Yesterday went from fun, adventurous and productive to very sad. My beloved Sugar Ratty apparently had a stroke. Whatever it is for sure caused him to lose control of his motor skills and is affecting him neurologically. He sure acts like he had a stroke, and this is common in older rats. I just never would’ve thought I’d end up losing him first since Romeo’s a few months older. I haven’t lost him yet, but I’ve had enough rats and experience with rodents, in general, to know he’s not going to recover and will probably be gone by next weekend. I know a vet would tell me the same thing. It’s tough, though, cuz I want to make him as comfortable as I can for whatever time he’s got left, but I also don’t want to prolong the inevitable. He doesn’t appear to be suffering now, and hopefully he will pass quickly in his sleep (wipes tear). He probably knows the end has come, along with Romeo, who’s been by his side all the time. 

He was out playing yesterday morning and all was fine. Then we went to Home Depot. We seemed to be there forever, but we needed to be because we needed to not only do research, but I wanted to be very selective about what we were buying. Everything ended up costing $400 but should be well worth it. 

We checked out carpet and floor samples. For carpet, I’m probably going to end up with some kind of crème or off-white color, but I may also end up with Lilac or Periwinkle. I think it’ll be Angora if we go with the particular brand that has that color. It’s a very pleasant shade for a neutral color. The only potential problem with it is spills. You don’t want to spill red wine or anything like that on Angora carpet! 

We saw these really cool color-changing LED tape lights, and checked out panels for our kitchen’s drop ceiling. We’ll eventually replace them, which will cost around $100. 

Anyway, we ended up getting white mini blinds for the second bedroom and all 6 windows in the front living room wall, which is technically the side. I just call it the front cuz it faces the street. We’ll probably get shades some other time for the window by the front door and the dining room window. 

We both love the blinds much better. It really modernizes the room and makes it look even bigger if you can believe that’s even possible as huge as it already is. It will look even more modern once that wall is whited out. They never painted that particular wall because the old curtains, which were unbelievably filthy as hell, took up almost that entire wall. 

Then we got 8 gallons of Glidden semi-gloss paint with primer included. The living room will be the only room with white walls, but there isn’t much open wall space in there anyway cuz of all the windows. We got two gallons of White on White for that room, a gallon of Fresh Pineapple for the kitchen, a gallon of Sexy Pink for the hallway, a gallon of True Turquoise for the laundry room, and two gallons of Minty Green for the bedroom. 

So as we’re excitedly talking about colors, furniture, decorations and stuff like that while we’re both pulling down old curtains and rods and installing blinds, I look over at Tom who’s looking at the rats in a strange way. I asked what was wrong and he said he was trying to figure out why Sugar was spazzing out. When I walked over the cage he appeared to be twitching and making jerky motions like he was stunned or something and was turning in circles as if he couldn’t see or make up his mind where he wanted to go. Clearly, he could still hear cuz when I called his name he jerkily staggered up to the door. 

Today, not only did I awake with the earache from hell, but he’s not coming to me when I call his name, he’s not eating or drinking, and well, it’s a very sad thought to know he’ll never again chase me around the house, “tackle” me or cuddle up with me ever again (begins sobbing). 

Later… 

Sugar is now spending most of his time sleeping. He did stagger out of the burrow like he wanted attention for a few minutes. He seems to hear just fine, but I’m not sure he can see. What sucks is that I can’t get him to eat or drink. I’ve held water to his face, cheese, bread, crackers – but he won’t take a thing. It’s truly heartbreaking. 

Truly frustrating is that I still have earaches and doubt any expert can help me figure out what it is and what to do about it if there’s anything that even can be done about it. I’m sure the guy would at least love to try and run all kinds of tests on me… at OUR expense. I guess I will just have to suffer on and off, knowing that I wouldn’t be doing so in the first place if it wasn’t meant to be for whatever sick, twisted reason the bastard above has for picking on me in so many ways for so many years. And now He wants to take my beloved rat a good 8 or 9 months before he should be taken. *flips finger skyward* 

I’d say a long, long walk is in order this morning, not just to walk off some of the shit I ate over the weekend and keep my muscle tone up, but to help clear my head. Camp Nano doesn’t start till tomorrow and I have no other major obligations today. So why not walk and walk and walk…

Grabbed a few more animals at Walmart and now I have 28 pieces total. This is definitely going to be it for now. 

1.       Gray and white cat

2.       White-tailed fawn

3.       Adult deer

4.       German Shepard

5.       Golden retriever

6.       Siberian husky

7.       Dalmatian

8.       Gray squirrel

9.       White mouse

10.     Black and white rabbit

11.     Girl with white rabbit

12.     Giraffe

13.     Red fox

14.     Coyote

15.     Bengal tiger

16.     White tiger

17.     Rattlesnake

18.     Hermit crab

19.     Kudu antelope

20.     Black and white horse

21.     Brown and white longhorn cow

22.     Black and white Holstein cow

23.     Blue parakeet

24.     Polar bear

25.     Kangaroo

26.     Prairie dog family

27.     Zebra

28.     Raccoon 

While at Walmart, besides groceries, I also got a cute little personal electric razor. It’s great cuz it’s the size of a long tube of lipstick or a skinny tube of mascara and can fit in a purse easily. Mine’s got a rose design on it and is great for trimming those extra personal areas. 

I also got some hot pink nail polish. Great color, shit quality. I will never buy from Sinful Colors again. 

I love to try new things so I got some Triscuit crackers in Garden Herb flavor. I likey. A little salty, but good. Of course the rats just love ‘em, LOL. 

I have been trying to get in the habit of buying fresh foods instead of prepared foods, not because it will get any weight off with this bum thyroid, but to save money. I don’t want to be all or nothing either, so this week I took a break from the fresh foods I have to cook and season from scratch and got some of the pre-cooked stuff I love. Not just frozen dinners, but a chicken broccoli cheddar bake in the refrigerated section that is so delish and so homemade tasting! No Angus burgers this week, which taste the most fast food-like out of any frozen burger I’ve ever tasted. But they’re super high in grease and calories so I don’t have them very often. I do what I’m good at. I’m not good at losing weight, but I’m good at not gaining any more and one way I do that is to keep the calories down. Not as low as I’d like, but low enough. 

