Believe it or not, the hives I got from wasting time and money on that Alli crap are still visible. I still refuse to diet, too. I’ve not only learned that yes, you CAN be fat AND happy. It’s just not worth all the hunger and aggravation for such minimal results. I’ll do what I can to remain fit, but that’s as far as I’m going these days.

Really worried that Mary’s going to end up on the streets. She won’t stop shopping. I hated to sound like her mother, but as a concerned friend I told her to be careful and she just laughed. But it’s not funny!

It’s one thing to end up poor due to circumstances out of our control. It happened to me and it can happen to you, too. But what baffles the hell out of me is why people that are smart enough to know better go and shop away money they don’t have and that they know damn well they should be saving. These are people that are on unemployment, for God’s sake! If our lovely government can decide to tell Tom and I to fuck off for “not working long enough,” think they won’t hesitate to make street bums out of you, too? Well, hopefully they won’t, but they just might. Again, if it can happen to us it can happen to you. There is nothing funny about homelessness. The 36-hour taste my husband and I got of it felt like 36 months! Really, it’s not funny. Don’t foolishly put yourself at risk. It’s ok to want things, but do learn to say “no” to these things till you have a job or win the lottery.

We had a vehicle at the time and it was bad enough being on the street even though we could park it in various parking lots and sit in it. But what if you don’t have a vehicle of your own? Would you be laughing then? If your only choice was to stand outside in the cold or the rain, would it still be funny?

Mary’s too far to rescue should she end up on the street. It’s easy to say, “I’m nobody’s caretaker,” and “It’s their problem,” and “I don’t want anyone else’s problems bringing me down,” but what kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t take in someone I was close to that needed it if they were in my area? They’d do the same for me, wouldn’t they? Well, if they wouldn’t, then I guess they weren’t a true friend. But that’s beside the point. The point is that I just don’t get people at times. I guess for some people it’s like gambling. Sometimes you get on a roll and it’s hard to stop, and after being locked up for 14 years, Mary has had to go without for so damn long. I can understand her eagerness to want to catch up on life’s fun things, but I do worry about her just the same. I know I can’t tell her what to do. She’s an adult, I’m not her mother, and I have no place in telling her how to live her life, so she better hope that the God who allowed her 11-month-old daughter to be murdered gives a shit a little more about her well-being and will see to it that the checks keep coming until she finds work if she’s not going to stop the overspending.

Just saw a banner ad that says, “What does leadership look like?” Then there’s a picture of a black person. So, so very 21st century. Next thing you know ads will appear saying, “What do followers look like?” Then the white guy will be pictured.

Later…

Alison asked me not to post what she told me about Kim in my blog, and I won’t. Actually, I’m trying to give the impression that we’re no longer friends. Nonetheless, Kim asked her a week ago if they could be friends again, and Alison told her it’s best to leave things as they are. She still feels angry for being made such a fool of and I don’t blame her. She also realizes that there’s no point in resuming a friendship that never truly existed and realizes how insane she is what with the sheltered and made-up world she lives in. I agree. Kim’s world is nothing but food, computers and role-playing.

I totally believe Alison is right not to forgive her. Forgive crazy and crazy just fucks you over all over again. There’s no reasoning with crazy. Crazy can’t change. Better to just leave someone you dislike and can’t trust to be themselves rather than try to change them, cuz people simply can’t be changed. Well, they can, but only if they want to and you usually need some degree of sanity and reasoning to do so.

Alison hasn’t heard from Kim since then, but a couple of guys from Molly’s group home tried to unsuccessfully befriend her. She’s got Molly blocked and Molly uses others to try to get what she wants when she can’t go directly to the source. Had to laugh when I learned that her mother changed her PW on FB for bashing fellow group homies. That’s something she would do. Molly can’t get along with anybody and I mean anybody.

Andy and I should probably be careful what we say if we ever communicate with people like Lady Di from our new Ask accounts. In fact, if we were smart we wouldn’t ask anyone else any questions at all so as not to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.

Oh, that crazy Connecticut cunt, though. It doesn’t think I know what questions on Ask are from her, but I do. My first thought was to just give her stupid, crazy, boring, senseless questions an equally stupid, crazy, boring, senseless answer, but in her sick, twisted mind, that’ll mean we’re friends again. Well, we’re not. We’re never going to be either. Same goes for Kathy.

But Kim is crazy and knows nothing but food, fantasies and cyberstalking, so I don’t want her getting the wrong idea and taking my answering her to mean we’re buddies again. But rather than go non-anonymous, I’ll just ignore what comes in from her (and yes, I do know what’s hers) until I get sick of it enough to shut it down again. Besides, if FS is shutting down, Ask probably will too, won’t it?

Tom was interviewed but may not know anything till next week. They actually interviewed tons of people. The finalists are going to have another interview on Monday or Tuesday. If they care about who’s most qualified, then Tom has a great chance. If they only care who’s got the youngest, darkest skin like so many places do, then he doesn’t. Funny, the number of people who have told me they realized I’m right about certain things. Maybe they’ll realize I’m right about God, too.

