Last night and today really sucked. But I got my period, so I’ll be OK for the next 20-some-odd days till I have to go through this anger and depression all over again.

When I asked him why the hell he made the bet in the first place if he didn’t want to, all he said was that it couldn’t hurt to do something again, even though it failed in the past and he really believed he’d cum. Yeah, right. The guy’s just got too many fucking excuses and anyone can say they really believed something would work. I’m just so sick of his excuses and how he casually lies and covers up the truth. I know that I-cum-without-warning line was just to cover up the truth. How convenient to say, “It feels so good that I don’t want to pull out, but I don’t know when to pull out to finish it off since I cum without warning.” This is total bullshit and like I said before if it feels so good to him and he loves me so much, then why isn’t that enough? Why does he always need more time to be able to cum? Wasn’t I good enough from the beginning? I know I sure as hell believe that if you love someone enough and are attracted to them, there shouldn’t be any problems unless it’s physical.

Then last night and today he’s gone on all about how sad he is about my decision not to have a kid and I know it’s all show. I know deep down the guy’s elated.

He also says he’s upset and hurt by how I said he’d abuse the kid. This was when I told him that if he could lie to his wife, he could lie to his kid, but he’d never be nearly as bad of a father as I’d be of a mother. When I said I’d beat it and do all kinds of horrible things to it, he said he was sure I wouldn’t. He just knew I wouldn’t. Well, I don’t know how or why he’s so sure of this, but it doesn’t matter anyway.

We said so many things to each other that I can’t remember every single thing we discussed and I’m so sick of getting into it even in this journal.

This morning I had such terrible cramps for the first time in quite a while and I was so very close to puking, but luckily, I didn’t. I had to take 3 Ibuprofen tablets to kill the worst of the pain and was so relieved when the worst of it was over.

Right when I got up I heard blasting rap music and I knew it was that fucking dude next door, even though I didn’t see him, but as I went out front to let him have it, there was no one there. So, I guess this one doesn’t get it. I knew the understanding M family was a rare breed. I guess he’s gonna come and go with that fucking music blaring, no matter what. But they came here quietly the other day and left with the music going not too loud at all, so why now?

We got a pen from a business pen company with the business name (Mystery Computer Enterprise) on it and that was cool.

I’m trying to decide whether or not I should ditch old letters from Kim, Bob and Alex and keep only the letters that are rare or special or very funny or interesting and different in any way. Like letters from Larry and Anne & Harry. If I do decide to ditch letters from Kim, Alex and Bob, I will still write in the highlights and anything of importance that they might say.