I wish I was a great cook and great with sewing, but again, I’m trying to focus on what I AM good at. Just like it’s best to focus on what we DO have rather than dwell on what we don’t have, I try to take what I’m good at and go with that rather than struggle for what doesn’t come as easily to me. It isn’t that I don’t like to take on challenging tasks at times, it’s just that I want to find a better balance between doing what comes naturally as opposed to what’s more challenging for me that’s only going to make me end up feeling frustrated. There are different types of challenges too, I suppose you could say. Learning languages and writing stories is always challenging, but I still have a knack for it. 

Copied some surveys for bloggers from Tumblr and will do those while my electronic proofreader is running. It’s so boring just sitting there doing nothing while it reads, so this way I’ll answer some questions while listening to the reader. 

Going to Home Depot this morning for the mini blinds and to pick out the final wall colors. Can’t wait!

Just a quick entry before I get on with the grocery list and fleshing out the characters for my next book. That in itself can be quite a job. I’ve tossed around a few plot ideas in my mind over the last week, and now I’m pretty sure of where I want to take the story. So next it’s off to assign names, ages, roles, etc., to the lead characters. 

I never used to like reality TV because I believed that TV wasn’t supposed to be about reality, but more like an escape from reality. Lately, though, I really like some of the crime-related series. There’s one that features real 911 calls. One was a case of a woman alone in the country who shot and killed an intruder. What I don’t get is why she felt so bad about it afterward. I mean of course it was an unfortunate thing that no one wants to have happen to them. No one wants to be forced to kill someone who’s trying to kill them. But still… how do you feel bad about doing the right thing and defending yourself? It seems only natural. That’s why I don’t get why some women won’t fight back against an abusive guy. It only seems like a natural reflex to want to strike back just like it’s a natural reflex for us to blink if a bug or something starts to fly into our eyes. If it were me, it’d be a shitty experience to have to go through, but I wouldn’t feel any worse than I would for shooting a grizzly bear that was about to eat me alive. 

Another thing I don’t get is the foolishness of some of those with a gun being aimed at them. Like the guy that broke into the woman’s house. As the woman herself said, “All he had to do was stop coming toward me and he would’ve lived.” Why are so many people so dumb? The last thing one should do is challenge or dare someone holding a gun. That is so macho male-ish, too. Always gotta be a hero. Or try to be. To say, “You’re not really going to shoot me,” is ridiculous for if they weren’t seriously considering it they probably wouldn’t be holding the gun on you in the first place. If you’re dumb enough to dare them or to charge them then yes, you really will almost certainly end up getting shot. I know that if someone said, “Go ahead, bitch, shoot me,” I personally would obey that command. :) Especially if it were them or me.

On the rare occasion that I check the news, I never fail to come away from it feeling saddened or angry. Reading about Texas banning abortions was no exception. Most people were all like, yay! And, this is great! And so on and so forth. 

If being on top of the news is “educational,” I’d rather be left in the dark unless it directly affects me. 

What is the matter with my fellow human beings, though? Just what is the matter with people? Don’t they realize how truly wrong this is? First off, a fetus has no more awareness than a doorknob as its brain hasn’t developed yet. Any doctor or scientist can confirm this. So to call abortion “murder” is as absurd as calling a punch in the face “love.” Violence is not love as abortion is not murder. 

It saddens me to know that now some women’s lives will not only be at risk, but all these unwanted kids will also be born to parents who aren’t ready, can’t afford them, don’t want them, or who might’ve been raped. To hell with what the woman wants; it’s all about this cluster of cells that as of yet is no more aware than a blade of grass. 

I have always had a low opinion of Texas much like I do Arizona. Texas may not favor blacks like Arizona does, but not only have I met quite a few bigots and assholes from that state, it’s also gone and added one more barbaric law to its already long list of crazy laws. Again, Texas may not favor minorities and not everyone there may be a shitster, but it’s always been as quick as Arizona to hand out sentences fit for a rapist for the pettiest of bullshit. Now women are thrown back in time with fewer rights and now more unwanted children can be born into an already overpopulated world. 

Congratulations, Texas. Keep the insanity rolling. 

Later… 

Tom and I were discussing Texas banning abortions and he agrees it’s wrong. I feel sad both for women and for the unwanted children being forced into this sorry world. So much for thinking the Constitution would protect a woman’s rights. It’s bad enough to know they’ll force women to have kids they don’t want, but even sicker is that they’ll let it kill her if her life is at risk. 

What. The. Fuck? 

They’ll remove a tumor that might kill you, but not a cluster of cells that has no awareness? Again, our brains aren’t even developed till well after we’re born, which is why we can’t remember being born, so where people come up with this idea that a fetus has all this grand sense of feeling and awareness is beyond me. And of course the idiots are thanking God for this crazy law. But why? God didn’t do anything but sit back and allow people to trample upon the rights of women. That’s all the bastard did. 

We don’t force women to live in states they don’t want to live in, we don’t force them to choose careers they don’t want to have, so why are we forcing kids on them??? Sadly, I see a new trend that I feared many years ago would slowly become the norm, and it wouldn’t surprise me if abortion were one day illegal nationwide. For now, I expect Texas will have a lot more women dying on their hands as they attempt to do what the state won’t rightfully do for them. Especially the poor ones who can’t just run to another state. 

Hopefully, when one woman is killed by health complications after she was denied an abortion, her BF or husband will go after the people who allowed such appalling laws. Really, I hope every single one of them gets run over by a car or something!

My sparkling fruity water is gone, so now it’s back to plain old boring water. 

I’m excited about the possibility of seeing Andy in late November! There’s a concert he wants to see that will be in Sacramento at the time, so he may spend the night then. As much as I’m anxious to see him I’m glad that it’s only to be for a night because I not only have no idea what my schedule will be or what will be going on with me at that time, but he would also be bored out of his mind for more than a night. I’m in a non-touristy location with not much more to do than eat and shop. It’s too chilly to swim in November, so there really wouldn’t be much else for him to do. This isn’t Hawaii or Florida, that’s for sure. 

I just can’t wait to see him! To be able to hug him and show him the things I’ve only been able to describe and show in pictures thus far will be nice. Not sure the rats will still be alive at that time, not that he’s dying to meet them, LOL. 

Used to hate reality TV. Not anymore. Love the "I Survived" series and similar series as well. I’m a Prime Amazon member so I watch them there. Some of the stories are encouraging and amazing while others are heart-wrenching and totally terrifying. 

Really pissed, though not surprised, that my ear pain is back. I should know by now that the past always returns to haunt me. No matter how much I swear something bad will never be again, it seems I can’t escape it forever. So much for thinking a dehumidifier would help. It at least softens my skin a bit. Pretty sure now that the earaches are caused by inner ear tube blockage. (sighs) So I can forget about a pain-free life in that department and just be thankful for Ibuprofen. 

