I'm a little tired today because I was up a long time and had a little bit of a break in my sleep. I'm not surprised. I never go more than 3 days with decent energy. With my shit luck and knowing how it usually works for me, it will get worse before it gets better.

Found yet another piece of old bedding of Tink's in the kitchen yesterday. Funny because I was just thinking about her again. I remember her every day, but I was thinking of her more than usual. I won't bother to point out that the floor has been swept and mopped numerous times since her passing. The only logical explanation I could think of is that perhaps it was caught in the wheels of the chairs nearby, where her cage was, although I don't know why it would take so long for it to show up, since the chairs have been moved in and out many times for cleaning. It was definitely strange.

I'm so fucking sick of the escalating tech issues that, as much as I'll miss it, I might give up VR for a while. I'd hate to do it and would miss golfing and especially hitting the road since it's my only real form of exercise, even if it hardly counts. But ever since their latest update, everything's been all fucked up. I don't know why people can't leave a good thing alone and why they won't fix what's obviously fucked up. I've got to be far from the only one with issues. Every other time I go to use the damn thing, I either can't bring menus up, can't close things, or there's some other shit going on.

Another thing that continues to bother me is how it almost always happens to be a lot less stormy when I'm on days. Again, how can I believe that's only a coincidence? Coincidences don't happen dozens of times, at least not like that. It sure looked like it was going to storm every day for a while there, but I guess not. It's obviously going to continue to be a lot less likely when I'm on days. I'll really get to test those sleep headphones that are coming today soon enough.

I signed up to be a tester for an app called Ouna. It's not a therapist, but it basically takes whatever you tell it and creates insights for you based on the people, places, and events you talk about. I just hesitate to invest much time in it if they're going to make it something you have to pay for.

Slept well again last night, but I know that this will be the last time I do that. I never get more than three nights/days.

Got some bright aqua nail polish today, which pretty much completes my updated collection with pink, purple, red, and blue. For barely a buck, I decided I'd try L.A. Colors. It's not as good as Sally, but it's surprisingly good for the price.

Having a pretty decent day today and wishing it could be like this all the time. The only time I felt a little off was after I got done cleaning for 90 minutes or so. But knowing how it works with me, this will be the last day I have good energy for a while. I might get one more day, but we'll see.

The only annoyance today is this loud banging that I think is coming from behind us. They're putting in some kind of large sewer pipe not too far from here, and I think I'm hearing dump trucks or something connected to the project. As I've always said, I don't know which I dread more: the day they build something behind us or when modern garbage trucks get here.

Anyway, I got up shortly before he went to donate and took advantage of the energy I had to do some cleaning since I knew it wouldn't last. I bounced back pretty fast, though, after I started running out of energy, and we decided to run to the store. We weren't just after treats but wanted to see what was going on back there. The gate was open, so that pretty much said they had been working there, but no one was in the field at the time. There were plenty of people working on that pipe, though.

I still hear intermittent slams and bangs that shake the whole fucking place, and I'm worried they're going to be doing this as I start sleeping in. The loudest sound machine in the world wouldn't make a damn bit of difference if a vibration like that is going to jolt the place.

After my last entry at 5:00 this morning, I ended up napping for an hour and a half. I was just so exhausted. I've also been a bit short of breath and having waves of lightheadedness. I don't know if it's connected to my IBS or if I'm just a little anxious. The good thing is that today is the first day in what feels like a while that I've actually felt human. Therefore, I took the opportunity to get out. We went back to the new dollar store we like, and I got a few candles, mascara, nail polish, and we both got some snacks. I didn't think to check if this place sells alcohol, but I'm guessing they don't.

He got a new whiteboard with five different colored pens and this really lightweight cube shelf thing with canvas. For a dollar and 25 cents, it was a really good deal.

The candles I got are just so-so. Dollar stores aren't really great for candles. I got Night Jasmine and a couple of small ones for the warmers. One is eucalyptus and the other is vanilla.

The mascara I got is jet black, and the nail polish is hot pink.

Anyway, I've been going back and forth in my mind trying to decide whether or not I really want to try to keep a day schedule. Don't get me wrong. If I could be on days as easily as most people can at the snap of my fingers, I wouldn't hesitate. I would do it in a heartbeat. However, like it or not, my body's clock is what it is, and I've already made these futile attempts in the past, so it's not like I've never tried before. Even the research I've done aligns with everything I've experienced. So while I wouldn't hesitate to be a day person every day if I could be and it was that simple, I'm also used to doing what's normal for me and not a big fan of change. I enjoy having solitude at times as well when we're on different schedules, for me to do different activities that require fewer distractions.

Lastly, I've got the sleep headphones coming, and it would be a little hard to test them in the middle of the night when it's a lot less likely to storm.

If things happen for a reason, then the reason I’m still alive is because of Tom. It’s literally using him to keep me alive and my suffering going, since it knows I’m reluctant to end it because of him, if there really is anything up there actively planning our lives. I can guarantee he’ll live the long life he wants to live if this is the case!

I decided not to forgo my CPAP last night because it helps me breathe, even though my AHI score is sometimes slightly elevated and I'm short of breath. The shortness of breath has been subtle but obvious, and I'm not sure if it's coming from my lungs or my stomach/diaphragm, possibly due to my hiatal hernia.

Although I doubt it will do me any good, I ordered a pair of sleep headphones. I guess you insert a soft foam plug first and then blast a low-pitched sound, for example, that will match what you're trying to mask. When the thunder is ferociously loud, however, nothing can save me if I'm sleeping at the time. I'm just getting a little worried because, according to my research, this area goes into drought every 5 to 10 years and isn't likely to do it again for the rest of the decade. So 5 months of near-daily storms could really be a killer on me if I can't hold my schedule.

