Getting really sick of these “critical” updates from Microsoft. But I use Word for Mac and since it’s a Windows program it’s at risk for all kinds of bugs and viruses and needs constant updating to help safeguard things. It’s just that I can’t get used to the Mac’s word processor. I wish I could, but the word processor is what I use most and change is easier to adapt to when it’s not something I use as much.

I really REALLY am getting sick of being called a liar. No matter how you say it – you’re a liar, I don’t believe you, you’re not being honest – it all equals “You’re a liar.” So spare me the “But I’m only implying you are, so it doesn’t count if I’m not being direct” bullshit. It DOES count! Do you know how insulting it is to be a good friend to someone for years just to be told I’m “probably joking” about my ear? I’ve been a good friend to these people. I’ve listened to them, I’ve been there for them, and this is what I get for it?!?! Well, I don’t need people like this in my life. Really, I’m totally being pushed to my limits with those with trust issues! I’m tired of explaining and defending myself. I’m tired of holding people’s hands and babysitting their emotions just because this one did that to them and that one did this to them. Well, I’M not THEM! I’m sorry if you’ve been so hurt that you feel the whole world is lying to you, but I’m not going to deal with it anymore. I have more important things to focus my energy on than getting you to see that I’m not fucking with you. And why is it always my physical shortcomings people have such a hard time accepting and believing? Why not call me a liar and say I don’t know Spanish? Or why not tell me I’m lying about us doing well financially and insist that the real reason we’re still here isn’t that we want to take our time and do it right when finding a new place, but because we’re still poor? Hey, why not? Nothing else I say seems to be believable, so why not branch out beyond physical stuff? Hey, I don’t have rats. I really have dogs, right?

Every few months or so I have to go through the same old shit with people, but guess what? Next time you might lose me. Ever thought of that possibility? One can only be called a liar, directly or not, so many times before they get fed up. Who the hell wouldn’t?

First I was impatient. Then I was annoyed. Now I’m pissed. If Walter was supposed to meet with the CPA yesterday like he said, then why hasn’t he emailed me? Each week that goes by without seeing any money makes me more suspicious, though I don’t know why anyone would bullshit me about something like this. Dureen’s final insult to me? But why put it in print if you’re just playing around? Well, I don’t think Walter’s playing around, but I sure wonder if others are.

So, since we’re almost certainly not going to see any money in this case, we’ll get a place on our own with our own money. I’m used to money teases and I pretty much figured I’d never get anything, so it’s ok. We don’t need Dureen. We don’t need God. All we need is each other and we have that.

Tom has a tough dilemma facing him at work. There’s a new job opening for second shift that would pay more money, but it’s for a lead. Well, he doesn’t want to lead. He got tired of all the years he spent leading, bossing and managing this and that. He just doesn’t care to tell people what to do. So that and the fact that they’ve already announced that they’re not going to give any more raises this year for those who remain in their current positions are the two negatives. But more money is always nice, though not important cuz he already makes enough. If you’ve got enough to live on, it doesn’t really matter if you make 40K a year or 400K a year; they’re both enough. The biggest appeal is the shift. On second or third shift you can do more things during business hours, like driving your wife to doctors and dentists before she can take the bus to them or ride her bike. You can also look for a new house.

There’s a 1984 model that looks appealing due to its location within our favorite park, though a part of me is hoping for a '90s house cuz then it’s just that - a house. A regular everyday house that sits on a steel frame. The pre-90s homes aren’t quite built like a typical house. I’m in a 1996 model now, though I don’t feel like I’m in a trailer. It feels more like I’m in a cottage, though a trailer is exactly what this is.

Every few years or so I check out places I’ve lived in on Google Maps. They painted the dump we rented in Oregon a hideous brown color, instead of the pale yellow it used to be. It needed it, though. The paint was peeling horribly when we were there. Wonder if they leveled the place. I doubt it. They had just done the attic and said that leveling it at that point would cause more damage.

I’m so glad we’re not there now with what I saw next door. To the left of the place is a large yard belonging to another rental. There was a trampoline right against the fence dividing the properties, closer to our place than theirs. I used to hate that and wonder why things always had to go next to us. People loved to place things like swing sets as close to our place as they possibly could.

There are still 5 rentals behind our old place in Maricopa, but the investor never did add houses to the 10 acres we had. They added a lot of shit to the side of the house, but I can’t tell what it is. As always, though, it’s the closest they can get to their closest neighbor, yet there’s much more space in back and to the other side.

The Phoenix house is practically invisible with the way they’ve got it so treed up these days, and next door where the welfare bums lived was completely barren instead of the usual trash and 3 or more cars that would often be parked in the driveway as well as in front of the place. There was nothing in front, nothing in the driveway, nothing anywhere. It was probably vacant at the time the picture was taken.

No voice messages from Tammy today. It’s funny how foreign she’s come to sound since I haven’t heard the northeastern accent regularly for nearly 21 years.