Not sure I’m looking forward to being left alone all week as the last of the anxiety fades away for what will hopefully be forever. Just one minute of that awful feeling is like an hour and I don’t ever want to feel it again! Gonna chill pill it when Tom leaves for the next few days just to be on the safe side and give me that extra boost of confidence. I’m hoping that by the end of the week, I will feel strong enough to go without that. 

Woke up several times during the night and once I considered chill-pilling myself back to sleep, but instead I just waited patiently for my body to fall back asleep on its own. Again, I don’t want to get addicted to the stuff. 

My goal will be to keep busy as much as possible. The lorazepam may make me drowsy, so I may have to take it easy here and there. I’m going to mostly do some cleaning, ab exercises, and then my usual online stuff. 

Later… 

The day’s going great so far. A little shaky the first hour or so, but I’ve been fine ever since. The question is, am I fine because of the chill pill, or would I be ok either way? Tom thinks I would be and I hope he’s right. In another day or two, I’ll skip the chiller. Stuff still makes me drowsy, but it didn’t knock me out. It just made me take longer to clean the section of the house I cleaned today. I do it in 4 sections in 4 days rather than all at once. It’s easier that way, especially since it’s so big. Hell, just dusting the 8 living room/dining room window blinds takes time. 

It definitely does look like the doctors do know what they’re doing after all, LOL, and that it was anxiety brought on by the double dose of levothyroxine and not the levothyroxine itself. 

Anyway, I just hope that whatever landscaping or home improvement jobs that are on for today will be my only annoyances. If it weren’t for the drowsiness they cause, I could really get used to these chill pills and can clearly see how addicting they could become. I expect, however, to make a full recovery by the end of the week and be free of the chill pills altogether. I just hope I never ever again experience such God-awful anxiety ever again in my life. It was truly torturous and horrible in every sense of the word. I’d rather killer period cramps. They hurt, but at least they’re not terrifying. But when your heart races up a storm, you can’t breathe, you feel dizzy and this strange sensation rushes through your head and down your shoulders and arms… I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Well, second-worst enemy. :) 

Can't believe it took next door till 10:30 to make their first trip out. I’m sure she’ll park in the driveway when she returns and that it’s not her/their only trip out today. 

I also can’t believe it’s August! It’s so cloudy and chilly in here. It’s going to be hours till the AC kicks on, but it will come on since we are on for 88° today. 

We moved the rats into the ferret cage because it’s so much easier to clean, and Romeo was kind enough not to make the mess he used to make by pushing bedding out all over the floor. 

I tweeted to Aly and asked her a question on Ask. She answered the question. I “liked” one of Molly’s answers and she apologized for past problems she’s caused me and said she wanted to be friends and prove she’s a changed person. 

I never thought I’d say this but I do believe Molly has changed to some degree. I can tell this just by how less often she visits my blog. But there’s still a clinginess about her that makes me not want to get too close. I’ll answer a few questions here and there on Ask, but that’s about it. Besides, she’s not very bright and she still has severe mood swings. She asked what made me want to hurt myself and I had to explain that the OD was accidental. 

I had sexual dreams and a couple of dreams that my endo doc was in, and what is it with schools lately in my dreams? 

I don’t really remember the sexual dreams very well, but it seems that when I have them I’m performing solo and not with someone else. A sign that I’m on my own? Even if I was suddenly horny as hell, that doesn’t mean Tom would be, too. 

The first one Maruja, as I’ll call my endo, was in a college. It turns out that she was teaching a course there. I’m not sure what it was or if she knew me, but she seemed to have a thing for me. In a good way, that is. 

In another dream, we were a definite pair. We were over someone’s house that was having a party or some kind of get-together. We had a baby with us. It seemed to be ours, though I don’t know if I was younger in the dream and I was the one that had it, or if we adopted it. Maruja got pissed as hell at me at one point and practically dragged me out of the place. Others were worried she would harm me and I said, “Don’t worry. She won’t. She’ll just yell at me a while.” 

Once we got home, some people at the party we left called the house to be sure I was ok.