The only dream of many I know I had that I actually remember was at this airport that seemingly had no security whatsoever. I was pissed at someone that was taking off on a very long flight, perhaps to Asia. The passengers had boarded and were waiting for takeoff when I ran onto the plane and screamed at them. Then I exited the plane and started to walk away. But then I decided I wasn’t done yelling at them and had more to say. So back on the plane, I went to scream at them some more. Suddenly I realized the seats were laid out slightly differently. People were now kicked back on these recliners that left little space to walk around. Then the plane started moving and I realized, terrified, that I was stuck on the plane and was going wherever it was heading. I shouted for them to stop but of course it didn’t do me any good. 

Most of our Amazon order came today. The fox is bigger than I thought and the girl holding the rabbit is smaller, though amazingly detailed. Disappointed with BOTH perfumes. I thought Brown Sugar would smell just like that, brown sugar. Instead, it smells lemony. I can still use it, though. Pink Sugar smells exactly as it should smell, but the roller is broken. The ball is stuck up inside the cap. I can still shake it onto me. Love the moon fairy and the animals I got. 

Tom’s cold is getting better but he still has a nasty cough. 

As long as no more hair falls out, I love having thinner hair. It dries faster and is much easier to manage. It even seems a bit straighter. I just hope I don’t lose any more.

The fattest runner on earth managed to get her ass out for a run today, lol. I’m shocked to see how fast I’m getting. I chose to just run around the circle tonight. It used to take 5 minutes to make a round. I figured 4 rounds would make a 20-minute run. Wrong! I was surprised to find I’d only been out there 10 minutes when I came inside. I’d have to make 12 rounds to get in a half-hour run! That’d be boring running around the same block over and over, so next time it’s back in the other direction. 

The other curtain rod and the bug zapper, which looks like a tennis racket, came today. Now I’m looking for things to kill, LOL, but our Riddex plug-in device usually does a good job of keeping bugs away. I’ll go outside and hunt for prey some other time. 

Got a ton of things coming tomorrow. 

I thought Nane was already in Hamburg, but that’s not until next weekend. She’s been busy working and planning. I guess she’s hunting for a vacation apartment in Greece but is having trouble finding things within a decent price range. 

Less than a week till Camp NaNoWriMo. Gotta start mapping out my story plot.

OMG, this is too fucking funny. I decided to write Kim M, who was in under the alias of Kim W, my first celly who was as likable as she was not. She was smart and helpful, but a two-faced beggar with warped priorities. 

I put the return from Kim W. LOL, that’ll really throw her. Then I wrote out a bogus Sacramento address, took a wet Q-tip, and smeared part of the address. I didn’t want to leave the return blank and I certainly didn’t want to put my own. This way there’s an address even though there isn’t. Not sure if they’ll really believe something spilled on it and smudged it, but I figured it was better than nothing. This way they have to give it to her. At least I hope they do. I can never know these days. First God wanted to punish me for speaking my mind, now He seems to not want me to speak it at all. 

I didn’t say anything bad. I mean I wasn’t breaking any laws or anything like that. I just told her I thought of her over the years and wondered what she’d been up to, but that it was sad that she chose crime over her kids. I told her I wanted to let her guess and wonder who I was till she figured it out. If not, she could look me up on Facebook when she gets out. So I wasn’t trying to be totally deceptive and hide my identity altogether. I just didn’t want to make it that easy for her either. I laugh at the idea of her being like, WTF? when she first reads the letter. 

I also enclosed some excerpts from our time together. I’m sure she’ll love that trip down Memory Lane, LMAO, and of course I threw in some weird stuff just to mess with her and throw her off. A line in German and some senseless mumbo-jumbo, along with a couple of funny events that never happened. I even threw in a steamy sex clip from one of my books, using hers and Jessica’s name. Jess was our celly some of the time. 

Later… 

Having one of those days where I don’t feel sluggish so much as I feel lazy. I don’t want to do anything but write, read and maybe watch a movie. I don’t even feel like listening to music. I do have some housework to do and I’m going to make sure I don’t laze out of that. I made a few bucks doing surveys, which I try to do every day so long as it only takes 10-20 minutes. A few bucks may not seem like much till you add it up by the month and realize it’s adding an extra $100 to your income. 

Soon I will clean, do one of my French lessons, then proofread old stuff. 

Running’s out of the question for tonight cuz it started raining. Sometimes it’s so, so hard to motivate myself to run. When you know your weight can never be lost due to thyroid issues it’s really hard to push yourself to get out there. I know I could jump on the treadmill, but it’s not doing me any good other than to keep me fit and strong and from gaining any more weight. I know I should be thankful for at least that much. I may be big but I’m in shape. Running is healthy and it has decreased my joint pain while increasing my flexibility. 

Thank goodness I’m not the self-conscious type or else I’d be embarrassed to be seen running this big, knowing that by now some people must be wondering why I keep running but never lose the weight. My only slim parts are my calves and forearms, LOL. 1000 calories a day to lose it that way? Fuck no! That’s like starving. 

The exciting thing is all the packages we have coming. We did a HUGE $600 Amazon order wanting to stock up on things that are cheaper there and plan not to shop there again for 6 months to a year because we got sooo much shit. The list includes: 

Vitamins for both of us. 

K-cups for me. 

An electric bug zapper that looks like a small tennis racket. 

Another curtain rod and curtains with a beach scene for the front window. 

A tablet for Tom. 

Pink Sugar and Brown Sugar perfume for me. 

A fairy figurine and 2 doll cases for my expensive bride doll Summer Dream and for the last doll I got to help keep the whites of their gowns bright and dust-free. 

A new wallet and tons of electronic and computer gadgets for Tom, including an electric screwdriver which will help install the new blinds we plan to get for the living room windows and the second bedroom. 

6 more Schleich animals, which will complete my animal figure collection as that’s pretty much all I want. The newcomers will be a deer, a fox, a kudu antelope, a zebra, a kangaroo, and a girl holding a rabbit.

According to Walter, he estimates there’ll be a little over 10k to divvy up and I should receive around 4k. So wrong. So great but so wrong. I should be receiving 6k and my 4 nieces should be receiving 1k and not 1.5k. My check may be more than theirs, but I should’ve received 60% of the total and not 40%. Maybe I’m selfish and maybe I should be a bit more grateful, but for some reason that is a real slap in the face. I was her daughter. Not her granddaughter. 

