There have been a lot of views from various states in the parts of my blog that talks about Maricopa and life in jail. Just wondering if someone’s up to no good. Just got a hit from Illinois with Verizon Wireless. That’s what Nancy has, though she would come up as being up by Chicago and not down by St. Louis, Missouri.

Although I don’t see any posts about vengeance on her wall, this is just the type of person who would try to sue me if she could. Again, though, I don’t see how she could. I don’t know that anyone who’s recently hit those entries was necessarily up to no good anyway, and I would think that if someone had a problem with my blogs I’d know it by now. I’m still pretty sure that if that was a real cop that messaged me about the nig bitch, it was about spam and whatever bogus threats they digitally altered in a way that made me look bad, not about the blog itself.

I just really hope that after God allowed me to have my ass legally whipped to hell and back once that He won’t find some loophole for them to slip through or some legality I didn’t know about and use that to make going home even harder. Meanwhile, I’m determined not to worry about the fact that in America we have freedom of speech… until we say something people don’t want to hear. As far as I’m concerned, I have the right to express myself and I’m going to exercise that right as I see fit, within reason, of course. If mentioning a cellmate on a first-name basis from over a decade ago isn’t ok, then I don’t know what is.

Exchanged messages with Alison and Mary and am dismayed to hear that Alison’s exchanged “small pleasantries” with Kim and that Mary’s in touch with her mom. Says she’s old and she loves her. That may be so but she also abused her. If it’s not ok to go back to an abusive lover, why an abusive family member? Because they’re old? Because they gave birth to them? Hardly seems like a good enough reason to me, but it’s her life.

Not surprisingly, Kim’s claiming she’s “changed,” though Alison admits she doesn’t want to resume the friendship since she’s been lied to and hurt enough by her. That’s why I have a no-forgiveness rule. People don’t usually change and will just keep repeating their mistakes till they are dumped for good. Let’s just say I can forgive a lot easier than I can resume friendships. If Kathy apologized I could probably forgive her, but I wouldn’t take her back as a friend. She blew it. She’s proven she can’t handle those who think differently than her and that she is a very insensitive person. Aly said she’s very sorry Kathy did that to me and that anytime she’s reached out to her she has always ignored her.

Anyway, Kim is too crazy to change. I’ve seen enough craziness in my life between all the places my mother and the state shipped me off too, and when I was more sociable in my younger days as an adult.

It’s been wonderful learning that Bill’s cancer has returned and that he’s very ill. Croakably ill, I hope. Really, I’m sorry for Sarah and Becky, but I otherwise have zero tolerance or sympathy for wife/child beaters. Eh, they’ll probably be able to nuke the cancer and send him home.

To my utter amazement but delight, it was dead quiet until after 2:00 when the saws started up in back. Someone’s definitely gotta have a workshop of sorts up there at the summit. I was going to post entries hours ago but ended up much busier than I expected to be between running, cleaning and working online.

Tammy left a couple of long and detailed messages explaining her health and about her phone call with Walter. Apparently, Mom didn’t keep good records. The business is showing a profit during 2012 when in fact it took a loss. I guess that now Walter is trying to keep the IRS from taking undue taxes, but I don’t expect anything. I’m not only used to getting the short end of the stick, but we’re used to doing things on our own for the most part. If I do get money, then it will be a pleasant surprise.

What sucks is Tammy’s condition. They finally diagnosed it properly (I knew they would), and she met this really great doctor who diagnosed her in just two weeks after she had to wonder what the hell was wrong with her for 4 years. They’ve now narrowed it down to being either muscular dystrophy or multiple sclerosis. What sucks is that it’s really affecting her muscles and her immune system so she has to take antibiotics 3 times a week for the rest of her life. There’s no cure for these diseases and while they’re not fatal, they can cause a lot of hardship and complications.

I wondered aloud to Tom if she’d be well enough to come out here and he said that maybe we’d go there. Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking, though I really don’t want to. Well, IDK. On the one hand, I still hate to travel and it’s not going to any place I haven’t been to before to add to my somewhat long list of travels. On the other hand, it sure would be nice to see not just Tammy and Mark, but Sarah, Becky, Andy, Eileen and maybe my Italian dad, too. Tammy says she doesn’t smoke much these days, and when she does it’s done outside, so that’s good because I couldn’t stay with any smokers.

I think she’ll make it out here, though, and I doubt I’ll ever be back in New England, so please - anyone from MA or CT that reads this that I’m close to - don’t get your hopes up, ok?

The house we liked sold. I figured it would be gone by the weekend, but that’s ok. We both agreed that while it was in a great location, the work it needed surely would’ve left us without a life since everything had to be done. Everything. Painting a few rooms is one thing, but to do that and the roof and the ceiling and the bathrooms would be a bit much. It was also too big for us and the kitchen was just horrible. There was the lack of appliances to consider, too.

It would explain why I could never “feel” us living there and the lack of dreams I’ve been having. I still believe – or at least hope – that I’ll get more clues in my dreams the closer we get to the move. The house did have some of the few clues I’ve already gotten but not enough. Unfortunately, last night’s dream was backward. We were moving out of a park instead of into one. Hopefully, that doesn’t mean we’ll never get into one or we won’t like it. Hopefully, it means nothing at all or that we won’t be there forever. Like maybe we’ll move to Spain or Florida when he retires.

Tom thinks we’ll probably get a 20K - 30K place with a small loan and a huge down payment. It’s frustrating because we know what park it’s in, but not which house it is. A part of me wants to comb through the satellite pictures and try to guess and see if anything comes to me that I may sense, but the park is huge and so it’d be rather pointless. Yes, future house! We know where you are, but not who you are.

We’re on for cooler temps and rain at the end of the week, but who knows if it will really happen?

My message to Maliheh asking if she got the stuff I sent from my Hotmail account was picked up after I sent it from mail.com. Sure enough, though, she is continuing to ignore me, so my suspicions about her were right. They say our gut feeling is the one to trust, after all. I don’t doubt for a minute at this point that she befriended me under false pretenses and that was to ensure her name got kept out of my book. She probably doesn’t want to actually come out and tell me she’s dumping me because I think she not only enjoys playing games just like she did 22 years ago and stringing people along, but I think she fears I’ll bash her and use her name in future books or something. I won’t, though. If I said I’d keep her out of my books, then I will. I’m very disappointed in her, but again, should I really be all that shocked? I have learned that the best thing to do is stop meeting new friends and just enjoy the old ones while they last. I can never know if Andy’s going to dump me next week, for example, or if Nane may get hit by a bus the next week.

I don’t just isolate myself because I don’t care for people in general, but remember, I actually like spending time alone. People have tried to make me feel wrong, guilty and “abnormal” for it, but do I feel these things for simply being the way I am? No, I don’t. If one is happy, why change things if they’re not hurting anyone?

I’m still surprised that Kathy dumped me over a lousy difference of opinion about God, and after I confided in her about some personal stuff I don’t tell just anyone. I really expected her to reply with something understanding, empathetic and encouraging, but I guess she doesn’t have much more empathy than Kim ever had. Then again, she has always seemed to be a totally spoiled little princess used to nothing but sunny days and good times, and when you’re one of those who gets everything you want, it’s hard to empathize with those who have had it rough. Hey, if my life had been half as easy and as happy as she’s made hers out to be, I just may think something up there loved me too, and it would be hard for me to believe God really does have it in for some folks. Folks who have prayed for help to no avail.