I would really love to know what my TSH and vitamin D levels are now. I've been unusually cold. Hopefully, adding more iron and vitamin D will help. My fatigue has been off the charts. I'm hoping that since I didn't get woken up by anything last night, even though my sleep was a bit fragmented, that I'll have a little more energy today. Like, maybe enough to actually get to the store. We've been wanting to go back to the new dollar store.

Not only is it shitty that I’ve been woken up THREE times in May by storms, but this is actually normal. It’s normal to be stormy from now till October, not from late June till October. So now that we’re out of drought, I’m going to do all I can to stay on days. I have no choice. Besides, if I’m going to be tired anyway, why not do it at my convenience and on the schedule of my choice? So I’ll get into bed around 9 PM and listen to my audiobook, then it’s lights out an hour later, and I MUST get up when my alarm goes off at 6:30. It would make my life a million times easier if I could get myself to adapt to doing this!

Tom got woken up last night too, but as usual, he’s just fine. So it’s something that’s wrong with me that makes me unable to handle sleep disturbances. I suspect I’m deficient in something, probably vitamin D and B vitamins as well. I’m back on children’s chewable multivitamins for now, and we’ll see if that helps, despite AI saying I’m reacting normally to sleep disturbances and he’s not. How do third-shift workers survive this shit??? 

Anyway, with loud storms raging through most days for the next 4 months, I have to learn to sleep when they’re less likely to occur. I’m not going to bother with my CPAP unless I start having breathing issues, as I figure, if I’m going to be tired anyway, why bother? Every single fucking place I live, there’s always an issue with sleep. Always. So from now on, if I can help it, I’m going to stay on days if I’m just going to be exhausted anyway.

I definitely have to stop taking the magnesium malate early in my day. This is the third or fourth time in a row I've noticed it's made me drowsy. It might be making my stomach a little gassy, too. I only take half a dose, but I'll definitely take it before bed instead. No wonder some of the reviews were about people saying it helped them sleep. I thought this particular type of magnesium would give me energy, but apparently not.

Going to be checking in with Ash weekly because, as she put it, it's better to have a maintenance plan rather than wait until things get rough.

My fatigue has been profound and horrible. Not even the nap helped, but right now I'm wondering if I'm still feeling some of the effects of the magnesium. Either way, we're going out later for BK after he returns from donating. I'm also determined to get back on the road and on with the challenge. This particular challenge has some of the most gorgeous rides. It's a remix of the best of the best. Sometimes it sucks to know that I will never live in anyplace gorgeous. My town isn't ugly, but it's just there.

Believe it or not, I took a nap for a little over two hours, and I feel better.

It's so damn weird how I see this weird phenomenon in the sky in the 90s, forget about it for decades, and then hear stories about it in books. I always debunked the theory of UFOs because of the vast distance in space, but while I'm not quick to say they exist after all, I know what I saw that night was definitely not normal, and I wish Tom could have seen it too. He was working graves, though. It was definitely no military operation. Lights simply don't work like that, and with complete silence. There were no lights shining upward from the ground, and the 4 lights I saw circling around that would meet in the center were above the clouds. Plus, there's the fact that there was no craft body, no sound at all, and it was after midnight. I can't help but think, OMG, OMG, could I have witnessed a real UFO and been part of a real mass UFO sighting???

Still tired and still wondering why we're having July weather in May. I didn't get thundered awake, but my sleep was very fragmented. Maybe because I slept with the phone by the bed, although the last time I did that, it didn't affect my sleep. Maybe it's because I lay around so much yesterday, or maybe because of stress. Or maybe I'm just cursed in the sleep department, just like I've always said I was.

It's times like these, I'm sorry we came here as much as I love the weather. I'm still not sleeping past prime storm time either. Prime storm time is around 2:00 PM to 8:00 PM, and I got up before midnight. So I'm not happy to see there's a 75% chance of a thunderstorm at 7:00 PM, a few hours after I crash.

Yesterday, I was so horribly tired that once again I was wondering if living was worth it. I don't suffocate awake anymore, but I'm really not that much better fatigue-wise. Whether it's my thyroid, CF, or something else, I'm never gonna get my energy back. If we were back in our old park, I would never be able to take walks as consistently as I once did, let alone go for light jogs around the entire two-mile perimeter of the park.

Anyway, it's after midnight, the roads are wet, and I hear some thunder rumbling, as it can happen at any time. It's just more likely in the afternoon and early evening. I doubt the thunder will get that loud now, though.

Again, what's the point of living if I'm gonna be too tired to live my life? I wanted to go back to the Dollar Tree yesterday morning, but I was simply way too tired. We talked about going out to eat today, but by the time BK serves burgers, I'll really be dragging. I couldn't even hit the road and get on with the challenge.

I don't feel like I'm going to have much more energy today, but if the supplements help, and I'm still not sure on that one, it's going to be four hours before I can even take the damn things.

Having a little thunderstorm now, but so far I don't think the thunder would have woken me up if I'd been asleep. I'm just wondering why the weekly forecast looks like it's July. We don't usually get this much rain in May.

Been cold and tired the last few days, and it's no doubt connected to the diet. My body just isn't as tough as it was many years ago. I can fix the cold part by adding more iron to my diet. Toni, who still won't "like" any of my posts for reasons I can only guess have to do with her not wanting to appear to be friendly with me, says she hasn't experienced coldness or fatigue, just hunger. I still think I have CF. My sleep simply isn't refreshing. So if my thyroid isn't that bad and I'm treating my sleep apnea, what else could it possibly be? 

I read that it's hard to get all the nutrients you need into 1200 calories, but if I have any more than that, I'm not going to lose more weight. I've lost 5 lb so far. I got children's chewable multivitamins so that I am getting at least a little of everything. I'll also incorporate iron-rich foods into my diet, like spinach. I would have been having more of that than I have been; it's just that Walmart doesn't always give me fresh produce, so I've had to get canned spinach which I don't like as much.

