Wow, going to bed to a book sale in the UK and waking up to one in Australia is awesome! So was Monica’s kind, sweet words which she left on my Nexus Wallpaper wall. It’s where I get a lot of the images for my blog. Monica seems to really like my writing and my personality. She’s a super nice person. She must be one seriously ugly dog, too. You know those who are this nice to me usually are. She’s not crazy so that leaves ugly, and yes, you guessed right if you’re thinking I’m probably thinking – why couldn’t Nane and Barb say such nice things to me, though Nane did say some nice things (mostly sexual) when she was toying with me.

Anyway, Jesse, who was amazingly quiet yesterday, though I did still hear a few things, will be down in a few hours to replace the part of the pipe that needs to be replaced. We bleached the stain from the bedroom baseboard, but a small part of the paint chipped. Hey, it’s not our place, so it’s not our problem.

Tom worked two hours OT yesterday. Tiring on him, but great money as that’s almost $150 in one day. He’s already earned enough for January’s rent, cutting us down to 3 months of hoping he doesn’t get laid off since we’re not eligible for Unemployment till April. If they do lay him off it will probably be between January – April, but I won’t know it till a day or two in advance when I have horrible nightmares revolving around water, falling or violence. I hope not, though! I’d really love to see things go well for us for more than just a few months!

Later…

Everybody knows, I thought to myself. Face it, you may never make a living off of it, but you’re starting to get known as an author and so you’ve got to be even more careful what you say in your blog the more word gets out that you’ve got a book for sale and might have more in the future.

So, since Jesse’s going to give Maryann the link to my book, I better keep any comments about the barking and the loud engines reserved for my offline journal.

Many of my sites are linked. If you Google me you will find this blog as well as the link to my book. And the link to my book has the link to Twitter which has the link to this blog, and so on and so forth.

I called up the hill at 8:30 to let Jesse know I was up and about and he came down an hour later, wanting to let it warm up a bit first, to finish fixing the pipe. He was chattier than he’d ever been before (when he wasn’t talking to himself), but wasn’t drunk or anything.

“I know it stinks,” he said, but my sister said the only way to get rid of the stain is with bleach.”

Slap the bitch for letting him in on that one! I knew this, I told him, and Tom and I already took turns assaulting OUR noses on account of HIS wall.

At one point I joked about trading places and he laughed and said, “Yeah, then you could have my payments.”

I was surprised to learn the place isn’t all paid for after all. He said he had too many wives and between that and child support they took all his money. LOL

It turns out that he built his own house 20 years ago and he says he has to work on it cuz it’s “falling apart.” Houses are like people. This means that even young ones are bound to have their problems, but they shouldn’t be “falling apart” at 20 years old. What the hell did he do wrong when he was building it to have a 20-year-old house falling apart like an 80-year-old house?

He asked about our internet connection, if Tom had his own computer, how Tom’s job was going, if he likes it better than the last one, how long we’d been married, and if I had a mirror (so he could see the pipes better).

At one point I hinted about a possible move, saying that I loved the savings and seclusion here, but sometimes got tired of being in such tiny old places. I said it would depend on the job, but at this rate, he may be stuck with us forever.

“That’d be nice,” he said.

Yeah, but nice things have a way of coming to an end, buddy. :) It really is going to depend on the job. If he remains forever a temp or keeps getting laid off, we not only won’t be able to spend a week with the bigots in Italy, but we won’t be able to move either. We got in here with him as a temp, but it’s hard to believe anyone would rent a real house to us in a senior community without him being a permanent employee.

We also ended up discussing my book. He seemed impressed and interested in that, but he doesn’t have his own computer. He said people keep urging him to get one, but he’s just not into that sort of thing. He’d rather be outdoors making a racket and annoying the hell out of me even though he’s really not that bad of a guy and he is good at fixing what needs to be fixed. So good that he wants to paint the roof and the trailer the same color next summer. beats head Yeah, he’s saving up for it, he says. Well, let’s hope he has a girlfriend to steal some more money from him between now and next summer so I don’t have to deal with the kind of long-term racket that would make if we’re still here.

Too bad you can’t just pick this shitbox up and dunk it in a big old can of paint! I was totally dismayed to hear all he has to do here and that there’s also work that needs to be done underneath the place. Jeez, Jes, why don’t you just tear the whole fucking thing down and play with every single part of this heap of shit! slams head in wall

Anyway, back to the book. He seemed a bit intrigued so I wrote down the address to one of the sites and told him that if he ever does get with the times and joins the computer era he could check it out. He said he’d give it to Maryann. Yikes! That’s when I ran and edited out some things I wrote about in my blog about her pesky bro, though I doubt she’ll even check it out, much less buy it and link into my blog.

“You know it’s when you don’t want or don’t expect someone’s attention that you get it. Now get in there and edit that blog!” I ordered myself. Well, I followed my own orders, LOL, but I still don’t expect a visit from her.

He asked what the book was and I simply said it was a suspense novel. I didn’t get into the lesbian lead characters. I’ll let his sister find that out for herself if she really is curious enough to check out the link, though they don’t strike me as being homophobic in any real way, especially Maryann.

Gotta get on with the editing. The NaNo thing was fun, but it’s nice to have a break from the pressure of deadlines!

Today I plan to spend most of the day editing my book when I’m not cleaning, working out or doing something else. This is the part I hate the most but it has to be done. It should take about two weeks for the silent read-through, and another two for the electronic read-through, but I shouldn’t have to wait for the second round of editing to be done before I start posting chapters.

After finishing my story I was so damn tired. I guess 6 hours of near non-stop thinking and writing will do that to you. Next thing I know I also have the backache from hell. So I go to lay down to the tune of the motorcycle thinking the Jes pest was on its way out, but then it came down on the ATV to ask if Wednesday or Thursday would be a good day to finish the pipe. Now why couldn’t he have just picked up the phone and called to ask me this???

As much as I sometimes wish the dogs would drop dead, they really are adorable and so sweet and loving. It was cute how Whiskey came looking for me the other day and bowed his head down looking all guilty until I hugged him and let him know it was ok. Especially since they don’t bark when Jesse’s home or they’re running around loose in which case they usually come down to see me. I see them hanging out by the door. I’m still grateful as hell to whoever ran the puppy over a couple of years ago. Two’s company, three’s a crowd.

After a record-breaking 28 days, Renting Ginny was finished today at 1:20 PM – yay! She and all her friends and enemies were shortly after declared one of the NaNoWriMo winners in this region (Sacramento). They now have to suffer a good two weeks or so of editing as their creator/writer fine-tunes all the twists, turns, surprises, and mayhem that befall them throughout their 30 chapters and 50,015 words.

After 6 hours of non-stop writing to the finish line that very same creator/writer is exhausted! But she promises to do a real entry tomorrow!

Just did a quick check of the headlines. Violence against men is up. Nice. :) Keep it up, ladies!

Iran is threatening Turkey if we or Israel attack them for causing the shit they cause the world. And Nane wants to retire to Turkey with these deranged muzzies an arm’s length away? They’d kill their own kids to kill others, that’s how crazy they are. It’s a Muzzie thing, I guess, and if I were her I wouldn’t want to live in the terrorist’s backyard. Anyone who can kill innocent people like that is really sick.

