought they gave the guy that lives there their dog just to piss me off. People would do something like that, too.

In a half-hour, I’ll find out what the hell’s going on with me. I’m also gonna call Ma, as Tom asked. Oh yeah. She comes, too. Tom’s got the two of us to look out for and he said to wake him up if either of us needs anything.

I thought of and began and great and well-organized backup plan. As I said, I have my BMP files which will rarely change. I have my DOC files and then a disk for each day of the week so I can back up the day’s work. Well, there are some things I will back up here and there, besides the day’s work. So, I picked out my journal files and 8 things that I may change/update periodically, and here’s what I did. Well, I don’t need to back up all my files. Not stuff like my letter files and other stuff that’s not so important to me. But I stuck the following 8 things on one disk. Edits, grocery list, period chart, phone numbers, journal chart, CD/tapes, and cover info.

Then, I took each of my groups of journals and put them each on their own disk. That way, if the Oswego St. file gets corrupt, for example, I don’t have to try to figure out which disk it’s on. I’ve finished proofreading the Oswego St. journal group. Therefore, it’s backed up, won’t be changed, and is set for life. I’m almost done with the Woodside group and when it’s done, I’ll back that up permanently, too. So, as I get each journal group as I want it to be, I’ll back them up and then I’ll just keep backing up the daily stuff and any of those 8 things I periodically change.