No racy hearts upon waking but I had a weird experience just after midnight. A strong, steady pain in the area where the jaw connects (by my bad ear) woke me up and I had to take two ibuprofen. It was almost like when I had an infected molar, though I have no cavities much less infections that I know of in that area. It really sucked. I hope it doesn’t happen again. 

I am not looking forward to next door’s bumps and bangs for the next 6 hours. By 6:30 I could already hear movement over there. They are the worst they’ve been since we moved in just over a year ago and it’s no longer just about them coming and going several times a day, but about slamming doors excessively and bopping around in their garage doing God knows what. It’s just really distracting and annoying at times, but you know Tom and Jodi can never get neighbors who aren’t so active and outdoorsy. Thank goodness they don’t have a dog! The damn thing would either be barking in the door just inside the garage or it’d be out there with them going off on whatever. Meanwhile, the sound machine or sound videos won’t block the vibration of car doors and trunks being slammed, but it’ll block other sounds they make. 

Rode a mile on the bike yesterday and my heart elevated in a good way. It didn’t forget to slow down after I stopped working out and was just sitting on my ass either. Even so, I’m up nearly 3 pounds from yesterday for a few reasons. I ate like a pig yesterday. I’m retaining water like crazy now. And my metabolism is probably coming to a stop again or pretty damn close to it. 

I did have a slightly racy heart later on in the day yesterday for a few hours but never had to take a chill pill. I thought I might have to in order to help me sleep, but nope. Really hope balance can be achieved as others have encouraged me it can be and that it doesn’t take too long or too much more discomfort on my part. If my only choice were to go untreated vs. put up with such intense anxiety and such heart-pounding discomfort, I’d go untreated. We’re not talking a dry mouth or some slight itching here. We’re talking major, OMG side effects. 

I was surprised to hear someone say they had their thyroid removed as a teen. Wow, that young? They slack off on their meds and often go a few months without taking it. They also say they feel no different on or off the levothyroxine, which they’ve been taking for 21 years. 

I rarely get headaches, but had another one yesterday. Tom thinks it’s due to a lack of caffeine. I still have caffeinated coffee, just not as often as I used to. I haven’t wanted to have any when my heart would be racing. 

Later… 

Just after 8:00, the door slamming started next door, so I knew that within 20 minutes or so they’d be off on their first run of the day. Hopefully, they’ll both go out together cuz whoever stays behind gets to bop around the garage and annoy the hell out of me. 

I don’t know how long they were out for, but after 9:00 the SUV was just outside the garage and then I heard something loud running that might’ve been a pump. Then I opened the door and heard old '70s music playing on a radio. That could only be heard when I opened the door, but it’s the first time I’ve heard music from over there. Their trash and recycle bins are right outside the master bedroom and I saw Bob dump something in one, then enter the back of the garage, letting the screen door slam shut behind him. 

I’m just tired of all the projects! They’re going to end up waking me up if they keep this shit up. They will not go indoors till after noon - 1pm, especially since we’re having a mild spell. If they’re not moving, then what the fuck’s going on over there? I’m hoping they’re just cleaning out the garage and will settle down soon, but I have a feeling that they’ll just go right into some other project, just like Jesse would always do. 

Shortly after that, they had company for a while that pulled up in front of their place. It looked like their son and DIL that stayed there while they were on vacation. They were even quieter than Bob and Virginia at their quietest. 

I’m just sick of all this activity right outside our front windows! It seems no matter what the age, gender, race, family size, social/economic status, we just can’t get neighbors who aren’t so damn active and outdoorsy. Still, I shouldn’t have to hear a couple of people this often who are in their 80s and not attached to us! 

It’s been getting down to 73° in here in the mornings. I keep the thermostat set at 78° Pretty cool for August. I love the savings this brings to our electric bill, but not the outside activity it stirs up. 

Saw Virginia leave when the Tuesday landscapers hit the house across the street. I’m guessing she left Bob behind in the garage since I think he’d be driving if he were with her. Now that the landscaping is done, though, and the temperature is climbing, maybe people will shut up around here and give me some peace. I really, really feel like I’m back in an apartment when people get to slamming their vehicle doors like they sometimes do! 

