It’s prime time now, but as of yet, all’s quiet in Freeloaderville. No sounds or cars yet.

Later...

Two white girls are over playing ball, but amazingly, I can’t hear a thing even with the fan on low. That’s because they’re not using a basketball, which is heavier. Guess who the girls are? From the renters across the street. I told Tom just last week too, that they’d make it over here to use the hoop. It doesn’t look like the collie kids, and like I said, judging by the length of time this hoop went unused by the collie kids, I really think they had a fight with the bitch. Tom said he doesn’t think the kids live across the street. He thinks they only come on weekends, maybe even just Sundays. That’d explain why I don’t hear kids there during the week. I’m glad these renters aren’t next door. They are in and out and in and out. The door slamming would be about as bad as it was when the cock lived here.

Later...

The white car came and went at 3:00. The two girls have been playing ball on and off. I could be wrong about them being associated with the renters, cuz I saw them in the collie driveway. Maybe one of them is renter-associated, cuz Tom said he saw the collie kids playing with a renter kid when they first moved in.

I can’t believe Paula didn’t leave any messages today, and I can’t believe how good Andy’s been with not calling on the weekends. Maybe my good-natured lecture on being selfish and complying with simple, reasonable requests, really did sink into him.

Paula, though, can be a real pest these days. She left two messages yesterday. Maybe she’ll get the hint that I can’t call her long-distance every day and that even if she were local, me and phones don’t go together anymore like they used to.

Tom downloaded another word processor for me to check out, but once again, I wasn’t too thrilled with it. He didn’t waste his time, though, cuz there are other things within the program besides a word processor, so he’s gonna keep it for himself.

I wonder if Veronica will be in tonight. Tom says she’s this 19-year-old who’s a lesbian but doesn’t know it yet. She’s just like most butches and males - always fighting. She got arrested for fighting recently.

They got gift certificates for working on a Saturday and they’re for Red Lobster. I’ll be looking forward to going there, but will some rude fuck of a kid throw food at us like on our anniversary?

Later...

I made the stupid mistake of screwing today. It went as planned - to break me open again he only stood on the side and I had to stop him just a few minutes into it. Yeah, well it hurt like hell and I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t go through the irritation, the conditions, the control, the predictability, and the same old shit with him year after year. Then again, doing the same thing every time we screw and doing it part-time is nothing compared to what I go through physically. I can love him forever, I can be with him forever, but he needs to take care of himself for sex. As you know, I’ve never really enjoyed sex with anyone other than in my fantasies, and have never had a happy, healthy, normal sex life. I’m just not meant to have that with anyone. Sex has been more problems, conflict, and work, than fun. Today I had decided to finger myself during the week to help be able to stand the sex every 1-4 weeks, but after thinking about it, I decided I didn’t want to live like that. That’d take all the enjoyment out of it, which time alone has already helped to do enough of, and turn it into a total chore. If it’s gonna be nothing but a painful job - forget it. So I told Tom that I’ve reached my fill and that if he’s right about us having more time after his ma dies, and if God doesn’t replace that time with some other shit, then maybe I’ll reconsider.

God, why won’t you take our daughter off our hands?! Enough is enough! Take her to your kingdom! Take her to be with Dad! We need to live our lives and we need to move on!

March being just a few hours away, has brought good feelings. I mean, I still vibe us moving in June, but logically speaking, I just don’t see how we can sell the house and be out of here within 30 days of putting up a for-sale sign. Tom said that in mid-March, he’d be able to say more surely whether or not we could move in June. If his mother would hurry up and die we could, but no, God’s just so determined to have her hold our lives back! What? Is she compensation for us getting out of having to have a kid hold us back?

Tom said that when he goes to do her taxes, he’ll get a better idea of what’s in her accounts, and try to coax her into giving us each $10,000 like Mary was trying to coax the selfish little user to do.

Speaking of compensation, it’d be nice if Giselle came early to make up for Maria’s arriving late, but I won’t hold my breath.

I had a vibe that some shit would go down 2-5 years after we moved. Good or bad, I’m not sure. It’s a sudden, major change, that could cause us to feel anxious and pressured, but all I can think of is a home business of some kind. However, the vibe’s faded a bit, so I guess that’s good. As long as it’s not an accident or an illness. It’s just that sudden changes are usually the ones that aren’t good. Good changes usually take time.

The white car returned at 6:30. This is the car with the trunk rack and with the twin boys. I figured there’d be a ball game, but nope. I saw one of the boys playing with a tiny football, but after unloading the trunk and slamming doors, this car pulled out and the bitch was in for the night. Did the bitch cut her hair to her shoulders? Or was that the owner of this car? Whoever this plain blob of brown was, was about the same size as the bitch, so maybe it was her sister. It wore glasses too.

Tom said he noticed something. That I was less tight due to not needing much heat lately which is letting the humidity level rise a bit. He said he thinks that both extremes bother me; if it’s too humid or too dry. Could very well be the case.

I’ve been sleeping really weirdly these past few days. I slept so long a couple of nights ago that I ended up being up 20 hours which was till 4 PM yesterday. Then I woke up 4 hours later at 9 PM. I took a Benadryl and ended up sleeping till 9 AM! That means I could very well be up till 6:00 this morning. If that happens, getting up at 10:30 won’t kill me, since I’m very caught up in my sleep. It should only take me about 40 minutes for her to clean me and pull the routine cavity scam on me along with the doctor, then about 10 with Melanie, then about 2 to make the appointments for my next visit with Melanie and for my filling. Nonetheless, I’m gonna take a Benadryl at midnight. Maybe it’ll relax me enough to get 6 hours of sleep instead of 4. I think I’d feel better with that.

I started a book called There He Keeps Them Very Well. It’s good so far, but there were a couple of other books I tried out that I didn’t like. I’m still doing well this time. Only 3 books I couldn’t get into, rather than 6.

A few nights ago I checked out a one-hour documentary on a state funny farm, and what a crock! Even if I hadn’t been in a state nuthouse myself, I could see that this was total BS with nothing more than actors acting out a script. First of all, they don’t have restaurants in state nut wards. They also don’t go outside at night and dance to music on the radio. Also, every person there referred to what they did as “the crime” and they all sounded too articulate to be crazy. Also, they were all just too damn remorseful for what they did.

A real funny farm consists of people 8 months pregnant who deny they’re even pregnant. Of people openly masturbating. Of people who can’t talk well, can’t think well, and don’t even know what year it is. I should know. I’ve been in a state funny farm, and this is exactly what I saw there.

God, I am so sick of babies, babies, babies! There’s a woman having a kid in my book and in the movie I taped, not that the book and movie weren’t good, nonetheless. I also still have no desire whatsoever to throw my life away on a kid, but still, I’m sick of it. Also, the less I hear about this subject, the better. I don’t want to take even the tiniest chance of rekindling that old desire and going through another 5-10 years of misery. I’ve fully accepted and resigned myself to the fact that there’ll be no kid and I need things to stay as they have been.

