Those Miracle Noodles were absolutely terrible. They smelled fishy when I opened the package, tasted horrible, and had an even worse texture. It felt like I was biting into a jellyfish since it’s actually a gel-like plant and not pasta. The stuff is worse than jail and hospital food and just totally gross. It also wasn’t the least bit filling and is way overpriced. Again, I’d rather just stay fat and eat real food even if it has real calories, too. Tom wouldn’t even touch the stuff, LOL. He said he wouldn’t even eat it if it would take away calories from his body. I’m still glad I tried it, though, because now I know what they’re like. I’ll try almost anything once. 

I hope last night’s dream wasn’t a warning of any kind for me. It didn’t leave me with an ominous feeling so I don’t think it was. Either way, I stepped out of a vehicle in a large parking lot and it seemed like I was on my way to my dentist. The only thing that didn’t make sense was that it was nighttime and I was with three other people. All of a sudden I heard some shouts and maybe some loud sounds like firecrackers or gunshots. People started to panic. The three people I was with took off running toward a building and that’s all I really remember. 

Saw Bob delivering what I'm pretty sure were veggies from his garden to other neighbors. Guess we only deserved some our first year here, LOL

Everybody’s all excited about the coming fall and cooling temps. I’m not the least bit excited about the idea of being cold. When we got up this morning it was 73° inside the house and even that’s too chilly for me. Hard to believe it’s getting up into the 90s today, but it is. Dry climates are like that… the temp can be toasty in the daytime, then drop like a rock at night. 

The trees are just starting to turn colors and lose their leaves, making a mess of the roads and calling for more sound annoyances (blowers). Every time I hear a pop as I’m riding over twigs or parts of pinecones I worry I blew a tire. 

It was still a great day for riding. The sun was warm while the breeze was cool. 

Went to Michael’s craft store yesterday and got a few adult coloring books. One has tessellated designs, one has oriental designs, and another has fashions, both modern and not. Got a few new mediums to color with too, that I’ve never tried before. I like the glitter markers, but the metallic pencils aren’t anything to brag about. 

Today we went to Raley’s, which was utterly freezing, and I grabbed a couple of bags of Miracle Noodles. One’s fettuccini flavored and the other is spinach. It’s supposed to be 0 calories but still filling. We’ll see about that when I try them later on. I pictured dry noodles like Ramon noodles, but they’re in a squishy gel-like liquid. You’re supposed to drain them in a colander. It’s some kind of Asian pasta (shirataki). No calories, soy, cholesterol or gluten. 

Last night I dreamed I was at my sister’s place and we were walking around her block with a guy she called Jeff. She and Jeff wanted to walk leisurely, but I wanted to jog, so I ran around the block until we crossed paths and Jeff called out “hi” as I passed them. 

“Jeff said hi to you,” Tammy said, knowing I tend to be anti-social, but not knowing that I still observe things going on around me. I see. I hear. I just don’t always speak. But Tammy didn’t see me wave to Jeff while Jeff did, and he told her I waved to him on my way by. 

Later… 

We saw Bob and Virginia sitting in front of their place as we were finishing up our bike ride. Sure enough, not long afterward, Bob starts this loud, obnoxious, totally annoying hammering. And also sure enough, my husband is quick to defend him, saying he’s not being rude, that’s what people do, and our only option is to move. 

No, there’s another option… for him to shut the fuck up. Seriously, I’m not moving. I’m through running from noise simply because people have no consideration for others. I haven’t done anything wrong and therefore I’m not moving. He may not do this shit every day, but now we’re up to 3 times this month, and that’s almost weekly. I don’t need to hear it and I don’t want to hear it! 

He’s really putting a lot of stress on me. Once someone starts something at least regularly enough, then I have the stress of the anticipation hanging over my head, fearing he’s going to start his shit any second. I don’t know what I hate more, his hammering or his sawing. 

This may be ultra-paranoid of me, but I wonder if I should have mentioned thinking of moving that day I let out my frustrations to Virginia when they turned the water off. Makes me wonder if they’re not trying to actually drive us out of here because they prefer older neighbors they can be friends with like the Ss, not that they’d necessarily get folks in their 70s or older here if this house were suddenly for sale. I just don’t have a very good vibe about him, and again, I’m the only one that can shut him up. Hope that’s not what I’m going to have to eventually do. I swear it’s like he’s slowly testing me like the blacks would after we’d lodge a complaint with the city. 

Forget bitching to Tom, though. If I bitch about Bob, he bitches about me bitching about him. Seriously, he makes me feel like I’m wrong to feel annoyed by it… just like he has with all our neighbors. Had I been Bob in court back in 2000, would he have said, “I just want to see that he gets help?” Or would he have actually defended him because he wasn’t/isn’t his wife? Just wondering when I’m going to get the same defense he gives others. I’m sick of venting about someone just to have him either defend or make excuses for them. It doesn’t help and it doesn’t make me feel better. Should Tammy complain about me in Florida, not that I can see why she would, I hope I get that same fierce and automatic defense. 

Just stopped and ran Bob’s name online again. Why didn’t I get this before? I not only see their previous addresses in Minnesota, which is where they’re from, but they also lived in Carmichael and Sacramento at one point. Also, she’s 82 and he’s 85, almost 86. So what do you figure… about 10 more years of this shit? Again, I don’t want the guy to die; I just want him quiet. I would actually worry if they died or moved because there are so many worse neighbors we could end up with over there. 

Can’t believe they post all this shit on people for free. I didn’t even have to look hard for it. Really not sure I like all this info being thrown out there for all the world to see for little to no money at all. The name Tom is much more common than Jodi, but so far it looks like only old shit on us is available for free. Sooner or later our current address will hit the freebie scene, and again, I’m not sure I like that idea. If someone gets pissed at me online, what’s to stop them from finding our address, calling the cops, and saying I beat them up or threatened them? Or some other load of bullshit? You only need someone’s word, false or not, to convict someone. Prosecutor needs to prove you’re guilty? Wrong. You need to prove you’re innocent. So it’s not like I worry someone’s going to show up uninvited at the door, but more like use the law to spite us. Knowledge is power, and the more info you have, the more you can use it against someone whether they deserve it or not. Still, I’m not going to let it scare me offline. 

So what happened to my lone LiveJournal reader? Scared off by the now visible tracking icon, or just busy?

This cute kid in France on Ask said this when I asked him if he’d ever been to California: 

‪No, but I would very much like to go. I understand California is a mighty pretty place. California is so far away, and they have those giant mosquitoes. If I go to California, the first thing I want to do is go surfing. ‪The population of California is 29 million. California isn't home to all of us. I have often heard the description that California is a country all of its own. California is the place I gotta be. California is the Garden of Eden, a paradise to live in or to see. 

‪LMAO! Now should I burst this poor kid’s bubble and remind him of the ugly side of California? The drought, poverty, overcrowding, crazy cost of living, insane traffic, and other madness that exists here, etc. 