Walter says it will be a few weeks before my money is sent because he needs to meet with the CPA. I figured it’d take some time. These things always do. We’re not going to do the floors and carpet till we receive it cuz we want to save our money for other things. 

Lady Di returned to Ask and now my follower count is at 5. I know that one is her and one is Andy, so who the hell could the other 3 be that are following this secret account? I’m guessing they’re either old accounts of Lady Di’s, or random followers from before I started hiding from the homepage. If they were stalkers they’d have reached out to me by now, even if it were under a bogus account. 

Again they turned the water off. I could tell when I got up by the way the pipes were spitting air. I’m glad I wasn’t up earlier. I’d have been pissed. Daily landscaping sounds, car door slamming, loud traffic, water outages… in some ways, it was quieter at Jesse’s not that I miss being there with him and his mutts. Had to laugh knowing how hot I’d have woken up today if we were there what with how warm it got today. Going to bed at 6am on a day that was set to get up to 80° would mean having to decide – do I want to open the window before bed and go to bed cold? Or do I want to let the heat wake me up, get up, open the window, then go back to bed? Then if that wasn’t enough I’d have to take my tired ass and climb on the step stool to reach the cooler’s control if the computer wasn’t operating it. It was total bum living. 

I’m tired of these rats stinking like shit half the time cuz this cage is so hard to clean. I’m going to put them back in the ferret cage even if it means having to scream at Romeo for making the mess he would make in that cage. He’s the second rat we ever had that loves to push bedding out. He’s not able to do that in this cage cuz of the “screen” that keeps him from reaching it. 

Went to Behr's site and wasn't as impressed with their paint colors as I am with Glidden, which is what we used to do the second bedroom in with their Palest Lavender. I'm sure they're pretty much the same shades so maybe it was just the site layout I didn't care for as much. 

The tentative color choices are: 

Kitchen - Fresh Pineapple

Master bed - Minty Green

Hallway - Sexy Pink

Laundry room - Robin's Egg

Living room - Dove White

Tom has a cold right now. He had a sore throat for a few days with no other symptoms, and no matter how many times I tell him to scald his throat to kill it before it can fully set in the moment it’s sore, he won’t do it. Now he has a cough as well. 

I just love our new dishwasher! It does the best job of any dishwasher I’ve ever used. I fried some pork chops in a skillet, rinsed it out, then the dishwasher got it spotless from there. In the past, I’d have to at least wipe the thing down with a sponge first. So I guess now I don’t even have to do pots and pans. At least not for the most part. 

It’s 75° out there now. I like to run after my scheduled eating times, so that will be at either 8pm or 11pm. I’ll probably go at 11pm. No traffic at that time. 

Last night I had a dream I had 3 kids and this guy I supposedly knew took off with them in a car saying I was a shitty mother. I then donned my running shoes and ran after the car (amazing if I could run that fast for real), and eventually caught up to it. The car stopped and I flung the driver’s door open in a rage. Cussing, I grabbed the guy by his jacket, but since he was well over 200 pounds I couldn’t drag him out of the vehicle. I could kick and punch, though, and that’s what I did. I had him out cold in seconds and got my kids back. Only thing is it turned out that my “kids” were baby ponies, LOL. They were happily jumping up and down and licking my face like playful puppies. 

I'm exploring the map of the park to expand my running route as I get faster and in better shape. There's no way I'm exploring new turf at night, though. I'll wait till I can go out early morning since it's a bit warm at sunset. We're in for a cool wet spell, though.

When a stranger comes to the door my first thought is to be suspicious and wonder if a certain corrupt ex-piggy and his sick associates who lived with us for too many years may be up to no good. A chick in her 20s came to ask about some political candidate she was campaigning for. Never heard of the person nor do I care. I politely told her I wasn’t interested, though I probably should’ve told her that soliciting isn’t allowed here. She probably was who she said she was, though, or else a uniformed cop would’ve likely shown up fishing for names and whatnot. It’s when they come and ask you if your name is someone you’ve never heard of that they’re probably messing with you. 

Went running for a half-hour, though I ended up walking some of it. Took off too fast and burned out quicker and all with the help of the sun, too. I still like to do a “sun run” every 2-3 days to keep my color going. It’s not much, though. Just a little on my face, neck and arms. 

Stopped and chatted with a couple of ladies whose dog just loved the hell out of me and had to run up to me as if I were an old buddy it hadn’t seen in ages. Then I detoured by heading down by the lake. The ducks were all resting in the shade of the trees. 

Virginia was driving by as I was returning to the house. “It’s too hot to work so hard!” she called out to me. Well, it won’t be on Tuesday and Wednesday if they’re right about the rain we’re to get. 

Tom and I gouged out the expanding foam we put in the pot of the tree that fell over, then refilled it partway with Plaster of Paris. Once it dries I’ll add my decorative gems to it. 

Got about a week now to decide if I want to join Camp Nano in April and I think I will. I’m mapping story ideas out in my head. 

Emailed Alison to let her know about Molly, who landed right smack on my LiveJournal blog today (even though she only saw my bio), but I’ll have to wait a week or so before I hear back from her. I get sick of having to wait days to hear from my online besties, but they gotta do what they gotta do. Strange how Molly never tried to access my Blogger blog… unless she did so too fast for GA to pick it up. 

It just hit me… Molly comes around 4 days after I stop updating on my-diary, which isn’t trackable. Could she possibly have known about my account there and followed me there to escape detection? 

Nah, I think she likes showing up on my tracker. Good way to rub her unwanted presence in my face. 

Every now and then I check Tom’s account to see if there are any notifications about whatever. From there I decided to block Mrs. M’s account just in case she ever tried to look it up. Even though I opted out of searches, I know how unreliable Facebook can be. I swear I had his friend list hidden, even if there’s only me and an ex-coworker on it, but sure enough, it was public. 

Couldn’t find Molly, but I found an account of Kim’s in her real name and with her real fat ugly face. I blocked that, too. Sure enough, when I tried to access that account from my own page, she had blocked it as if I were the perpetrator and not her. I don’t know if she’s just kidding herself, delusional, paranoid or what, but she once tweeted something to the effect of blocking old friends before they find her. *snorts with disgust* Why would I want to “find” her other than to block her sorry ass?

Managed to get a full charge on my iPod after all. Maybe I just didn’t let it charge long enough, though it is getting old. 

My giraffe figurine came and now I’m waiting on the curtain rod for the dining room window. 