I have been battling PMS hunger like crazy for 3 days now. I eat, I’m hungry, I eat, I’m hungry… Every month I reset my weight back to where it was before the PMS hunger set in. I probably could lose weight, even with a fucked up thyroid, if it weren’t for PMS undoing the weight that naturally comes off during the first two weeks after periods. But I absolutely totally REFUSE to ever diet again. I do want to eventually get my thyroid checked and I do worry about gaining more weight. I don’t mind staying where I’m at, though, because it’s what I’m used to and it does have its advantages. No guy’s going to pester a big girl like me if I were alone at the pool of whatever park we move to. Also, if some 120-pound chick gets it in mind to casually threaten me simply because she may be taller, I’m sure I’d get a kick out of the look on her face when this 145-pound bitch with a temper and a definite distaste for being threatened tosses her halfway across the room. So yeah, life in full figure mode does have its advantages, and these curves aren’t going anywhere anytime soon anyway.

What people can’t see can work in one’s favor, too. You can see the muscle in my abs, shoulders and calves, but the rest of me doesn’t look muscular at all because it is covered in so much fat. So I don’t look nearly as strong as I am and that in itself can be an advantage if you’re underestimated.

Later…

Cray.

I laughed knowingly when I caught a part of an older man’s journal who said he hated some of the new “words” coming out, like cray, and didn’t get today’s “creative” language and spelling. Like most young people, I found it amusing and entertaining when I was young, but at 47 I can’t help but see it as immature in some ways. To each their own, and no, I’m not saying anyone should change, but for me, there are no such words in the English language as cray, meh and some of the other shit that’s out there these days. I can deal with chillax perhaps because it is a combination of two words that actually do exist and are spelled properly. However, it’s almost the visual equivalent to nails on a chalkboard when I see sometimes spelled like sumtimes and probably spelled like probly. I can see “I luv u 2” to save on limited character spacing, but it’s really no wonder each generation is getting more and more illiterate.

While I’m ranking on people for some of the stupid shit they do to annoy me, it never ceases to amaze me just how many people get so damn upset over what others choose to write about in their own journals. Just so, so upset like it’s a personal insult or false rumors against them. Why do so many people get so emotional about other people’s journals and take things so damn personally? Like everything’s about you and your own precious little opinions. Want to express your opinions? Do it in your own damn blog cuz I’m not about to write mine with you in mind. Really, why read people’s blogs if it’s just going to get you so upset? Just wondering, is all. :)

Some of you act like you were forced to read my blogs or you just couldn’t help but see it. Sorry folks, but it doesn’t come to you. YOU go to IT. So if you can’t handle it, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut and move on. Complaining won’t get you anywhere anyway with me because I write for ME. I’m too selfish to write what others want to hear, and as I’ve said before, there’s no such thing as writing to please everyone anyway. So if it hadn’t been for the one who criticized me for being willing to defend myself against anyone who threatened or attacked me, someone else would’ve criticized me for doing nothing and allowing myself to be assaulted had I said that that’s what I would do instead.

So never assume your opinion will change things. It is heard but it is not necessarily a tool to shape, change, or mold people into how you think they should be.

Ok, I guess that concludes my bitchfest against humanity for a while. :)

Now I’ve got till the 31st to decide if I want to put my old Ask account back to sleep when FS shuts down, or just abandon it like Andy did with his account. I definitely don’t want to be logging in and out of two different accounts. That gets to be a real pain.

Later…

Tom and I discussed things and everything’s still on for picking a place out in April. Everything is still going as planned and falling into place nicely. So unless anything arises that we can’t see, we should have 70 days or less in this little old dump with our engine-gunning landlord up the hill.

I just burst out laughing and then I felt my eyes sting with tears of happy anticipation. It just seems so unreal. Although we didn’t struggle the entire time, we’ve been living in nothing but tiny dives since 2005. To think we are that close to owning a real house with sufficient space, more than just a few wall outlets, and an extra bathroom, is mind-boggling. It’s just so hard to believe. I thought we’d rent undersized dumps for the rest of our lives.

We won’t give the good news to Jesse (which will be bad news for him) until the place is officially in escrow. bursts out laughing again Escrow. Listen to me. Damn, that’s really me saying that.

I can’t wait to get the show on the road! Not just for obvious reasons, but there are so many other things we’ve been putting on hold until the move, some by choice and some of it not by choice. I can’t wait to have a fast, reliable connection that doesn’t cut in and out on me!

I’m looking around me in the room in which I’m now sitting. I’ve seen these walls for half a decade now. It seems so weird to know that in 70 days or less, I’ll never see them again. It will be the first move in a long, long time that I will be excited about instead of stressed or sad.

The lack of dreams is a bit weird, but I don’t see everything in my dreams before it happens anyway. I just thought I would because I saw many details about the last two places before we found them.