For just $5 total I ordered this pink to purple hair extension on Amazon. Andy said I’m too old for that hair color. It’s true that younger people look better with unnatural colors in their hair – well, some of them – but must we put an age limit on trying new things just for fun? Some would say he’s too old for his Fireflies tour role-playing game, but is he really hurting anyone or anything? “Normal” is so overrated and I wish more people would just be themselves instead of trying to either blend in or stand out. Just who are all these people we think we need to impress and put on a show for anyway? 

And how can some people say they stand for equality yet don’t believe gays should have the right to marry? Isn’t that like saying you’re too hot and then reaching for a jacket? This Iranian woman on Twitter was telling me she believes in equality, just not same-gender marriages. So then she doesn’t believe in equality. Equality doesn’t mean providing basic human rights to some while denying it to others. It’s okay to dislike or even hate certain groups, but why deny them the right to marry or any other basic human right? 

Kinda pissed off that only 4 people did my survey. Tammy, Aly, and what I’m guessing was either Norma or Andy, plus what was probably a Prosebox hater by the way they deemed my stories as “disgusting trash.” LOL 

Meanwhile, over 40 people took this other blogger’s survey on cheating. I guess it’s more of a fun subject than answering questions on someone’s writing/journal. 

The only thing that shoots down a Prosebox hater is that Texas appears to have been in around the time that one took the survey. Do I have any haters there from Texas? Or could Kathy or Molly be behind it? Maybe Kim? Kim could have linked into it from Twitter. The Texas visitor wasn’t near where Kathy and Molly are, so I’m guessing Kim or a Prosebox hater. Canada’s also on my list and a user going by “deleted user” might’ve been the one since the only other two I can think of that I’ve had problems with there are in New York and Michigan. 

I’ve also shared the link on Blogger, LiveJournal, and Facebook, but I find it hard to believe that a Facebooker was behind that one. It could be anyone from anywhere, but they definitely had to have seen my tweet or one of my blogs in order to get to it.

Did a paid survey in Spanish and created my own survey to get thoughts and opinions on my writing, which I always value. I mean I’m still going to do what I’m going to do, but other people’s input is still nice every now and then. I am always curious about how they understand/perceive my writing. After I saw someone create their own survey on another subject on Survey Monkey, I decided to do the same. 

I don’t usually discuss food in my entries because so many people run that subject into the ground (along with a few others) and I get sick of it. I don’t mind hearing about exercise routines on a daily basis, but food talk can get old at times, not to mention make me hungry sooner than I might have normally been. 

But Lay’s Biscuit and Gravy potato chips are awesome! Aly mentioned liking them on Twitter and I thought they might be an interesting flavor to try. I like them better than Tom does. He thinks he will like the other flavors better. They’re fattening, unhealthy, and they give me zits, so I don’t have chips very often. I do sometimes indulge in sweet treats on weekends, but I rarely do salty things, bread, pasta, potatoes or rice. 

Life with Hashimoto’s is all about fighting to keep the scale from climbing. As I would tell anyone new to the disease, forget losing. Your life mission is now all about keeping from gaining, and even with diet and exercise, it’s going to be a lot of work!

Let’s see… Bob was loud for the second time this month, part of me wishes I could move to my sister’s park, and Tom will be home early today. They’re having a party he doesn’t feel like attending. Sometimes he attends, sometimes he doesn’t. I guess this one just doesn’t excite him for some reason. 

Since non-stop running can get boring, I’m doing sprints every half hour on the treadmill where I will run for a minute or two at a time. It adds up over the course of the day. 

I had a dream I was someplace that seemed similar to Valleyhead, which means I was probably there against my will. Especially since my dream self thought it was a good thing that I was finally adjusting to accepting where I was. Someone asked me if I wanted to attend some dance with them and a bunch of others. I said I’d love to but that I had visitors. 

No change in Lori or Lisa’s Facebook accounts, but June might have gotten my message because I suddenly can’t see anything on her page. I’m surprised she didn’t just block me. This still doesn’t mean, for example, that Doc C got my messages. They still might not have gone through or they might be sitting unread in her other box. Truthfully, though, I haven’t heard any complaints about messages not going through on Facebook in a while, so that leaves the other box, or her seeing it and then marking it as unread. 

Back to Bob. Yeah, he started his shit for the second time this month. Really worried that it’s going to escalate from here to every week or biweekly because this was the time last year that it escalated until I talked to him in October. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that the only way to solve problems with people is to take care of it yourself. You can’t depend on others (Joy) to help you. And I WILL put a stop to it if it escalates as I’m sure it will. I just don’t know how I’m going to go about it just yet without smashing his toys over his fucking head. 

I don’t care how long he’s been here, I don’t care how nice he is otherwise… making such loud sounds unnecessarily when you’re so close to other homes is rude. But I’m through asking neighbors to quiet down (or in this case not use things that make such loud sounds). Asking politely doesn’t help and neither does screaming at them, threatening them, giving them ultimatums, or going to a third party. Only I can do something about it. Seriously, I’m the only one that can make it stop. He’s not going to stop on his own until he’s dead or disabled, and no one else is going to make him stop either. 

I am just so sick and fucking tired of getting next to the noisier people in life and I will never again live where there's a garage or driveway so close to us. Ever. Most others around here are quiet and respectful and I don’t see why he can’t give us the same respect and consideration we’ve given him and his wife. We never make them listen to us. The only time he hears from us is when we’re landscaping. 

He did say he’d let me know when he was going to be doing a lot of sawing (oh God), but I don’t know how well his memory works, and not everyone does what they say they’re gonna do anyway. If I knew it would only be once or twice a month for an hour or two… fine, I could live with that. But I don’t know. That’s part of what makes it so damn maddening. 

I really thought garages would be a good thing as they provide a bit of a buffer between the houses, but I had no idea that they were going to go using them as workshops. I’ve only seen one person use the carport for woodworking. All the others were in garages. 

Tammy's lucky. Nothing but houses and grass where she is. My only concern would be visiting brats screaming up the storm on the greenbelt behind her place and being so close to the clubhouse. She’s only been there three weeks but she says it’s very quiet and she never hears motorcycles or car stereos. I don’t know about individuals taking care of plants and stuff around their homes, but the grass is mowed throughout the entire area just once a week. There are no really loud blowers because their trees don’t lose leaves the way ours do. 

I just think it’s pretty sad to know that I still have to blast sound machines if I don’t want to hear the shit that goes on around here during the daytime. Yes, some days are quiet, but not nearly as many as I would have thought and would have expected for being in a retirement community. A fucking 80-something-year-old man can be just as noisy as a screaming toddler or a 20-something-year-old welfare bum. 

Life in general has gotten noisier and the park recognizes this. Therefore noise is just as accepted here as it is in the mainstream as long as it’s not at night, and they even started allowing motorcycles here. Kind of makes you wonder what the point is of having a retirement community, but I guess what matters most to people is being around people their own age. Next thing you know, though, they’ll be allowing mutts over 25 pounds. Then they’ll be allowed to toss them outside. 

