The blood has been drawn and the verdict is in. My TSH levels are high at 16 which is probably my fault thanks to the meds putting such a fear complex on me that I had coffee too soon after taking the stuff the last two days. This blocks absorption. So now my pituitary gland is back to shouting these useless commands to my thyroid. 

So it wasn’t the pill, but it was. The OD put such a serious mental block on me so that even though side effects are rare and no one’s ever died from the stuff, it’s triggering these horrible anxiety attacks I thought were sudden killer side effects. The only time you should be jittery from the meds themselves is if you’re taking too much and therefore thrown into the hyperthyroid range. 

To back up a bit, Tom went to work yesterday morning and I set about doing some household work like laundry and running the dishes through the dishwasher. I thought I’d be just fine, but OMFG! It was terrible. So terrible and so scary I had him come home. My heart raced like crazy, I felt dizzy, I couldn’t breathe. It was like I was suffocating even though our little finger monitor said I was at my usual 99% oxygen level. Still, it was just so, so awful! I felt like I was going to die. 

We went to the lab at 9:00 and I got the blood drawn by the same Asian lady that left me bruised last time. She did a good job this time. I have tiny veins, so it wasn’t her fault. My veins are child-size, LOL. 

We then got a bite to eat at Carl’s Jr. and came home. I was surprisingly tired and probably depressed too, not just from all that was going on, but PMS as well. I slept from 10am – 4pm. When I got up at that time I not only found my erotic wall statue had arrived (she’s lovely) but my blood work results were also posted online. 

We talked about it and as Tom said, I’ve got this thing in my head that has convinced me the meds are bad, the meds are bad, the meds are bad… The mind, unfortunately, can be a powerful thing. 

“But I don’t believe I’m tall,” I told Tom. 

“No, but you believe you’re fat.” 

LOL, I think everyone does whether it’s true or not. Either way, I’ve stopped taking the levothyroxine and I think the only way to fully get over my anxiety is a change in meds. There are half a dozen or so thyroid medications and people do often make changes. Given the blood work results and what my PCP doc said as well as what my endo doc may have to say, I could probably continue the levothyroxine and gradually get over my anxiety trips, but I’d rather not. 

Tom even inspected the stamp on the pill and checked online to be sure they were indeed the correct dose. Lucky for them too, or I’d sue the shit out of the pharmaceutical and move to Maui. 

Still tired, I went back to sleep from something like 5pm – 10pm. I have “coincidentally” felt very much like my old self since being up and skipping the levothyroxine. Funny, ain’t it? *rolls eyes sarcastically* 

I may chill pill it when Tom leaves just to be on the safe side. On the meds or not, these things can sneak up on you at any time, and when they do they attack with a vengeance. It’s a horrible, horrible experience to go through. 

Meanwhile, I have a nice silver toe ring on the way with black footprints which I’ve purchased with my online earnings. 

I was going to help the guy who owns Kiwibox with weeding out spammers, but I’m not sure I’m up to the task right now. I need to get my life back on track before I focus on other things. Why oh why did my thyroid have to fail in the first place?! 

Later... 

So I guess I’m not changing meds after all. The doc, who knows what’s been going on with me, recommends I stick with the same stuff. She said the alternative to levothyroxine would be the so-called "natural hormone" which is thyroid hormones from pork thyroid glands, dried and powdered for treatment that in general, it is more difficult to adjust the dose of thyroid medication. Then she said to come and see her if I want to discuss changing meds further. 

Well, I sure as hell aren’t about to take that pill till Tom’s home tomorrow. Then a half-hour after it’s had time to absorb I’ll be chill-pilling it till I can see that I can take it without issue for a while and that yes, it was just anxiety triggered by accidentally double-dosing myself and not side effects I was experiencing. 

One thing I can say for sure is that today I’m the most anxiety-free I’ve been in weeks. I just really hope it’s cuz not taking the pill today has eased my anxiety and not because I was one of those super rare people who was suffering side effects that are now diminishing as the meds leave my system. 

Hazel was chosen as the resident of the month, so we saw in the monthly crier. We saw her sweeping the streets the first time we came to check the park out. We thought she worked for the park or something, LOL. She’s 80 years old and she lost her husband 21 years ago. They mentioned how anyone who lives near her has the “cleanest” streets (referring to her sweeping obsession), haha. Her husband and 3 kids used to work in the landscaping business. One daughter is in Utah and then she had a son that fell when trimming a tree and died. Aw. :( 

She’s lived here 8 years now and her other daughter comes around to help make sure she remembers to eat, take her meds, and lock her door. She was a swimsuit model in her younger years and gave judo demonstrations. 

I have absolutely had it with Kiwibox and all its 10 million glitches and problems! The 1000 entries I have there can just sit there forever, and the nice but clueless owner can figure his problems out all by himself or get others to help. 

I did hear from Aly after all. She insists she doesn’t use her hacking experience for fun, though she admits she has definitely kept some things from me. She’s too likable to hate for just a few flaws, but I’m not going to add her back on Facebook or anything. Just keep in casual contact. Besides, she’s proven I’m not the kind of person she’d rather keep in contact with that often, so casual contact is fine. 

Sometimes I wonder if Andy’s playing with my head or if he’s just that brain dead. He insists EVERY journal entry of mine talks of weight, but that’s totally not true. There are other little things that make me wonder about him, too.