Took my statin for the first time in days at 5:30 pm. An hour later I figured I’d be just fine. Sure enough, though, at 8:30, I was just finishing up a movie I was watching when it got me. My head rushed with dizziness and then a few seconds later my heart ramped up into the 120s. 

I ran and woke Tom up who’d just fallen asleep and said, “Holy shit, she may’ve been right!” 

“Who may’ve been right?” he asked. 

“One of my longtime followers. The older lady I told you about.” 

Fortunately for me, the attack didn’t last long and I didn’t have to take a chill pill. Makes me wonder, though, just how long it would’ve gone on had Tom not been around to help calm me down. 

So I messaged Tammy to see if she’s heard of any connection between anxiety, racing hearts and all that shit, and she not only didn’t know I was on statin drugs, but she confirmed that yes there is, even though the biggest complaint with that drug are severe muscle aches. She also said that if anything the statins are more likely to be causing my side effects than the levothyroxine. 

To me, the statins both do and don’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense that it would take 5 months to get me, although some side effects are a long time in coming from what research Tom did. He didn't find anything that linked anxiety to statins, but did find that it can deplete your body's Co-Q10 over time (Tom takes Co-Q10 supplements so he's not as tired). It can also mess with your memory. 

All I know is that all this medical drama is really starting to get to me. I'm tired of the stress, the worrying and the depression. I just want to enjoy my life! All I know is that I’m not taking shit till I see the doctor on Wednesday, then I'll decide from there what to do based on what she says. Worst case scenario I give up on this shit altogether. Sometimes the best way to solve a problem really is to throw in the towel and just not deal with it. I’d rather not because that’s still asking for trouble. The question is which one will give me the most trouble, especially in the near future. If I’m going to have a sudden heart attack and die before I know what hit me in 10 years, I’d rather that than suffer now. 

Tom still thinks it's a combination of things causing it and not just one single thing. We know I'm prone to tachycardia cuz other things have raced my heart out before. I was once on theophylline for the asthma back when I smoked and that made my heart race along with the various inhalers I was on. So it doesn't take much to get my heart going. 

So Mommy Dearest has the early stages of esophageal cancer. She emailed Aly to say that she was pissed that Molly broadcasted the news to the whole world and is shutting her Facebook account down and kicking her offline yet again. What’s creepy is that she emailed her at an address she KNOWS Molly isn’t aware of. I always did think she was a stalker and wondered how many of my my-diary accounts and other accounts she was able to hunt down and find on her own. Molly’s got to have gotten her crazy, stalkerish ways from somewhere. 

Cancer as a whole may be a shitty thing, but it’s hard to really feel much sympathy for such a mean old bully who was almost as bad as her own daughter. It’s in its early stages, though. She’ll live. 

Went to Goodwill and Michael's earlier and that helped take my mind off of things for a while. We got several fun things and it all cost less than $25. I got a mug with pink flowers, silver and clear acrylic gems for the base of one of the fake palms, a large shiny gemstone that can be used as a paperweight, and a very shiny bracelet. You know I love shiny, colorful things! 

On the way back there were about half a dozen kids playing in one of the bigger common areas not close to our house. They were all about the same size and age of maybe 5 or 6. I’d have been so pissed if I were in one of the surrounding houses because that’s just so mainstream and so not what I think of when I think adult community. It was the weekend and they were visiting, but I still wouldn’t have liked it even though their screaming would’ve been easier to block out with sound machines than car doors. Car doors really vibrate the place with a jolt much in the way slamming an interior door does. 

Speaking of kids, someone at work was selling cookbooks for their kid and I wasn’t too thrilled with Tom for getting one. For one, the workplace isn’t the place to sell things any more than school is an appropriate place for religion when there are churches for that. Secondly, neither of us cook! I can see wanting to support kids and their schools and all that, but I still think he should’ve passed it up. 

I never could get into cooking. Not only is it too hot here most of the year for that, but most recipes require so many ingredients, some of which I dislike like lemon juice, salt and pepper, and there’s a lot of measuring and counting, something I suck at. Tom’s better with numbers and he likes salt and pepper just fine, but he doesn’t like a lot of things in general. He hates chicken and fish. He’s not a fan of vegetables either unless it’s potatoes. So even dishes like beef and broccoli would be out of the question. 

Had a shitty dream last night. In one we were still living with Jesse who was suddenly starting this new job and anxious for us to move all of a sudden. I told him it may take 2 to 4 months and asked if he was going to kick us out. He seemed like he was considering it and I was following him around the land as we talked, only the land in the dream had several small ponds on it. 

Next thing I know Tom and I are homeless and supposedly “voluntarily” trapped in a loony bin. Because we had no place to go, they were going to kill us. At some point in the dream, I found a cell phone on the floor and struggled to try to remember Tammy's number. I wanted to call her and get word to her about what was going on. “Nobody will ever know what happened to us if I don’t,” I said to Tom.