Andy said maybe they'll die soon, but I wouldn't want that. They're not THAT obnoxious. Besides, something worse could end up over there. 

Virginia's back. Oh, please, please pull into the garage! That would tell me they're probably done coming and going for the day. Damn! She didn't. She's in front of it. So I guess they're either going out again, still working in the garage, or both. 

Anyway, I wouldn't mind them getting a cold or twisting an ankle here and there, but they don't need to die. Then I could end up with a couple with their parents/in-laws that are not only always outside and coming and going like crazy, but that also have mutts and rowdy grandkids visiting. I certainly wouldn't want that! 

Later… 

The SUV disappeared from the carport, but amazingly I don’t know if they went out again or pulled into the garage. I’m just glad it’s finally quieted down. This has GOT to be the noisiest day since moving here. Not just cuz of next door, but there was landscaping in front as well as the common area up the hill. Wait till the leaves start coming down. Then they’ll be out there every day without fail, rain or shine, except on Sundays. I don’t know why, but they catch the leaves faster than they can fall. 

On the bright side, my anxiety is now barely noticeable. The only anxiety I have now is about what the future holds for me. People say it can be worked out, but people also said it wasn’t the meds causing my anxiety, including my doctor, and they were wrong. Sure looks that way, anyway. I don’t want to not treat my disease, but I feel so much better that a part of me is tempted to never turn to the doctors. I doubt I’ll do that, but I’m still worried about what can be done without all these issues. If my only choice is to have such killer side effects that are a million times worse than the disease itself, then it’s not worth it. Maybe I can eventually take something that won’t make me feel so awful, who knows? I just wonder if I can ever take anything ever again without fear and without being hyperaware and wondering if every little thing I feel is connected or not. 

Looking back on it now, I wonder if I really did accidentally double-dose myself. Maybe it was simply the onset of the side effects I was feeling. Guess I’ll never know for sure. 

Tammy left a message on the MagicJack line but I failed to get an email alert. So I chatted live with a helper on MagicCrap’s site and they reset my voicemail for me. Once my account expires in a couple of months, that’s it. I’m done with them. 

Finally remembering more of my dreams again. I was in a large house or building and was the only white person present. Everyone else was black. Like most of my dreams, they consisted of a series of “scenes” that made no sense all put together. In one scene I was with a woman and a guy in their 20s. The guy was vacuuming. This seemed to be an upper floor where there were many hallways, closets and bedrooms. I shut the closet doors he’d left open when he was done after he vacuumed them out. This was in some hallway. Then I stepped into a bedroom that may’ve had more than one bed in it. I walked up to one and placed a couple of small dolls on it that were kinda ugly and didn’t seem like anything I’d collect. 

In another scene, a woman asked me in an accusatory voice if I told some young guy if his “favorite” person were to be visiting. I guess they weren’t supposed to see each other or something. I shook my head, no, and the woman walked over to me and pinched my forearm. I asked her what the hell she was doing and she said it was a trick she learned to see if people were being truthful or not. 

Then I was sitting on a couch between two young guys who started smoking a crack pipe. It suddenly hit me that if they got caught I would go down with them, so I said I better leave. They said they’d leave instead. I said, “Good, go,” and playfully kicked one of the guys in the ass as he rose from the couch. He wasn’t too happy about it either. 

Then I was afraid of what inhaling the smoke may do to me so I quickly headed over to a big set of double doors and thought I might go outside for a walk. It was raining really hard, though. I waited a while, then when I looked outside again it was snowing, leaving me stuck with a bunch of strange, moody druggies. 

Later… 

Someone in the UK thinks my jaw pain was cuz I grind my teeth in my sleep, and Canada’s sure it’s TMJ. Whatever. Just as long as it doesn’t keep happening! 

Someone in the US, Cali, to be exact, really thinks Nane's trying to avoid her. She just peeked in on my blog, but still… why isn’t she answering my emails? Could she really be that busy or does she just not want to dump me but not really be friends either? Either way, why do we still have to play these games at times? If her heart really isn’t in our friendship, why can’t she just come out and say so?