Like clockwork, my body is now holding its weight after losing 4-5 pounds after my period and refusing to budge another pound. By my next period, I will have gained the weight back in both water and fat brought on by PMS hunger. The first few weeks after periods I eat to live, then after that, I live to eat. 

Last night I dreamed we were having 3 or 4 people do something for us at the house, though I don’t know what. Tom went to pay them and was short a dollar fifty. I worried this meant we were now broke. I found the money in my handbag and paid the workers. 

Then I watched as someone else came in and began spraying for bugs, hoping that we weren’t broke after all if we could afford to pay someone to spray for us. In real life, we’d do it ourselves. 

I had a quick dream of Andy visiting, too. It was late at night. Tom was already in bed. Andy came in from someplace (a concert?) and was eating something. I told him I was going to turn in and asked him to make sure the doors were locked before he went to bed. He nodded through a mouthful of food. 

The last dream I remember is staring with a few people at a picture of me sitting next to Nane by a pool somewhere. The people were laughing at how puny I looked compared to her. 

Later… 

Damn it! Just realized the trolls could now know what park I live in. I rated the park, not realizing it was set to public, and it was viewable on my wall to outsiders. It was probably only visible for a day or two, but that’s all it takes for the wrong people to see it. Including the shit Mexican down in Arizona. I suspect, however, that she and her friends never received the message at all, even to their ‘other’ box. Nor did one of her friends that I friended see the friend invite, which has since been canceled. There’s no way to get my two cents to this sick bitch unless I can find a way to track her down on a reliable site that can deliver people’s messages, and I’ve been unable to do so so far. 

As for the trolls, if I keep out of easy reach I should be able to avoid tempting them to abuse my location in any way. Only problem with delusional people is that if someone’s fucking with them, they may automatically think it’s me. Hell, Kathy’s not crazy yet she suspected I might’ve messed with her from a bogus account. *rolls eyes* Like I’d care to waste my time doing so? 

A few days ago Alison told me Mommy Dearest sent her a message on Facebook that she barely glanced at. Something about Molly not doing too well. So she too, just like her crazy daughter, thinks she can simply waltz on back into people’s lives after treating them like shit? 

Earlier tonight I saw that Molly peeked in on me. What was weird was that she landed on my LiveJournal profile page but never attempted to view that blog or any other. All entries on LiveJournal are private except for my bio. Did she just want to remind me of her presence? 

Later… 

Tammy called saying she got sick after leaving her pulmonologist and just wanted to vent. Nothing wrong with that, but I wonder what made her sick? 

Got the rod with the pink crystal balls on the ends and found it to be quite rigid. Tom feared it might be flimsy, but not at all. Gonna get a matching one for the decorative curtains I planned to put in the window by the door. 

I realized that had I known I was going to do just the side windows I’d have gotten a garden and a beach scene instead of two garden scenes. So I decided to get a rod with purple crystals to hang the second garden scene in the second bedroom with. I will then get the beach scene for the window by the front door. 

We were given 2k of credit from a company with no interest due till December. We’re pretty sure we can pay that off by then, so we’ll get these things with that credit. I’m not going to take pictures till it’s all done. 

We don’t want to do anything with the carpet and walls until we have the money from Walter and know exactly what we have to work with. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear from him all week. If there are no calls or emails when I get up Monday afternoon, I’ll contact him to see if I can find out what’s up. Really hope we’re not waiting on Jennifer or somebody he can’t get ahold of. 

Made my final decision on the wall colors. There will be 5 pastels and white. The only walls that will remain white are in the living room. That way any color won’t clash with my decorative curtains. The other colors will be lavender, mint green, sunny yellow, pale pink and sky blue. 

Tom added memory to my computer and it’s now a little faster. 

My Phoenix book is now complete. I’m working on the Maricopa book now and will make it public once it’s complete.

It’s been amazingly quiet since I got up at around 10am, but the day is still young and I’m sure I’ll hear some sawing and buzzing at some point. Maybe even lose the water for a while. Yeah, they decided to turn it off for a while yesterday. We’re both disappointed in this park in some ways. He doesn’t care about the noise because he’s out a lot more than I am and isn’t as easily distracted by it as I am, but he’s disappointed in the water outages, even if it’s been a while since the last one. 

As for me, I think the park is very pleasing to the eye, and I love knowing I can run without dogs chasing me or anything like that, but it’s not nearly as quiet as I would have thought it would be for an adult community. Haven’t heard that dog since its last 3-hour barking spree, but I don’t think it’s because someone said something to them. I’m now thinking they were doing something inside the home that required getting the dog out of the way. I would’ve heard it a long time ago if that wasn’t the case, cuz no one wants to bring their dogs indoors here if given a choice. 

It’s around 70° now which is a bit warm for running in the direct sunlight, especially if you don’t want to burn. I’m going to wait until the last of the direct sunlight fades before I go out on my run. 

Down 4.5 pounds since my last period, but I’m not stupid. I know my body. Another week it will go into defensive mode, fight to hang onto its weight, and refuse to give up another pound. Then the intense PMS hunger will kick in and I’ll eat on half of what I lost since the other half will be water, but you know what? I’m ok with that cuz I definitely don’t have to worry about gaining indefinitely on what I’m doing. I’m eating a low-cal, high-protein diet with a half-hour of running and walking each day. If the best I can do is bounce up and down within the same 5-pound range having hypothyroidism, that’s better than hopelessly gaining a pound a day for life. 

What I don’t get is why some obese people say they’re proud to be that way. I’m not obese myself, but 20-30 extra pounds really show at my height. To me, though, obesity is not an accomplishment to be proud of. It’s unsightly and it’s unhealthy. So while I can certainly see some people being ok with it, which is perfectly fine, how can you be “proud” of it??? Obesity is caused by either overeating and lack of exercise or a serious medical condition. What’s to be proud of in that case even if you don’t mind being big? 

Tammy's looking forward to heading down to Florida at the end of next month. In response to my complaining about how my sunburn is making my scars more evident and I might as well wear a neon sign saying I WAS SUICIDAL, she reminded me how many scars she’s got from her numerous surgeries. The poor girl is like a human cutting board! 

I have more to write about, but will do it in another entry. 

Later… 

Tom’s working late and I’m doing laundry while impatiently waiting for the sun to start setting so I can go out running. 

I spoke to Andy last night who told me about his nightmare. Had to laugh when he said it’d take him two days to type it up, too. Anyway, in real life, his doctor, who was also his mother’s doctor, is moving out of state. He’s waiting for his new doctor. Meanwhile, he had a dream that his old doctor told him, with his mother in the room, that he would die of a cancerous tumor found near his shoulder blade. This, in combination with the dream I had of him calling to tell me he had cancer, scared the shit out of him. It would scare me too, if we both had a knack for life imitating some of our worst dreams. 