After reading this sad article about a SWAT team killing a Marine in a case of mistaken identity, I realize I can’t even go one day without hearing about some corrupt cop(s) somewhere and how their senseless shooting was “justified.” I hope this poor marine’s wife deals with every single pig that was involved in the cold-blooded murder of her husband and the father of their little boy! Maybe if the public started fighting back against their abuse they wouldn’t think that carrying a gun and a badge made them God.

I also can’t go much more than a day without having to hear from that damn cock up the hill. :( This one person who lives over 100’ away! So much for thinking he’d at least give us peace on weekends except for the motorcycle. It was only for about 5-10 minutes, but it was LOUD. It was whatever the hell that super loud vehicle was that woke me up a while back. I had thought it might be a propane truck, but I’m sure it’s not. It’s unlikely they’d be out on a Sunday and it never left. Its engine just stopped at one point. It’s definitely not the bulldozer, but this cock’s got so many damn vehicles that I can’t keep track of them all.

I translated my messages to and from Barbara from German to English for Andy. I wanted his opinion on whether or not he thought she might like me or was just being friendly. He said he didn’t see anything to indicate that she liked me in the way I like her; just that she’s happy I like the way she teaches and how we both are into writing.

Yeah, that’s what I figured was the case. :( You know no one can like me that isn’t crazy, mean or ugly. Well, she’s not crazy or ugly, so wouldn’t that mean she’d either dump me or do something mean? Then again, meanness and rejection are usually reserved for those I like who don’t like me. Crazy and ugly usually belong to those that like me. He did find it odd that she signed off with “Love,” Barbara, though.

Sharyn is still the only one showing up on the subscriber page even though it says Nane’s dumped family members are also still subscribed to me. The only explanation I can think of, though it makes no sense, is that she’s got me on max subscription which means she receives notifications for everything I do. I won’t know for sure until and if Nane ever gets back to FB. From at least outside appearances, she hasn’t been around since she dumped me. We’re still “friends” on LM, but she hasn’t logged on there since August.

It still makes no sense that Sharyn would max out her subscription on me. Why would she care? She never reads my blog either. Not unless she’s flying under radar.

With just under 8000 words to go on my book, I just might make the 50K-word count after all.

Tom decided to order color cartridges for the laser printer since he found them for just over $100 and not the $300 he thought they would cost. These are also fuller so they should last closer to 5 years instead of the 3 years the not-as-full ones lasted.

Instead of dreams of anything good like money, moving or Barbara I got to dream about the troll and my cousin instead. Not my favorite first cousin, but my distant famous writing cousin Sharyn. I don’t remember what the dream was about, though. I was staying with her in New York, I guess.

As for the troll, well, I don’t know why I was at her house, but I was talking with her mother and I obviously didn’t know who she was. We were sitting in her kitchen sipping coffee when Molly came in with a painted mask on her face and so I didn’t recognize the troll with the messy shoulder-length reddish-brown hair. In the pictures I’ve seen of the troll, she usually appears to have this haggard look which many might interpret as being drunk, retarded or sleepy.

She walked up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked at her mother questioningly and she said, “She just wants a hug.”

So I figured what the hell and I gave her a hug. Then every hour after that for the next 4-5 hours she would enter the room with that strange painted mask on her face wanting a hug.

“Come see my room,” she finally said and so I agreed to see it.

The room was filled with all kinds of games and toys. At one point I was looking in a bin that contained large doll heads and realized that 2 or 3 of them looked exactly like Molly and like they’d been custom-made just for her. That was when I realized who the strange girl with the painted mask standing right behind me really was. I woke up trying to decide whether or not to play dumb, run from the house or kick the crap out of the wacko.

I hope to hear from Barbara again but I realize there’s no real reason to. There’s no way I can fly to her classes, though a part of me wishes I could. I didn’t expect to hear from her other times either, so we’ll see. I should consider myself very lucky that a university teacher has taken what time she’s already taken out of what’s got to be an insanely hectic schedule to chat with me. :) We both seem to have things in common, she seems like a really sweet person compared to Nane, and if she hasn’t quite caught on that I’m attracted to her, I’ll make sure she gets it in the message I’ll be sending today or tomorrow. That’ll be a real test of sorts. :)

Later…

It took 3 Ibuprofens to kill my cramps – WTF? So much for thinking menopause was setting in. These damn periods will never stop. :(

I sure did have fun today, though. The only bad thing is that I’m really worried about Alison. I mean really concerned for her, but she feels confident she’ll get the problem taken care of during the next year. I hope so! Her cancer has spread and I guess they’re going to have to take all of one breast and the 10 remaining percent of the other.

One of our first stops was at the mail place. I waited in the car as he picked up what was there and saw him approach the car with a package. I thought it was from my folks, but then I thought it was an odd-shaped box for them to be sending. So he opened the back of the car and asked what I ordered that he didn’t know about.

“Nothing,” I told him, and then he opened the package.

It was a surprise win containing yet more barbecue utensils. :( We haven’t barbecued since Phoenix! But sometimes you get piddly unwanted shit like that while aiming for the grand prize.

When we found that KFC opened at 11:00 and not 10:00 we decided to kill off the hour at K-Mart where I got a handful of goodies. Scented body sprays in Vanilla Fantasy, Lavender Vanilla, Sugar Apple Fantasy, Kapri Breeze, Obsession and a few variations of musk. Yeah, I know it seems a bit overkill but I can never have too many things that smell good!

All the adult slippers were huge and I didn’t like any of the kiddy slippers, but I did get a pillowcase for my new body pillow. It’s a nice velvety material with a zebra pattern.

I got some new dishtowels which we’ve been needing for a while now and looked at some shoes. They had some cute ones but none in my size that I really liked. Size 5½ is so hard to find anything in! Why couldn’t I have been just a half-inch bigger?

I got a gorgeous “diamond” ring with a pink heart-shaped diamond in the center and a cluster of 3 round clear ones on each side. I’ve got it on my right forefinger so it doesn’t clash with my gold wedding band. It’s a bit big, though, so I should have gotten a size 7 instead of an 8.

I have been wishing they’d make gum with flavors of caramel, chocolate and coffee for some time now. Well, I saw they had mint chocolate chip and decided to try a pack, though I don’t chew gum too often so as not to get carried away with it. It’s good, but there’s way more mint than chocolate.

After we left K-Mart we went to a thrift shop. My first thought was, what crap! But the further I delved into the store the more I found some interesting things, particularly the shelves of mugs. They had a huge variety of beautiful designs and colors. They were having a half-off sale so they were only a quarter apiece. I ended up getting 5 mugs to replace our old, chipped ones. One’s pink on the outside and aqua on the inside. Another is lavender with a large cluster of daffodils. Another is amazingly detailed with yellow roses and green leaves. Another has small clusters of pink and purple flowers. Lastly, there’s the one with pink and purple bunnies.