I also got a couple more Sally Hansen nail polishes in pink and red, and don't like how they almost look identical, but they're good quality, were on sale for $2, and are pretty colors. It's not the Insta-Dri, but it's still good stuff. Hopefully, they'll have the hot pink nail polish I almost got the last time we went to the Dollar Tree, if I can ever get my schedule pushed around far enough to get there.

Signed up for a few months of Google AI Pro, and I'm not at all impressed. It's supposed to be able to correct large documents, but every time I run a 71k-word file through it, it tells me it's still learning how to do that or that something went wrong. I also asked it to look for last names, and it gave me names from previous documents I've had it check. At least it made a cute 8-second rat video.

The nail polishes I got on Amazon are crap, so I got a name brand that I knew would be good. It's Sally Hansen Holo-Back, which is dark blue with glitter and does a great job of hiding my ridges. I don't put nail stickers on my toes except for my big one at times, so it's nice to have polish for my toes while I keep the stickers for my fingers.

As I sit and study my bare fingernails, I'm still not sure if they count as early clubbing or not. They seem to, but they don't. I barely have a window when I do the Schamroth test, and another thing I recently read says that if they appear to come out straight and flat from the cuticle, that's a red flag. While my nails do seem to be flattening out at the cuticles, it's still hard to believe anything serious could be amiss.

I did have a bit of lung tightness yesterday, but that could have been because of the closet fiasco. They say clubbing is almost always related to lung cancer, but I can't believe I would ever get the things I could get, let alone the things I'm less likely to get, even though I read that nail clubbing can be the first and only symptom. On the bright side, I'll know by the end of the year if it's any big deal because by then I would certainly have some alarmingly noticeable symptoms.

I thought of asking Rhonda about it when I see her in person, but I don't want to end up piling morning appointments on myself unnecessarily. Besides, I've thought things were wrong in the past that weren't, and I'm pretty sure whatever it is is no big deal in this case. AI seems to go back and forth between telling me it doesn't look normal and that it does look normal but it is what it is.

While I'm as anti-fat-shaming as anyone else, I hate to see obesity glorified as much as it is after all the health issues I've seen it bring me, including high blood pressure, hyperlipidemia, sleep apnea, prediabetes, joint issues, and more. Those things you call “curves” are really fat rolls, and there's nothing cute or healthy about it other than perhaps on a baby. It isn't about the person you are or your appearance; it's about healthy vs. unhealthy! I get the whole body positivity thing, but there's a difference between positive and delusional.

Although I did sleep well overall, I had another nightmare where I stepped off into a deep void that would have had to have killed me, only it was not intentional. I may not be as psychic as I used to be, but it's still got me a little worried.

As for the closet carpet adventures, it still stinks, but not as bad as it did since Tom was able to clean part of it, and the part he hasn't cleaned yet, since you're not supposed to put the deodorizing powder on damp carpet, has helped with the smell. It smells great, actually. At least that part does.

I could only eat half of the tofu soup I made because it was boring. I've got other recipes and other ways to cook it, though. Even though I'll probably regret it and have the insomnia from hell, I'm enjoying another cup of coffee now.

The new challenge is out! There are 8 rides ranging from 2 miles to 51 miles. It's been exciting and fun so far, and I was on the road for over half an hour. The rides are in England, Japan, Portugal, Italy, Montenegro, New Zealand, and San Francisco.

As expected, I didn't sleep any better the last time around than the day before. I never get just one night of bad sleep in a row. Storms didn't wake me up, but the internet cut out; when my nature sounds stopped for a minute, that woke me up. I swear Spectrum isn't any better than Frontier. I don't know, maybe something is wrong with the underground cables.

Toni's lost 30 pounds since October, but I just don't see myself doing that. Hashi’s just don't lose 3-4 pounds a month. Two days of shitty sleep doesn't help either because it leaves me super hungry; it's supposed to mess with cortisol levels and blood sugar. Nothing I eat feels like it ends up in my stomach. Nothing. I can't even get under 160 lbs, though I’m close.

Ended up taking a nap for about 45 minutes, although it felt like I was lying there for quite a while before I fell asleep. I just couldn't get myself to get up. When I finally did get up, I showered after clearing the closet out. He's finally going to get his money's worth out of the carpet cleaning solution we've never used, and wash the carpet in there. After it dries, I'll go around with the deodorizing powder and vacuum it up.

One of my story characters is named Hazelyn and speech to text wants to call her Hazelnut, lol.

They rescinded the boil recommendation today, but OMG, the fucking closet stinks like a motherfucker! When I woke up a few hours after crashing, I had a hard time falling back asleep because it stunk even with the CPAP which has a filter. Therefore, I've been kind of tired throughout the night. I'm not too frustrated, though, because it is nighttime and I really don't have anything important to do, not unless loading and unloading the dishwasher counts, along with a little cooking.

I’ve gotten good at making hard-boiled eggs, even if I still prefer them scrambled or OE. You just put them in a saucepan with cold water until they're almost submerged, then when the water starts to boil, you time it for 8 minutes, drain, cool in cold water for 5 minutes, slip a spoon inside the shell to pry it open, and enjoy! This is great for when I’m tired and want a simpler cooking method.

Our new refrigerator, which has turned out to be the perfect size and takes up so much less electricity, came with a cute little ice tray of different shapes: circles, hearts, and squares. I throw them in a small plastic container, fill it with water, and that's how I cool my eggs after boiling them. It prevents them from cooking further and makes them easy to handle to remove the shells.