I’m just sick of the cock neighbors! Males make the worst of neighbors, not that all my female neighbors have been quiet in the past. But the females rarely use loud power tools. The only ones I’ve seen/heard making noise around our home and in other parts of the park were males only. 

I don’t want Bob to die or fall ill since he’s quiet otherwise and his wife is always quiet, but I sure wish he’d get sick of the woodworking.

Saw my sister’s place on Google Maps and it is absolutely gorgeous! Palm trees galore, green grass everywhere. Love how curvy her street is as opposed to the typical straight street in the West. I’d miss going down the “rollercoaster” here on the bike, but the flatness of Florida would make riding a bit easier. It’s cool that these days we can see places before we actually see them. I’ll recognize it as our rented car goes cruising up her street. Being on the corner helps, too. Love that no one can pull up alongside her place, but I wouldn’t want to live that close to the clubhouse. 

Wish I could know beforehand if living in either Florida or Hawaii would give me allergies I couldn’t tame with a simple OTC remedy as has turned out to be the case with her. Oh well. I’ve got about 12 years before I find out. 

I should find out, however, the dates and details of our vacation in a few weeks. There’s what I want and then there’s what’s best. I want to take the cruise that hits Jamaica and a couple of other countries besides Mexico, but it’s best to just sail to Mexico and back given my sleep issues. As it is, even a shorter cruise means cutting my visit with Tammy really short, but I’m sure she agrees that just seeing each other after what will be nearly 24 years is more important than the length of our visit. 

Anyway, when I went out to mail Andy a couple of the kimono colorings on Monday, sure enough, Bob was right there. He was washing the SUV. I told him we were planning a vacation. Wonder if he’ll put our trash out while we’re gone like he did when we went to Maui. It doesn’t matter either way, though. 

Went out bike riding after 3am when it was pleasantly cool and dry, and there was even a car driving through. That oughta tell you just how active this park is in the daytime. 

My heart got a little racy and was beating a little hard for a while when I was coloring yesterday. I also felt a little warm. But because I’ve gotten to be an “experienced sufferer,” even though I was far from suffering, and “good” at this sort of thing, I didn’t panic or anything. Still, it was annoying and I wonder what it was all about? Did I go pocket-flaring again? Could it have to do with menopause setting in? Something else? 

Yesterday the connection was the most Auburn-like since we've been here, cutting in and out like crazy. 

I had a dream I was walking down a street that was lined by a canal or something like that. Some guy came racing by on either a scooter or skateboard. He started to turn down the wrong road since we were at a fork in the road, and when he quickly turned to go the other way he nearly fell into the water. 

Then I started to jog down the street, tripped over the curb and into the dark murky water. I woke up trying to figure out how to get out of the water as I searched for something to pull myself up with.

Thought I’d blog a bit while I backed pics and doc files up on my Amazon Cloud. Our tentative travel plans are this: Sometime in January, we’re going to fly to Fort Lauderdale on a weekday when it’s cheaper and rent a car to drive up to Tammy's place. Then we’ll drive back down to Fort Lauderdale in a couple of days because that’s where most of the cruises depart from. Most of them depart on weekends, too. From there we will sail to Mexico and then back to Fort Lauderdale where we will then fly back to Sacramento. 

Tom printed out the first of the colored pencil holders and they’re awesome!

Tammy posted a video of her new house, and wow! It’s almost too huge for two people, but it’s modern and gorgeous. She hasn’t been in the greatest health, though. Last night’s dreams weren’t very good either, but I’ll get to that in a little bit. 

Went to Raley’s yesterday as well as to Goodwill in search of what treasures they may have since it had been a while since we’d been there. He loves to check out the electronics while I check out the decorative stuff. He found lots of goodies but didn’t get anything because he just never has enough free time to play around with stuff. I found nothing at all. None of the dolls, figurines or other items appealed to me in the least, but I did grab some of that incense I keep swearing I’ll never burn with the mess it makes. 

Took yesterday off from riding due to my knee hurting me, went riding earlier, and now it’s hurting again. I should’ve listened to Tom when he suggested letting it heal. So now I’ll be limping around all day. :( 

I visited Norma in one dream I had last night. I entered her place and not only was her living room floor covered in grass, but it was very dim in the room and I could barely make anything out. I hugged Norma and said how I never thought I’d see her again. Milt was standing behind her and appeared to be two feet taller. Norma felt surprisingly weak and frail despite seeming to be strong and fit in real life. 

Then I had a very vague dream about something bad happening to my sister (probably health-wise) when she was 62. 

Then I was in a room listening to music through headphones when someone came into the room and I said in Spanish, “¿Es tiempo ya?” This means, “It’s time already?” 

In the last dream, I called in a refill for beta-blockers and Skyped Tom to ask that he pick them up after work. 

That would be a very bad thing if I ever had to take those regularly with the way they leave you so cold and sluggish. If I had to take them that would mean my heart was doing things it definitely shouldn’t be doing. I only had to take one once. 

Later… 

Remember? Remember when you used to write just for yourself? Yeah, this was what I was asking myself recently, and you know what? I definitely do miss writing for myself without censorship. I still love to share more generic things online, but I really should write more for myself and then edit it to make it online-friendly as opposed to mostly doing just online-friendly entries. 

I decided that from now on the three blogs that I use right now will have online-friendly entries, but on LiveJournal and Prosebox I will also have private entries mixed in. I would make LJ all private, but I do have a regular there. Why deprive them of their reading pleasure, right? LOL 

Anyway, I thought I would do a private entry to ponder and to vent. I still ponder over whether or not certain people got my messages on Facebook. I hate not knowing for sure. Just when I'm sure that they did get them, then I don't know what to think. It's hard to believe that many people are unaware of their ‘other’ folder or don’t check it. So I don't know if they're sitting in their other folder, never went through, or if they’ve been read. Stuff that's been seen doesn’t always appear to have been seen, and sometimes that feature only works for a little while. People can also opt to mark things as unread, making it appear like it's never been read. Never has there been a site with such unreliability and guesswork. 

Now let me do some bitching about Andy. I really wish the guy had less free time, although I don't know if that would change anything. I'm finding him more annoying than fun lately, and that can't be a good thing, can it? I still hesitate to dump him because I don't know how he'll react. Maybe he will respect my wishes and stay away, or maybe he would stalk and harass the shit out of me. That's not what worries me as much as how it would affect him. He would be devastated and I don't want to hurt the guy. So I'm kind of torn right now between thinking of how he would feel and wanting to give myself a break from him. 

Sometimes I try to think of ways to dump him without actually dumping him. Like telling him I think I'm going to prison for many years or something like that. The only problem with that would be Norma. She's our one and only mutual friend and he would see our interactions with each other thanks to Facebook thinking that friends shouldn’t have privacy from their other friends. I could tell Tammy what I was doing and she would cover for me, but I would never put anyone else in the middle of anything that would no doubt make them feel uncomfortable. 