But as I reminded him, not all my bad dreams come true. Yes, too many of them for comfort have a way of coming to life, but not ALL. A violent or deadly dream of someone usually means that the person I dreamed about is in for a rough spell and not necessarily the end. 

His worst fears have always been burning alive in a fire or not being able to breathe, and he seriously worries he’ll one day not be able to breathe, just like I worry about Tom and I growing old and unable to fend for ourselves. 

The only dreams I remember last night was painting part of our place, which didn’t look like our place, as usual. Only I was painting a low or the lower part of a wall. I decided to paint it lavender and then paint the “ends” pale pink on one end and light blue on the other. 

Then I was with these two other women. Don’t know if I lived with them or was just staying someplace with them or what. One was white and poor, the other rich and black. The black one’s daughter was murdered and I apparently wrote a book about it to help bring awareness to the case or something like that. When I held the book up to her from behind a wall with a window in it, her smile fell and she stormed off, clearly upset. After briefly considering taking off in case she turned violent on me, I decided I wasn’t going to run scared and would fight back if she attacked me, even if I was risking her crying racism, hate crime or whatever. 

Later… 

Went on my 2-mile run and I’m not even tired anymore afterward. Sweaty but not tired. Went out once the direct sunlight disappeared and loved all the cooking and flower smells. I love all the decorative mailboxes some people have, too. Worked my arms and abs before it was time to go out, and now I’m going to relax the rest of my day away. 

Yesterday we got our decorative drapes but we can’t transfer them to the drawstring track. They look ridiculous. So we ordered a rod with pink translucent balls on the ends. In the end, we’re going to do away with all the old curtains and liners and put up mini blinds in all the living and dining room windows. We can still put the decorative drapes over the side windows as planned. 

I also threw in a giraffe for my growing zoo, which will be Animal Figure #18. 

My figure skater trio came today. They’re made of very sturdy metal, but there was no wall mount or hooks or any way to hang them, so I placed two in the laundry room window and they look really cool there cuz you can see them from both inside and outside. The other one will be placed above that window once that room is painted. 

The tentative floor and wall plans are to return to the original idea of re-carpeting everything that’s carpeted right now. Crème colored carpet will probably be what will replace this old ugly dark brown carpet. I’ll probably leave the master bath’s floor alone since it’s in good condition. I will probably pick some light-colored linoleum tiling for the other bath, laundry room and kitchen. 

I’m not sure what all the wall colors will be, but one idea is this: The second bedroom is lavender. The master bedroom will be minty green. The kitchen will be a deep turquoise or sunny yellow. The laundry room will be powder blue. The living, dining and hallway will be pale pink. 

I want to eventually get my bride doll, plus the one I recently got, sturdy cases to display them in to protect the whites of their gowns. It’s just that decent display cases are expensive! $50 - $100 just for a lousy case. Well worth it, though. 

Tom was given two nice computers from work. I’m not at liberty to discuss how and why he got them. There’s a lot of security and confidentially where he works and with his job. They're actually a bit nicer and faster than our Macs and will make great backups if our Macs go out since they're getting pretty old. 

I briefly considered taking one and returning to Windows, but I don’t like their square-ish aspect ratio and while Windows may be safer and less crash-happy than it used to be, I haven’t had a single virus since I went Mac many years ago and have only crashed 2 or 3 times. So why change what works even if Mac is a little trickier to navigate and I miss a couple of my old Windows programs?

Was out running at around 10am. It’s getting too hot for running. It's fine in the shade, but when I run out from under those Cali Oaks I can feel myself frying. It's nice keeping my Maui color going, but tomorrow I might run in the evening. 

I swear if I lose one more strand of hair I’m stopping the thyroid medication. I’d rather be fat than bald. Some research shows that others have complained about it too, so there is a connection. I knew one of the symptoms of a bum thyroid was hair loss, but it looks like the medication can add to it. Tom said we can get me some Rogaine if need be, but I’d rather stop having health problems and costing us money. 

I’m obviously not as big as I was in Hawaii because my gorgeous tank tops I got in a size large are now loose on me. I can still wear them, though, and they’re great for running. Still, if I had known, I’d have gotten mediums. 

Upon inspection, Tom thinks the bees were getting in through an old unused vent opposite from where the oven is. We have no idea what the hell it was once used for, as there doesn’t seem to be any way an oven was ever in that area. He clamped some screen over the end of it and sprayed it real good with bug spray. 

Again I hear sawing, but this sounds like a circular saw and not a chainsaw. Still, what is it with these people? 

Andy wants me to call him so he can tell me about a terrifying dream he had that he doesn’t want to leave in a voice message. That must be some dream if he doesn’t want to leave a message! I’m definitely curious. I guess we might talk later unless he changes his mind or something comes up.

What kind of barking, hammering and landscaping will I be in for today? Well, I didn’t hear any landscaping or home improvements going on yesterday, but I can’t fucking believe they let their dog bark on and off for 3 hours, even though I can. All good things really come to an end for us, and this mutt will probably be hanging out there during the daytime till it gets really hot. 

Without giving my name, I left a message at the office while they were out to lunch, and gave them the house number. I doubt they’ll do anything about it, though, and will probably just consider it regular daytime noise. I’m not going to complain again, though. I’ll just do what I do when the landscapers start up (though I’d rather that than barking any day), and hit the sound machine on. Maybe others will complain, but I doubt it. Maybe if it barked 8 hours a day they would, but I can’t see it getting that bad. Gosh, I hope not! 

Oh shit. It looks like they came to work on the house they were last working on. I gotta get back on nights. I really do. 

Later… 

I was too excited to break the good news last night, but let me just kick on the sound machine so I don’t have to hear whatever home improvement projects, barking and landscaping that may occur today, then I’ll get on with it. 

If only, I would think to myself. If only I could just win enough money to cover the cost of new floors and carpets, the most expensive of the upgrades we want to do. That way we still may have to take out a loan to get another car, but the rest of the projects would be relatively cheap compared to carpet and flooring so long as we didn’t try to do it all at once. A little here and a little there. That’s why we didn’t get curtains for the entire living and dining area. We got curtains for the side windows. Depending on how those look, we’ll eventually do the front. But just enough to do the floors would be heavenly! 

