You know, Tom’s been very productive and helpful around here, but I still wish that I was number 1 and that his ma was number 2. I asked him for a Hitchhiker guide about a week ago and I still haven’t gotten that. Nor has he taken off the sides of Piggy’s old cage, which should take no time at all, so I can use it as an outdoor table.

Also, I’m really afraid I’m making a big mistake with this so-called compromise. He knows he’s not gonna cum 3 days in a row, and I’m afraid I’m only asking to be hurt and that I’ll just make a fool of myself. I still wish I knew why he does stuff like this. Why does he go and make promises he can’t keep? He’s gonna use his I-tried-but-just-could’t-get-off line as an excuse to cover for the truth. He knows better and this is a classic case here that’s got me really believing he enjoys playing with me and telling me what I want to hear, like never before.

Later...

That nagging feeling is still nagging at me. I’m just asking to be hurt. I just know it. I know he made a promise he couldn’t and wouldn’t keep and so does he. He just promised he’d cum that much to tell me what I want to hear to get me to go to the doctor. That’s all it is. Both he and God will see to it that he can’t cum or that he just doesn’t cum. There’ll be some excuse and Tom will say he’s hurt by me calling him a liar and claim it wasn’t his fault. I can see this whole thing played out. I know exactly how it’s gonna play out. For him to lie so boldly, makes me believe like never before, he’s looking forward to the reaction he’ll be expecting from me. And yes, I do intend to tell him everything I’ve written about it. Yes, I will call him a liar.

Really, I know I should not take my husband’s word at face value. No sir. Not this time. It’s all a lie. Just pure bullshit to get me off his back, so he can prove his point about timetables. So he can sweet-talk me into the appointment with what I want to hear.

Why doesn’t God want me to see that he won’t let us have a kid? I mean, I know it in my heart, gut and mind, but I want to see it. I want Tom to keep his promise, cum on the days he said he would, then see for myself that I’m right about God. I’m dreaming. I’m only kidding myself. Why did I set myself up to be hurt? I should’ve never gone along with this agreement. How could my own husband do this to me? How could he so boldly lie to me and stand there and tell me that he’s gonna stick to our agreement and that he promises it’ll happen and he’ll cum when we agreed he would? Oh, what did I get myself into?

I’ll be almost just as pissed if he only cums one of those days, cuz if a 31-year-old DES daughter stands the slightest chance of conceiving and changing God’s mind, one dose of his cum ain’t gonna do it. He’d need to cum 3 days in a row. At least.

Well, I can tell you this much. I know my husband’s lying. And as soon as I see so on the 17th - 19th, our sex life is over!

Andy’s getting phone pushy again. I told him when I got up at 11 AM, that I’d be busy all day today and didn’t want to spend a half-hour to an hour on the phone. Besides, I just talked to him. What does he do, though? Leaves a message saying I can call him now.

I just want him to let me know, as soon as he can, when’s the best time Marla can come over with her kids, so I can be ready. Brian’s 9, but that 3-year-old better not trash this place! Marla, though, is a rare breed of mother. I’m sure she’s taught her kids not to do things like this and if the 3-year-old does do something, she’d tell him no.

I also told Andy that Tom would more than likely be asleep, so they have to be quiet. Not whisper quiet, but not loud, either.

Later...

I forgot to mention that Lisa’s gonna be using the card I wrote her in Spanish for her Spanish class in school. She said her teacher said to bring in any Spanish letters anyone may get, for their class to translate.

I just had a funny 20-minute conversation with Ma. Tom’s mom, that is. Well, she was telling me that she thought her clothes looked better on her when she was fat and that she had to take everything in. 

That’s not fair! I told her I thought my clothes looked better on me when I was thin and how I needed to take me in. We were talking about how we wished we could see ourselves the way guys see themselves. They’re so much less self-conscious.

Anyway, an old friend of hers came to take her to a fancy Greek restaurant. She said she hadn’t been to a fancy restaurant in a long time. I told her we should go to the China Doll together. A fancy Chinese restaurant. I told her that if I had a car I’d come get her and she said that if she could drive she’d come get me.

Then we had a funny chat about religion. I told her that Tom told me what Christmas and Easter stood for and I told him that I never knew what it was all about. He said that I’d have no reason to, being Jewish. True. Then Ma was saying she didn’t know how the Easter bunny that delivers colored eggs got into it. Well, I don’t know what the dreidel has to do with Chanukah, either.

I was telling her how Jewish kids at the beach would see if they could get God to part the ocean like he was supposed to have done so with a sea for the Jews to escape the enemies. She said that when she was a kid, kids would see if they could walk on water like Jesus was supposed to have been able to.

I never heard that one before, but you know me, I think that most religious stories are just a bunch of tall tales.