I just get tired of him assuming everybody thinks and feels the way he does. He just can't accept that not all minds and bodies are created equal. If he's obsessed with weight loss then he assumes everyone else is as well. I don't get him at times. It's like he wants to stand out and be unique, yet he lumps everyone together and assumes they all equate to him and vice versa. 

If he doesn't understand something, then it's either all wrong or it doesn't exist. I get sick of his attitude at times too, and his negativity. It's like he thinks his ways are the only correct ways… his lifestyle, the way he eats... everything. 

I also get tired of the immaturity and all the fucking repetition. He can't even go a day without mentioning food. Not just on Ask, but also on Facebook. He is horribly obsessed with it. How does he expect to lose 75 more pounds when all he does is eat, breathe and live food? If this is all that’s on his mind, he’s not going to have an easy time of it. He’s about to go from annoying to a bit of a concern with this food obsession. 

Last night I started reading a post about his latest trip to his dentist and I thought to myself, finally, a post without food! But sure enough, he morphs right from the teeth to the food. Everything with him is about food, eating, cooking and exercise. They used to be about celebrities and God, not that he still isn’t into that. Who knows what he'll be fixated I'm next? 

I seriously wonder if he’s intentionally going out of his way to annoy me. IDK, maybe deep down in his subconscious, he is hoping I will dump him? Some people are like that. They want to end the friendship but they don’t want to be the one to do it, so they do something to get themselves dumped. 

Then there's that good ole stupidity and his memory issues, intentional or not, that drive me crazy. I realize he hasn’t changed since Arizona. Yes, he’s got his own business even though he doesn’t make shit, and yes, he has his own condo even if it was given to him and it’s noisy there, but Andy as a person is still the same old person he always was. He just doesn’t smoke or do drugs.

The thyroid pills were fine, and they came from Walmart, not Costco. I forgot that we started picking them up there. 

Anyway, yesterday pretty much ended up being a lazy day. I didn’t even go out anywhere. I almost skipped today’s entry because I just don’t have much to update on. I mean we were discussing our vacation. It’s getting close enough that we have to start planning the details. It would be ideal to fly to Florida, sail to Mexico from there, and then fly back to California from Mexico, but we don’t know if they do any one-way cruises. 

He printed out a sample pencil holder with the 3-D printer, but the holes were too deep. He’ll get the measurements right, though, soon enough. 

I’m public again on Twitter. I figured anything personal could be exchanged in DMs.

Michael’s craft store opens at nine. I was surprised to find when I checked online that they don’t have any colored pencil holders. That’s okay because we're going to print one out with the 3-D printer sometime this weekend. 

I noticed that my thyroid pills seemed a little bigger and darker in color. I'm going to have to check them out online to make sure they really are 75s. As scary as this may sound, everybody makes mistakes at times… even pharmacists. Well, anybody that’s followed my journal from last year knows that the last thing you want is too much thyroid hormone in your system, but if they screwed up at all, then my guess is that it’s a lower dose. I don’t think they really did screw up, but it can’t hurt to double-check. This time we got them from Costco instead of Sam's, so maybe their version of 75s looks different.

I’m sad for Aly now because her bone marrow biopsy shows that she has Leukocytosis. That isn’t leukemia so she won’t need chemo, but she will have to give her blood which they will reduce the white blood cell count in, and then put it back into her body. From what I read about it, you can get it from infections, which she’s had, and should basically be little more than a pain in the ass. Meaning it isn’t deadly.

Last night I dreamed I was in some strange classroom all by myself sitting at a desk with one teacher scribbling something on the chalkboard. She turned to me and said that she couldn’t go on because she couldn’t see the top of my ponytail, LOL. 

I said, “How about if I raise it up?” and I took my hair out of the large elastic it was in and began to create a ponytail at the crown of my head instead of the nape of my neck. 

She said that wouldn’t do, and then I was with her and some other people in another room. I was goofing off by taking my hair elastic and hooking it over my nose and then down under my chin. It was definitely a weird dream.

Brenda randomly came to mind the other night and I remembered that she said she had a daughter named Alicia. I looked up Alicia S on Facebook and found a nurse currently living in Florida who’s from Massachusetts. So I sent a message asking if Brenda was her mother and I never got a reply even though the account has been updated since I sent my message, leading me to once again wonder if my messages to Doc C ever went through any more than the ones to my cousins did. My guess is that there’s no relation. This woman was huge and blond and I didn’t see any resemblance. But still, wouldn’t she have at least taken the time to say she didn’t know the person if she had seen the message? The message never even appeared to be read, yet nothing popped up saying it was being sent to her “other” folder when I sent it, so I don’t get it. It’s like something up there is picking and choosing who gets my messages and who doesn’t. 

Another thing I continue to be left to wonder is whether or not Andy is deliberately trying to annoy me at times with his fucking repetition, or if his brain really is that defective. Obviously, the first one would be the worst. Friends shouldn’t deliberately irritate those they consider friends, right? Yet this guy not only doesn’t seem to get it when I drop hints but not even when I spell it out bluntly for him. 

It’s only been in the last few years that I can really understand my mom’s irritation with my own repetitious ways back when I didn’t have as much going for me as I do these days. Although I wasn’t hurting anything any more than he is, it does get old after a while no matter what the subject may be. 

I told him yet again how tired I was of hearing all about his weight, meals and exercise routine day after fucking day. The guy is as obsessed with it as I was 25 years ago. Yet what does he go and do after we have this discussion? Says he wishes he had yogurt in the refrigerator. Meanwhile, we JUST fucking talked about this! How dumb can he be and how can that not be deliberate? If it isn’t, then he has a serious, serious memory defect. With all the pot he’s smoked, it’s possible, and while I can never know for sure if he’s really trying to annoy me or if he’s just that stupid, I suspect that a lot of the time he knows damn well what he’s doing. But fine. More repetition, less me. And I know he loves to play Ask when we're both online. Well, maybe if he’s smart enough to recognize a pattern (me checking in less often when he gets too repetitious) he will finally shut up about it or at least lessen it to a degree. As I told him, I’m not all or nothing on the subject. I don’t mind every now and then. It’s when I have to hear it all the time, especially after making it clear that I’m not interested and it’s getting old. But it does indeed seem that the more I resist something, the more determined he is to push it on me and that really bothers me. Like a waitress adding whipped cream to ice cream that I told her not to add. 

Another thing that annoys me about him, and I told him this much, is that not everybody is just like him. Not all bodies and minds were created equal, yet he can’t believe there really are medical conditions that hinder weight loss because he’s never had this problem himself. He’s like that a lot… If he hasn’t experienced it firsthand, then it can’t possibly exist. And if he’s not happy with something a certain way, then how could anyone else be? 

“Saying I shouldn’t be sad because some others have it worse is like saying I shouldn’t be happy because someone else might have it better.” 

