I can only imagine what my next letter from Bob will entail. On the phone, he had said that if he wrote something that pissed me off, he didn’t mean it, he doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time.

Oh, so what is this? An excuse to write whatever he wants?

Anyway, we may screw later on and of course Tom’s subconscious (and probably a bit of his conscious side), will prevent him from cumming and God will be right there to help him make sure of that. Well, like I said, there is a lot of good to his not cumming at the right time. No having such a rough PMS and period when reality’s slapped further into my face. If he were to cum every time it was the right time, I’d just be worse off emotionally every time that period came that a fertile woman isn’t supposed to get.

There are another one of God’s “ways” that I just don’t get (do any of us get his ways?). You’d think that his setting up Linda to not be able to conceive was a sign saying a child wasn’t meant to be for her, yet it was. It was through in-vitro. What doesn’t make sense is why God would want to make a woman who wants a child and who’d be a suitable mother have to work for and pay for a child. Why not sterilize those who don’t want them and who shouldn’t have them even if they did? So, that makes me wonder if God had a beef with her of some kind and he knew that yes, she could and would have a child, but cuz of his grudge against her, he was gonna make her wait several years, then work her ass off and pay for it. However, I know this isn’t the case with me. I know that a doctor can’t help me and that it’s not meant to be, period. I can’t “see” us ever going to a doctor cuz I don’t see how I could ever muster up the guts to go and I can’t see my husband ever admitting that there’s something wrong with me. He wouldn’t admit that in a million years, even if he came like hell all the time, cuz he just doesn’t want to deal with that, even though he says differently. Linda’s husband had to have wanted kids more than Tom does. So, since it’s very obvious I’m in a no-win situation and am hopelessly sterile, why does God have to add the sexual problems I’ve had with different people in different ways? Why not at least leave all alone and well and good in bed? Why does he and Tom both, feel such a need for him to cum only every other week? I know I can’t get pregnant, God knows that so why can’t Tom have a normal sex life? And when I say that - I mean, why can’t he cum the usual amount that your typical guy cums? God couldn’t have made sure (along with Tom’s other reasons for being the way he is) that Tom would only cum occasionally to keep us from missing it, cuz there’s nothing to miss. I don’t even know why I bothered to fear a miscarriage when I know for sure that no matter what time of month he came I’d still get my period. There’s nothing Tom, a doctor, or I can do to stop that. It’s inevitable fate that I get every single period due to me till they stop for good.

The piece of trash came in again last night but then left a short time later. Once again, he’s been a good boy. Not one note of music was heard.

Another good thing about never being able to get pregnant is that if I did get pregnant, my old wishes would just change to new ones. In other words, I’d simply go from wishing I could conceive to wishing I could have it naturally and have it be OK, too. Now, there’s no way God would ever give me one of those wishes, let alone all of them. So, I guess that in a sense, it’s better to have the same wish that can never come true, rather than wish for one thing after another that I could never have. What would be the point of changing wishes? I mean, if you’ve got 10 wishes that can’t come true, what’s the point in rotating between all these wishes? Might as well just keep the same one.

Tom’s still asleep and he had mentioned screwing at around 8:30 - 9:00 when the house cools down a bit, but if he’s still asleep by then, I’ll just let him sleep. After all, I’m not overly horny now and he’s not gonna be able to get off himself, so it may be best to let the guy sleep, rather than wake him up so we can screw and not get any real relief from it. Don’t get me wrong. Screwing is still fun, anyway, and I only cum about 95% of the time, but he probably needs sleep more than sex, if he hasn’t woken up on his own by then.

No more mild Arizona summer. It’s extremely hot like it should be. The pool water is like bathwater.