And then I saw I had a message from Tammy. In it, she didn’t explain why, but she said I needed to call Walter, the attorney who handled my parents’ estate after they died. Her tone sounded almost annoyed, so we figured it was just to sign some form I needed to sign and that’s all. 

“If they screwed up and overpaid me, I’m not paying back a penny of that abusive bitch’s money,” I told Tom determinedly. 

Since it’s been nearly a year, Tom said he doubted it’d take them this long to realize they overpaid me and are usually pretty good about that sort of thing anyway. 

I agreed, though I also knew he wasn’t calling to tell me more money was on its way even though the legal documents stated something to the effect of a small amount possibly to be added in addition, though it was unlikely. 

Wrong! I’ve got thousands on the way thanks to a tax filing error. I emailed him my new address and SS# which he asked for, though I’m not exactly sure how much the check will be. He said 10k, but is that the total? Or is that what I’m to get? I think it’s the total. For it to be my share would mean the total was something like 25k and that seems a bit extreme. Still, 4k would easily take care of these floors! Still not sure what we’re going to install where, but we have between now and when we get the money to decide. 

Still don’t like that my 4 nieces are getting 15%. 5 or 10 would’ve been more reasonable. But it is still an unexpected surprise that I also see as a wonderful bonus. Had the will been done up like most wills, their grandkids would get nothing and their kids would have to split it equally which means I’d get a third of the money and not 40%. Worse would be knowing that Larry’s child-woman would be about to make even more money that should rightfully be mine. 

“I’m happy for you. It still hurts that I lost 15k to trips to Florida before Mom died. At least you are getting what you deserve,” Tammy told me on Facebook. 

Hmm… really? Well, first of all, one can’t put a price on abuse, and second of all, is she trying to make me feel guilty or drop hints about sharing some with her? She told me last year not to feel guilty and that she specifically told Walter she and Mark were doing ok and that she wanted me to have her share, but now??? Has anything changed? I know she and Mark aren’t doing as good as they used to because of their physical ailments, and I also know people don’t always quite mean what they say. “Don’t feel bad,” can really mean, “You should feel bad.” “I’m not trying to offend you,” can really mean “I hope you’re offended or at least a bit annoyed.” 

I’m not saying she’s deliberately lying or denying how she truly feels or what her true intentions are, but I think that sometimes some people aren’t as over the past as they may think they are and can subconsciously do little things here and there to insult others that they may not realize are smart enough and perceptive enough to pick up on. So she may say she doesn’t want me to feel guilty about the money and she may think she means that, but maybe deep down she doesn’t. Or maybe things have changed since she first told me this. Either way, the money’s mine and I have a hard time feeling guilty about it cuz I still think she and Mark have a lot more money than we do, and again, what she and Bill did 15 years ago by paving the way for the blacks to get to us cost us way more than my parents’ (or anyone’s) money could ever repay. 

I hope this exciting event spawns more good things. You know how good things seem to happen in groups same as bad things? Well, hopefully, more good things are to come, like Tom getting the huge salary he deserves instead of the petty change he’ll probably receive for a raise next month. I had dreams of winning money twice, though I’m not sure what the amount was that I won. It was the same amount both times. $400? $800? 

I also dreamed I saw my nieces, but one went from a tall brunette to a short blond, LOL. 

Had a nice run earlier. The sun was warm but the wind was cool. Someone had a Hawaii plate with the Kauai Island on it on their golf cart, so I saw, and next door’s got beautiful reddish-pink flowers in back. 

Most of the people here are well off, so the Hawaii plate doesn’t surprise me. That’s where most people here vacation. 

I’m not one to get jealous or envious of others very easily. My attitude is that if someone’s got something I want that bad, why not go out and get it myself? Granted I can’t just get anything and everything I want, but I can usually achieve most of my goals, which makes the few I can’t accomplish easy enough to live with. It balances out for the most part. No, my weight can’t be lost due to hypothyroidism, but I can maintain my weight. My German grammar will probably never be very good, but I can still get my point across. 

Despite being able to accept my shortcomings while managing to nab most of what I want, when I read about this woman who moved to Hawaii and how much she loves it and what she’s able to do every day, I certainly felt a twinge of envy! It’s a good thing Florida is not only way cheaper than Hawaii but similar enough in climate because that’s where we may end up 15 years or so from now. 

I shared an article about yet another corrupt pig gone bad on Facebook, and sure enough, a pig appeared as one of Andy’s latest profile pics. And his pics are never meant to annoy or evoke jealousy in me, right? Sometimes I wonder if he has his own deep desire to annoy people he otherwise cares for. 

Later… 

This is the second day in less than a week that I’ve heard a chainsaw off in the distance. What am I, back in Auburn again? 

Anyway, hypothyroidism is a shitty disease. You have little control over your weight and your hair thins out. This is beyond normal thinning we all experience with age. I could afford to lose what I’ve lost because I had thick hair. But if I lose much more I’m going to start having bald spots. Being fat is one thing. I’ve been fat for years, you really do get used to it, and it’s no big deal so long as you’re not seriously obese. But bald? I really don’t want to lose any more hair and start looking like a cancer patient! 

I doubt I will, though I do have my doubts about this medication. Like most things, it seemed to help a bit at first, but now I’m not so sure. Like Tom said, though, there are other thyroid medications, so if this doesn’t help they can maybe switch it or adjust the dosage. 

I just thank goodness it isn’t cancer or some horrible disease like that. I don’t think I could handle that.

Both my new drapes and my metal skating silhouettes are to arrive tomorrow – yes!

My connection hiccups once a day or so and I really wish it would stop. It’s only for a few minutes and I suppose it happens to just about everyone at some point, but it’s annoying enough, even if it’s nothing like in Auburn. 

Went running at around 10am and by then it was getting warm and sunny, so I went sleeveless. It’s easier to run when the sun’s higher up in the sky as opposed to just rising or setting cuz then it’s not in my eyes as much. It’s also a great way to keep my Maui tan going, but I don’t think I can stand the heat when it gets over 70° since 70° in the direct sunlight isn’t really 70°, especially when you’re running. When it’s too hot I’ll do the treadmill or run late at night or early in the morning. 

Another “panel bee” was present last night. Yellow jackets are getting in through the oven’s vent somehow and caught in the drop ceiling. Tom’s going to have to screen off the vent up on the roof. I wonder if the bee catcher we got is defective. We caught tons of them with this thing at the other place. Here they didn’t seem to even know it was there. 