As for sex, I think it’s about time now to tell him that I’ve got to hang that up. I told him enough times that I can’t do part-time sex, although I wish to hell I could, and telling him this never changed a thing. I don’t just not want to have sex with him cuz of how I don’t desire him sexually, but the longer we go without it, the more nervous I am about the idea of starting it up again. I don’t want to have to feel like I’m a virgin all over again.

Andy called at midnight and hung up. The call came up as “private” but it could be related to that blackie that called earlier. Andy’s not big on hanging on my machine for ten seconds or so and then hanging up, though, so it was probably connected to the blackie.

When I mentioned having dropped hints the last time about my catching onto the dentist’s automatic filling scam, Tom said he thought about it, and since I can’t brush well with the braces, he said I may really need a filling. Alright, alright. This time when I’m told I have a cavity I’ll play along with it, but next time, I’m not gonna buy it. I don’t want to have to switch dentists, though. The waiting room is almost always empty when we go there and if it isn’t, it’s just one or two other adults. Not a bunch of screaming kids. Also, Mel’s always on time.

I had a white fungus-like thing on the back of my tongue. Tom got some antiseptic mouthwash and it’s helped it so far. Tom said I shouldn’t need a doctor over it. I hope not!

Later...

The dark green car was here today at 9:00 this morning. For a second, I thought I heard the faint thump of bass, but if I did, it was gone as soon as I thought I heard it. They made their usual door-slamming production out of going out this morning, and the bitch appeared pissed off as usual. All I saw was her and some huge fat woman. The woman was wearing dark green, her hair was kind of straight and it was almost to her shoulders. She and the bitch were passing around some black boy that was about oh, I’d say a year or two old.

Later...

The green car returned an hour and a half later at 10:30 and stayed till 1:00. I counted nine door slams. The porker and the anorexic cunt went to McDonald’s, and I saw the porker place a McDonald’s bag on the roof of the car while she got shit out of the front and backseat. I could see this from the side window.

Right now, our beautiful city moochers are getting their lawn done.

Tom says subsidized housing isn’t welfare. It’s for the working poor, although she still does get food stamps, no doubt. It’s the same thing. As I told him, she should’ve always been in a job that pays enough to support her and that mistake, rather than depending on the city. He says the city’s helping her so she can get a sufficient paying job. But why couldn’t she do that on her own in the first place? She’s stupid, selfish and rude, but she’s able-bodied enough and can keep a schedule, so why couldn’t she have a sufficient enough paying job to begin with? She’s no doubt always had her father around to use to babysit the mistake, so what’s the problem here? There are enough people out there who get jobs that’d support two or more people without having to mooch off of the city first in order to do it. Look at Tom and his job. He didn’t need to use the city to work his way up to where he is so why should she have to? I guess she’s just that stupid. And that mean too, and potential employers of decent, upscale jobs can sense this. I mean, looking at the letters she left in our mailbox slut tells me how stupid she is right there. Bitch can’t spell worth shit. Also, it only took two ignored requests that the music is lowered in order for me to get the hint at how mean and self-absorbed this pitiful creature is.

They haven’t finished prettying up her lawn yet. I can still hear the equipment buzzing over there.

Later...

Damn! They took forfuckingever to do their lawn. How could it take over an hour? Especially with more than one person working. What’s she getting her fucking yard done for, anyway? She has Bermuda grass. All she should get at this time of year is weeds. She’s too lazy to even do that herself?

Tom, who got up a little while ago, thinks Ashley and Katie are pregnant. I hope so. It does look like they’re getting tummies and they’re wheeling an awful lot.

Later...

I’m taping a doll show right now. Even though I won’t be getting another doll for a while, it won’t hurt to keep up with what’s out there and write down code numbers. That way, when it’s time to get another doll again, I’ll at least have some numbers.

It’s going to be in the low 80s these next few days. Already, we’re going from winter right into summer. And yet Paula’s under a few inches of snow and is freezing at 20º or less!

Speaking of Paula, I never thought that she of all people would become such a pest! She’s been calling so much, even from 3000 miles away. She left the message early today and when Tom told me about it when I got up just after 1:00 this afternoon, I was like - again? I’m not calling her back for a few days since we just talked for quite a while. Especially while I know that kid’s gonna be there. I’ll call next week when he’s at school (with my luck he’d be homesick or snowed in). Then I unexpectedly fell back asleep till 8:00 (I’m gonna make it to Mel’s after all) and called her at 11:00 her time. I figured she might still be up and that the kid would be asleep, but she wasn’t. I woke her up. She asked if she could call me in the morning. I told her she may have a hard time reaching me during weekends and that I had an appointment on Monday, but that I’d try her on Tuesday if I didn’t talk to her before then.

Later...

They had a 40” doll for just $300, but she was ugly. All the dolls were boring or ugly and I’ve seen some of them before.

A part of me wishes this cat wouldn’t be around come moving day. He fucking drives me nuts with his whining! I went out to throw a few heavy pieces on the line till tomorrow afternoon and the fucking thing whined at the door till I was done. He can’t just wait at the door quietly? So, knowing Tom was asleep under the fan, I screamed at him in frustration which set the dogs off. I’m sure the freeloaders, whose lights were on, heard me too. It’s like a magic button - scream and the dogs automatically go off. It’s like scream-a-bark versus dial-a-ride. Anytime I want to hear them, although I’d have to be a little nutso to want to, all I have to do is scream. Or at least yell.

Sounds like some stupid black guy was given the wrong number at a bar by some female who just couldn’t say no. About 20 minutes ago I noticed a payphone calling and figured it was Mary who broke down somewhere. Of course, I wasn’t about to wake my husband who had to get up for work at 6:00 AM to go rescue her. She was on her own as far as I was concerned. However, no one spoke during the few seconds of their message, so I knew that ruled out Mary. Then I wondered if Andy was visiting some phoneless friend and went to a nearby payphone figuring he was close enough to my house to call about a visit, but nope. Some idiot whose name showed up as Elizabeth J called from their house a few minutes later, or someone else’s house, and muttered something inaudible when I answered. I hung up after letting him know he had the wrong number and then he called a third time. This time I let the machine deal with it. There are other things I want to do than the phone. I’m doing laundry now and I want to finish the book I got. So far, I’m having excellent book luck this time around. It seems like there may be only one book I don’t like within this batch.

Yesterday, I remembered I had Giselle on tape from an earlier doll show so I showed her to Tom. They describe her as having auburn hair. That’d be different, but it looks brunette on the TV. Tom said her dress didn’t look like something a ballerina would wear. I don’t know about that, but it’s a gorgeous dress, nonetheless.

The dark red car showed up at around 4:00. The cock and kid got out of the car, then the cock got back in and they left.

Finally - a light, low-calorie popcorn that actually tastes good. It’s not the greatest, but it’s good enough. At 100 calories per bag, I can have 2-3 of these a day. Tom got it in a new grocery store that just went up nearby.

I had a shiny, floral tank dress that I couldn’t wear cuz it was so itchy, so I softened it up by washing it and putting in tons of fabric softener. Now it’s wearable.