I also got a wind chime with ceramic balloons and clouds. This and the mugs came to just $3.50! It was a hell of a deal. :)

Our last stop was to grab some KFC to go so we could share it with the rat. I got a 3-piece chicken meal with a side of corn and macaroni all cooked to perfection. For dessert, I got a chocolate parfait too, but haven’t finished it yet. I’m not used to eating so much anymore, but tomorrow it’s back to dieting. :(

I doubt any other rat in the state of California got treated to KFC today, LOL.

“Where do you get $1400?” Tom asked. “Is that a figure you just randomly drew from the top of your head?”

“No, I drew it from the fact that the cheapest real house in this damn state that isn’t in Freeloaderville seems to start at $1400.”

But then he showed me some gorgeous senior community rentals less than 10 minutes from where he works with 2-3 bedrooms and 2 baths ranging between $800 - $1200. Why does it seem too good to be true? Because God’s gonna see to it that he’s laid off yet again and that we’re forever trapped here for Jesse’s benefit? I sure as hell hope not!

Aw, how sweet of Andy to wish Tom and me a happy Thanksgiving and say how glad he is to have me back in his life. :) We just kicked back at home, though, as we aren’t fond of turkey anyway.

Andy cracked me up earlier by saying he “wishes he had my problem” of liking them older. It’s true, though. Even when I was younger I always liked older women. There’s just something about that mature look, I guess, though I did think my favorite lady in the U.S. was my age when we first met.

He said I cracked him up with the way I said in my journal in 1988, “Dr. D died. Fucking bastard! I need my meds.” Yeah, his timing wasn’t exactly great for one who was addicted to happy pills like I was.

After dreams of Barbara’s long and lovely body, warm chocolate eyes, and sexy do (there’s just something appealing about that dark, shiny mane. It seems to be the perfect hairstyle for her not that I’ve ever seen it any other way, and the kind you just want to run your fingers through) it was off to dream of Nane. She threatened me or something like that and I told her, “Zwie Worte: Ficken ab.” That translates to, “Two words: Fuck off.” And no, it wasn’t a mistake when I capped the German word for “words.” They cap all their nouns.

I have to laugh at the thought of Nane. She threw me away like yesterday’s trash, but Barbara recycled me. :) Yet despite the fact that most of us have had our share of web crushes, we’re not in any way an official “item.”

What’s kind of funny as well as neat is that Barbara has never said a word to me in English. We have communicated in nothing but German. That’s part of what she does, though, in her immersion classes. They believe the best way to learn is to simply do it and so no English is allowed. Nane and I, however, usually communicated in English but this makes sense as I was nearly 100% illiterate in German when we first met. About 15 months ago all I knew was yes, no, thank you, I love you, and good day. So I’ve gone from 8 words to somewhere between 2-3 thousand if I had to guess. When I first wrote to Barb I wrote in both English and German in case the German was too messed up to understand. She chose to write back in German thinking I’d understand, so that’s when I knew I wasn’t doing too bad, LOL, even though I still have to look some things up. But each time she and I swap messages, the more I learn. :)

“What do you want to do with your birthday money?” Tom asked me. “It’s your money to spend however you want. The rent, car insurance, internet, and our next round of propane are all paid for throughout the rest of the year, so it’s all yours to do what you want with.”

It took me forever to decide what I wanted to do with it. It would’ve been easy back when I was a doll collector, but I’m simply not a high-maintenance woman. I’d love to live in a nice new house but I don’t need “stuff” like I used to. As long as I have clothes to wear, food to eat, a computer, a treadmill, and a stereo, what else do I really need? Ok, maybe some feminine supplies at times. :)

I first thought of going someplace nice for dinner, but as Tom said, it should be spent on something fun. Well, eating isn’t “fun,” it just tastes good if it’s something you really like. Besides, with food, you eat it, you shit it, and then it’s gone. So I’m gonna take it to K-Mart and just get some random goodies. :) I could use some new slippers even if that’s not exactly “fun” either, but the rat sure would have fun if my old slippers became his new toy. :)

Off to do some laundry and the grocery shopping before I get in the day’s word count. Less than a week to go! I still don’t know if I have much of a chance of winning this thing as I’m running out of ideas. I know how I want to end the story; it’s keeping things going until I get there that’s the real challenge.

I shared Barbara’s pics and video with Andy and he said she has a great body but doesn’t care for her face. He said, “I don’t think Barb’s attractive at all. She should be thrilled someone does.”

I told him, “It’s funny you should say that cuz I thought I wouldn’t hear from her again and that my “hints” made her uncomfortable. Then I heard from her and then I saw the wrinkles and then said to myself no wonder she didn’t complain about my compliments. Her hubby probably hasn’t complimented her in years!” But that is why I drop hints; to test who can handle the real me and to give them a chance to run. :)

I would trade this fat body for a prune face any day! More can be done with less effort to hide wrinkles than to hide fat, and fat is usually less attractive than wrinkles anyway. Tom tells me I look very fit but you know we’re our own worst critics.

Had tons of dreams involving the tall, dark and lovely Barbara, but don’t remember a single one. They must not have been too bad. :) I usually wake up during bad dreams.

It was quite a feeling to be able to sit down and read her message in German and understand it (jumps for joy) because I worked long and hard to study the language. I just had to do it to the tune of that damn cock making a racket up the hill. It was hammering something, I guess. Why the fuck does it only rain on holidays and weekends? That’s when he’s usually quiet anyway. But sure enough, we’ll be in for a wet Thanksgiving while today will be beautiful AND THAT DAMN COCK UP THE HILL WON’T SHUT UP!

Anyway, it’s strange that just days after my “break up” with Nane and me ready to put the German aside, I meet Barb and the inspiration goes on. It’s almost like something up there wants me to learn the damn language for some reason, LOL.

I don’t find her attractive simply because she’s thin. Thin, tall and dark won’t necessarily make me think you’re attractive if you don’t have a pleasant face. But yes, she does happen to have, IMO, a hell of a body. :) But not just cuz it’s “thin.” It’s her shape I love. Where men usually go for the curvier chicks like myself with full hips/chest, women usually like women with boyish shapes. She’s definitely not the voluptuous or muscular type like me, though I do like muscle. Not to where it’s bulging like hell, but visible enough.

Hearing from her was a pleasant surprise. I thought I never would again because I thought she was either turned off by knowing I like her or by the fact that I can’t exactly report to class in Germany. I still don’t know much about her. Not her exact age, nothing. She could be perfectly straight for all I know.

It would still be fun to miraculously keep a schedule and to have all our expenses paid to go over there and take her class, good-looking or not. At the same time, think how much colder, older and leakier Deutschland is! Besides, even the uglier RL languages like French and Portuguese are still prettier. And easier. Guess that’s what stories are for, though, so maybe I’ll have some kind of exchange student in a future story who ends up dreaming of some fun extracurricular activities with her hot teacher. :)

I’m not going to write back right away. I’ll give it close to a week like she did with me so as not to bother her. Sometimes I’m best taken in in small doses anyway. :)

I heard from Marie yesterday which was nice. She wrote, “ty for that!” on a comment I left on a photo about a couple of her exes and so I messaged her and said I’d delete it if she found it too revealing, LOL. I also let her know I still think of her and hope she’s doing well with her new wife.

She replied saying she was doing well and yes, she’d like me to please delete the comment. She thanked me for it too, LOL.