Although we've been spraying the smelly carpet in the closet and using candles, it's going to have to be cleaned with the carpet cleaner. Just not tomorrow, because tomorrow is donation day for Tom and he'll be out of it. We're also going to get some carpet deodorizer.

Just like always, I didn't make it more than three days with decent sleep and energy. I doubt one day of shitty sleep will be it either. I've come to recognize the pattern. It seems I have two or three good days followed by two or three bad days and back and forth.

Weight is still teeter-tottering within the same few pound range, but I definitely shouldn't have to worry about gaining any more weight with the first doable diet I've actually created that keeps me around the 1200-calorie range. If I start gaining weight on that, something's definitely wrong!

Had an absolutely shitty day today, and while shitty days are shitty days no matter what, I've got to admit that it was kind of nice that it didn't involve my health for once. Instead, to quote my husband's own words, he was "stupid," lol. The water was off for a bit yesterday, taking me back in time to the last park. Then it came back on, and first the water was brown, and then we came to find we had no hot water. Understandably, the people here were pissed because it happened without warning. I guess there was a leak in a main a block over. Then we find out, after some of us had already drunk it, that the water company had issued a boil advisory. This advisory hasn't been lifted yet as far as we know. 

Tom had to replace the heating element in 2023 so it was nothing new for him. Once he determined that yes, it was the heating element that broke, he went out to Lowe's and picked up a new part which was surprisingly the same price of $9.99. As usual, though, nothing is quick and easy for us. First he had a hell of a time getting the broken part out. Then, next thing I know, I hear this whooshing sound and I looked toward the bedroom closet (the tank is accessed in the master walk-in closet) and it almost looked like there was a mister in there. I saw a mist of water and then I looked down and saw the carpet was completely drenched. The entire closet floor was flooded and just a little beyond it as well. Tom's shirt looked like he showered in it. So he had to not only spend quite a while switching out the part but also vacuuming up the water in the carpet using our carpet cleaner. So what was supposed to take less than an hour was an all-day job. The poor guy's exhausted. He crashed a little while ago. He's going to be very sore for sure!

He was frustrated and disappointed with himself for getting stuck on stupid which he says he's done all his life but then so have I and I'm sure most people have as well. Sometimes I surprise and amaze myself with being able to learn or figure out certain things and other times I want to kick myself for being so incredibly dumb. So I get his frustration. As I told him, even though it sucked, I'd rather stupid with hot water in the end than smart with no hot water and no money to get any. We definitely don't have the money now to call out a plumber. So things could have been a lot worse. He sure got his cardio workout today, that's for sure.

He looked at the records they left behind and found that they were replacing the heating element every 2 years. The last one he replaced only had a one-year warranty but this one has a five-year warranty. Once I'm able to collect retirement, we're going to have a plumber come out and give us a bigger better tank. I hate how I have to feel rushed in the shower because the hot water doesn't last long. I was astonished to see just how small this tank is! 

Sometimes I worry we're going to get pushed into an apartment because we just can't keep up with all the repairs. Houses are just too much work for people with little money. I would absolutely hate living in an apartment because I know that whether it's a group of young welfare bums or a single old lady, people are noisy. I don't want to have to go back to listening to every fart, burp, cough, TV, bassy music, cabinets slamming, doors slamming, footsteps, etc. But I would love knowing that all these expenses wouldn't be on us and that the only costs would be health care.

Pretty sure I read that West Virginia and I think Mississippi have the cheapest apartments but because the healthcare isn't great there, AI recommended Oklahoma or Arkansas. Tom said it would be better to get into a subsidized senior place right here if we were ever going to go that route but while we're low income, I don't know that we're that low. I also don't know that I could physically handle another move whether it was right down the street or on the other side of the country, although there definitely does seem to be a connection between how long I wait after taking my levo to have coffee and my energy levels. Definitely need to wait an hour unless I feel the stuff is accumulating.

Until we have no choice and we're forced to upgrade, I chose to revert back to the original Alexa. The new one is smarter but not as smart as the top bots like OpenAI, Copilot and Gemini. I just didn't think it was worth it to give up the convenience of having her read my books when unwinding for bed or when I'm doing adult coloring.

My lower back has been better. I don't know if it's because I'm now used to the way the bed is set up or because I've been working my core with the exercise ball most days. Probably the latter. Because of that I decided to skip the temporary air mattress we were going to throw inside this cover and just save for the hard side, but then with the way something breaks every single fucking week, I don't think we can save for the rest of the changes and upgrades we want to make without having to spend the money to fix something.

I'm a little concerned about Tom now because he has one, and possibly even two, new basal spots on his cheek, and the huge ugly wart or mole or whatever it technically is on the back of his head, bleeds at times. If I understand things correctly, you can have a wart or a mole for years that's harmless and then if it starts bleeding, that could be a bad sign. Maybe he scratched it in his sleep but I don't know.

After I edit and publish this I guess I'll go play with my newest toy. It's one of those games where you find hidden objects. There's one that uses realistic-looking photos and has 10K levels. I also joined Lose It! I'm definitely not eating as healthy as I thought I was. I guess Tom is right when he says it's not just a matter of processed or unprocessed. My sugar intake is still too high even though it's not like I'm having sweets. My cholesterol is also high while my fiber and protein are too low. I was surprised to see how low the protein levels were with all the meat I eat. Still, I've got Hashimoto's. I don't expect to ever lose weight. I'll just settle for not gaining anymore. Healthy or not, the way I've been eating should help with that. It definitely saves money, that's for sure.

Upgraded to Alexa+ yesterday. So after Alexa read books to me for 11 years, I'm sometimes reading using Word Runner in the Kindle app, and other times I'm using the app's assistive reader so I can relax in the dark and just listen. Haven't used A+ enough yet to really judge it, but I guess I can say she’s smarter. Don't know if she's as smart as Gemini and Copilot, but she's smarter nonetheless. I picked the voice I like best and a different personality on different devices. Now I'm just feeding her bits and pieces of info about me to help her understand me better.