I got a total kick out of listening to Paula tell me how it’s 20º there and how she had to shovel her walkway, while it’s in the 80s here and I was sweating my ass off. The living room gets quite warm in the afternoons lately, but as Tom reminded me, I can just flip the switch and cool it down if I need to. Oh yeah, that’s right. I keep forgetting it’s that easy now.

For the first time in my life, I’m shocked to say that I’m actually proud of Paula. She signed up for training to be a nurse’s aide. Now that’s a big step for her! I don’t feel that it’ll work out, and I can’t picture her holding a decent job steadily, but at least she’s trying.

I’m very glad that she looks up to me and considers me such a good friend whom she likes to confide in, I know she’s very bored and lonely, but I wish she’d call a little less often. She’s almost as bad as Andy and she’s worse with the eating. Every single time we talk she’s munching on something. And she complains about her weight? She also yells at the kid every time we talk too, and it gets old. Nonetheless, I do miss her.

She mainly called to tell me the usual - man troubles. I get a kick out of how she told me when she moved into her new place last week that she was gonna stay there for a while, yet she’s already talking about moving again. But why? She said it’s very quiet where she is. There’s a woman (who dances topless), her boyfriend, her 16-year-old daughter above her, and an old couple downstairs who are hardly ever home.

I saw a girl at the renter’s watering the yard. God, they are home a lot! And there are so many people over there. In fact, I just peeked out and could see at least four people. Most of them went inside, but there was someone out on the front patio. They’re typical Arizonans - hanging out in front, but not the back. I can’t believe I don’t hear their dog, though. Neither of us has seen it, so I wonder if it’s even been there. Are they gonna work on their cars tonight?

I changed the pig and mice cages today. Tomorrow, I’ll tackle the rats. Katie has a slight belly bulge, but it could very well be because someone’s been feeding her real well. I’m starting to wonder if there’ll be any babies. If not, I’ll just try again to get pregnant females. If I can’t, I can always get a male just to do the job.

OK, now I’ll get into the toy store. I was amazed at how dead it was. True to what I felt, there weren’t any dolls I wanted, other than the Barbies I got. I got another blond Barbie who’s a little different than the other blond Barbie. This one has an open smile so you can see white representing the teeth. She also has no bangs and her hair is only to her waist and is curly. I got this one cuz of its dress. It’s a beautiful bold pink satin gown with an outer layer of pink chiffon with gold accents. I think she was meant to be one of those collector’s ones that you don’t take out of the box. This is because of how she was packed in and how beautifully decorated the box was. Her legs also don’t bend like most Barbies and her pretty pink slippers are pretty much molded to her feet like Patrice’s ballet slippers and Summer Dream’s heels. She came with a gold crown with pink gemstones and a gold necklace. She has gold shiny earrings and a matching ring. She’s called Princess Barbie. The Barbies that aren’t blond have different names, but Barbie is the original blond Barbie’s name. I couldn’t believe the prices of some of them. I expected to find Barbies no cheaper than $12, but Princess Barbie was $11, Christie was $5, and I’m not sure about the other one. Christie’s a black Barbie with black curly hair to the waist with no bangs. She came in a 1-piece aqua bathing suit with pink splotches outlined in purple. It’s got glitter on it, too. There were ruffles at the hips that I thought looked tacky so I trimmed them off. She has aqua sunglasses on her head and three aqua bracelets. I took one off and put it on her ankle. The other one, Teresa, is white and she has brown crimped hair to the butt. She has no bangs either, but her hair’s parted on the side. Exactly what I wanted. I had originally planned to get one more black one and I was gonna crimp her hair. Teresa came in a knit aqua bikini with a short, denim wrap-around skirt. The top of the bikini has orange stripes going across it and the bottoms are all aqua. She has an open white smile like Princess Barbie, whereas the first Barbie I got, along with Christie, has closed-lipped smiles. Teresa came with a tattoo on one of her outer thighs and two small sheets of tattoos that I’d had before. I have a little patch of butterflies and flowers on my hand right now, but I’ll save the others for some other time. She had one of those necklaces that I used to make out of embroidery floss. She also had two on her wrist, but I put one of them on her ankle. Teresa’s and Princess Barbie’s arms move outward, as well as front to back.

I’m definitely done collecting Barbies. They’re too little and I have enough of a variety now, although I wouldn’t mind taking the zillions of different awesome outfits they have. Barbie’s really come a long way. They even had a handicapped Barbie in a wheelchair! They had a Hispanic Barbie and a redhead one too, but I didn’t care for their outfits. I’ll have a Hispanic porcelain doll and someday I’ll have a redheaded one too. I have the four Barbies displayed nicely in the little living room window that’s a square foot wide. Even though its glass is translucent, the sun at this time of year can be blinding at certain times of the day, so I put the up duct cover in it, then stood Princess Barbie in the middle, Barbie standing on one side, Teresa on another, and Christie’s sitting down with her legs dangling off the sill.

I was amazed to find some porcelain dolls there and some of the more expensive collector’s Barbies there. Why would they sell breakable dolls in a toy store and Barbies that cost $150 that you don’t give kids to play with?

Tom said the porcelain dolls, which were about 17”, were the same ugly ones they had in the grocery store that started selling for $20 and dropped down to $12. Most of them were pretty boring except for one of them. One had nice long hair and a nice pink dress. A 17” porcelain doll for as low as $12-$20? Wow!!

Their puzzles were boring.

When we got home, Tom called and ordered Giselle for me. They say she’ll arrive on 3/6, but I know that really means she’s to be here on 3/11.

I watched the doll show last night, figuring I’d see a doll that’d take my breath away now that I ordered Giselle, but I didn’t. They had a couple of OK dolls, but the others were either boring or ugly.

I have a couple of goals and that’s to get a 30”-36” doll someday, and another realistic-looking one like Bailey. Well, I’d like a few of each, but I highly doubt that’s possible, even with the material nature of it. Hopefully, I can someday make something like this myself.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get my period like I thought I was going to and get relief for these sore tits. It was just one of those spots I often have a few days to a week before my period. Only this was a little more than just a little spot. That’s why I thought it was starting.

This is the second week in a row that Tom said we’d get together during the week, but that never happened. There was time a couple of nights before work, but he didn’t bring it up, so I sure as hell wasn’t about to.

I sent some superimposed pictures to Kim and Bob.

Bitch and Bill left at 4:30. Guess he’s taking her grocery shopping today.

I’m keeping a log of my weight in my “whatever” file, so if I don’t mention my weight as much here, that’s why.

Later...

Bill just brought back the bitch and the dude that I think lives here, whether it’s the cock or not. It wore a red cap and it got metal-rimmed glasses just like the bitch. Bill parked with the trunk facing the house, so I guess I was right about them getting groceries. They probably went grocery shopping, then picked him up, or picked him up first, then shopped.

I would write about the three Barbie dolls I got today and how I ordered Giselle, but I’m too tired to do it now. I slept for barely five hours.

I certainly don’t have as much to say today as I did yesterday.

My period’s starting. I’m a week early, but I knew I would be. As soon as I realized just how sore my tits were so soon after my last period, I knew I’d get it early.