I feel bad that she still feels bad about “being an asshole” in the past. It’s done and over with as far as I’m concerned. She said she won’t contact me unless I contact her and I think that as long as we keep the contact to a minimum we’ll be ok. I know she can’t help how she is and that she didn’t ask to be that way either. But it’s also true that I can’t deal with obsessiveness and paranoia. One can only assure another they’re NOT plotting against them so many times and that the reason they haven’t heard from them for a whole 5 minutes is NOT that you suddenly stopped caring. I care. I just have to have a life while I’m at it. Even hearing from those I’m attracted to, get along with and have things in common with every single day would be a bit much for me. Once or twice a week is enough, even every 2-3 weeks.

Andy and I have 3 games we play on Formspring, though every single time I log in I see something new. I’m sick of all the damn change there! Anyway, there’s the journal game, the background game, and now he quotes his favorite lines from my entries.

As for my story – the finish line is near! It will soon be time to tie loose ends up and make it all come together. :) I’ve got about 12,000 words to go and hope to beat the deadline! No matter how many books an author may write, the beginning of the end is always exciting! It gets a little tricky, though. In the beginning and the middle, you’re kind of rolling a ball and just letting it go wherever it’s gonna go. But now I have to start steering that ball and giving it some sense of direction to hopefully help guide it to an ending that is both sensible and memorable. :)

LOL, gotta admit the idea of doing a quick name change and sending it to Nane when it’s done is tempting and have “Anina” who’s renting “Ginny” become a case of Marion renting Nane, hahaha. Marion was/is actually Nane’s first name while Nane’s her middle name, but nah, I’ll leave the “ex” alone. Marion – Nane – whatever you want to call her – would only enjoy it and probably even get off on some of it (those steamy shower scenes). She’s “played” roles in stories before and it’s nothing new to her. It was just the thought of “Marion” tormenting “Nane” that was funny.

Ok, off to work on my story and hope that nothing else leaks around here today and that the roof doesn’t cave in and I don’t fall through the floor when walking from room to room. sighs Even if they hired him on right now we still gotta wait till he turns 55 and that’s not till late June. Or maybe he’ll just get laid off and we’ll be back in the poorhouse, forever trapped here. I hope not but I have often wondered if something’s not using us for Jesse’s sake. Those previous tenants he had that broke into his house and were noisy and were dopers – that’s normal. We’re not.

Later…

Jesse’s here now dealing with the latest leak. Yeah, I called him to let him know the water pressure was low (you know there’s always gotta be a problem here) and he said he was cleaning out the tanks. The guy was actually considerate of me, too. I couldn’t believe it when he said he thought about coming down to tell me about the tanks but wasn’t sure I was up yet.

When he came down to check for outside leaks and then asked if everything was ok in here I decided it was as good a time as any to mention the bathroom sink leaking, knowing we couldn’t avoid it forever and that it would only get worse anyway.

The problem appears to be what I thought it was. A loose t-pipe joint in the incoming water. He showed me it dripping while it was running. It’s a slow drip but a drip nonetheless. He said it might’ve been going on for some time and that it had to be dealt with. Yeah, I figured as much. Plus, I’m on an ideal schedule now. He put one of our pans under the sink to catch the drip so hopefully the bedroom wall will dry up soon.

Now he’s mumbling something about how clean I keep the place and about good tenants. Hmm… good tenants? Even with a 2-pound rat and a 6-foot mannequin in a shiny bikini? Well, I tried to sell the bitch!

LMAO, it’s all I can do to keep from saying (he’s just a room away), “Enjoy us, Jes, cuz if Tom gets hired on it’s back to thieves and druggies for you, buddy!”

I’m too busy to write about the news interview I saw with Barbara. Oh, there goes something about fixing it next week if not this week… and what about Auburn and Home Depot? Yeah, he just said, “We’re in Auburn.” Really? But I thought I was in Germany singing 99 Luftballons with Barbara!

sighs I’m never gonna make today’s writing goal. :( I asked Andy on Formspring if I should step on him and I had to clamp a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing at the thought of Jesse knowing that someone just asked online if they should step on him.

Did he just fart?

Later…

Jesse got all the parts and is gonna fix the damn pipe next week.

Did some Barbara digging and came up with some more pictures that are fairly decent as well as a candid news interview with her about another exchange program she heads with Germany and South Africa. I couldn’t understand every word but I got the general idea. I played the video a few times and each time I could understand more and more.

I didn’t realize she was so old! She’s got to be 55-60. Her face was close and clear unlike in the classroom videos. She’s more wrinkled than Nane, the poor girl, and she has a bit of a wide nose. Despite these imperfections, she is still quite lovely. I’m sure people drooled over her 20 years ago. She’s tall, she has nice eyes, nice hair, a great body and nice teeth too, though I don’t know if they’re real. If she did pick up that I like her, well of course she wouldn’t complain now that I see how old and wrinkled she looks, LOL. Her hubby probably hasn’t complimented her in years! She’s still a hottie in my book.

I kissed my husband goodbye for the day, worked out, took a shower and was thinking how cool it was that the tub seems to have miraculously stopped leaking, I haven’t had to take any pain relievers today (yet), and I even fixed the shower cleaner sprayer that broke again on us, then headed into the bedroom.

And then I saw it.

And felt it.

Arrgghh!!! Yes, another leak. :( I noticed the discoloration by part of the bedroom baseboard before and while I thought it weird, I didn’t pay much attention to it. But then I felt the wetness where the carpet meets the wall and saw that the lower part of the dresser was wet and warped. We’re probably gonna just leave the old piece of shit here if we ever do make it out of here, but hopefully the wood (or particle board to be precise) hasn’t weakened so much that the fucking thing collapses. I don’t think it will. I just want to know when we’re gonna get a break with every single fucking thing that can possibly leak leaking on us?!?! This place is having WAY more problems than the dumpy old house we rented in Oregon had yet that thing was built in the 20s, not the 60s!

My guess is it’s the sink given the position of it and the fact that there are pipes right behind that area. Because it doesn’t smell like shit is why I don’t think it’s the toilet. I don’t know if it’s the sink’s in or outgoing water. Probably in. The inner pipes are the ones running along that wall whereas the outer seems to go straight down through the floor.

I thought about calling the Jes pest, then decided not to. Sure it might be a quick fix where all he has to do is just tighten the fucking joints, but what if it’s not? Well, I know Tom wants to enjoy his mini vacation starting on Thursday without him in the picture and I want to finish my goddamn book! And go to KFC! So what if it’s not my birthday yet?

I pulled the dresser out away from the wall (boy is that thing easier to finagle around when you work out), but I just wish we could up and move like right now! Yet the sad reality is that we can’t take chances with him as a temp and we’ll still only be able to afford old places anyway even if they are bigger than this shoebox. Places that are 30 years old or less and that have hook-ups for full-size washers/dryers, as well as dishwashers, are just way too expensive on one income, even if that income is good. He made $300 in just two days cuz of OT. The only way to get a newer place that’s comparable to our rent here would be if we were willing to live in the slums and we’re not.

