I just had myself quite a scare. I was in the music room listening to old conversations with the crisis center. Luckily, I had the lights on when I saw a humongous sewer roach that was nearly 3 inches long. I ran and grabbed the can of Raid and the fucker wouldn’t die, but I eventually managed to slow it down, and then swat it with the fly swatter. Now that room stinks and I’m avoiding going in there for a while. I’m glad I didn’t find this thing in the winter cuz I’d have to air out the fumes of the Raid and it’d be freezing in here.

Yesterday morning we did do missionary position, but only for a few minutes again for two reasons. One of the reasons, I believe, is his wait and do things slowly and his instill-patience-in-Jodi obsession. The other is that now his legs are sore. He said that due to his shoulders feeling better, he notices his legs now. Earlier, though, he said he was almost healed all over. There’ll be something else now. This position does appear to make it easier for him and he does seem more into it, so that’s also probably why he’ll never want to do it for too long. He’ll probably have a much harder time holding back if this is truly what he’s doing and still wants to do.

I’m absolutely amazed that I’ll be hitting mid-cycle on a Saturday. I almost never do, but I still wouldn’t be shocked if we just couldn’t have sex that day for some reason, even though we almost always do on weekends. I guess he just wants to be extra careful. I think we’ve only screwed once when I was 14 days after my period.

My mother-in-law got me 3 cans of my favorite coffees due to my patience with them needing Tom over there a lot to help them. I understand and this was very sweet of her.

I feel much better than I did over the last 4 or 5 days and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was right before my period when I was really right after it. I was depressed, I was constipated, I had pre-cramps and I was hornier than hell. Tom says it’s OK to be depressed and that everybody is at times and that it’s necessary so we can be happy and appreciate it all the more. Yeah, he has a point, but no thanks to being depressed. I hate feeling anxious, angry or sad. I totally dig being happy and I’ll always appreciate it when I am. I wish I could be more than usual, but I have hopes of being much happier and for much longer periods at a time. I still say that the day will come when I’ll stop fighting my erratic schedule and just accept and deal with the fact that I can’t be on a schedule. Also, I’ll either be glad I couldn’t have a kid, or just won’t care, or both.

I may end up doing something totally stupid and set myself up again to fall, though. Once my schedule gets back on days, I may try the Melatonin again cuz sometimes I’m too stubborn and selfish and just don’t know when to quit and accept things as they are. The kid, I accept never having, but I guess you could say that I’m going longer periods at a time being able to deal with the fact that that can never be and I know it’ll keep getting better with time.

I wonder if Andy did come over to use the pool today. He mentioned it. God was he pushy the night I had the attack. I left him a message about it and said that that night wasn’t a good night to call since I was still beat and recovering from it, but he goes and calls anyway and didn’t even mention it. Didn’t even ask if I was okay or how I was feeling. Andy can be a lot like Tom. They’re different in the way that Andy likes others to be like him, whereas Tom’s hung up on being different. Tom likes to make it a point to arrange things differently, eat differently, have different habits both non-sexual and sexual and so much more.

Andy and Tom both go against things you ask of them a lot. They also live up to things you accuse or assume about them. In other words, cuz I tell Tom he seems to prefer sex at the end of his day, he’ll go out of his way to live up to that expectation and want sex at the end of his day. They also are payback kinds of people, but we all tend to give what we get within reason. If I’m gabbing away to Tom when he first wakes up, which neither of us likes, he does it to me when I wake up.