Andy’s being a pest. This is the third time in two days that he’s called. I’m gonna just ignore him for a while. Besides, I want to do other things. I want to read. I don’t want to play phone. Then again, that may not have been him who called me just now unless he hasn’t left his message yet. I thought it had been more than three minutes from when the phone rang to when I checked, but I don’t know. Lately, I get messageless calls from a private source about once a day. Maybe it’s him calling just so he can annoy me with having to hear the phone ring and go check it out, but maybe it’s not.

In a message Andy did leave earlier, he said he loved the superimposed pictures. Also, someone he knows is letting him use a piano. It’s not an upright, so how’s he gonna fit it in his house? His house is smaller than Tom’s parents’ house was.

I called Tammy and she said she got the superimposed pictures today. All she said was “Yeah” when I said, “Aren’t they cool?” She never says much about things like that. She did say something else that was typical of her. She was sick. She had pneumonia. Yeah, I should’ve known she’d have something.

Later...

Here come the evening sales calls. Lately, they’ve been mostly confined to the evenings. It used to be that there’d be just as many in the mornings and afternoons, but lately the morning and afternoon calls have lessened.

I wish it were tomorrow at around 2 PM! That’s when we’re gonna go to the toy store and man is it gonna be a screaming mass of kids! Well, at least if I find anything I like, I won’t have to wait for it to be delivered and worry that it’ll be misdelivered. I still can’t imagine this store having any dolls I’d want other than a black Barbie doll, Barbie clothes, and puzzles. However, if I don’t find any dolls I want, I’ve got to be careful not to spend more than $10 of my $60 so I can then go ahead and order Giselle if she’s still available. If she’s not, then I’ll just have to start all over again. There’s gonna be a doll show tomorrow that I’ll tape, but I’m sure it’ll have the same old stuff and no Glenora. Maybe I’ll take some change I’ve got saved up, just in case I want to get $20 worth of puzzles and whatever else. Tom says I’ll like their stickers and markers. But I don’t need markers right now and I don’t do stickers anymore. The stickers were for decorating my journals before I started journaling on the computer only.

Starting Thursday, Tom says he’s gonna get the bulk stuff out through to Saturday or Sunday. He said he doesn’t want to start putting anything out on a weekend, cuz others will run and throw stuff out too and he won’t have any more room left. He said he’s noticed that if he puts a branch out there, they all come and load up the allotted space in the alley for bulk stuff when it’s time for that. It’s as if they remind him to do this too. No one can put stuff out till he does. Anyway, this time around, he’ll be hauling out shit from the garage.

Later...

He says that next month when he goes to put the vent in the bathroom, he’ll go ahead and put in a doggie door in the back door since they’re easy to put in. That ought to be an asset to selling this house since 8 out of 10 houses have dogs, but then again, maybe not cuz 8 out of 10 people have dogs in their yards, not in their houses. They don’t allow them in their houses. I take it they come in different sizes and that we’ll be getting one that a large dog couldn’t fit through, so if the next people did plan to use it, they’d be out of luck if they have a German shepherd. There is a doggie door in the back room alcove that David put in, but it’s been sealed up.

I heard from the renters an hour ago, but only for a few minutes, and it was nothing. All I heard was a faint beat of a drum. No bass or anything obnoxiously loud. It was coming from a car with its hood open. This is the third car I’ve seen with its hood open. Guess they work inside hoods a lot.

I cannot figure out these freeloaders for the life of me. I saw the dark red car again and from what I saw, the cock left in the passenger seat, but they didn’t pick up or drop off the mistake. It appeared that they drove up, he ran into the house, ran back out, then they left. Tom doesn’t think the cock lives there. I don’t know. I don’t know who the fuck lives there anymore. I’m only sure of the bitch and the mistake that’s now about three years old. It looks like there’s an even younger kid over there now, but if it lives there, I don’t know. It’s not hers, cuz if she’d had any kids since she’s lived here, we’d have noticed. Maybe it’s a sister who’s doing jail time. Maybe that’s why the two white cars haven’t been showing up lately. Cuz the ladies who drive them are in trouble doing time? And maybe she’s watching this kid till its mother’s free. Bill brought the bitch back today and I saw the bitch get out of the car with a kid about one year old. Then Bill left shortly after. Unless Bill took it with him or someone came and got it, it’s still in that house. Who is it? What’s it doing there? Just how many people live there? Well, as long as they don’t force any bass or barks on me and invade my house with their shit, they can do as they please.

I have so much to write about! I hope I remember to say all I want to say, but let’s start with the freeloaders. To my surprise, they were quiet all weekend. And I was wide awake all day. There’s bound to be compensation for this sooner or later, but the only vehicle I saw over there was Bill’s. He wasn’t here for long when I heard his car start up with its typical scratchy, wheezy screech, and drive away.

At 10 PM on Friday, I saw a male blackie of about 6’ and the mistake being dropped off in the street. It was too dark for me to see the car, but who was this dude? The teenager? The cock? Someone else? Do they live there? I wouldn’t be surprised if it still isn’t just the bitch and mistake living there. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the lease only allowed just the bitch and mistake to live there, either.

Sunday, a carpet cleaning truck was parked on the street in front of their place. I was surprised to see them there on a Sunday, but Tom says that’s common. Wish the city would cater to our carpets for free! Today, there was a large white pickup that said: City of Phoenix - Housing. Tom said that that fits with the carpet cleaning truck. He says whenever they have that the city shows up shortly after. I haven’t noticed the connection, but it makes sense.

If the kid was picked up this morning, but of course Bill’s here, I didn’t hear it. I still would like to know why Bill’s here all day if the kid isn’t. He must really hate where he lives, and he must be one desperate, lonely sucker! I feel sorry for the man, though, and hold no animosity towards the guy. He never wronged me in any way like his sick daughter. Or his granddaughter. Tom wonders, since Bill’s so old, if that isn’t her grandfather, rather than her father, but I don’t know. I think it’s her father. But it’s also hard to judge this cuz it’s hard to judge that bitch’s age. I just can’t tell how old she is. Tom thinks the early 20s, but to me, she looks mid-30s.

I haven’t heard a thing in the way of music from the renters. That white car hasn’t returned and that was the only car that seemed to have that kind of a stereo. Now there’s some maroon-colored car to go with the red one.

There were a couple of kids playing ball in the renter’s driveway on Saturday. It wasn’t nearly as obnoxious as the freeloaders, cuz it was across the street and not just a few feet from our walls, and it was a plastic ball. Not a heavy basketball.

The only other annoyance was this car somewhere around here. It was even more annoying than the ball bouncing across the street, cuz the fan didn’t drown it out too well. Some asshole around here with a loud engine that might’ve been a motorcycle engine, would sit there and rev up his engine, then let it die down, then he’d gun his engine again, and he’d do this on and off for 15 minutes. Was he that hard up for attention and acknowledgment? Or was he just simply fucked?