Slept with my phone by the bed a couple of nights ago. Didn't seem to affect my sleep quality at all. Today I have better energy than yesterday because I waited an hour after taking my med before I had coffee and took a full clonazepam before bed. To my utter astonishment, nothing woke me up. Oh, I woke up a few times simply because I'm old, but I otherwise slept well. I've got to enjoy it while it lasts because even though I got lucky the last couple of rounds on nights, the next time my luck will definitely run out. It's going to be storming like crazy once I start sleeping into prime storm time. So much for being able to wait until closer to July.

I just wish I had the control over my schedule and energy levels that Tom has! He can handle multiple sleep disturbances without feeling like he hasn't slept in a year, and he could flip his schedule at a moment's notice if he needed to. I guess that my thyroid and overall health are why it's so much harder on me, but I'm going to try to do a quick flip once I start getting stormed awake. If I could just sleep at night, not only could I schedule appointments almost anytime, but I would only get woken up once or twice a year by thunder and not nearly a dozen. A dozen may not seem like much out of 365, but it's a lot for me. Just once is more than I can handle. I totally can't handle sleep disturbances anymore. I mean, they were hard on me when I was young, but now they're a real killer.

My eyes are definitely less watery since starting the eye drops, yes! The sun makes them water a little, though. Alexa says that's a normal reaction with blepharitis. Not liking the idea of having to remain on the drops for the rest of my life, even if throwing a couple of drops in my eyes a couple of times a day isn't that big of a deal. Fortunately, they don't sting my eyes or anything.

Love my new WoodWick Ellipse candle! When I saw one marked down for only $17, I thought it was a joke. They normally go for over $30, so that's why I haven't gotten one until now. But when I saw that amazing deal, I knew I had to grab one. It's a lot of heat for Florida, so I probably won't burn it long. The "sideways" flame looks cool, though. 

I also got one of their traditional Hourglass Trilogy candles and love the pink metallic lipstick I got, too. It doesn't quite look like pictured online, but after I put on a few layers, it looks good. It's non-transferring and very moisturizing too, but for $12 it better be somewhat good.

Definitely noticing more fatigue since cutting my coffee waiting time back to 1/2 hour. Yesterday I was tired during the first half of my day, but then I not only perked up, but was also up for 18 hours. Only slept 6.5 hours, too.

The planes are super annoying today. They're always a problem, but some days they're definitely more noticeable than others, especially the small planes and helicopters that are very hard to drown out. It's been one after another and fucking ridiculous. When I was outside, I heard a commercial plane and a small plane flying overhead at once.

Tom wrote a VR app for tracing and drawing objects. It's so cool. He eventually wants to try to take a regular photograph and have it be like a paint-by-number.

I got a few white shelves from Walmart a while back, but they don't rest flush against the wall, so Tom is adding brackets to stabilize and level them.

Just read that some people here lost power during the tornado (yes, we definitely had one, or at least part of one, based on the way the rain changed directions and the wind sped up so much so fast) after Tom and I were saying it was a miracle we never lost power.

Even though our new refrigerator is only about 55 inches tall and 22 inches wide, it's perfect! We do have enough room in it, and it will save a ton of money on our electric bill. The old one that we're gonna haul away the next time my schedule is appropriate for it weighs a couple of hundred pounds, but this one is only 80 pounds. 

I forgot to write about this earlier, but I had a horrifying nightmare about killing myself. I took melatonin before bed, so that's probably what triggered it. I don't know if I knew Tom or if I had just lost him, but something life-changing happened, and I was homeless and desperate. First, I didn't have enough change for a bus ride, and then I worried I wouldn't be able to find a place to stay. As I was walking down a busy street, I noticed a couple of deep holes of some kind on the side of the road with steep drop-offs. The holes, divided by a wall of sorts, were about 20 feet wide and 50 deep. I stepped up to the edge, peered down into one hole, and realized I would certainly die if I fell into it. "Hey, be careful!" someone yelled, but before I could change my mind, and preferring death to the streets, I woke up right as I was stepping off the edge.

We just got and unpacked the new refrigerator. I hope it's big enough because I don't feel as confident as Tom does, but time will tell. It stinks, though. A combination of Styrofoam and plastic from being new and all that, so I lit one of my strongest-smelling candles.

Downloaded a new Arrows game. This one is more colorful and not as challenging, but it plays some cool chimes when you move the arrows.

So I've experienced smoke from the Paradise Fires, a mini earthquake, hurricanes, and now it seems the outer edges of a tornado, even though my husband, who is usually quite bright, disagrees. "That's not the way tornadoes work," he says. But of course, AI says he's wrong. And what I saw says he's wrong, too. LOL. I asked which one people agree with in the park group, and so far, one person agrees with me, especially since it was raining in three different directions at once. Toni's not sure, and someone else says it wasn't a tornado. I still think it was, though. I mean, the winds were suddenly so much fiercer than they normally are with a typical thunderstorm. It was pretty wild and intense for a few minutes there, and our phones were blaring with notifications about a tornado warning telling us to take cover and all that. There's a difference between a warning and a watch. It touched down a few miles from us, so luckily we weren't in its direct path. The windchime in front was rocking back and forth like crazy, and Tom said he'd be mad if it blew off and smashed our window. So, what started as a surprise thunderstorm that wasn't even forecasted suddenly intensified in a way that just wasn't normal. I'm so grateful it happened when I was awake for once! I would have been woken up multiple times over the course of a few hours by loud thunder. So I was pretty surprised because, with my shit luck, this is the kind of stuff that usually happens when I'm sleeping.