I couldn’t agree with the above statement more. To tell someone this is like devaluing their emotions and I personally find it rather offensive, not that anyone’s devalued my emotions lately. But they have in the past and I would always hate it when I would be told why I shouldn’t feel so bad when A, bad is bad enough no matter how bad that bad is, and B, we all have a right to our emotions. 

Not much going on with me at the moment. I decided to keep the doll after all since the broken shoulder isn’t noticeable. She really is beautiful otherwise, and returning things is a pain in the ass. 

I ordered an adult coloring book consisting of Japanese kimonos. It should be here tomorrow. Eventually, I’ll get a colored pencil holder. 

Later… 

Andy posted a picture on Ask of a dreamy-looking woman floating down a ladder of some kind in the clouds and wrote, “This is you going to bed.” 

“But I sleep in just my panties and my hair in a ponytail,” I replied when I got up, and sure enough he said something like, “Well, it represents you going to bed, so go eat a cracker.” 

Yeah, there’s that food mentioning again I told him I was sick of. Why is it that some people feel all the more compelled to do the things we ask them politely and kindly to please do less of? I can see if somebody demands or threatens that you do such and such a thing. That would make even me rebel, as that’s just human nature. But I can’t understand why some things are just so hard for some people when they’re asked and not pushed. Like the blacks in Phoenix… if I didn’t know any better I would swear I was asking them to torture their family members, and not to do the polite and considerate thing we all should be doing. 

When I’m in the mood to write yet can’t think of anything new worth updating, I look at a list of writing prompts and randomly choose one. So how about negative people? I have no problem whatsoever with people coming to me who are down and out in life. I’ve been there before and I know what it’s like. But what really irritates me at times is when people are so quick to see the negative and not the positive. It’s annoying to go to someone with good news or something that I’ve accomplished or that I’m really excited about, and the first thing out of their mouths is everything bad about it or that could go wrong. Not “I’m happy for you” or “I’m proud of you,” etc. 

I can totally understand people wanting to point out what could go wrong because they care about me and they’re just looking out for me, but sometimes it seems to go beyond reasonable caution and straight into downright negativity. Sometimes I’m left to wonder, are they really just looking out for me? Or does the negativity stem from their own personal misery? As they say, our attitudes are greatly influenced by our emotions and what’s going on in our lives at the moment. If you’re not feeling very well emotionally or physically, you’re not apt to see the glass as half full. 

Time to get proofreading and editing my book. I hate this part of writing books! I also have to take my next Dutch lesson. I’m in the Reflexives section now and it is not easy. It takes about a year to get through the course if you’re consistent enough, and since I’ve been taking one lesson almost every day, I’m still hoping to get through the course by the end of the year. 

Tot morgen!

I LOVE how realistic and beautiful my new Asian Phicen doll is, but not at all happy that her arm broke so easily at the shoulder. Back to China she must go. The doll has a rubber silicone skin covering with a metal skeleton so there’s no way to pop the arm joint back into the shoulder because you can’t see what you’re doing. Another consumer mentioned breaking her arm too, but I just didn’t think anything of it. The joints are way too loose, though. 

Another thing I don’t like is how she has interchangeable feet that I can’t change because I can’t pop the ball rotator joints out of the ankle in order to insert the other ones. One pair of feet is made for being in heels and the other is flat-footed. She has three sets of hands too, but those are simple enough to change. 

Her face is very lifelike and beautiful and she’s way more realistically proportioned than Barbie and even my Tonner dolls. One customer’s review said that her hair appeared to be chopped off and randomly stuck on her head as well as too thin, but I don’t think so. It’s not too thin or thick, and the length appears to be pretty even to me, just below her shoulders. 

Technically I could keep the doll because you can’t see the joint and the break doesn’t make her look disfigured in any way. She can still bend at the elbow and all she loses is mobility in the shoulder. I can’t set the arm straight down nor can I raise it. It has to be protruding from the body a bit, but it isn’t like it would look ridiculous. The point is that I don’t feel like this little 11” doll is worth the $96 we paid for her if she can break that easily. Now I’m afraid to move her other joints and the doll has 33 points of articulation. Better to just return her. 

I saw a video of them repairing the arm of a life-size silicone doll on YouTube. You have to cut it open to fix it, then close it up with silicone glue. I don’t think it’s worth it on a doll that’s barely a foot tall. 

I’m not too thrilled with my other purchases either, though they’re not worth returning. My chocolate incense doesn’t quite smell like chocolate. My toe ring isn’t as wide as I thought it would be, though it fits fine. And the fabric sticker of the white rat isn’t that great either. On a dark-colored door or wall, some of the color comes through and makes the rat look a funny color, yet it’s hard to see on a white wall.

At 11pm when it was cool enough, Tom and I went bike riding. It was beautiful out. The winds were calm and we rode fast. Just over 2 miles in 17 minutes. I did some running and strength training earlier, so I got a total of 30 minutes. 

Since lowering my carb and sugar intake 2.5 weeks ago I’ve lost 4 pounds. Funny too, since I munched on a pint of coffee ice cream on and off throughout the day yesterday. Something’s definitely fired up my metabolism, though I still wouldn’t expect to lose much more. 

Yesterday was Tammy's birthday and today’s her anniversary. I let her know we’re planning a vacation in early 2016 and would like to see her along the way. I told her we were considering a Caribbean cruise or flying to a resort and to let us know if she had any ideas or suggestions. Since nothing’s definite yet we also want to find out if any particular dates are bad for her. 

It’s going to be stressful and hectic but fun and exciting. Some of the cruise ships have a lot more than the Westerdam ship we were on in 2007, including rock wall climbing! Jumping back 1 hour when we went to Hawaii was one thing, but jumping ahead 3 hours is going to be a little tougher. 

I had a dream that one of my exes was living in a ground-floor apartment that was part of a long strip of apartments. I was riding my bike around the parking lot because it was spacious and I was curious as to what she looked like these days. Somehow I knew what she drove as well as where she lived and discovered her car wasn’t in its parking spot. Realizing the shy, quiet and insecure person was never my type anyway, I took off and decided not to bother waiting for her to return. 

I also had a dream of accidentally stumbling upon a video of my PCP getting married. I thought to myself that her wedding gown looked expensive, and how her marriage had been arranged, even though they don’t typically do that in Ecuador.

I realize that there is no reason I can't write about the exciting thing we’re researching and planning and hoping to do probably sometime in January on Prosebox because my family doesn't follow me here. They follow my Blogger blog. It wouldn't be the end of the world if my family found out about it because it's not like we haven't talked about visiting each other. I'm referring to my sister who I haven't seen since 1992, and her daughters. She basically knows that she has to take a few months to get settled in her new home, research the hotels around her, etc. What she doesn't know is that we're thinking of going on a cruise after spending a couple of days visiting her. Yeah, that's the exciting part. We just hesitated to bring it up so soon because there is always a chance, however slight it might be, that we can't make it to her this year. Or better yet, next year. 