Katie and Ashley still show no apparent signs of being pregnant, so if they don’t have babies by March 4th, which would be the maximum time since I got them that they carry babies, then they’re either females who never got pregnant, or they’re males. I doubt they’re males, but for a minute yesterday, it did look like Katie was trying to screw Star. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens. If these were males, it’d still be OK, cuz I’d just bring them back to the store along with the male babies that Star, Bandit, Shy, Patch, and the two Cocoas may have. Like I said, I doubt it, though cuz I’d think that if they were males, we’d have both seen more obvious signs of that by now! They’d be jumping those ladies left and right!

Later...

I just went out back and took a closer look at the pool water around the edges of the pool cover, and yuck! It was very green. That’s Tom for you. He’s great with the bare necessities but lousy at keeping up with the pool and yard work. So I wound the cover on its reel hoping that cooling things down a bit would help. Also, it looks better, even if it’s green. Green water looks better than a pool cover.

I put a bowl of water out for Shiny since the pool was so gross. The reason I stopped putting water bowls out for him was cuz he’d ignore them and get drinks out of the pool. Also, the water bowl would get algae and all kinds of gross shit in it that was nearly impossible to clean out. So I’ll save our margarine containers, and that way, he can regularly have something new to drink out of.

I called Tammy’s to tell her to look for some wild mail from us, which I’ll get into later, but Becky was there alone with a bad stomach. You can leave an 11-year-old alone? I don’t know enough about kids to know this. I mean, I know you can’t leave a 4-year-old alone, but I don’t know about an 11-year-old.

We haven’t had any need to deal with the leak from the toilet tank yet, but Tom got rid of that fucked up push-button and put a regular handle back on the toilet. Words cannot describe how wonderful it is to just quickly flush a toilet again! I’m gonna savor every moment of this, cuz I know it’s just a matter of time before there’s another major toilet nuisance. I mean, first it flushed so sluggishly that most of the time toilet paper and shit wouldn’t get flushed. Then it would leak from within the inside due to a leak in the flap. Then the handle would get hung up and the water would keep running and running. Then we had to deal with the push button that you had to push and hold in so hard for 20 seconds that you felt like your fingers were gonna break. Am I forgetting anything else? Anyway, I’m sure the leak at the bottom of the tank will be our next major problem. If not, God will find something else. For now, though, it’s great if I wake up in the middle of my sleep, cuz all I have to do is just tap the handle. No more having to stand there and wait for the fucking thing to flush while I’m dog-tired midway through my sleep.

I just began a book called Ghost Fire and it looks like I’m gonna like it.

Looks like Caddie Kid’s been replaced. There’s this light gray car, an old piece of shit, that’s been banging by the last few days. Although it really isn’t as bad as caddie kid. No one can be that bad, I don’t think. Yeah, I knew the peace from the stereos wouldn’t last. It goes in cycles around here.

Tom was my piss courier this morning and drove a sample of my piss to the doctor’s office just like they asked me to do when I finished my antibiotics. I finished them yesterday and I hope I sleep better now that I’m off of them. Last night and two nights ago, I only got 4-5 hours of sleep. Yet I felt amazingly good for such a lack of sleep. Not smoking helps. And not having to do it every day for four months helps, too.

The current plan is to go to a toy store to check out their dolls on Friday. Did I tell you about last Thursday and Friday night’s doll shows? Shit! They’re getting worse. They’re getting more expensive and more repetitious. Usually, they show a quick shot of the dolls they’re gonna show, then they spend 5-10 minutes going over the doll in detail, then they recap them at the end and show you a quick clip of the dolls. So, that’s three times the dolls get shown. The last time, though, they kept showing the same fucking dolls over and over again. All through that long 4-hour doll show, they didn’t show more than 25 dolls. The same old, same old. They’d go over the same doll five different times for ten minutes. It was a complete waste of time and with all the dolls they showed that I’ve seen several times before, no Glenora. They had a 42” doll for $450 and another 36” one for $200. The 42” sucked and the 36” one was so-so.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get to the doll store on Friday or my appointment with Mel and Char on Monday, cuz I’m in the same boat I was in before today’s appointments got canceled. My schedule’s too far ahead to push it back further enabling me to be up at 10:00 a week from now (I got up at 7:30 AM today), and it’s too far behind to push it forward so I’m getting up around midnight. I may not make it to either place, but I’m certainly gonna focus on getting my teeth taken care of. Not getting a doll. If the doll has to wait in order to make my appointment, it has to wait. Or maybe I can get the doll after I see Mel and Char. We’ll see.

Paula left me a message early Sunday morning. I try to avoid her on weekends. Not just cuz I don’t usually do phone chats on the weekend, but cuz I usually try to avoid her when the kid’s there. I wait till he’s in school, cuz it’s so annoying to have her be constantly yelling at the kid while we talk. I’ll call her and we’ll be talking, then she’ll put me on hold for a couple of minutes to go scream at it. That’s what you get for having kids, Paula! No peace. No freedom. No life. Meanwhile, we don’t need to pay for her to scream at the kid. Long-distance calls cost money. Even when it’s her calling and paying, it still really irritates me. When you’re talking on the phone, you should be talking to that person. Not who’s in the room with you.

Another reason to add to my list of reasons not to get in vitro, or whatever it’s called, is cuz of the weight I’ve lost. I worked too long and hard on that to throw it away. I’m confused now, though, as to exactly what in vitro is. I thought Linda said it was basically artificial insemination where they inject sperm into her, but Tom says it’s where they insert a fertilized egg in there. What Tom said would make sense, cuz if all Linda needed was sperm injected into her, couldn’t her husband do that at home? She never mentioned him having a problem. Well, even though Tom thinks I’ll return to a fertility doctor someday, I can’t see it. I love life too much to throw it away. I mean, my life’s not perfect. I still have problems just like anyone else, but you know what I mean. I need all the stability, peace, and freedom I can get. I couldn’t handle anything drastically different than what I’ve got now. I also value my time with my husband. I need to be with him. I don’t care to share him with his mother, his sister, a kid, or anyone else.

True to my vision, I woke up yesterday at 107 pounds! What was the catch for that? I was stuck yesterday. Therefore, I woke up at 109 today. Since I’m obviously gonna be stuck 2-3 times a week, losing more weight is gonna be a toughie! If only I could be 95-100 pounds, cuz it’s a hell of a lot easier to maintain your weight than it is to lose it. Also, I could afford to slack off my diet a couple of days a week, too. Will I ever get down to 100? I don’t know. I mean, it sure as hell didn’t seem likely at 125 pounds compared to now, but only time will tell. I don’t see it right now, so that means that it’s at least not in the near future if it’s gonna happen at all. Maybe in June or July, I’ll be 100 pounds.

It still seems, though, that no matter how much weight I lose, it still looks like I have a double chin when I have my head tilted downward. And I’m still fat in the lower cheeks where my jaws are. Jowls, I think they call it. I know a part of it is that it’s sagging with age, although my tits and ass miraculously haven’t started sagging yet, but still, I hate it! First I had to contend with a fat gut and fat thighs with craters on the backs of them, and now I’ve got a fat face and neck to add to the picture with craters everywhere! My hips aren’t exactly as narrow as they used to be either, and I’m still thick-waisted.

