Had my Ask account open all day yesterday just to see what might come in, but nothing did. This gives me hope that Kim isn’t checking on me every day like she used to.

Molly made her usual few-second round to my two trackable blogs, and probably my trackless one as well this morning, no doubt looking for Alison’s name.

I still think Maliheh is ignoring my emails and planned all along to “slowly dump” me. I think she befriended me under false pretenses to keep her name out of my book, and that in her mind, if she either never befriended me, or dumped me as quick and as coldly as she did in MA, it would piss me off enough to bash her in print. But Nane just said she never got my email. So while my Hotmail account doesn’t always deliver my messages, my other account has at least stopped bouncing. So I sent Maliheh a message from there, rigged with a tracking code, to see if it gets picked up.

I’m also wondering if Alison’s friends with Kim again by the way she wrote something about continuing to be hurt by a friend on her wall. She’s also “liked” a fan account that happens to be a Glee character, a show I know Kim likes. Its ‘about’ section seems to smell of Kim too, with the way it’s worded. What a stupid mistake Alison’s making if I’m right, but hey, it’s her mistake to make. Just gotta be careful what I tell her, though, since she’s proven not to be as trustworthy as I once thought, and since I have no way to know if she was one of my former Ask trolls. I lied to her about the “Justin” account I briefly used. So if I can lie to her about that, she could lie to me about fucking with me.

Nane got in a fight with Askim last night. She said she still loves him and he is only the second person she ever loved, but he’s stubborn at times. I guess she still has trust issues too, saying it’s only been a couple of years, and reminding me that she was dumped by a guy she thought she knew after being with him for 16 years.

I jokingly said I’d put a spell on him to make him bald if he didn’t behave and Nane said he is bald, LOL. Ew! I could never dig a baldilocks.

Got a lovely letter from my Italian dad, sending Tom, the rats and me his regards. He says he can’t believe I’m 47 now, and how did I get so old? LOL, He also says he shouldn’t talk since he’s 84.

They’ve got 30 clients at the group home now, and Fred and his wife help run it since it’s a bit much for him to handle on his own.

He also says he’s sure mom (Anna) is watching over me. That’d be nice since not much else usually does. Maybe it’s just me, but as far as I’m concerned, no one should have to hear a neighbor that’s about a couple hundred feet away, right? Am I right or being unreasonable? Well, it doesn’t matter cuz either way I’m really getting sick of feeling like I’m living on a farm with all the loud vehicles I hear every single fucking day. Right now the damn cock is on the bulldozer, something he’s usually on for hours and that’s extremely loud.

It was a harsh reminder that no matter how far our neighbors are, we’ll always have to hear them no matter what and we’re always going to “happen” to get the extremes, so no, I don’t want the house we’ve had our eye on anymore. It needs too much work. Haven’t we lived like bums in dumps long enough? So if we’re going to get noisy neighbors no matter where they are, why not focus on the house itself and not the location it’s in? Besides, we deserve something nicer for a change.

When I was making the bed earlier, I asked myself that age-old question – how many more times am I going to have to change the bed here in this place? Oh, it’s quite a task, alright. I can barely walk around the thing and have very little space at the foot of it. looks upwards Yeah, if you’re up there, you bastard, you can curse me with shitty neighbors all my life, but you can’t keep us cramped in here forever.

That Jes pest just better not wait till my schedule shifts to finish the spraying. Really, if he wakes me up I’m going to let him have it and I don’t care how pissed he gets. I’m going to try to hold it as long as I can, though, not just because this is a hard place to sleep in warmer weather with flimsy walls and a funky cooling system, but so I can be available to go look at more places. That is if Tom can ever find the time for it. I really hope he gets the job he put in for cuz that’d free up some business hours, cut back the time he has to work, and pay more money.

OMG! I didn’t hear the dozer when there was a break in the music I was listening to. I doubt he’d quit that soon, so he’s probably just loading up on diesel or taking a lunch break. It would be silly for him to bulldoze the ruts out of the drive now because they say it’s to rain in a few days, not that I believe it.

But I do believe the word of a close friend. We wouldn’t be friends if I couldn’t. So if Andy says the onion has helped his sleep and health, then it has. I don’t expect it to be a cure-all for every ache, pain and condition I may have, but it’ll be interesting to see if after a week or so it makes any difference. If the experts still have no cure for my type of sleep disorder, then I don’t expect to discover one myself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t wish, does it? Not sure why Tom got green onions instead of a regular onion, but so far I don’t notice anything different. I still woke up, though only once and only for a few minutes. It was weird because I had a headache, something I rarely get. I was fine when I got up, though. I burned a lot of incense before bed yesterday, which might’ve caused the headache (damn is Gonesh incense good!).

Set up the new cooling mattress pad which should help combat the overheating the memory foam topper causes.

Fucking mother fucking Windows programs!!! I gotta get used to the Mac word processors. I’m so sick of these fucking Windows programs and all the crashing they do! kicks desk

Sure enough, here goes the fucking dozer again.

Later…

Wow, Kathy has dumped me for having a difference of opinion about God. That’s what I suspect it was about anyway, based on my last message to her. I’m surprised, though otherwise indifferent. I thought she was more tolerant of those with different views, and I specifically told her that expressing my thoughts and beliefs didn’t mean I was trying to offend or change hers. Wonder if she’ll fuck with me now. I doubt it, but she has fucked with Molly, so we’ll see.

Where I’m indifferent is because I am used to it. So many people come and go in our lives that the older we get, the more accustomed we get to it, and the more I realize you can be dumped by anyone, even those you least expect.

Tom’s the only one I wouldn’t feel indifferent to at all. They say if you love someone enough you’ll let them go, and while I get what they’re saying, loving them so much is what makes it so hard to let them go. I could never simply shrug and say “Oh well,” at the thought of losing Tom under any circumstances, for to act indifferent about something like that probably means you are indifferent.

But life will go on. I can only express myself and go about chatting with the people in my circle as usual. How people take what I say is out of my control. For all I know I could offend someone simply by the color of the shirt I may wear in public. We can’t sweat things like that and all the possibilities in life unless we want to never say or do a damn thing but sit silently in some dark hole somewhere. Well, my door is closed to new friends (and past friends since those I forgive seem to think they can repeat their mistakes), I’m not about to crawl into some hole.

Gotta wonder who’s next, though. I’ve got two guesses as to who will dump me next. Nane or Aly, right?