Remember how I said no place I move to stays quiet forever and that after 6 months or so something or someone disturbs the peace? Well, there’s this house a few houses down that’s been leaving their dog chained outdoors on their patio that does absolutely nothing at all to stop its barking. How fucking rude, huh? I totally feel for the people right next door. That’s gotta be annoying as hell, maybe even maddening. It’s got a loud bark. Have they forgotten that dogs must be brought in as pets only here and not yard ornaments? Bringing your dog outside for fresh air is fine. But you’re supposed to take responsibility for keeping it quiet… or aren’t you? Maybe Tom was right when he said I was wrong in thinking that the idea of an adult community was for a quieter place and that it’s really to be around people your own age. It’s still quieter here than in other places we’ve lived in the city, but it’s not literally “quiet” unless it’s at night. Meanwhile… thank goodness for sound machines because I’m probably going to need them to drown this mutt out till it starts going from warm to hot. 

Last night's dream was quick and senseless. I was in some small building that started off being surrounded by grassy fields. I got the impression I might've worked in whatever this building was. 

Outside I heard a guy say to a woman how he'd already fixed that toilet, and she insisted he didn't. 

Next thing I knew I was pulling a long extension cord out the doorway, but as I went to do so, I realized the grass had turned into an ocean. People were out paddling in canoes, and I could see a group of people on land toward the right, gathered to either go somewhere or partake in some kind of activity. The group was headed by an older woman in her 60s or so. She spotted me standing in the doorway holding the extension cord, unsure of what to do with it. She sort of looked at me and shrugged as if to say, "What can I tell you?"

Love my new toe ring! It's too small for the big toe and a bit big on the toe next to it, the toe it was meant to be worn on. At first I thought maybe I should've gotten a children's toe ring, but I finally managed to adjust it so it's snug enough. 

Since I just can’t get myself to drink only boring water and can’t bring myself to give up soda, I got a variety of sparkling fruity waters with no calories or caffeine. Carbonated drinks seem to quench my thirst more easily. 

I’m just as helpless as I was before starting my thyroid medication with my weight so I have totally given up in that department. I don’t even care anymore if I gain 50 more pounds. I will eat right and exercise most days and leave it to fate. 

I was so fucking pissed earlier because for the third or fourth time since returning to the job site, a glitch cheated me out of my pay and I ended up working for free. An honest glitch? Deception on the requester’s part? Whatever’s up there that loves to make sure I don’t make money? Probably the latter. If so, thanks, God, I really needed that. First I can’t work, then I can no longer win, and now I can’t get paid for my work online? What can I get paid for? 

Maybe getting a free doll from Goodwill was my compensation. Yeah, the guy never charged us the $15 it cost, so I didn’t say anything. We just paid for my incense fix. I also got a set of scented shower gels and lotions. 

The doll is a 19” Patricia Rose doll. She’s in an elegant white lace gown with peachy pink trim and has brown curly hair and blue eyes. Very detailed hands, too. 

Before the Goodwill opened we went to a dollar store where I got scented air fresheners and incense. I’m as addicted to incense and anything else that smells good as I was once addicted to cigarettes. 

On the way to us are two gorgeous sets of curtains with outdoor garden scenes on them for the dining room window and the living room window by the front door. I want to see how they’re going to look before I decide if I want to get more designs for the front windows, or just go with a solid color there. 

Tom found the car of his dreams; a 13k compact electric car that seats just two. The electricity it would take to charge it wouldn’t be remotely close to the cost of gassing up the car he’s got now. It’s the first new car that’s ever appealed to him before. He never wanted anything new because he didn’t want to have to make monthly payments, knowing that he could get something just as comfortable and reliable outright. I miss having a car with a working AC! We don’t live like bums anymore but we sure drive like bums. One of these days soon enough we’ll replace or add to this 20-year-old car with something newer and nicer. 

The only dreams I remember was one where I was sleeping with a bunch of girls. No, not in a sexual way or anything like that. I don’t know if it was a situation like VH where I had to be there, but since living with a bunch of people doesn’t seem like anything I’d ever want to do in real life, I probably had no choice. I had to share a huge bed with 3 other people and was amazed to find I’d slept so well when I expected to wake up whenever someone moved or snored. 

In the morning I asked someone who looked like a young version of Justine Bateman about the rules and routines of the place. 

In another dream, we bought a huge, huge house that was very modern and fancy and had all kinds of gadgets throughout it. It was a definite mansion and had split levels as well. I was walking through it at night at one point and the words No Input glowed in red on something on the floor as I walked by, which my dream self assumed was some kind of air vent that was blocked. 

It’s in the low 80s today, dry, and totally gorgeous. We were laughing at how hot it must be in the trailer, but it’s staying pleasant in here. A little warm by the late afternoon but I like it that way. No slippers, no robes, no sleeves… that’s me. 

I don’t miss having to go to bed with the window open because we’d need the cooler in the afternoon if I was crashing at that time, then wake up freezing and have to run to shut the window. Nor do I miss going to bed, waking up hot, then having to get up and open the window in the middle of my sleep. I will never live like that again. Ever. 

Later… 

Resurrected “Justin’s” account on Ask just cuz I was curious to see if Molly was around. I said a simple hello and sure enough, she responded. How is she managing to stay out of my blogs??? Either way, after I “tested” her, I deactivated that account. 

Then I saw that she tweeted. In one tweet she said she had taken a break from being online, but then got tired of missing her former friends and is going shopping. 

In other words, she misses spying on us. I saw she tweeted to Alison about the weather as if they’re still old buddies. Why doesn’t Alison block her or make her tweets private? 

Oh, and she knows why she still dwells on her former friends and that’s because deep down she keeps thinking they liked her and cared about her. *rolls eyes* It’ll never change. Never ever change. 

The Mexibitch never appeared to have read my message, and I can’t really be sure it truly didn’t go to her ‘other’ box. Therefore, while I hate to involve others who have nothing to do with what she did to me and my husband, I picked 3 of her seemingly most active friends and sent the same message to them, figuring that sooner or later one of these people would think to check their ‘other’ box and will piggyback the message for me. I have a right to speak my mind, and even if it won’t change what happened or do a damn bit of good other than to make me feel a bit better, I want to get this off my chest and for her to hear what I have to say. 

She could’ve gotten the message, read it, then marked it as unread, but I doubt it. I also don’t expect any response from her or for her to block her account. I think she’ll leave it wide open like the black did in hopes of me incriminating myself. If I do hear from her or her friends, though, I will block them. In fact, if I see any evidence that one of them got the message I’ll block everybody for the sake of protecting my own friends.