We didn’t screw this weekend. Now I don’t know if Tom didn’t screw me cuz he truly chickened out for fear of me being all irritated down there, or if he did it to punish me for needing a break from sex. But it’s not a punishment to me. I don’t want sex with him. I still don’t think sex and relationships are a good mix, and I just don’t desire him sexually. I love him to death, I want to spend all the time in the world with him, I want to cuddle with him, chat with him, and do things with him, but I just don’t feel right about screwing with him. It’s almost like we’re too close for that. I know it sounds funny since it’s usually those who aren’t getting along that don’t want to screw, but you know me. If it’s different sexually, it’s me. Or the one I’m having sex with. Well, I guess I should just be thankful that the relationship part of it is as good as it is and that I don’t want to have sex with others other than in my mind, and that he loves, understands, and accepts me as I am. He’s so patient and supportive. I swear no other man in the world would be like this in bed and take this attitude towards the lack of sex and the lack of desire on my part. I never heard of a guy like him! So, what used to frustrate, depress, and even anger me, is now something I consider myself to be very blessed by.

He made the comment that he was trying to think of ways to “ease us back into sex” after not having it so long when we were cuddled in bed, and then I told him if he was gonna chicken out and not be able to get into it, that was OK too. Then he pointed out his dick, which was rock hard the whole time, and said, “This doesn’t get hard unless it’s excited?” 

Then I couldn’t resist responding with, “And it doesn’t squirt when it’s scared.” I couldn't resist that crack, true or not!

Anyway, Tom suggested we ease back into it (for the millionth time) by him just going in on the side during the week when he’s tired. That’s fine, and my saying he can cum or not cum still stands, but I can’t take this on-and-off sex shit with him! We have to screw once a week, regardless of my lack of desire. Period. I can’t keep dealing with the irritation I get when we “ease back into it.” From here on out - we either do it consistently or we don’t do it at all. That’s the only way it can be for me cuz of the irritation, or else I’d love to take breaks from sex due to my lack of desire. I’m even losing the desire for the vibrators. It used to be that I’d cum a few times a day in no time at all, but not anymore. Lately, it’s half as often, and seems to take me forever to cum. Sometimes I just can’t cum. I think that’s the main problem; is that it’s gotten to be so hard for me to cum. It just doesn’t happen as easily as it used to. It takes so long. I think that may also be why I don’t want to try to do myself with him on the side. Because by the time I came, if I came, he’d be dog tired. That’d be just fine with him, and even though I know he’d be fine never having sex with me again and that he could take care of himself forever, even though he’d say differently, I still would feel guilty and like I was depriving him. My attitude towards the next time we screw is to do it out of a sense of duty, so to speak. Not cuz I’ve just got to get laid.

Fucking kids! Why did I ever want one of those loud, obnoxious, destructive little monsters in my house? I’m sick of these kids parading around in our yard after they get off the school bus. We’re on the corner, so that makes it easier to do, but what is it with kids playing on other people’s property? There were about five of them and they were picking up some old roofing bits and one boy was chasing another up the driveway with it and I don’t need them throwing shit at the house. So as soon as I opened the door and said, “Please don’t come in our yard,” they all scurried off, but one. One was looking for something in between our driveway and W. Weldon within a patch of weeds, acting as if he couldn’t hear or see me. And this isn’t the only busload I have to deal with. They drop off kids at 2:05, 3:05, and 3:35. What I don’t get, though, is why the kids on all these buses look the same age. I thought the younger ones got out of school earlier. Most of the time they scurry right away, but sometimes I just never know what they’re gonna do. Of course, asking them not to come into our yard may’ve been a dumb mistake.

Later...

I figured out something about the freeloaders. I don’t know what took me so long to put two and two together, but the cock lives next door. I was wondering why he’d give up his gray car and why I wouldn’t see the cranberry car on weekends. I think he ditched his gray car to hide the fact that he’s living here and that the dude in the cranberry car comes to take him to and from work (I saw him get dropped off at about 4:00). Meanwhile, the cranberry car doesn’t come around on weekends cuz he’s here, and cuz that car only needs to come around to take him to work. If the cock was roommates with the dude driving the cranberry car as I had thought, then he’d be bringing the cock here on weekends, which I haven’t seen him doing. That must explain his getting dropped off last Friday and another time I saw him get dropped off in the afternoon. I knew some male blackie that was around 6’ lived there. It may not be the cock, though. These things all look the same and isn’t the cock bald? Well, this thing I saw today had a little wool fuzz on its head. Maybe it is the cock and it’s growing its hair out. It wore glasses. It looked too old to be a teenager. Well, if he lives here - fine. I won’t contact the city. But that’s only as long as he has no car. He’s not to live here with a car and therefore a stereo to torment me with. It’s not the fraud I care about. That bitch can have ten people over there who aren’t supposed to be there. It’s the constant music and door slamming I refuse to ever put up with again. If he had played his music at a reasonable volume in the first place, not come out several times a day to deliberately slam doors on me, and not put a barking dog just outside our walls as another way to piss me off, then he and that dog could’ve been here all along and there’d never have been any problems.

Speaking of barking, I heard not one bark all day in the living room from anywhere across the street. Except for the squealing kiddies, it was a peaceful day.

I tried Tammy’s again, but Lisa answered saying Tammy was at some business meeting with Mark. Lisa and I had a good talk and it was nice to touch base with her.

She said she did a solo in January.

I got a kick out of how she said the kids were all laughing at her when she got on the bus with frozen hair. She had just come out of the shower and her wet hair froze in the bitter cold. I remember that shit! Yuck!

She has to smoke outside and says she’s got to quit smoking cuz of the cold, but I know she won’t quit till she’s around my age. Maybe even older.

She claims she hasn’t talked to Larry since November and that he’s probably pissed at her for not calling, but I think she’s been calling regularly, even though she always makes it sound like she’s done with him. It’s her life. If she wants to associate with people like that, that’s her choice.

She’s a typical teenager, but more so, it’s amazing how much she’s just like I was when I was her age. The cigarettes, the pot, the cutting, the eating disorder. I was anorexic, but in her case, she’s bulimic. She says she’s not puking up her food, but nowadays, I’ve learned that sadly enough, I can’t always trust what she tells me. I myself tried what she’s done, but puking’s just so gross that I could never get myself to do it. She said she felt that way at first, but with her sick fuck of a father on her case, she’s been really desperate to lose weight. Yeah, I know how it is. Dureen picked on me about my weight too, and I ended up how I did cuz of it.

See, this is why I have to make a clean break when we move from everyone I was ever related to in the state of Florida, Massachusetts and Connecticut. When I hear her tell me how Bill taunts her about her weight and all the other stuff I hear from her and Tammy, it burns me up inside! It’s frustrating when you want to kill someone that’s on the other side of the country! It not only sends me boiling with anger, but it brings back a whole flood of shitty memories from my past and I can only fully move on by letting go of these people and associating with only positive, happy forces out here if I can help it. If that’s being as emotionally weak and as non-accepting as Dureen, then so be it, but that’s my problem. A person’s gotta do what a person’s gotta do.