I was not at all thrilled to learn that blepharitis can be treated but not cured. That explains not only why my eyes are still watery after two doses of drops, but why he gave me so much. It shouldn't take three months to cure something curable, should it?

Sitting here sipping wine and doing some writing, as well as some stories on Storiable. Tom left a little while ago to donate, and he's dropping off my prescription. My glaucoma doctor is very old-fashioned. I didn't think anybody handwrote prescriptions anymore, but this guy does. I forgot to mention in yesterday's entry that he said my pressure is at 20. Hopefully, it doesn't go over 21 since 13 to 21 is considered normal. I wonder if the spider I saw walking along his baseboard in the exam room we were in is still there, or if the ant survived the heat that got in the car, lol.

We ordered the semi-mini fridge. It's only five feet tall and 20-something inches wide, but since we only get a few groceries every few days, and after seeing how much extra space there is in our 5-cubic-foot freezer, we should have no problem with it. We're going to move the freezer into the lanai in case we do ever need extra space. It would be helpful during hurricane season because it has a really good seal and should keep food safe for about a day. Who knows if we're ever gonna be able to afford a generator? I doubt it any more than I think we'll ever be able to afford a new battery for the car.

After the new refrigerator arrives tomorrow and the old one is hauled away, we're going to get one of those tall, skinny cabinets you normally put in bathrooms to fill in the gap between the refrigerator and the counter. Besides, we need all the extra cabinet space we can get. The end goal is to minimize the appearance and organize the kitchen by freeing it of clutter. It will be a while before we get new hutches. When we get the cabinet from Amazon, I'm going to grab a couple more treats and then start saving toward the air mattress. I'm going to get bright pink metallic lipstick and another WoodWick trilogy candle. The scents are Amethyst & Amber, Suede & Sandalwood, and Smoked Jasmine.

As I said before, we're thinking of dropping Microsoft Office in a few months for Gemini Plus, and one thing Tom learned since Google bought Fitbit is that it has a broader range of more accurate health trackers within it. Also, when he mentioned my sleep disorder in AI, it knew exactly what he was talking about and can handle that, too. There's a new model that's supposed to be more comfortable, with its only drawback being that it doesn't display the time. I guess it's only $100 for starters, and he's going to get one and see how it is before I consider getting one as well.

For a total of $4, I bought a couple of accessory packs from the golf app. In addition to pink fireworks, I get a burst of colorful stars when I get hole-in-ones and win holes when we're playing in closest-putt mode. I also got a rainbow ball streak trail in neon pink, orange, green, and yellow. Bright orange is the only shade of orange I'm OK with. Otherwise, I don't really care for the color.

On the way to the glaucoma doctor now. I got a candle from the new dollar store that opened up nearby. It's so good it's almost like crack cocaine for the nose! It's Mulled Wine, even though it doesn't smell like wine. I also got three little candles I had to put on the warmers: Junior Mint, Dragon Fruit, and one that just says Healing. 

I also got some facial highlighter, pork rinds, and he got a sketchbook. I just wish I'd realized the pork rinds were spicy and that I already had sketchbooks he could have used. Lastly, I also got a little pink disco ball to hang, he got ice cream, and we both got candy. 

Today I ordered WoodWick's Winter Garland candle that was on sale on Amazon. It's another trilogy with Crimson Berry, Frasier Fir, and Teakwood. 

I was so pissed, even though I shouldn't have been, since lost weight always finds its way back to me, but with very few exceptions, I worked so hard and put up with so much hunger and fatigue for over a week just to regain two of the 5 lb I lost. I'll get back on track if only for the sake of my health. I like having good blood pressure, and I don't want to become diabetic. 

I don't know why, but I had some stuffiness in my sleep, and I really hope it doesn't become a regular problem or get worse. 

He's fine now, luckily, but I was worried about Tom because he seemed to be hit hard after his last donation. Well, he was nauseous at the place, then felt almost like he was going to pass out when he got home. He seemed to sleep a lot too, but we later came to suspect it was the potatoes I made. I guess they were too rich for him, and he's not used to rich foods these days. He donates tomorrow, so we'll see how it affects him. What was scary was the nightmare I had about him at this time, where he might have been having a heart attack. 

On the way back from the doctor, and OMG, the BO the guy's got! I like him, though. Plus, the instant he looked into my eyes, he knew what it was. It's a bacterial infection that causes inflammation in the eyelids called blepharitis. To start from the beginning, I stayed in the same room this time, and they didn't take pics, I don't think, even though Christine dilated my eyes. After that, she left the room, and I thought I would have a long wait, but nope. He passed by the room and said he'd be right with me, then came in a few minutes later. I filled him in on my watery eyes, and he too, has had a turbine reduction, though he doesn’t think surgery caused my problem. We may never know what caused it.

Then his phone rang, and he said excuse me, and I told him it was no problem at all, and he appeared to politely argue with this woman about scheduling. Something about how it's supposed to be this doctor and then that doctor and then that doctor, and he does the scheduling for this place and that place and is sometimes invited to give lectures. He also said something about how he really needs to know, and he's counting on her, blah blah blah. Then he hung up and said something about having to play games, and I told him I knew what that was like. 

He then put the numbing drops in my eyes and measured my pressure. All is good there. Then right off the bat, he told me what I had. I told him that it was awesome that he could tell me that just like that, and he said that after 39 years of experience, it's not that hard, lol. 

So, I need to use these eyelid wipes daily and get prescription eye drops that contain steroids. Because steroids can increase eye pressure, he wants to see me back in 3 months. He said resuming Flonase would be okay. I doubt my pressure will rise, though, since Flonase never caused it to rise before.

