2012 – Two dead parents, a brother, and a foster mother.

2013 – A seriously ill sister who has to have her husband pick up her messages, a mysterious and unexplainable case of ocular hypertension that could bring me future trouble, and now a cousin who’s very lucky to be alive.

sighs with sadness My cousin Sharyn was hit by a cab the other day in New York and has multiple fractures. If breaking an arm was the sheer agony it was for me 30 years ago, then I’d hate to think of what she must be feeling with two broken legs and a broken collarbone! :( I hope the doctors and nurses in the hospital she’s in are doing their best to keep her as comfortable as possible.

Since I don’t believe in prayer I can only hope that she makes the swiftest recovery possible. As I’ve said before, if we could simply ask God for whatever we wanted, no one would want anything because they would have it all. I think what’s fated to be will be whether we ask for it or not, and no, I don’t believe that God “listened but had other plans for us instead.” It was still not meant to be and we still don’t always get what we ask for whether or not there were “other plans” for us as well. Unless God simply answers some of us and not all of us much like He favors some people over others, if your prayer appears to be answered I think it was just a coincidence and that things would’ve played out the same way had you not asked for what you wanted, if you were meant to have it in the first place.

So my thoughts and high hopes are with Sharyn for a speedy recovery!

Got my new Kindle holder and seat covers for my office chair. They’re much nicer looking and much smoother to the touch than the dark gray wooly fabric underneath. The Kindle holder doesn’t grab the edge of the headboard shelf as snuggly as we’d like because of its rounded edge, but it’s clamped on well enough.

Gotta work out and do some laundry before getting to the day’s writing and proofreading ritual, but first, I’m being extra careful with writing about dreams I have of others as I can’t always know what’s true or what may come true.

Two nights ago I dreamed of telling my mother about attending a cyber friend’s birthday party that was turning 30 (he’s really 19), and the way he laughed at how the previous year a female friend had called him and screamed, “Happy birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!” My mother was bored as hell with the story like she would be in real life.

Then I dreamed that Bob was dying of lung cancer (he really did die of that in 2005) and I was with him in the prison hospital, only they kept calling him Art. I know it was Bob, though. I gazed at him sadly, wishing we could go out for coffee and chat like old times.

The best dream was last night. Well, I actually fell asleep around noon, then was awakened at 5:00 when the propaners came. The propane tank is right by the bedroom wall and the rumbling of the big truck was pretty loud through these flimsy walls. I was up for a couple of hours, then fell back asleep and had a dream that Nane visited. We were sitting at a small round table in a café. I don’t know if anyone came to Cali with her or where Tom was at the time, but she looked very happy to see me and had a very content and relaxed look about her. She eyed me in a loving sort of way and I reached across the table, placed a hand on her forearm, and said, “Wow, I can’t believe I can actually reach across a table and touch you.”

That’s all I said in the dream. She never said anything as the dream only lasted a split second. Her eye color was a bit off, though, and her hair was parted in the middle instead of the side. Another thing that seemed all wrong was the heavy winter coat she wore, but she was definitely visiting me and not the other way around.

Later…

Not much to update on. I woke up a whole 5 hours earlier than yesterday, something my schedule doesn’t usually do, but I feel rested enough. I slept forever the day before, so that’s probably why. Had more dreams of Nane but can’t remember them. Why is she in my dreams so often?

I really like this Atheist and Rational Thinkers page I found on Facebook and I agree with most of what they say. I got a kick out of a post about laughing at a kid who believes in Santa while they’re 50 and believing in God. I never did, however, see a problem with what one believes. It’s people’s actions that get a little scary at times. If you want to believe you can fly, fine, but please don’t run off of a rooftop with your arms spread! The poor innocent soul you may land on doesn’t need to suffer on account of your fantasies and stupidity.

Our 4 hours of rain is long over and soon it will be back in the 70s. Gonna have to get the cooler set up and ready to go soon enough.

Tom still thinks we’ll pick out a place in April and move in May. Yeah, right. I still think that whatever’s up there (and I still do believe there’s something up there both good and evil depending on who you are and if you’re on its shit list or not) will keep the delays going. Credit, money… there’ll be sure to be something, though we should be getting pretty damn close to our favorite park’s magic numbers. As for money, if I don’t get anything from my parents real soon, then we’re obviously on our own to save up anything else we may need or see if we can qualify for a loan.

Regardless of credit and money, we both agree we want to wait to go where we really want to go than go where we either don’t want to go or would at least prefer not to go. I want to be full of excitement when we move, not doubts and worries. It’s going to take time to get used to anyway, suddenly being so close to so many people after being out in the wilderness for half a decade, but still, I don’t want to go into something feeling like we probably made a mistake. So… I’m guessing we’ll be here until the fall or winter.

Left the treadmill down when I let the rats out to play. Sure enough, they were like, ooh, a new toy to climb! So I had to fold it back up. Those little devils are like 2-year-olds! Won’t stay out of anything.

God - a concept created to trick ourselves into believing something up there actually gives a damn amidst war, poverty, natural disasters and violence.