Yesterday I had the most cramps and the most flow I’ve had in years. I had to take 4 ibuprofen. Yes, 4 of them and I was still flowing and still had some cramps. Without the ibuprofen, though, which did make it 90% better, it’d probably have been as bad as it was when I was a teenager.

Was this period so bad cuz I had prayed harder than ever for nearly two months for the child I could never have? It seems the more I pray, the more of a period I have. As if something’s trying to reinforce what’s meant to be.

Yesterday Tammy called wanting to know if I got carpet in the mail using Bill’s name. Now why would I do that? Well, I hope they figure out what it’s about.

I just went on AOL to delete my 20 pieces of junk mail and now all that’s left to update on is just that Ma safely returned home yesterday, Mary and Dave will probably be arriving tonight in their rental car, and now I’ll discuss next door.

Yes, he’s definitely moved back in and that explains the U-Haul and boxes. As usual, he seems to come and go about 3 times a day. I think he has a job where he can go home for lunch.

Anyway, I had hopes that they didn’t ever want to see my face again (and the only times they did was when I’d bitch about their music), so they’d feel it was well worth it to keep things quiet, but I’ve got a bad feeling about the whole thing. Tom says they’re not plotting against me and I’ve got nothing to worry about. I know they’re not necessarily plotting against me, but these people don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves and I know it’s just a matter of time.

So far, whenever they’d leave, they’d do so quietly, but yesterday he came in at 5:30 and I could hear the music. It was at a reasonable volume, don’t get me wrong, but he’s testing me. Just like before, they’d be quiet for a while after I’d bitch about it, but after time, the music would slowly escalate in volume. So, I know that it’s just a matter of time before it’ll be like it was last spring and summer where he comes blasting in real loud a few times a day and I am not gonna return to the old days. It’s just a matter of time before I’ll be forced to forever end this problem and it will be a problem again. I just know it. After all these months I’ve got this stress thrown right back on me (as if dealing with never having a child isn’t enough), and now I’m never gonna know what I’m in for each weekend. There will be more cars pulling in and out of there, sporting events will be chaos over there and they partied last Labor Day, so I’m sure they will again this year.

He left quietly not too long after he pulled in at 5:30 with the music at an OK volume and when I went to bed at midnight, there was no car there. He must’ve come in later, then left this morning, then returned at around lunchtime, cuz his car was there when I checked shortly after noon, then he quietly left a few minutes ago. If he’s got a set schedule, then he’ll be back just after 5:00 and I can’t wait to hear how he’ll make his entrance.

Yeah well, Mike, just as soon as you come in at your old volume that fucking rocks this house, you’ll see me for the last time.

Even though I will put a permanent end to this (then God will go do something else), I’m gonna miss those days of them being out of sight and out of mind for weeks at a time. They say, though, that once broken up, always broken up, so he’s bound to be thrown out again. That may take 6 months at the least, but I don’t see why that shouldn’t happen sooner or later.