I love renting cuz of how we don’t have to pay to fix things but the next thing we know, something’s going to break here that’s going to damage our stuff and then we will be paying. When that propane tank decides to leak all the propane out that we paid for, then the problem becomes more than just an inconvenience to us, but if God forbid that ever did happen I would deduct it from the rent even though Jesse would probably pitch a fit over it. Too bad, though, cuz if his tank spits out our propane, we ain’t paying for it! At least this leak hasn’t directly hurt us as of yet.

The rat isn’t sure what his favorite incense smell is; Fudge Nut Brownie, Strawberry Rhubarb or Honey-Vanilla. I’m burning Sweet Tahiti right now. The incense place has some novelty fragrances these days. Gross novelty fragrances. It’s almost too bad I don’t still make my own so I could send my folks some “double-dipped” sticks where I do each half in a different scent and have them wonder why it started off smelling wonderful only to turn into baby diapers halfway down the stick, LMAO! Unless you want farts, smelly socks or gasoline instead. This is one reason I’m commonly referred to as a little devil, troublemaker or mischievous.

Oh wow! Just wow! Now that really made my day even brighter! Barbara not only just sent me a message that I TOTALLY understood even though it was written in 100% German but it was oh so sweet of her! :))) We seem to have so much in common because she too, speaks other languages and dreams of being a writer! Wow. Again, just wow. I didn’t expect to hear back from her ever again. Especially since I know she’s no idiot. In other words, she knows I don’t see her as just a damn good teacher. She knows I know she looks good doing it. :) I’m subtle but obvious enough to anyone with half a brain. Ok, maybe two-thirds of a brain in her case. :)

I’ll admit I wanted to let her in on what I was thinking basically for two reasons. Out of curiosity to test her reaction and cuz I’ll also admit the idea of it is kinda funny. It’s a game that can’t backfire on me in a way it could with a neighbor or a coworker. I mean what could one in Germany do that didn’t like knowing I thought she was pretty, come piss in my peanut butter? I can’t be 100% she knows, but it wouldn’t surprise me AND THAT DAMN COCK UP THE HILL BETTER QUIT HAMMERING!

So back to what I was saying, she knows English, French and a little Spanish and Italian. It helps her to understand her international students’ mistakes better like when Miss Shitaly applied her twisted grammar to English. Yabla’s gonna be filming her again in the spring. “Very important!” she says, that I learn my prepositions. Oh, I’ll learn them alright, if she’ll teach me. :) I just might have to hunt around for what you have to pay for on Yabla. She said they’ll be filming for 4 hours but doesn’t know when it’ll be online. She wished me luck with my book and said to have fun writing.

As much as I envy my folks who are presently 31º warmer than my 39º ass, Tom’s lucky he’s not working in a warehouse there today! It’s to be 82º and 100% humid. That’s the one and only thing I wouldn’t like about Florida is all the damn stickiness. But it’s got some good in it as it’s really good for your skin and hair. I didn’t need as much lip balm there.

I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing when my logic disagrees with my vibes. My logic says those Florida dreams were just dreams and that we probably won’t even move to a real house around here while my vibes argue and say, “They weren’t just dreams! And it’s gonna be raining steadily on us when we get there too, just like I saw in the dreams!”

If we ever really do move long distance, then it’s got to be on account of some serious money I don’t know about yet. I honestly don’t see how I could ever go back to winning sweeps like I used to because it’s not like it’s going to get any less popular or any less widespread.

I want my parents to live forever. Like for as long as I live. But at the same time, I wish they’d die now so I could know what they might’ve left us. I still don’t see how it could be much more than 10K, but Mom said it’d be “alright.” Well, 10K won’t make things “alright.” At least not for long. Look how long we were “alright” after winning 9K. Less than a year and we were up shit’s creek all over again.

I had some ear pain at the end of yesterday and at the start of my day today. I should just pop a fucking pain pill every day upon waking up at the rate I’m going. :( Tom was able to clean my ear somewhat, then we gave it another oil treatment to help break down the dead skin that can’t break down and shed on its own.

LOL, someone said the troll removed her blog. Yeah, that’s what she does; creates new accounts faster than she closes old ones.

I miss my cousin Phil, wherever he is. He was my all-time favorite #1 cousin. He would be about 49 years old today. Dad said he moved down to Florida but this was way back in the late 90s, so who knows where he is now? As good as I usually am at finding people, he’s nowhere to be found. There’s no obit on him, so he’s alive. My parents would’ve told me if he were dead anyway.

I think I’ll go watch a video until Jesse starts his engine gunning or takes off somewhere and leaves me with the barking.

Later…

There is NOTHING like waking up to know you’re not broke, you have tons of beautiful fragrances waiting for you in the form of body oils and incense, you received a lovely birthday card with a 50-dollar bill, and you have a great guy who loves you!!! Makes it harder to believe I was that doomed and desperate person a couple of months ago!

The only imperfections are that one of the oils was barely half full, the 4 free sample oils are boring, and of course… Jesse. Pesky little Jesse. He zoomed down on the ATV at 11:30 this morning as I was eating a fruit cup in the kitchen to get plywood from his shit pile in back. I am so sick of living with this cock!

Seeing his kid at that time confirms my suspicion that he doesn’t go to school. The kids won’t be out on vacation till next month, so he’s either been suspended or dropped out. But can you drop out to be your father’s little project slave at 13? And just what the fuck are they building? I didn’t hear any saws or hammers yesterday; just his damn truck besides the ATV.

The place is fast filling with the lovely smell of Vanilla Lace. When you live in an old rodent-infested trailer (they come faster than we can kill them except for the rodent we actually want living here), and you have a nose as sharp as a bloodhound’s, you really need more than just typical air fresheners. Besides, those don’t have the fun variety this place has, although I’m not going to buy much from them in the future if they keep jacking their prices up. Anyway, some days we don’t hear the field rats and nothing’s come up inside the place in a while. All their activity is underneath but annoying enough at times. Mice are usually pretty quiet, but rats aren’t.

I think I’ll burn the China Rain next. I had trouble getting one of the sticks to stay lit since it’s so freshly dipped. Sometimes I miss making and selling my own incense, though I would always use uncut oils. “Cut” oils means you delude them with an oil cutter that’s basically nothing more than plain unscented oil. When you don’t cut the oil the fragrance is not only bolder, but you only have to soak the sticks for 12-24 hours instead of up to 48. The drain/dry time is pretty much the same, though, at about 48-72 hours. I sometimes miss doing crazy and creative things like the way I’d take an eyedropper and dribble a different scent on each inch of the stick so that the scent would change every 10 minutes or so.

The one thing I always hated was candles. They just don’t do a good job of emitting the scent because the heat source is on top where it needs to be underneath like with oil burners. It needs to be underneath or in direct or near-direct contact with the oil like lamp rings and sticks.

The oils I got will be used as body oils if I don’t throw some in my warming pot.

At least now I’ll have a reason to be congested. I gotta move some of these damn dolls, though. Incense may do the best job of smelling a place up, but it also does the best job of making a mess, too.