Now I’ll get into Tammy’s mail. I’m also sending Paula and Andy my latest computer work, too! They’re gonna love it. It’s totally different than anything I’ve ever sent them. Tom showed me how to superimpose pictures to make them look really out of this world. It’s easy, but it’s hard. The steps are simple enough, but it is a bit time-consuming.

I made it look like Shiny was standing on top of me while I was floating in the pool in one picture. How I did it was I traced Shiny from a picture of him getting a drink indoors, then copied and pasted him into the picture of me floating. Then I sized and positioned him to where I felt it looked best. I also took a picture of Tammy’s kids sitting on their couch and put an enlarged picture of Ratsy sitting on Sarah’s lap. As Tom said, she had the perfect expression for that too, cuz it was like, “Great! He gets to sit on my lap!”

I took one of Andy singing on stage where he had his arm sort of out by his face. It was about a foot away from his face. I made it look like he was holding a very large mouse by the tail. In another one, I made it look like a mouse was crawling up his arm.

I cut out my legs in a picture of me doing the perfect handstand in the pool and put them behind Tammy on her kitchen counter. I put Tom lying in her snow-filled yard.

It’s so much fun and I did so many wild things. I put my hair on Lisa and made it even longer. I blew up a different shot of Ratsy and put it on the table with Becky and Sarah. I put Tom’s face where Sarah’s face was in a picture of the three of them. I put my face in their dog’s and in Lisa’s hands.

Later...

I may be adamantly against a child, but I’m still a curious person. So I looked up meningitis on the web and couldn’t find anything linking that and infertility. Tom says this wouldn’t surprise him cuz this happened before his testicles were even fully formed. My gut feeling also says he’s fine. It’s either a 50/50 case that there’s nothing wrong with either of us or that there’s something wrong with me that no one discovered. Well, we’ll never know which was the case. Having the HSG done, however excruciating it was, helped dull 90% of my curiosity, so that’s good.

I discovered another song on Linda’s latest album called When We Ran that I like, but only the chorus. Its verses are boring and too long. The song’s called When We Ran, even though the album’s called We Ran.

Is AOL going back to their old shit? After five attempts to get online, I said fuck it.

Miss Bitch left her mistake alone again for a few minutes this morning. Bill was apparently late. I noticed I didn’t hear him pull in while I was in the bedroom having my coffee. I heard a honk at 6:40 and saw the light blue car on the street and the bitch walking away from it. Then she came back and stood at the driver’s door talking, but I had to put my spying on hold to go live my life and start my shower. Shortly after, I heard a door that sounded like it was in the driveway, so I ran and peeked one more time and saw that the bitch had gone and that Bill was here. The bitch obviously just couldn’t wait till Bill got here, I guess, cuz she left about ten minutes before he got here.

Woke up at 109 and am stuck today. Since I’m gonna be going back to being stuck every other day, I must really watch my calorie intake, but I wonder if it’s cuz I’ve slacked off my exercising again? Better start that up again, even if most of the exercises don’t do me any good. The only way to have a flat belly is to do crunches for hours every day. Just 50 or so of those a day won’t cut it, cuz it’s so hard to isolate stomach muscles compared to arms and legs.

Paula called at 7:30 with her new number and address. So I have her phone number, her apartment address, and her PO Box address. She said I could just send mail to her apt. She claims she’s gonna stay where she is for a while and that she’s sick of moving around. She’s in a 3-family house. She’s got a 4-room apartment on the middle floor.

She said she beat up her little sister when she was in Florida, has the hots for several different guys, and that it’s freezing there and they’re expecting snow.

Later...

I didn’t hear the freeloader come to get the animal at the usual time of just after 8:00. I could’ve been listening to music or in the shower, so I can’t say for sure whether or not they came.

For the last week or so, my hair has been much softer than usual. Why this suddenly happened, beats me. Perhaps it’s cuz I’ve been laying off straightening it. It still looks sort of fried and very uneven, but it feels so much better.

Later...

It’s coming up on 2:00 yet he’s not home yet. Damn that mother of his! I know he doesn’t have to work tonight, but still, he’s had to have been up for about 16 hours. He doesn’t need this. Now I wonder if we’ll be able to do what we had planned today, thanks to his fucking mother.

I told him that I had mixed emotions about her. It’s like I love her and I hate her. She was a wonderful mother to Tom and she’s given to us, but she’s also a user who runs my husband ragged and who sucks up a lot of our time. Tom said it’s OK to have mixed emotions.

We were gonna pour some shit down the tub drain to unclog it, then Tom was gonna put a regular handle back on the toilet. I’ve had it with this toilet shit. I told him about the leak, after all, and how I was sick of having to hold the fucking button in for 20 seconds so it’d flush all the way. He said I should’ve spoken up sooner, cuz he’s been sick of the push-button for quite a while. I just didn’t want to give God, or whoever, the reaction it wanted. I hate to give in to my hexes by either getting emotional or letting them cause me to take action over it. I’d tell him to just get a whole new toilet, but that’d just get hexed, too.

Tom told me he’d support me with whatever I chose to do, so I told him I was gonna take his word for it, and here’s the scoop: I remain sure that I want to try doll making and not have a child. However, should I ever find myself wanting a kid again, I’m gonna just get it done by a doctor. No going through another handful of years trying to do it ourselves. If we could do it ourselves, we’d have done it already, and I’m big enough to say so and not deny that. If the doctor wants to do any more testing fine, but my point is that if I ever want one, unless it’s medically impossible, I’m just gonna tell her about our sex lives and why we can’t conceive on our own, therefore just take a damn egg, fertilize it with his sperm, and shove it up in me. Although painful, it’d be a done deal that way without having to go through more years of trying to make time and trying to hit it right and trying to get off and trying this and trying that and driving ourselves crazy with frustration and taking the fun out of it, provided it’s medically possible and that God doesn’t kill it along the way. I told Tom I hope he’ll keep his word but I highly doubt I’ll return to having a child. However, if he’s got a problem with the possibility of my doing this in the future, however slim, I need to know. After being together as long as we have, I think it’s the only way. Same thing happened to Linda. All the screwing in the world, for way more years than we’ve screwed, didn’t impregnate her. Only in vitro did. Initially, they told her she had one clogged tube that they unblocked, but that other than that, everything was normal with her. I guess some people just aren’t meant to do things the typical way. Just like with how I learn differently (as Tom and I were discussing, I learn better on my own, not in groups). So then it’d only make sense and it wouldn’t surprise me if I’d have to conceive differently, cuz of how many things I do differently as it is. Like I said, I can’t “see” this happening, but if I should one day tell him I want in vitro, he won’t be taken by surprise.

The mice love the box of colorful paper strips they got. I can hear one of them rustling around inside the box. They chewed an opening just big enough to let them inside.

Porky’s soooo funny! Just like with cats, rodents sometimes like to misbehave so they’ll get attention. They tend to do things they know they’re not supposed to do right in front of you so you’ll see it, and then they get attention. I was sitting at the table when I saw Porky on his way up to where he can get out and walk around on his roof, and I sternly called out his name. Instant change of directions! He went sideways onto a shelf.