Blokhaven, Walkabout's 40th course, was released. We like it. I don't bother buying them on my headset, though. We figured one headset is enough. Besides, I don't usually play solo very often, and when I do, I have 30+ courses to choose from.

Love that we can now choose colorful fireworks and ball streaks. We each chose our favorite colors: him blue and me pink, of course. There are rainbow ones that are pretty cool, but you have to pay for them.

He couldn't donate for weeks because his protein was too low, but now he's back to doing that. What was a little weird was that he felt nauseous while he was there, and then he felt like passing out when he got home. Hopefully it's just because he hasn't donated in a while.

Slept better and have more energy today, even if I had to dope myself up to do it.

I'm up a pound. Let me guess... here's where I go into auto-reset mode, as always, when I lose a few pounds but keep on dieting, right? I'm going to keep doing this diet anyway because it's cheaper, my blood pressure has been pretty close to normal, and I want to see if I only put back what I lost or if I go higher.

The Google girl says a semi-wave or waveless would be better for my lower back pain because the baffles inside prevent the hammock effect. I would never get waveless, but I might consider semi-wave. We'll see how the temporary air mattress feels first.

Not the least bit surprisingly, I only made it a couple of days with decent sleep. Yesterday I was moderately tired, and today I'm very tired. The broken-up sleep is back too, and I'm guessing that's because the stress is mounting as we get closer to my appointment, even though I don't expect anything to be wrong. I at least hope he won't refer me to other doctors or want me to make additional appointments anytime too soon. 

Before bed the day before yesterday, I took melatonin and then half a clonazepam when I woke up in the middle of my sleep. Last time around, I took melatonin and half a clonazepam, and then another half when I woke up a few hours later. Before bed next time around, I'm probably going to take two melatonin and a whole clonazepam to hopefully catch up without any breaks in my sleep.

I did notice something interesting at the end of my sleep last night. I took my mask off and then dozed off a little longer, and when I woke up after dreaming that Rhonda's real name was Andrea, I realized I hadn't snorted at all, at least not on my side. Maybe they're right when they say just a few pounds either way can affect sleep apnea. I’m now down to 160.9, so that’s 5 pounds lost. In a perfect world, I would get down to 120, but would settle for 140. However, I still don't see myself ever slipping below the 150s. The medication issue still scares me, too. 

At least no more bots have told me I could be dying of cancer. Yeah, I got a little worried for a minute there yesterday. For most of my life, I've had ridges in my nails, and on some of them, the outer edges have a slight lift due to my thyroid issues, so that much is no mystery. What I thought was weird lately, though, was how some of my nails were curving downward in the center more so than usual, or they at least seem to be. So I questioned Gemini about it, and she mentioned the Schamroth test. So I did this simple test where you take the same fingers on both hands and match the digits closest to the tip of your fingers to see if you have a diamond-shaped window between the base of the nails. If you don't, that's potentially bad news, typically associated with lung or heart issues. Well, all of my nails flunked the test except for my thumbs. I shared pictures with both Gemini and Google, and they didn't like what they saw. Then, without even asking about curving/clubbing, I asked OpenAI and Copilot, and they just said they looked ridged and dry, and that was it. So I think how I worded my question mattered. I did eventually ask if they saw clubbing and told them I failed the Schamroth test, and they said that failing the test doesn't always mean anything.

Tom doesn't think I have lung cancer, and I agree. Yes, my nails have changed a bit, and yes, I have occasional shortness of breath. But nails do change with age, and everybody experiences air hunger from time to time. I did read that because the lungs don't really have any nerve endings, you can have a nodule growing in them for months or even years without knowing it, and Gemini and Google describe my nails as "early" clubbing, noticing a slightly enlarged flange on one digit. But I still don't see myself in the early stages of anything serious. I let them know that I had extensive heart testing a few years ago and all was well, which made them more convinced that something was up with my lungs. Yesterday I noticed I was short of breath upon waking up, even though my AHI score was normal, but I haven't noticed any today. I am a shallow breather, so maybe that could be an issue later on in life, but I don't know.

I do know one thing, though, and that's that if I am brewing anything serious, we'll know it within the next year because I'll be dead. I wouldn't bother treating it because treatment itself would be way more than I could handle. There would be 10 million appointments that would be very hard to handle with my sleep disorder and all kinds of pain, torture, and money spent on something that wouldn't be guaranteed and that I'd always have to worry about returning. I really can't see that being the case, though, as I said. There have been other things I thought were wrong that weren't.

Since I definitely love waterbeds but don't like soft-sides, Tom found that hard-sides are much cheaper at Lowe's than on a waterbed site. I didn't know Lowe's sold waterbeds. I can get a basic king-size one for just over a grand, similar to what we had in Phoenix, and just use these headboard shelves or some other ones. They have some really cool ones these days with charging plugs and all that.

Slept well the last couple of times. The night before last I had a full clonazepam and half of a melatonin to begin with. Last night I just took a full 5 mg melatonin gummy. My sleep was never broken up or anything. Got my highest sleep score ever of 96. I wish to hell it could always be like this, but I can't even make it a week with good sleep. It's allowed me to be pretty productive, which I like. 

I've lost 4 lb now, but I don't expect to lose much more, if any at all. As hungry as it leaves me, I don't see myself having to worry about gaining more than I had to begin with even if I don't lose much. I looked back in my journals, and while I've always had the setting for sleep apnea from an anatomical standpoint, it seems like my weight didn't really trigger it to become a problem that noticeably affected my energy levels until I got over 155 lb. This doesn't mean getting down to 120 or lower would stamp out my sleep apnea, though. There are never any guarantees, but losing a few pounds and keeping it off—even if it really is only 5 to 10 lb—certainly can't hurt.