The birthday card was one of the prettiest and nicest. It’s got Snoopy on it against a pink background and is definitely the first card that refers to me as talented, witty and other things, LOL. Wonder why my folks sent the card so early, though. They usually time it to hit right on the day or the day before. It could be because they know we only go to pick up our mail once a week. I’m going to KFC next weekend! :)

The troll’s back, but it only made one apparently useless attempt to view me. She’s got me bookmarked and so she came in directly. That doesn’t mean she still doesn’t see what she can see of me on other sites, though.

So we made it through a month of at least not receiving any summons. I guess that means I never will, but it’s too soon to see if anything was sent that I didn’t receive. That’s still hard to believe when you think about it. Pigs should be able to obtain both our addresses but especially our physical ones as that’s tied in with our IP. Maybe it being in Jesse’s name confused them. It shouldn’t save one from repercussions, though. I learned that the hard way in 1991 in S. Deerfield with a phone in a fake name. I think just being in a different state may’ve helped most of all, but we’ll see. I’m hoping that it was simply a case of her using her hatred and her race and the fact that there’s history between us to try to ruin my life all over again. I’m sure she threw in tons of lies along the way and said I threatened her. With me being white and her a nigger, that would’ve alarmed the pigs and prompted them to see if I was a spammer or anything at all that they could get me on. After thinking about it, you’re not really considered much of a spammer by how many emails you send one person so much as how many people you send emails to. I’m hoping that’s all they were looking for since they couldn’t get me on her and her alone. I first thought they wouldn’t be nosing into my account unless they thought they had something on me, but then I realized that sometimes the only way to see if you have a case or not is to stick your nose in someone’s business in the first place.

Let’s see… what’s going on today? Oh, just some guy on MO insisting he has “no room in his heart for hate.” Guess he can’t say he has a very big heart then. grins and blocks the guy with the very poor pickup line

I hate having to pee when Tom’s in the shower. “We’ll have two bathrooms someday,” he tells me.

“Yeah, right,” I said. “Show me one house in the west with two bathrooms that we can afford!”

That’s one of the problems out here. The houses are not only set closer together and smaller but they usually have just one bathroom. Two bathrooms are usually reserved for the houses that are huge and expensive.

Amazingly I’m not in any pain at the moment. Tom got this new ear cleaner that’s mostly used for cleaning wax and he thought it may help with the bad ear as far as getting any dead skin out that could be irritating me at times and putting pressure on it. I told him it really sucked that we didn’t have the money to get all my teeth removed. That’s the only way we’re going to know for sure who the culprit is. But as he said, if the problem persists after getting them pulled then we’ll have wasted all that money. True, though I would have a whiter, more even smile.

The next question is why I’m waking up with congestion so often. I don’t smoke, I haven’t burned incense in a while, so where’s it coming from? I will be burning incense soon enough, though, and had the idiots emailed me to let me know when it was shipped like they did to let me know when it was in production and then to tell me it would ship soon, we would’ve known to pick it up yesterday. But now we have to wait till tomorrow and I’ll be asleep when he gets in with it. He’s picking it up after work and will probably be here at 3:30, but I shouldn’t be getting up until the evening.

Someone I know is sending tons of people tons of magazine subscriptions. It’s dumb of them if you ask me because it’s traceable. I did, however, send a few goodies back in 2005 to my evil MIL and SIL, both of which live together and have had full hysterectomies. When free samples became a bit hit I couldn’t resist sending them tampon samples. LOL, 4 tampons, 2 bitches, but not 1 uterus in the entire household.

Friday night, I fantasized about doing something I would never do but that was oh so much fun to at least imagine doing. I wanted to call Jesse at 3am and have a very LOUD recording of barking dogs playing the instant he picked up, LOL.

Gonna hop in the shower, eat, put away the clothes that are still hanging on the inside line, then get to work on my story. The story’s going better than expected. It needs 16,706 more words to win the NaNo thing and should take about 10 more chapters to finish which means I’m two-thirds of the way done. Today I will do chapter 21. These smaller chapters usually take 2-4 hours to do whereas full-size ones can take up to 8. Soon it will be time to tie up those loose ends and bring it all together. Each chapter is like dangling strings that eventually need to be gathered and tied.

Despite the fact that I have known for years that my artificial ear canal would be a problem for the rest of my life, it still bums me out to know I’m going to have to be in pain nearly every fucking day of my life. Unless it’s caused more by my teeth than I realize, though when Tom looked in it he said it needed to be oiled. It can’t shed dead skin like a normal canal so we have to deal with it ourselves. If God had just given me two normal ears I wouldn’t be going through this shit. As if all the other shit He dealt me in life weren’t enough?!

I hope last night’s dream was nothing to worry about, though it didn’t scare me or leave me with any bad feelings. I was in a huge room with an Olympic-sized pool. It was fairly crowded, but I don’t know who the people were or where I was. I wouldn’t go in the pool cuz it was too cold so someone suggested a smaller pool that was long and narrow and ran alongside the big pool. As I stepped down into it I slipped and was “swept” away by a current I hadn’t seen. I was taken through a set of double swinging doors a few seconds later sort of like you’d see in a restaurant and next thing I know I’m in total darkness, water now racing fast.

The dogs shut up earlier than I expected last night so I got to have some peace. Doesn’t sound like Jesse’s gone anywhere tonight, though it’s still a little early.

We hit the 30s for the first time this year. :( Meanwhile, my spoiled, blessed and pampered folks get to enjoy a low of 72º tonight.

How does one read a blog they don’t even know exists? I wonder this because Alison told me she read the troll’s newest blog and she was saying she hadn’t bothered us in two weeks and we should stop reading her blog. Yet I not only haven’t read any of her lies and delusions for a while now, but I didn’t recognize the blog name and address that Aly gave me. That’s ok, though, Molly’s the type of person to write something like how she ran into me in the streets of Texas and truly believe it, too.

LOL, Jenny C blocked me after my “You still fucking my brother?” message. I check every now and then to see if there’s any change within her virtually empty profile. It had been a while so I checked today and she finally picked up the message and blocked me.

I was also surprised to find my aunt Ruth now has a Facebook profile and kind of surprised her daughter Polly, now married with 3 kids, does too. I did notice that Philip’s not on either of their friend lists. Is this because they don’t get along or because he just doesn’t have an account? It’s hard to believe Philip wouldn’t have an account. I wondered the same thing, though, with my niece Jennifer. She had her mom added, but not her slutty dad.

Either way, I said a quick hello to them, curious if they would appear on my visitor log (if they haven’t got their cookies disabled) but I don’t expect to hear from them or that they’d be curious about my journal. Remember, people tend to see us as they last remember us to be, not who we are today. So I’m the “crazy” troublemaker in their little minds who shouldn’t be bothered with.

I could not agree with this article I read more! But sadly, it appears that equality will never exist in the state I dreamed of living in for so many years only to become utterly disgusted and ashamed of it.

The troll made another visit today and it said that her recent time spent on my site was 30 seconds. But then she returned and it said 42 minutes! Remembering that I tweaked the HTML the previous day, I overwrote the code even though it was still visible. Maybe next time I play with the coding I’ll remember to reinstall the damn thing! Once I reblocked her she made 3 more attempts to get in over a period of a few hours, but since there’s no view time logged, I guess she didn’t succeed.