I actually won a 7-day cruise with Holland America cruise lines back in early 2007 that featured country singer Delbert McClinton, which I'd never heard of until I was notified that I was the grand prize winner, LOL. The cruisers would run into him on and off throughout the ship, and there I was having my picture taken with him in the elevator at one point and feeling like a total idiot because I didn't know the guy from a hole-in-the-wall. I just wanted to win the damn cruise, and I did. 

Back in those days, I was a "professional sweeper." There wasn't much competition at the time and I won things regularly. I won everything... trips, cash, vehicles, electronics, musical instruments, clothes, food, books, CDs, gift cards, and so much more. 

Looking back on it, it is easy to see that Tom and I have made a habit of taking adventurous vacations as opposed to relaxing ones. We're pretty much always on the go when we vacation. It was that way in Vegas, it was that way in Laughlin, it was that way in Hawaii, and I'm sure it will be that way in the future. 

After returning from the cruise, I actually found myself a bit disappointed because I considered it kind of hectic and stressful... Until life turned up the terror a notch or two when we went through the hell we went through during our first few years in Cali, not knowing if the economy was going to kill us or not. I remember saying to Tom how much I wished to hell that oh-so-stressful vacation was our worst problem in life. Sometimes when you hit rock bottom you look back on something you thought was rough and you realize it was actually kind of fun after all. In fact, it was a little more than kind of fun. I would have given anything to be back on that wonderfully spiderless private veranda writing away in my journal than wondering if we could afford another night in our cheap motel in the seedy section of Sacramento, or if we would have to find a parking lot to stay in for the night while our stomachs rumbled with hunger. Those pesky housekeepers and that never-ending supply of food that actually wasn’t that great would have suddenly been welcomed big time. Every stupid little thing seemed so exciting and fascinating at that point; remembering how I happily jumped up and down waving to all the perfect strangers that were cheering and waving on land as our ship pushed away from the dock… watching the little guide boat guide the ship out into the open seas… 

I don’t know why, but the mixture of fun and scary memories brings tears to my eyes. Perhaps it’s because for a while there I seriously wondered if we would ever get the chance to do it all again. Then again, I never thought in a million years I’d get to sail the Caribbean, drop down to the ocean floor in the Pacific in a submarine, or do many of the things I’ve done, so that can make it all the more special and emotional. You go through what I’ve gone through and you don’t take things for granted. 

The lesson learned in the end… the future can really change how we see the past. 

The question now is which cruise line do we travel on and which countries do we go to? The last time we went to The Bahamas, Puerto Rico and we almost made it to the Turks & Caicos, but a storm prevented us from docking safely. This time I’m hoping to go to at least one new country. Tom’s been to Mexico before when he was with the Air Force as a trombonist, but I haven’t been there yet. Other possibilities include the Virgin Islands, Jamaica, Haiti and the Cayman Islands. 

We know we would like an outside room. A suite would be nice but that’s a lot more money. Royal Caribbean seems to be the best ship from what our research has shown us so far whereas we’re least impressed with Carnival. So it’s not just the destinations and excursions we have to research, but what the ships themselves have to offer as well since we would be at sea some days. 

My sleep issues and the thought of getting next to either some drunk adults or rowdy kids worry me a bit, but I think that one week – just one lousy week – even I could survive. And yes, cruises are wild. There weren’t many kids on the last cruise but I can tell you for sure that the adults were more obnoxious than the kids ever were. Cruisers tend to get drunk, loud and wild. As I said, we don’t sit on our asses with a bunch of comatose people when we vacation. We really live it up right along with the others who are just as excited to do the same thing. 

A very happy birthday to my sister today! She’s 58. I hope she has loads of fun and posts pics of her new house soon. 

I was telling someone the other day how I can’t imagine staying in the same place all my life, and she agrees. I can see settling down when Tom retires, but I’m still too young to be in my forever home. If we don’t make it to Hawaii, I think we should definitely retire in a cheaper state. I would want to do this whether we had family or not since his retirement money is going to be a set amount and not based on the cost of the state. It would be pointless to stay in California all our lives, even if we could afford it. So I think it’s safe to say that in my lifetime I will have lived in 6 different states. It will only be 4 for Tom. This is his second time living in California. 

I had a dream last night that I won 2000 crayons, not that this would be exciting. Never really cared for those old-fashioned wax crayons. 

Andy was also visiting in another dream. I was out somewhere and I returned to find him in the kitchen preparing dinner. He was slicing a 5-foot-long celery stalk, LOL. I glanced through the door of the oven and said, “Tom doesn’t like chicken.” 

He said, “It’s not chicken, it’s turkey.”

We’re having another spell of triple-digit temps. Planning a swim for tomorrow evening since the water should be nice then. At that time I wouldn’t expect many other people to be there either. 

I’ve been working hard throughout the week so I am making a point of having a leisurely weekend. I still did some work, including on my book as well as the laundry. 

We should know more about the good news I haven’t made public by the end of next month. It’s not so much that it won’t happen but more of a question of how. 

Tom’s going to spend the weekend coding the app. It’s one of those things that’s either going to make us money or it’s not. He’s going to be the coder and I’m going to be the tester as well as the one that comes up with a lot of the ideas, suggestions and details to design and function. He realizes that despite the limited time he has with all the hours he works, the only way to get it done is to just do it. 

It’s a lot like writing a book. It’s very hard work and you probably won’t make a dime at it no matter how good your story and writing may be. But you either write it or you don’t. It’s that simple. 

My parents were alive in my dreams last night and I went to live with them. They seemed like they were in their 50s and 60s. We lived in a long ranch-style house with a bedroom at each end. My parents were watching TV in the living room in the center of the house and my mother, who sat further into the room while my dad sat by the doorway, ordered me to be quiet. But I couldn’t help but point out when the news came on that I lived less than a minute away from this house where a murder took place in another state. 

Then it was nighttime and my parents were out somewhere. I entered my bedroom to find one of my figurines facing backward. I figured my nosy mother had been checking it out. I giggled to myself at how pissed I used to be as a kid when she’d nose around in my shit, but I didn’t care anymore what she did. 

Then I went out into the kitchen when I suddenly became aware of a few voices. I heard two or three people talking and an occasional peel of laughter. I walked down the hallway and into my parents’ semi-darkened bedroom. Straight across the room from the doorway was a window. I looked out and into the backyard next to us to find three adults chatting. I was glad that wasn’t my bedroom.

Another short and sweet entry because there really isn’t anything new going on. I don’t remember last night’s dreams and all is still running smoothly here. I’m doing my usual things… Proofreading/editing my last book, taking care of the house, getting little treats on Amazon with survey money (I just got some chocolate incense), working out, keeping in touch with friends, etc. 

Still haven’t heard from my sister since she moved into her new house. Hopefully, her silence is only because she’s busy and not because she’s sick or something else is wrong. 

