Waking up to find Andy saying he still thinks I’m lying about needing eye treatment since I said I wasn’t going back to the doctor no matter what (along with yet another gross, perverted picture he knows I’d rather not see), really annoys the fuck out of me. First I’m playing up a supposed sleep disorder and now I’m downplaying eye issues? I thought he was over his trust issues. Yet he thinks I’m just saying everything’s ok to avoid being lectured about it.

Maybe our friendship isn’t what I thought it was. Better yet maybe it’s not what he thought it was and maybe he needs to find “better” friends that he feels he can trust. Really, if you can’t trust me and you can’t respect my wishes, then why bother?

It’s easy to say we’re not going to go back to wherever or that we’re not going to deal with whatever, but who in their right mind would choose blindness over not going to the doctor if it was truly necessary? Not me!

He said that I said I wasn’t going to discuss medical issues anymore, and yes, I did say that a while back. Perhaps he missed my later entry about realizing that no matter what I say, if people want to lecture me or call me a liar or insist I’m wrong about something, they will. Seriously, if someone wants to hassle me for choosing a leopard print chair cover to cover the rough fabric of my desk chair instead of the zebra, they will. I realized that the only way to avoid conflict is to never say or do anything. That would also mean not having any blogs. But what fun would that be? I’m not going to live in a cave with duct tape over my mouth simply because some people have trust issues or can’t handle what I may have to say. Making myself less accessible to stalkers on sites I was getting sick of any way is one thing, but not being myself is another. So yes, yes, yes, I will discuss any past, present or future medical problems as freely as a river flows. Yes, I will say that I believe that any prayers that seem to have been answered are just a coincidence that was meant to be anyway. Yes, I will say that I disagree with the behavior of some blacks and Arabs and that my feelings on some groups are mixed. Want to call me a racist that’s going to fry in hell? Fine, do it! And yes, I will say that I blame God just as much as I blame my father for allowing my mother to abuse me. I will talk about my dreams and dream premonitions and how I’m anti-teen pregnancy and believe that teen knock-ups should be forced to abort or adopt out their kids. And no, if your dog gets shot for barking up a storm, I’m not going to feel sorry for you like everyone else will. So if I’m too weird, controversial, abnormal or a downright liar in your book, feel free to walk out of my life and never look back.

If you really want to lecture me, lecture me about not seeing a GYN since 1999. That’s where I’m actually being kind of stupid, especially since I’ve got a higher risk of cervical cancer. But I hate crotch doctors and life is about taking risks (sometimes). So, until and if I ever have pain, excessive bleeding that never stops, or some other symptom like that, I’m not going to one anytime soon. Then again, why don’t you just call me a liar instead and insist I just saw one last week.

Believe it or not (literally) I don’t think I have heart problems or diabetes or anything like that, but I have been wondering about my thyroid, as I recently said. So once I get my teeth finished, I’ll get that checked out.

Other than a possibly funky thyroid, 30 extra pounds, and shitty vision, I think I’m very healthy. Maybe breast cancer will start setting in tomorrow, and maybe I will have serious eye issues in a decade, but why worry about it now?

Ok, now it’s onto other things besides health issues and who believes and agrees with me on what. Tom installed the car radio and it sooo cool. It does so much! But I’m not big on regular radio stations anymore cuz I hate sitting through commercials which seem to get longer and longer each year, so I loaded up a ton of MP3s on a flash drive. Some of the radio stations are cool, though, cuz the thing displays the titles and artists. Love the colors that slowly cycle through, and how we can charge the cells with it.

Not much else going on. All the cleaning is done, so now I can just chillax through what’s left of the weekend. Poor Tom, though. Tomorrow it’s back to six 10-hour days. A ton of money, though.

Our credit score is climbing fast, but the $200 the corrupt rental agency says we owe them is still on there and it will be for another year. So even when the numbers are where the park of our choice wants them to be, we still may have to either wait or pay our perps to get ahead and to get what we want. Really don’t like that potential ultimatum, but it may not be an issue. We don’t know yet.

Not much in the way of dreams. C asked me to start writing stories again and posting them, Nane invited me on a houseboat for a week with a couple of friends of hers, and once again I was a little violent. At least they always deserve whatever I do. :) I was sitting at a counter on a stool in a restaurant when some cock leaned over me, more than invading my personal space. I pushed backward, shoving him away with the weight of my body, and then I beat him unconscious with one of someone’s crutches that was nearby. LOL, I don’t think I’d go to such extremes for real unless my life was in danger.

One more thing about Andy. In screening old journals I came across something about a sexual harassment suit being filed against him by a coworker, and him complaining that others talk about sex just as much as he does.

Here’s a convicted and registered sex offender who does nothing but obsess over sex night and day, and who comes off as totally perverted online with the overkill in sex talk/pics. Does he have more of a problem than he’s willing to admit?

And fuck Maliheh too, who was obviously never a true friend and never had any intentions of being one in the first place. I know I’m right about her only buddying up to me to keep her name out of things. There’s no doubt about it now. First she was ignoring me and now she’s ignoring my emails. Meaning, she’s not even opening them. Unless she didn’t receive them or she escaped detection, she’s not reading my messages. So fine. We’re done.

Life’s twistedness and unfairness still piss me off at times. I asked Tom if they could file a class action suit against his company with the way they work everyone to death, and he said no because all he has to do is just quit. Yeah, and all the blacks and Mexicans had to do was just not read the journal excerpts I sent them.

Later…

Andy just told me mom was a lot like me in that she’d dump someone she disagreed with. sighs I didn’t dump him, and no, I don’t “agree” with being called a liar. He’s been doing this to me for as long as I’ve known him and one of these days I’m going to really fuck with his head and give him a reason to call me a liar. Is he that miserable that he feels he’s got to start shit with others to make himself feel better? Maybe I really should reconsider not discussing health issues with him. Or maybe I should call him a liar.

I’m sick of being compared to my mother, too. I’m not her and I never will be.

Nancy appears to have finally checked in on Facebook, but no one in Indiana appears on my tracking list, and if she replied to any messages, I didn’t get them. I give up. I can’t get through to her directly or via her sister. So I unfollowed her and got her shit off my wall. She could’ve gone to my trackless blog, but I doubt it.

I so stupidly taught the rats to ring their little toy bell for treats and attention. What the hell was I thinking? LOL

There was a new listing today on a beautiful 1991 home in our second favorite park, the Diamond K Estates, in Roseville. It’s a 25K home. Tom says he thinks we can get a 10-year loan, but that it won’t take us nearly that long to pay it off. It’s at the lower end of the square footage we want at 1100-something, and it sure is gorgeous. It has a lot for the price. All new appliances, carpet, and even a garage. It also has a sunroom, and the walls are in great condition. I don’t know why that 1999 house had such beat-up walls. Who knows what they did to them, but once we saw it in person we both agreed it was in a shitty location within the park. It’s gone now, anyway.

I was against it at first, as nice as it is, figuring it’d be too risky, but Tom broke down the numbers for me, added up the costs, and I could see that the monthly expenses would be comparable to here even though this is another luxury park of sorts.

I just know that if I don’t get my money in the next week or two, or at least some of it, I’m going to be pissed. The more you have, the more options you have.