I sent Barbara a message yesterday just saying hi. She’s ignoring me, not to my surprise. I’m sure it’s for the best. I think she only responded in the first place to try to get me to her classroom in Germany, not that that wouldn’t be loads of fun.

One of the people I deleted was my cousin Sharyn. I figured she’d keep in touch if she really wanted to but she hasn’t, so why not ax her, too? Then I noticed she was subscribed to my public updates. Or at least appeared to be. I’m not sure what to make of the subscriber thing. I swear it said, “you have no subscribers” when I clicked on subscribers just a day or two ago before I deleted her. Yet others I’ve axed like Nane’s brothers and SIL also appear as still being subscribed to me. Hmm… I wonder if I still appear as subscribed to Nane’s updates. Her wall is basically public. I wonder if she even knows this.

Later…

The rat is so cute and so funny at times. He’s got this new thing where I let him out and he “leads” me to the kitchen and waits at the refrigerator till I open it and give him some cheese or something. Also, where most animals want you out of their living quarters, this one wants me in it. If I stand close to the cage and am wearing something like my robe or a dress as opposed to a tee and jeans, he grabs my sleeve or whatever he can get a hold of and starts slowly pulling me in. Yeah, he’d love it if I could move in with him, alright, and his cage is so big I could actually fit in it if I crouched into a tight ball.

I was surprised with a win notice earlier. It’s just a peel-off facial mask, but still cool.

Gotta get new undies soon. They seem to want to head south while on the treadmill right along with the ass they cover which I’m working on sending north.

I’m now down 4 pounds but am going to give my muscles a rest over the weekend and be sure not to stray too far from my diet. I alter it each week for variety and soon I’m going to have to cut more calories. The closer you get to your ideal weight the harder it is to lose it and my stupid body doesn’t think it’s that fat for a muscular woman of my height, frame and age.

Went back to doing old fashion crunches on the floor instead of the ball. With the ball, you spend more time balancing yourself than concentrating on the movements, but on the floor, you can really focus on working the muscles. I do 15 minutes a day at different speeds, so I end up doing hundreds of crunches. I also noticed that the ball exercises weren’t pulling my gut in as flat as it usually is. In fact, I was gutsier than I had been in a while. Proper ab exercises should pull the gut in flat so long as you’re not too overweight.

Jesse didn’t wake me up and Tom said he wasn’t playing his engine gunning games when he got in. That might’ve been due to the rain. When it’s not raining he usually plays with his toys in the mornings in the warmer weather and in the afternoons in the cooler weather. The fucking inconsiderate cock left us with his fucking dogs for the night, though, so I have to have the sound machines blaring IN THE COUNTRY to get any peace. He left early too, like around 4pm. Knowing they’re not going to stop till 3am - 4am, I’m putting off watching the latest Lifetime movie. Yeah, you fucking cock, we won’t be in your trashy little trailer forever, you’ll see!

Speaking of toys I see this country has a new one called a hypersonic weapon it was testing over the Pacific. So if we shot this at Iran they couldn’t even finish an episode of “Your Wife Showed Me Her Ankle?” Someone asked that and I thought it was a damn good question :)

“You can get anything you want. Anything. We have $1500 right now,” Tom told me when I asked if he thought it was ok if I got some of those pre-cooked goodies I like. I’m just not used to having money. Not in the last 4 years for the most part anyway. I still want to keep in the habit of not getting too carried away, though, in preparation for the next poor spell. Yeah, I’m not stupid. I know that nothing’s changed and that all good things come to an end. We may be on a roll right now but something up there still thought it was really fucking funny to tease the hell out of us with our survival and watch us struggle like crazy. It was pretty funny to see us led to the very edge of a steep cliff as we stood there horrified and feeling utterly helpless and doomed till a miracle stepped in and saved us. Just hilarious.

And now I’m being compensated with pain. I think I’d rather that than the poverty, though. I’m actually more used to pain than poverty. I can’t wait for the next tooth to hurry up and get infected so I can get the bastard pulled! What we have saved now won’t get them all ripped out and dentures put in, and I’m not stupid when it comes to that either. I know that quack was full of it in saying I had good teeth and that they’ve got to go. Every single one of them. But I don’t think it’s infected just yet. Not enough pain. When it starts waking me up – then it’s infected.

Back to the groceries; I just don’t crave anything anymore since being on this high-protein diet and adding a protein bar to my daily menu. I still have to deal with hunger, though, and sometimes it’s worse than others. My tummy’s shrinking so it’s not as bad lately. The important thing is to keep my meals around the same size so I don’t stretch my tummy. I have 3 meals and 4 snacks. I eat every two hours starting after I’ve been up for two hours until all 7 things are gone.

LOL, Andy’s on his imaginary tour again with his Fire Flies band and he tweets the locations they play in. The last time around I pretended to follow the shows with Nane, but now it’s with Barb.

The troll made 4 attempts to get into my blog today. I looked up everyone I could find with her name on Facebook with suspicious-looking accounts and blocked them. Her name may be fairly common (there’s even an actress with her name) but there were tons of photoless profiles that were virtually empty like they’d been created just to bypass blocks. Only she’s got to have one I don’t know about because she came to my blog from it after I blocked the one she prank-messaged me from a couple of weeks ago. Well, don’t you have to have an account there to look at people’s profiles?

I almost wish I hadn’t rejected her when she first contacted me on Formspring a year and a half ago. I don’t wish I’d been friendly, but my rejecting her is part of what’s got her stalking me. That’s the name of the game right there and exactly what this bitch gets off on. Negative blog talk about her doesn’t anger her and it doesn’t hurt her feelings either. It amuses her and even she said so herself. The more you reject and ridicule her, the more obsessed she becomes with you. It’s sad and it’s sick and I truly don’t get it but there really are some people out there who are “backward” when it comes to what they seek out in people. While most of us want good, honest, loving people who care about us, this one wants all the abuse she can get from people. Would she actually like it if a group of people beat the shit out of her? I’ve often wondered this, and sadly, I think she would.

I guess I’ll work on my story soon. Tonight I will reach the 30,000-word marker! Still don’t know if I’m going to be one of the NaNo winners, but we’ll see. It’s not as easy as one might think to win this damn thing, LOL. I’m good, but there’s always better.

So I’ll be busy writing and probably not have time for Piggeldy und Frederick along with Barb and her class of idiots. Yeah, I’ve been watching German cartoons as part of Yabla’s immersion course. Cartoons are a good learning tool because the words are usually not spoken too fast nor are they too complex, but sooner or later I’ll have to move beyond cartoons like with my other languages.

As for Barbara, the more I listen to her students the more I see that she really does have a class full of dumb shits if Miss Outspoken does say so herself. I found a video containing a part of the class I hadn’t seen yet and wouldn’t let myself look at the German or English transcriptions. Instead, I just listened. I could understand almost everything, and I hate to say it, but I could’ve come up with better answers than some of her students did. And faster, too.

I have lived in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Arizona, Oregon and California. The next state will probably be Florida if I don’t decide to just leave the country altogether. I wouldn’t mind a liberal, Spanish-speaking country, but my hubby is as bad with languages as I am with numbers, so the Australian desert would be more like it if we ever left. Not likely, though.

