Even though "How is your foot?" is a simple question, it is nice that I can ask it in 5 languages (English, ASL, Spanish, Italian, German) when I am so damn dumb with numbers and other things. 

Tom's feet sometimes get swollen. Oh, and the dream premonitions might be back but in a good way. At least I'm hoping that's the case. Back when there was less competition and I was able to win things more often, I would often have dreams of winning right before learning of a win. And I don't mean a little piddly win like a book or CD either. I rarely won what I dreamed of winning, but still, I hope last night's dream of winning a trip to NY (I'd try to get a cash equivalent on that one) is a sign of something good to come. If not a win then maybe a raise for Tom. When he came in I told him about the dream, and he told me that ironically, they asked if he'd be willing to do a job that pays a bit more. They are, however, not in the habit of putting their actions where their mouths are, so we don't want to get our hopes up. 

Got a message from Tammy today. Andy wondered if moving to a warm climate would actually worsen her health and I asked her if she thinks that could be the case, but she’s pretty sure it’s not the weather, but all she’s had going on instead. It takes time to get settled, and she couldn’t obtain the oxygen she needs right away. I just wish she and Mark would both quit smoking and get into shape. Being in shape is more important than what the scales and inches say. She does, however, go swimming in the pool and take walks on the beach, so she’s not totally immobile. 

After the house closes Mark will be going to Ohio to see his brother who is in his 70s, and his daughter Stephanie with whom he’s had numerous problems. I guess she is both mentally challenged and irresponsible. She says she hasn’t seen either of the girls, Becky rarely calls, but Sarah keeps in touch. 

Walmart’s got this really neat thing going on now where if you punch in the number of your receipt online, they’ll pay you the difference of any item that was cheaper in another store. With just one receipt we got $4 in savings, though he wants to wait for it to build up a bit before he gets a gift card, which is what they give you. 

Molly really has changed, considering the fact that she no longer visits my blog daily even though she can. More so is the fact that she doesn’t even seem to be contacting Alison, her main obsession, every day anymore. Maybe she’s texting or emailing her, but she’s not contacting her on Ask or Twitter regularly which I know of. I still don’t want to get too close to her, cuz she’s still always going to have a moodiness and neediness about her I could do without. 

Later… 

When I remember Mary I find it hard to remember the good times and not find myself resentful instead over how she used me and then falsely accused me of creating a blog to bash her with, which she supposedly learned from someone else. That is, without ever having the decency to ask me about it first. I can’t stand people with such severe trust issues that they can’t trust anyone and I mean ANYONE. I’m sorry she was burned so bad so many times by so many people, but people like that are too moody for me. She’d be amazingly compassionate one minute, then high on paranoia the next. 

That wasn’t the only thing that caused me to let go of her. She not only can’t admit her faults and apologize for them, but she does nothing but use people. As wrong as it is, this too, I can understand to some degree. She has been a slave to this one or to that one for most of her life. It wasn’t until her 30s that her life finally belonged to her and even then there were still some serious restrictions. Still, while she may have a creative, intelligent and caring side, all she knows is to milk people for whatever she can get from them. She will use one bad boy’s money after another to get what she wants, even if it means putting up with some abuse. She wouldn’t stoop as low as some of her exes – gosh, I hope not anyway – but she is still attracted to what she’s always known and that’s men who will literally pay to abuse her. 

She is as addicted to shopping as some people are to food. A new dress may not be worth the bloody lip it used to be worth, but a little slap is probably still worth it. At least last I knew it was from our last communications. The last guy I knew her to be with might not have actually slapped her, but I know she was afraid of him. She told me so in her own words. This was some rich drunk she was using to furnish her apartment and support her after she was fired from her job. Now if it’s a mutual Sugar Daddy agreement of sorts, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with it if both people are happy. But how can material things mean so much more than love, respect, honesty and being treated like a human being to some people??? Perhaps I am wrong to judge or question this, but hey, it’s her life. She has a right to live it as she sees fit and just because her priorities may seem a bit warped to me, I realize they may be very sensible and reasonable to her. 

Funny, though, how easy it was to let go of this person I have actually met and spent so much time communicating with than it was to let go of a 6-year cyber friend of mine that I never met. I could let go if I had to, of course, but the thought of it saddens me unless there were ever worse disagreements than there have been. Some things are worth forgiving and working through, as far as I’m concerned, and some things aren’t. Still, it’s funny how some people we can get mad at and dump while others we can get mad at and not dump. Or not dump for very long anyway. I guess it just depends on how far the good exceeds the bad or vice versa. 

I don’t hate Mary. Never have, never will. I hope her life is all she wants and dreams it to be. But her absence doesn’t leave me with a sense that something’s missing in my life like those few days the other person wasn’t in it.