Once again I’m on the plane and headed home. I can’t wait to see Andy, and I sure miss my music. The only thing that pisses me off is that I’ve got a lousy cold like I knew I’d be getting sooner or later. I just didn’t think I’d get it before going home. I got it the day after my b-day.

Ma gave me lots of clothes and jewelry for Chanukah.

I sang for Dad several times and he says he can definitely picture me on records and tapes someday and he’s got the feeling now stronger than ever that it is my destiny and was meant to be and will happen.

Well, I’m 24 today and I still feel as young and as fit as a really young kid still filled with energy to run around all day and be hyper and obnoxious at times but in a fun way.

I still can breathe so much better here, except it’s still a little rough of course in the mornings and late at night when I’m tired. I feel no loneliness or boredom or anxiety here, but Mom still can be the usual nag she always was.

I was at Ma’s store today helping her out and she gave me a one-piece bathing suit that is pretty, but I’d rather wear a two-piece, so I tan my stomach and don’t look like an Oreo cookie.

Ma’s being a total bitch right now. I could swear she just told Charlotte I looked like a slut on the phone in her bedroom.

Earlier Dad and I fished from the dock and I was able to get a little sun but it’s chilly now.

Dad’s out cooking steaks on the grill.

Today we went to a flea market and I bought a gorgeous bikini that I saw in a catalog for over $40 and it was only $15. It’s almost like a leopard kind of print and it’s a French cut which means it’s high-waisted and makes you look like you’ve got longer legs. It’s cut just perfectly with the perfect fit.

I also got some postcards which I’m gonna write and mail tomorrow and one of those huge elastics with lots of cloth on it. The one I got is blue denim.

And last of all, I got a beautiful necklace. A short thick gold chain with a red shiny glass stone in the front.

Andy called today to say he misses me already and that he’s got the next 5 days off cuz Crosby’s been giving him shit again and he and I are going to the labor board for damn sure. He says he’s so lost and bored without me. I wish he and I could live down here. I told him I could never begin to describe how beautiful it is here and that he’d have to see it for himself, but sure enough, it’s quite chilly today and will be till Wednesday cuz I’m here. Am I cursed or what? Tammy called earlier and was laughing her ass off at me cuz of the weather I have to put up with when I want to lie out in the sun and get a tan and go swimming.

I sang several songs for Dad which he enjoyed and he says he can see me as a singer someday for sure and he also has this feeling I’ll be making big bucks someday and that it was meant to be.

I asked Ma if she thinks I’ll ever have kids and she said she didn’t know.

Well, I am now on flight 777 and to hell with Springfield for one solid week! I had no problems taking off, either. I didn’t get nauseous or dizzy but my ear is blocked. Unfortunately, though, it is extremely cloudy. I cannot see any houses or cars or buildings. The captain just said we’re at 35,000 feet up and most of the flight will be over water. Here up above the clouds, it is very fuzzy but down below me it’s all clouds that kind of look like snow. When I look straight down I can see the exact same spot for ages so it looks like the plane is really moving a lot slower than it actually is.

Andy brought me to the airport. It was very easy at the counter and boarding. It’s just as simple as taking the bus.

I just read a letter he wrote me that he ordered me not to read till after takeoff. It had a lot of our funny lines and sayings in it. I’m gonna miss him, and I know he’s gonna go nuts and be bored out of his mind without me so he’ll probably leave funny messages on my machine.

Later...

We’re still at 35,000 feet. It’s amazing how smooth this flight is. Last time I could barely write.

I just polished my nails which I didn’t get to do cuz I was up since yesterday at 5pm and fell asleep this morning at 7:00. I didn’t get up till 10:50 when Andy called for the third time. Thank fucking God I heard the phone that time.

I’ll probably polish my toenails when I get there and iron this skirt of mine that’s pretty wrinkled. I did all my dishes except for one which I just rinsed out and a few pieces of silverware. I also never changed my bed. I did vacuum, clean the bathroom, bring out my garbage and do most of the important laundry.

Now the question is, what did I forget? Well, if I forgot anything I’ll figure out just what it is when I get to Florida.

The captain says we won’t be arriving in West Palm Beach till around 4pm. Luckily I have a direct flight this time. The captain says it’s 79º, but I still can’t see anything but clouds.

The stewardesses served soda, coffee and peanuts practically right away. Now they’re serving lunch.

The plane’s getting a little bumpy now. We were over Virginia Beach about 10 minutes ago.

I’m so happy. I really need this vacation and I really think this time I’ll enjoy it and my parents. I can’t wait to see them.

I just received lunch a short while ago and it was gross but airplane food sucks anyhow just like hospital food. I just ate a little rice and carrot cake.

At Bradley, before boarding, Andy bought me lunch just like he bought me dinner at Denny’s two nights ago after going to Annie’s, a straight bar where he has friends that constantly come into Denny’s. He also gave me a $20 bill so I wouldn’t have to stop at the ATM. I’m gonna really make all this up to him. He tells me I’m gorgeous a lot cuz I’ve really improved my looks, my hair, my clothes, my figure and he says, “You are so beautiful that I can’t believe you’ve never been with a woman.”

Is that why I never get hit on by them? Andy’s gay friend Nancy says I’m cute but too troubled. Gee, thanks! Guess she’d rather the druggies. I deserve someone so much more than 95% of the people in this world, but I’ll be alone forever, so better to just accept it now rather than freak out about it. People look at my bad points and never my good ones. Or they misunderstand me or exaggerate my bad points.

Andy says that the reason why people are afraid to hit on me is cuz I’m so good-looking that people feel intimidated and threatened by my looks, so they can go for the ugly druggies all they want and live happily ever after.

My mom better not give me any hassles over my bathing suits or makeup or my other clothes. She’s got to realize that styles change and different people prefer different styles and that it’s not the clothes you wear, but the person underneath.

Later...

I arrived at the airport at almost 4:00, and I feel so much better in the lungs and nose. The air here is so much cleaner and already it’s easier to breathe and I know I could sing my best right now but my mother, of course, would have a heart attack. I can’t wait to spend some time alone with Dad.

We went out to eat and I got a hamburger, then we went swimming at the pool that has a whirlpool. Tomorrow I want to go to the other pool with the beach behind it, but as usual, cuz I’m here I think it’s gonna be overcast and chilly. From now on I really ought to come down in April or September.

Later...

Believe it or not, I’m still wide awake, but very relaxed. It’s weird sleeping with Mom and Dad a few feet away watching TV. See what living alone for 4 years does to you? When they go to sleep, I’m sure I’ll sleep fine. I did the last time.

I’m so thrilled at how much better I can breathe. Springfield is so fucking polluted. I mean, really and you don’t realize it till you get down here. I give anything to live here. This island is so beautiful and so peaceful. No drugs. No crime. No troublemakers and typical males. It sure would be hard to meet other gay women in this area but I’d give my fucking life to live here. There’s no way I could, though. Ma would never ever consider it and I could never do it on my own. Of course, not till I get famous, and what about Andy? It’s just so easy to breathe, though. Could have a tan and wear bathing suits and tank tops and shorts year-round. No heavy coats. No gloves. No hats. No boots. I could breathe, but it’ll do me no good to even dream about it. See, I know medication isn’t the answer. I need to be in a beautiful place like this with the beaches. Then I’d never think of a lover. I’d do just fine by myself.