I have been all over the scale financially – poor, average and even somewhat wealthy. I have lived in many places – rural, suburbs, city, private schools, houses, duplexes, apartments, hotels and even a not-so-fun 36 hours of homelessness on the streets of Sacramento when we were unable to access our money to pay for a hotel room when we first moved to Cali. I think I still remember every detail of the Walmart parking lot we hung out in during those anxious hours, and let’s not forget those jails and funny farms either! The jail stint came after lodging a city complaint on an old neighbor who happened to have a friend who was a cop, unbeknownst to me at the time. The funny farms – that one’s easier to explain. Mom and Dad simply thought I was crazy. :) That’s ok, everybody thought everybody was crazy in the 80s.

I have a very open-minded, smart, patient and caring husband. He’s probably the only one that really “gets” me, LOL. We never argue despite having different interests and personalities. Disagreeing on whether it’s too hot or cold is considered a massive fight between us.

I am actually bisexual, but whether or not I have any lady friends that aren’t just friends on the side is for me to know and you to wonder. :)

I can be selfish and I tend to dislike people in general but am still very compassionate and understanding. I empathize with people when they’re going through a rough time (unless they’re known hypochondriacs) as opposed to letting it scare me off and I do my best to help those I care about even if all I can do is just be a sounding board for them.

Known for my “brutal honesty” I can sometimes come off as offensive. I don’t mean to. I’m just being myself and speaking my mind. :)

I feel both accomplished in life and not so accomplished. I’ve done a lot, but there is much more to do!

I have made many mistakes in life but don’t regret them for the most part because I’m only human and because sometimes we need to mess up in order to learn things.

I like people that are honest and true to their word. As the saying goes, if I’m not worth the truth, then you’re not worth me. :) What I don’t like are people who only want to know you when you’re up, when they think they can get something from you, and who can’t accept you as you are. It is important that people like me for who I am, not what they think they can get me to become.

As a liberal, I find most conservatives irritating. Not because of what they think, feel or believe, but because they tend to try to control, change and manipulate those who are different than them if they don’t try to oust you altogether. If you don’t like/want an abortion, don’t get one. If you don’t like/want to marry the same sex, then don’t!

As long as no one tries to cram their views down my throat I try to let others have their own way of thinking, though I do admit that those who insist there’s no scientific evidence that people are gay/bi by choice really make me want to slap them at times. I’m sorry, but there IS scientific evidence and I didn’t choose what appeals to me any more than I choose pink to be my favorite color and to dislike spicy foods. And no, I was not molested as a child either.

I did, however, experience other forms of abuse as a child and I even abandoned my entire family for about a decade. Right or wrong, we kind of needed a break from each other, and I’ll admit I kind of got off on the idea of them wondering about me for a while… Was I happy? What state was I living in? Was I still married? Ever have kids? Or perhaps I got run over by a semi and ended up as a ghost sitting on their rooftop one summer day, happily sucking on a Popsicle while I watched them water their yard thinking to myself, yoo-hoo, I’m right up here, you suckers!

I tried to kill myself in my teens even though some people found it easier to tell themselves I was just “out for attention” despite the fact that a 20-foot jump really can be quite risky. I do not recommend it. But hey, ignorance is bliss for some people. Much like a recovering alcoholic, it’s not something that ever really goes away, but that you learn to control. It is dormant during the good times, but when the shit hits the fan in life I’m usually just a thought away from suicide.

I was a prankster when I was younger and while I have kept well within the limits of the law for quite a while, I sometimes find I have to bite my tongue or sit on my hands when the little mischievous devil in me longs to come out and play. :) Especially with someone that just might have pissed me off.

I like the things most people like – sweets, good music, movies, and things that smell good. I’m not big on TV series, though, and don’t have much time for them anyway.

I’m as religious as a doorknob, I sometimes have dream premonitions, and I sure love to keep fit. :) I run 1-3 miles a day and usually watch what I eat. Some days I really have to push myself to keep at it, but passing by a mirror and seeing how much I resemble the people in my fitness videos has a way of pushing me onward. Maybe at 50, I’ll let it all go. :)

I have a smart, loving 2-pound rat. Rats are much smarter than cats and dogs (sorry, but it’s true) and IMO make better pets. :)

When I was very young I did housekeeping and babysitting, then I was an exotic dancer for about a year in my mid-20s. Yes, folks, that means I really did take my top off – oh my! Don’t worry, I had my pasties on. :) After I hung up my dancing shoes I sang in my brother-in-law’s band for another year. Unlike most singers who could always sing, I pretty much sucked till I had training in my early 20s. I became a pretty good singer, especially after quitting smoking, but I don’t enjoy that or tinkering with the guitar and keyboards like I used to.

I am a total language fanatic. So much so that I am currently learning one I swore I would never learn and that I even find ugly – German. I am fluent in ASL and Spanish and know a lot of Italian. I also studied a bit of French, Portuguese and Esperanto, but dropped those 3 as I’m already studying too many languages. :)

Along with a little artificial intelligence work, I am currently a writer and even though I’ve learned to expect the unexpected in life, I don’t expect to ever make much money from it. It’s too competitive a field that’s very black and white. You either make it big or just don’t make it at all. I love to write, though, so I don’t let the lack of pay stop me. :)

I have been stalked by the same people for years, but am only sure of one person’s identity. She’s harmless, though. Not a lesbian or anything; just your all-American sociopath:)

That concludes my little 1,850-word bio. :) Next, I will leave you with some random facts from my blogs…………

1. I prefer milk chocolate to dark chocolate.

2. I will drink orange juice, but I can’t stand anything else with orange, including the smell of oranges.

3. I love rats, mice and snakes, but spiders creep me out.

4. I refuse to eat anything salty, spicy or citrus.

5. I have very curly hair which I hate.

6. I don’t worry what people think, they don’t do it very often anyway.

7. I am sometimes too forgiving and tend to care about people who don’t care about me, though I used to be just the opposite.

8. I dwell in the past and worry about the future a little more than I should.

9. I want to fly a plane. A BIG plane.

10. I’m partially deaf but I can identify musical notes without reading music or seeing them played on an instrument.

11. I hate temperatures below 80º.

12. I don’t mind the rain, but I HATE snow.

13. For a while, I was a bit racist about a decade ago after black people sought revenge on me through the law for complaining against them and saying a few things they didn't want to hear. These days, however, I have no discrimination. I hate everybody equally.

14. I wonder why so many people don’t know when to use “there” or “their” or “they’re.” Or the difference between “to” and “too” or “your” and “you’re.”

15. I love bright colors and find earth tones boring as hell.

16. I’m sickened by the fact that some people get away with murdering their kids and our government gives billions of dollars to other countries while there are so many people right here in need.

17. I get most of my story ideas from dreams.

18. I think some of the cheaper and basic foods like apples should be free.

19. I believe people should be given jobs based on their qualifications, not their gender, age, race, nationality or sexual orientation.

20. I miss owning a pool and swimming!

21. I love Foster Farm’s honey BBQ chicken wings. I could eat a whole bag every day.

22. I love all kinds of music but am not big on metal, gospel, jazz or classical.

23. I drink about 2 liters of water a day.

24. I fear growing old and dying alone.