I have been hunting for wallpaper to decorate blogs with and other things. Desktop Nexus is definitely the best site for that. I just wish I had a way to view them on their site in a similar way that you can view photos on Facebook. You have to expand each of your favorites separately and then go back to your favorites list to select the next one. You can’t just click through them like you can with Facebook photo albums. Their selection is huge, though, and they have a lot of awesome pictures.

Played around for a bit with a photo editor called Lunapic. They have an option that allows you to turn digital photos into coloring pages. They also do a lousy job with most of them by leaving out a lot of details. The fewer objects you have in the picture and with more contrast, the better it does. 

Anyway, I would write more but I’m getting pretty tired. I’m going to watch my show, read a chapter in my book, and then crash.

I forgot to say in my last entry that there was just a light layer of dead skin in the canal the doctor needed to remove and that was it. It’s felt much better since seeing her as there’s only so much I can do at home on my own without the proper tools and lighting. 

The first thing she said when she entered the exam room was, “You look very pink today. Pink shirt, pink purse, pink toenails.” 

“And my neon yellow fingernails go well with your outfit,” I told her. She looked skinnier this time around because she wasn’t wearing the white coat most doctors wear that makes them look bigger with its bagginess. She wore a long yellow/green skirt and a yellow top. 

I usually have one or two of the lead characters in my books be based on someone I either know or have seen while most of the extras are fictitious. On the way out I commented to Tom on how much the doctor’s nurse resembled an imaginary character in my last book. He laughed and said, “How can someone look like an imaginary person?” 

LOL. 

So we get on the elevator to head down from the third floor when all kinds of people suddenly want to get on with us and box me in the back corner. I said, “Okay that’s enough. No more people. Close the door now.” 

A couple of guys turned and looked down at me and laughed as if I were some cute kid. 

After the 10 of us got off the elevator Tom and I went to Walmart to pick up our new glasses. We both like and don’t like our new progressives. My glasses themselves are gorgeous and I think they look better on me than my purple Candies. The only thing about them is that I am more aware of the crosswire between the lenses because they have to extend into the lenses themselves since they’re frameless. They don’t cause that “swimming” effect I got with a cheap pair I got through the mail years ago, but they’re not very good for the computer. As even Tom noticed, the writing appears to be curved and there’s only a little circle of print that is clear when you’re looking through the bottom part of the lenses. They’re borderline for my giant 30-inch monitor, but they’re not good at all for my MacBook Air screen. I’ll continue using my old ones for when I’m working on the computer, but the new ones are great for everything else. Love how they darken in the sunlight. 

We can get new lenses every year and new frames every two years. Next year I’ll have them pop the lenses out of my Candies and replace them with the same non-progressive style that they’re currently in. They have little round bubbles on the bottoms and that’s what I look through when I’m seeing things close-up. No more designer frames, though. You can only put progressive lenses in them. There are still plenty of nice frames that aren’t as bold as my clunky Candies. 

While we were at Walmart, I looked for some adult coloring books and didn’t find any. Sure found a nice battery-operated pencil sharpener and a whole lot of mediums in which to color, however. Colored pencils and gel pens in metallic, glitter and neon. It’s a relaxing thing to do when I can’t sleep but don’t have any energy for anything else. I printed some out and eventually, I’ll get the Secret Garden a friend recommended to me with my survey money. They’re only a few bucks. Think I’ll grab some chocolate incense while I’m at it. 

On the way out of Walmart, they had a little collection of bamboo plants at the checkout in three or four different color vases with matching orchids. The little stem of orchids is fake, of course, but it gives the bamboo a splash of color. I got a dark pink vase with purple orchids. 

We grabbed a bite to eat at Carl’s Jr. on the way home. I got chicken strips, which I couldn’t finish. 

My purple dress arrived and it’s great except that I wish it were an inch or two shorter. I wanted to wear it with my purple sparkly shoes, but on flats, the back of it just brushes against the ground. Up on heels, even if they were not very high, it would be fine. 

My 8th bronze figurine from the erotic series (not sure of its name) arrived, too. 

As anyone who has ever been through a traumatic event knows, working through PTSD can take time. Two nights ago I finally got up the nerve to venture a couple of miles on my bike alone after what happened to me last year. Until now I have either been staying close to home or not venturing far unless Tom was with me. I’m still not going to go out after dark anymore by myself since the last thing I want to do is have a spill when no one’s around. I realize I was taking a chance in doing so before. All I have to do is miss a speed bump or hit a possum or a skunk to throw me. Getting a flat going down the hill wouldn’t be fun either. If something were going to happen to me, I’d rather it be when people are around. 

Anyway, the first time out I felt slightly nervous when I realized I had gone over a mile away from home, so I cut it a bit short, and my worst problem that night was almost colliding with another biker. LOL 

Yesterday I rode over 2 miles with no problem. Just a turkey that teased me by making it look like he was going to jump out in front of me only to change his mind at the last second, then someone’s mutt let me have it later on as I went by. 

I mentioned to Andy that I had an ENT appointment, and what did he say about it when I got back home? Nothing, Absolutely nothing. Never asked me how it went or anything. 

I told him he might want to check out my entry about the prosthetic ear and he totally ignored me. That is just so typical of Andy.

I have sooo much to write about. Might do multiple entries tonight. I guess I will begin with today’s visit to my ENT doctor and the surprising thing I learned from her about prostatic ears. As anyone who’s followed me long enough knows, I was born with my left ear deformed and the canal was fused shut. As a 10-year-old in 1975 in Boston, they built an outer ear via plastic surgery but it never looked realistic. When I was 29, the frame poked through the skin. They dismantled the frame and drilled an ear canal and I even got a little hearing on that side. A decade later it became a problem because the surgery caused excessive scarring and nerve damage, but the surgery was necessary to make sure I had no tumors. 

Quick fact: My parents should’ve left me the hell alone to be the way I was meant to be, but today I am living with the consequences of my mother’s quest for the perfect-looking daughter, which means occasional aches, pains, and regular trips to the ENT doc since it can’t shed dead skin on its own. I don’t know, maybe part of them really did think they were doing me a favor in the long run, but I think it was more that they were obsessed with appearances. They were just like that. 

The older I have gotten, the more of an I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude I have adopted, partly thanks to people like them and the ordeal I went through as a ward of the state in my late teens. When I was young I felt like I was forced to be as pretty as I could, and like I’ve always said, it’s okay to wear a dress you think is pretty or style your hair the way you think looks best because YOU want to, etc. But you know what? I’m not a showpiece. I’m just Jodi. In other words, I’m fat and I don’t give a damn. I’d give a damn if I was severely obese, yes, but not because of how others would see me. Meanwhile, just because most of the world would freak out over 25 extra pounds doesn’t mean I have to as well, and I don’t. I try to eat well and exercise most days and let fate do the rest, hypothyroidism or not. 

My point? After going through so much hell in life physically, it has taught me the value of health and feeling above looks and appearance and how much more important it is that we’re healthy and that we feel good. So no, I also don’t give a damn who may look at my ear, which really only consists of a misshaped lobe these days, and says, “Ew, gross!” 

