Well, both yesterday and today sure have been depressing. Let me give you my weird news first. I always believed that if there could be life as smart as your average human, or maybe even smarter on this planet, why not other planets? Others far away from this galaxy, I mean. Well, last night I saw the weirdest thing in the sky. I went out just after midnight and if you picture headlights shining through a deep fog - that’s what I saw. The only thing about it is, is that there were 4 lights. They’d circle a little wider than the house, then join together in the center. These 4 beams of light kept doing that over and over as I stood there thinking, what the hell? I noticed that it appeared to be coming from above the clouds and that the beams of light weren’t stemming from the ground.

I was completely mystified and called 911. I told the woman who answered that it wasn’t an emergency and told her what I saw. She said she could see it, too (so it was wider than it appeared to be) and that she’s been getting lots of calls about it, doesn’t know what it is, and was waiting for a response from the Air Force or some military outfit. She gave me the number of the Phoenix aviation people to see if I could find out from them, but they were closed.

I went back outside and saw a helicopter fly nearby, then called her back later to see if the source of it was known yet. It turned out that the lights were coming from Sky Harbor due to the bad weather we’ve been having. It drizzled on and off yesterday and we sure did have a lot of nasty clouds and humidity.

This makes no sense, though. The lights were not coming from the ground.

Anyway, Tom said something to me that makes no sense at all and I forgot to mention it yesterday. You know how I said that he thinks us going to a doctor now would ruin our marriage cuz of our opposing views and bickering? Well, he thinks that after not getting pregnant from this normal sex he says we’re gonna have, that the risks would be decreased, but that there’d still be risks. Well, I’d think that having a child would be most risky to a marriage, not going to a doctor for help on making one. Once again, if you ask me, it’s just another excuse to cover for his fears and for his not wanting a child and yes, I’m 100% sure we’ll never see a doctor. I told Tom that in my belief, if two people love each other, nothing should jeopardize that love, but since that’s just pure fantasy and if he’s gonna be feeling the slightest threat to his sanity, happiness or our marriage about seeing a doctor at any point in our lives, then I don’t want any part of it. Even if it didn’t hurt our relationship, it sure as hell ain’t gonna give us what we want, either.

So, the bottom line is the same and I told him how it is and how it’ll be - I cannot have a child and I just want to try to forget the words child and doctor and just move on, even if there’s nothing to move on to. That’s all I can do. That’s the only choice God’s given me. All else is his and not in my hands.

As far as next door goes, he slept there last night, and if he returns to sleep there again tonight, then yes, he’s definitely moved back in.