The doll show has weird hours. Sometimes they’re on for two hours, sometimes for three. Tonight they’ll be on for one hour and on Friday they’ll be on for four.

I’ve developed a bit of a thing for Christine McVie, one of the Fleetwood Mac members. Why, I don’t know, since she’s a blond, but there’s just something about her. She looks hot on one of the CD covers I just got, so I scanned her picture to add to my wallpaper and screen saver collection.

Later...

The phone just rang and it was Tisha apologizing for calling so early. She needed to cancel my cleaning appointment on Monday, but she had a 1:45 today where I could take care of both the cleaning and the ortho. I told her I couldn’t make it today, so could I do both the following Monday, March 1st? No problem. Great! That really takes the pressure off me cuz holding my schedule back for four more days would’ve been hard.

Will our boys in the dark red car be coming in about 45 minutes to get the mistake? We’ll see.

I’m now reading Prescription: Murder about a well-known Texas surgeon who killed his first wife and tried to kill his second wife. Then I guess he disappears.

Later...

Our boys have shown up again, but they’ve changed cars. They’re in a hideously ugly dark green car. I think the bald cock was the driver this time around. He was with a guy about his size who was wearing a blue and red cap. This car amazingly didn’t have its front seat and windshield windows tinted. Just the backseat, like they have something to hide back there. I could see into the front of the car. There was a red pine tree with white on it dangling from the front mirror. One of those air freshener things. The seats were of tan vinyl. Or beige, light brown, crème, whatever you want to call it. Why is Bill staying here all day if the kid’s not gonna be here? Bill must really hate where he lives. Or maybe they’ve been bringing the kid back shortly after they’ve taken it and I just haven’t noticed.

Later...

Tom’s home now and he just went to bed.

Right after he got home, he whacked down the weeds that were growing out by the pool with the weed-whacker. It’s a good thing he had that thing, cuz to pull them by hand would take forever.

Tomorrow he’s taking his ma to two appointments to see if they can find out what the scoop is on her heart. He’s saying that she’ll be gone when we move. God, I hope so! But I just don’t sense this. Only time will tell, though.

I ended up having to see Dr. Brown yesterday, believe it or not. I knew this infection just wasn’t gonna go away on its own and that this time around, no amount of cranberry juice would cut it. So I called the office at 9:30 and was told there was a 10:45 available, which Tom took me to. I first prayed to God 2-3 times to take the pain and infection away, but as usual, I was ignored. I was shocked to be able to get in the same day I called.

When I first got there, I was led straight to the bathroom to pee in a cup, but I couldn’t. I was so frustrated! Then I was led to an exam room where the nurse gave me three cups of water. Shortly after, the doc came in and she asked me about my symptoms and if I’ve had a UT infection before. She gave me a prescription for Bactrim, an antibiotic I’ve had before. This time, though, I only need to take it twice daily for five days. Not seven to ten days. I already feel much better.

So we went to lunch at Denny’s which was nice. I had a T-bone with eggs, and he had a ham and cheese omelet. After this, I was finally ready to pee. I took my purse into the bathroom, pulled out the cup, and did my thing. After making sure the cap was screwed on very tightly, it was back to the Dr. to drop it off. Next Monday, on our way to Melanie’s, which is very close by, I have to drop off another urine sample so they can make sure the infection really did go away. I’m sure it already has for the most part. But they have to be sure, cuz every now and then you get an infection that’s stubborn and that just won’t die.

I wonder, though, what with how my schedule is now if I’m even gonna make it to my appointment next Monday.

After dropping the pee off, we went to Walgreens to have the prescription filled, which took barely ten minutes. While we were waiting, we browsed the store and I picked out a couple of puzzles. One of flowers, one of balloons. They had some Barbies dressed in gorgeous outfits!

Got a message from Andy telling me of all the cards and money he got from different people for his birthday. I also had to tape a message for him. He said he used the money on some clothes he needed. I was surprised. I thought he’d spend it on phone cards, food, or cigarettes (he gets his pot for free since he’s dealing it).

Yesterday and today I sent blank messages to chickenmax and both went through. Today, though, I remembered to unsend the message. My first guess is that it’s not them. My second guess is that it was them, but they didn’t feel like changing screen names a third time. Especially since all they got was a blank message and no “fuck you” messages.

We were originally gonna screw around yesterday, but thanks to this infection, we couldn’t. Like I said, something doesn’t want us getting together very often on weekdays. That’s OK, cuz I wasn’t horny. Also, just like a person who knows a gun is unloaded but still shouldn’t risk holding it to their head, a person who doesn’t want kids and is mid-cycle shouldn’t risk screwing, even if she knows her man won’t cum and a kid is not meant to be. That’s one way of looking at it. The other is that fate is fate no matter what we do. We can be cautious, but we can’t change our destinies.

Later...

Bill’s here now, but will the bitch be hauled away in the blue car? We’ll see.

In two weeks, I’ll be free to pick out a doll, but I don’t know where I’ll pick it from. Originally, I was gonna wait till we moved to check out the dolls in a toy store, but I think I’m gonna settle my curiosity, see what’s there, then decide whether or not to spend that $60 I have in the toy store or on the Home Shopping channel.

I’m going to try to burn a CD, which I doubt will work.

Later...

The CD didn’t work. I should’ve known better and not even bothered with the thing.

Same weird freeloader scenario with a slightly different twist to it. The dark red car with the Islamic-capped cock and his crony came and got the mistake. Behind the cock’s seat, was a huge cardboard box. Hmm… wonder what hot goods they got in there? Anyway, the different twist is that Bill’s still here.

The nurse weighed me at 116 pounds. Without clothes and shoes on, I’m sure I’d have been 114, but once again, my weight’s going up and I’m having days where I’m stuck. As long as I have days where I’m stuck, it’s gonna be awfully hard to keep myself under 110 without starving or taking water pills.

So much for Natchaug's great advice. This time around, the pain goes away, then comes back. I hope I don't have a UT infection. Well, for now, I'll just keep drinking cranberry juice. 

Got through the holiday weekend without a hitch. All I saw was an ugly dark red car that came in for just a few minutes at 9 AM. There was a male driver and a fat passenger. The guy (if it was a guy) was huge and I don't think I've ever seen this person before. Then at 1:00, Bill took the bitch out, and that's all I saw/heard. 

Tom cleaned my stereo yesterday. It was dusty. 

Later... 

I can't believe it didn't rain earlier. The sky was nothing but a mass of clouds, but then suddenly, it was bright and sunny. 

We've got a different routine going on next door today. I don't know who it was I heard at 6:20 this morning. I assumed it was Bill. But Bill wasn't there at 8:00 when I looked out and saw two guys in that dark red car come get the kid. I think this "dark red" car is the same one that I call "cranberry" colored. There was a male driver and the cock in the passenger seat. When I looked out, the cock was just unloading the bundle of waste into the backseat, then he got in the front passenger seat, and off they went. What? Did the cock trade in driving that gray car to be hauled around in this thing?