Although it was a tough job, I managed to install Disqus on my blog so comments can now be left on my entries.

“Goodbye Nane, hello Barb, huh?” someone playfully teased me earlier today. Well, they got the first part of that one right because Nane dumped me today. I learned this after she apparently didn’t like what I had to say in my last message to her about being ignored for two months and offered no explanation as to why before deleting me on Facebook. No one but Tom is obligated to stay in my life but by God, at least have the decency to tell me why you’re dumping me in the first place!

I’m used to it. I learned about rejection very young, particularly as a child and on up into my 20s. Even so, what sucks is that I know I’d be quick to “kiss and make up” with her if she wanted to. Yeah, sometimes I wish I could be as unforgiving as I used to be. From around my mid-20s to when I was around 40 or so ago I was about as unforgiving as one could be. I wouldn’t forgive you for sneezing on me, and if I felt like playing with your head, leading you on or dumping you just because I had a headache and thought that was a great excuse to take it out on you, so be it. Then I started getting older and the guilt set in. No one’s perfect and that certainly includes me.

But I am NOT letting anyone new into my life even though I’m flattered by Barbara’s response to my message which I’ll get to after. There have been a few men and women who have truly cared about me, been attracted to me, and even loved me that was far from crazy. But why is it that the general rule usually is that if she has feelings for me or is attracted to me or both, she must be positively insane or end up dumping me??? And why is it that the ones I want usually don’t give a damn about me? Is there something wrong with me I’m not seeing? I was just being myself but I guess that wasn’t good enough.

She has a right to have whoever she wants in her life same as I do but I can’t help but wonder why I was dumped and without so much as a reason why. Why did she lie about buying my book? She told me to remind her to order it if she forgot since she’s so busy. Busy living the good life. Work, travel and her BF were all her life consisted of. I thought to myself, fuck that shit! If she were really interested I wouldn’t have to “remind” her to buy the damn thing.

And why did she tell me many times that she was attracted to me, what she’d do to me if I were alone with her in her apartment, how smart she thought I was, and talk me through those rough times I had a few months back?

Then two months of silence followed after that, including the deletion of a couple of pictures of nature and animals I posted to her wall, and now I’ve been axed completely. Well, it’s going to be strange for a while not seeing her around, but I’m not going to let myself be sad over this wrinkled oberflächliche Hündin. Maybe karma will bite her in ass someday and her BF will trade her in for a younger woman or something.

After Nane became the official cyber ex, I let her brothers and SIL go figuring it was best but hung onto Irene. Unless she too, turns out to be an Arschloch, she’s been very kind to me.

Just took a break from writing this to chat with Aly. She’s been such a kind and caring friend and I want to thank each and every one of you who cares (you know who you are) for accepting me as I am, and for being there for me during both my good and bad times.

Others also suspect that Nane was deliberately leading me on and messing with my feelings. Well, she did seem to be very hot and cold and back and forth. One minute she’d be all flirty, the next telling me she wasn’t into women, then taking months to reply to my messages.

I have another theory as well and that’s that she might’ve been uncomfortable by the fact that I have dream premonitions and sometimes “learn” things in my dreams. Things people are thinking and stuff like that. She seemed bothered by the dream I had of her confessing to having feelings for me, saying that that was actually true and she was just realizing this and “coming to terms” with it and wasn’t sure if she should tell me or not since I’m halfway around the world and we’d probably never meet anyway.

Well, how the hell am I supposed to know if something that I may dream about pertaining to a person is true or not? All I know is that if I have a bad dream about you, something bad will happen to you within 72 hours. But if I dream you farted at work for all your coworkers to hear, fell in love with your neighbor, or are thinking how much you wish your ex would drop dead, how am I supposed to know if this is really the case or not? Not everything I dream is true, for God’s sake. I had a dream my East Coast buddy told me she didn’t love me like Tom and I love each other, but she still had feelings that kinda bordered on love yet I KNOW that ain’t true. So not everything in Dreamland is or becomes reality. I would have been murdered when I was 21 if that were the case.

Either way, that wraps up my 15-month “friendship” with the German financial wizard who told me I was “fun” to swap messages with, attractive as hell, and a talented writer. Nane can take away our friendship but she can’t take away the memories of the few good chats we had, the wonderful eye candy she was for a while, or the great “leads” she made in some of my stories. I’ll have to fire her, though, and maybe Barbara can take her place, hahaha. Her contract’s expired for sure! Only she’s “playing” Anina in my current book, so she’ll have to wait and be replaced in Momentary Desires.

Hey, does she even know we’re still “friends” on the language site? LOL

Barbara’s message was flattering and she seems like a very sweet person, like I said, but she is not welcome in my life. Being in stories is one thing, being real is another. I’m tired of so many of the good-looking ones being crazy or mean. I don’t need any more “special” friends, and I don’t want to hear another chick tell me they love me or at least have feelings for me. I’m not going to believe them anyway.

In my message to Barbara, I told her how helpful her video was. Despite how hot she is she truly does seem like a great teacher and because she’s a teacher, well, that kinda rules out insanity, doesn’t it? That means I wouldn’t have had to worry about her pulling a Marie number on me. Instead, she’d just lead me on or ignore me. But yeah, she’s a fine teacher and anyone that has the smarts and the patience for teaching is a truly amazing person. I could never do it myself. I spent more time laughing at those who fucked up on the language site than I did teaching. I know, I’m mean, but I couldn’t help it. And oh how I wanted to shake some of them with frustration at times! One can teach someone something but they cannot make them get it, and so when this one chick kept applying Italian grammar to her written English exercises I just wanted to reach through my computer and into Italy and shake her! So yeah, teachers are pretty special. :)

I told Barbra I was a writer who loved studying languages and a little bit about myself. I was sure not to bluntly spell out that I was attracted to her, but you know me and my big mouth just might’ve dropped enough hints about it anyway, not that it matters. I’m not going to pursue any kind of an online relationship with her so it doesn’t matter what she knows. Besides, she herself said she doesn’t have much free time and wasn’t active on Facebook.

However, I loved how she started the letter off with Hi Jodi, liebe Jodi which can be translated as sweet Jodi or dear Jodi if you use “liebe” in that context.

She also said she’s writing in German because she thinks I can understand.

LOL, I appreciate the vote of confidence (hey, a German teacher should know), and yeah, I got the gist of what she was saying, but I did have to look up a few words.

Then she admired my enthusiasm and joy over learning Deutsch.

Whoa, not that much enthusiasm, I was thinking, as the language is still both difficult and ugly. Ok, so she may make it seem a little less ugly. Tall, dark hotties with nice buns and nice low, sexy-sounding voices can do that. But I’m more of a Romance Language freak as opposed to an Indo-Euro freak. The German was just an accident turned experiment turned Nane-inspired hobby that became a bit of an addiction for a while. I didn’t even want to learn German at first, but then a few thousand words later it was a bit hard to turn back. What Nane helped begin won’t exactly die anytime soon. Viel dank zu ihr ich kann schreiben dies (thanks to her I can write this).

But despite my not being as enthusiastic as Barbara may think I am, it shocked the hell out of me when she provided me with a link to a foreign exchange program that Cali has with Tübingen which is where she lives. What was flattering was that this program only accepts so many students and she seems to think I have what it takes to be one of them. That’s really sweet of her but I can continue learning right here online for free in a place that doesn’t snow. Almost never snows, anyway. It’s still kind of funny that she’d basically be like, “Well, come on over to Tübingen and I’ll teach you in person!” LOL, Tübingen’s close to Munich. Close enough to go stick her foot out and trip Nane when she comes down the stairs of her apartment building.