You don’t like it, don’t look. Simple as that. :) 

Despite the fact that I have become less appearance-conscious with age and have been through enough medically, I couldn’t help but be intrigued and curious about the prosthetic ear she says they could make for me. She said the person she would need to talk to was on vacation at the moment, but that she’s going to get information for me. Since I’ve been through so much medically and since I’m older, I probably won’t go through with it. I’m sure I would be a lot more interested if I was still in my 20s, but we’ll see. Still doesn’t hurt to find out all I can about it. 

My first question and biggest concern was what problems may it cause me a decade or so later. Not all procedures are a problem right away if they’re going to be a problem. She said, however, that couldn’t be a problem. I might not even need “surgery” to do it. I guess because they would be working on the outside and not the inside like when they made the canal. She said they would basically get rid of what’s left of it, make an exact replica of my good ear, and then I guess it attaches with skin glue or something like that. Can’t deny that the idea of a detachable ear seems a bit strange to me, but it would be pretty neat to look in the mirror and see two normal ears and to be able to wear earrings again. I haven’t been able to wear earrings because of the way the lobe on the bad ear has kind of curled upward over the years. Again, I probably won’t do it, but if I do it I will do it for me and me only. That is the one area in life I promise to be forever selfish in is when it comes to my appearance or anything about my body. I can’t say no to Hashimoto’s and just throw my thyroid in the trash and be done with it, but I am certainly going to take advantage of what I do have control over. So once I get the information, I will decide if it’s worth the time and money this late in life.

Not much to say today other than that some Muzzy tried to create a Twitter account using my email address. How the hell did they get the address in the first place? Either way, when I got the email confirming the account, I chose “not my account.” Twitter says they will remove it. Meanwhile, Nice try, asshole! 

Aly said the name they used in Arabic means “fear God.” Aly knows Arabic, so I believe her. Also, the fuckers are obsessed with their imaginary Gods and other fictitious fantasies, so it only fits. But what she found weird was the fact that they don’t usually use the word God. Good point. They prefer to call their imaginary friend Allah. 

My dying hormones and dead thyroid have finally kicked off my 10-day late period. 

All I remember for dreams was having an endo appointment and oversleeping. I jumped out of bed just 15 minutes before my appointment. 

Tom said something about her being young enough not to negotiate times, and I pointed out that she wasn’t that young. 

Then a bunch of archaeologists was digging up bodies buried centuries ago. A woman told me that those who were just thrown into their graves with nothing would be long gone and no traces would remain of them, while those that had “protective coverings” would still be intact.

Gonna have to stop the Atkins diet or at least severely tweak it by adding some carbs due to my stomach being horribly bloated and gassy. It’s been terrible. No amount of weight loss is worth feeling this yucky. I swear every time I start a new diet I have a problem. I’m either too hungry to stand it or in this case, I’m a gasaholic. Fuck diets. There are plenty of ways to still eat healthy most of the time without dieting or going to any kind of extremes. 

Not sure why I woke up a little congested this morning, but I am otherwise fine as long as this gas would just hurry up and back off. Tom said it may take a few days and that makes sense. He suggested I start having yogurts again because they’ve got stuff in them that’s really good for the digestive tract. 

The diet was working, though, as is usually the case when you expend more calories than you consume. Only thing was that the Atkins diet left me less hungry so I could stand the calorie cuts. I doubt I would have lost much more than a few pounds because like it or not, low-cal or not, I still have I dead thyroid. For now, let’s just stay fat and not fart. ;) 

An online friend mentioned adult coloring books, and I thought, oh hey, that would be a good idea. So since we’re getting a new toner cartridge for a laser printer anyway, I printed out a bunch of adult coloring pages containing a variety of things… fashion, flowers, animals, abstracts and patterns. I practically got a whole book’s worth. 

Earlier I grabbed a 12-pack of colored twistable pencils from the grocery store. I’ll get a bigger variety from Walmart some other time. There’s no real purpose in this other than that I find it a bit relaxing. I mean I’m not going to send them to anyone and I’m not going to tape them on the walls or refrigerator. LOL 

No noise from Bob today that I know of, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if I heard that damn saw next week. I’ve never known him to finish a project in just one shot. I just wish people would give me the same consideration I give them. I shouldn’t have to hear what’s going on with others. I don’t make them listen to me. The only time anyone around here would hear from us would be when we’re trimming or blowing. 

I had a dream that I was at this strange little lodge. I actually stopped there because I was waiting for someone to pick me up in front. A male guest went into a room and closed the door behind him. Then a female manager or owner said something like, “Good, now stay locked in there until I can find out if there’s anything wrong with you.” 

Then I looked up at a little screen on the wall and knew that if a green dot appeared that would mean the guy had never been a problem there before. A red dot appeared, however, and a speech reader read complaints about the person insisting they were hungry the last time they were there. 

Not wanting to get caught up in any possible trauma, I decided to wait for my ride outside. 

Later… 

I’ve been a naughty girl again. I always look for ways to see things people don’t want me to see without breaking any laws. Well, since Maliheh blocked my account I had to go into Tom’s, but I found that if I type the words “photos of” and then the person’s name, I can often see photos of them that aren’t public. 

Figuring that Maliheh probably doesn’t know about this trick, I couldn’t resist emailing her the pics and asking her why she sent them to me on other sites, LOL. Of course I never got a reply. 

I decided that if I ever again decide to contact the bitch down in Arizona, I’m not going to go directly to her and it’s going to be a long time from now. Like another five years or so. Let her think she’s never going to hear from me again, then remind her of my existence. As I learned a long time ago, sometimes we have to do what we feel is right in our heart and not worry so much about breaking laws (within reason) or appearing childish because if we don’t and we keep that anger or feelings about a particular thing bottled up, it can really cause us to explode or at least eat at us at times. Although I will always hate her guts along with those that had a hand in screwing me, and I will never forgive her, I’m not as angry as I was in the past.

Still, I wouldn’t mind pointing out all the little bloopers her little friend made in their email to me pretending to be a cop. And if that really was a cop by some chance, and if I send a letter to someone on her friend list that she appears to be in touch with regularly and that’s an adult, what are they going to do, make a case against me for “attempted” contact or something? They can’t charge me for what I didn’t say to her. 

I’m still really surprised there was never any default warrant out for my arrest. I thought they would have gone to court and then put a Failure to Appear warrant out on me just like they did in the year 2000. 

In much better news, Tom and I were looking online at various cruise lines and their destinations and prices. The cruise that appealed to me the most is a 7-day cruise to Jamaica, Haiti, Mexico and the Cayman Islands. My only concern would be my schedule. It would be damn expensive too, but we could probably swing it. Nothing’s etched in stone yet but to think that I will be seeing family after more than 20 years, and flying, and cruising and going to more countries is pretty damn exciting. Going back to places I love like Maui is one thing, but I also like to add a new country to my list, too. Tom will just have to get a new passport since he stupidly lost his up in Oregon, LOL, unless someone stole it.