Here we go. First storm of the year woke me up. Again, the fact that this only happens when I'm asleep can't be a coincidence. Okay, so I may be awake during a few storms in July and August, but that's only because it storms pretty much every day during those months. I'm exhausted. Just totally utterly exhausted. I just can't handle sleep disturbances like I could 20 or 30 years ago. It literally hurt my heart when the thunder jolted me awake, sending my HR out of the 70s and well over 100. That certainly can't be good for it. I just don't understand why I deserve to have my sleep so cursed like this. That wasn't the only thing to wake me up either. The Spectrum guy didn't wake me up, but as I was nodding off, air escaped my mouth, then a drop of water trickled out of the hose and tickled my nose. The hose part was easy enough to eliminate because I'm tired of this hose doing that and there's no point in me using a heated hose anyway. It never made a difference in my breathing, and I don't need a heated hose in Florida. Anyway, I'm keeping a log of how many times I'm asleep versus awake whenever there is loud thunder. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find myself woken up nearly every time it stormed during the part of the year when storms aren't a regular thing. 

Anyway, it's good to be back with Spectrum because Frontier really sucked. Hopefully, Spectrum hasn't gone downhill during this last year. We haven't used the internet enough yet to really make a judgment. 

Three charcoal treatments in, and I can definitely see that my teeth are whiter. But just as I was warned, the charcoal is definitely abrasive. I can feel it on my gums and tongue, so I'm going to skip a few days. 

My weight has gone from 165.7 to 162.0, but I still don't see myself getting significantly under the 160s. If this diet will keep me from gaining additional weight, though, I'm going to keep doing it. I'm not really craving variety, at least not yet, and it's definitely a little cheaper. I thought my cholesterol would be through the roof this way, but when I checked, I found it to be recommended that you don't go over 300 mg of cholesterol a day. Well, I'm just under that. 

During the time Mother Nature and my CPAP let me sleep, I actually had a cool dream for once. It was definitely funny and interesting even though it took place in the Phoenix house. We were just getting out of the pool, which was badly chipped for some reason. We entered the back room and all of a sudden, I noticed Tom had gotten a guinea pig. I ran up excitedly to the full-grown guinea pig that sat in a glass aquarium. "I thought I smelled rodents," I told him. Then I noticed he also got a baby rat. Then, he reached into a long wooden box and started to say, "You see, the thing about mice…" and then I squealed with additional excitement despite how poopy and smelly mice are and ran to check out the half a dozen or so mice he also got. I was fascinated by one of them that was a cross between pink and orange, lol, and delighted by the new pets even though I managed never to hear or see a thing until that moment. 

I hate to give up a waterbed, but this soft-sided bullshit is terrible. Who in the world ever thought that foam would be strong enough to keep 1000+ pounds of water from causing it to bow out? Because of it, it's causing the bed to sag and it's wreaking havoc on my lower back. We talked about different ideas like maybe switching out the tubes for an air mattress or maybe assembling 4 wooden boards to slip inside the soft cover between the foam and tubes and even switch the tubes out for a bladder, but I don't think we'll be able to afford that as fast as I and our stuff break. We still have the refrigerator and toilet to deal with. I've got the money right now for the fridge; we just have to schedule someone to pick the old one up, preferably when I'm not sleeping to add to the sleep disturbances I already have. I swear today's one of those days where I almost feel like surgery wasn't worth it because there are so many other things waking me up. Anyway, there's this company that will haul it away for free, which either recycles or repairs the appliances. 

Because I'm so tired, I may not bother writing any story scenes tonight. Another thing I like about the idea of doing scenes rather than full novels is that I don't have to worry about word count consistency in each chapter.

Between things breaking and things not working, we just can’t get a break! Working on Prolific was supposed to be for buying fun things and household upgrades; now it’s for things that need to be repaired or replaced, along with my health needs. There’s just no getting ahead. 

I warned Tom that iPhones suck and he would hate it, and sure enough—not that this is a crisis that needs to be replaced right away—but it somehow broke his Fitbit. I guess he went to set something up, and now it won’t work at all.

What really sucks is that we’re trying to switch back to Spectrum since Frontier is spotty and slow, yet the modem they sent us doesn’t work. He couldn’t get their live chat to work, so he finally had to call to schedule someone to come out. As if this isn’t bad enough, they’ll be coming when I have to sleep, which means I’m likely to get woken up. He’ll tell them to be quiet, but most people don’t get the definition of the word quiet. If they just have to walk like elephants, as some people do, or if they drop something, I’ll be looking at another day of fatigue.

I’ve been tired all day today, not because I slept badly, but because I stupidly took Benadryl, hoping it would jump my schedule forward quicker. All it did was leave me groggy. I’ve never been able to control it enough to make it jump faster or slower anyway, so it was stupid for me to even try. If I could do that, I wouldn’t have this problem, and I would always be on days. I still may have some degree of CF coming and going, and who knows where my thyroid is at the moment? I’m also adjusting to my partial Atkins diet, so that may be causing some of the fatigue as well.

I’m a little stressed about my upcoming appointment because it’s going to be a very long day for me. I hope that won’t affect any of the tests they do. My eyes are still annoying, and the only time they don’t seem overly watery is when the tear ducts crust over.

Between having ADD and frequent fatigue that makes it hard for me to be consistent when writing full-length novels, I was thinking I might just switch to doing random scenes. I’d write whatever came to mind whenever I felt like writing—sort of like journal prompts, only I’d be making things up instead of writing about an experience or feeling I had. I probably wouldn’t share them, though, because they’d be hard for people to follow. That’s okay. I don’t have to share everything I write.

I deleted Adonis today. He just doesn’t seem to be around very much, and I almost never hear from him. If his heart isn’t in a friendship, why have him on my friend list? I don’t care who I’m connected to on other sites, but when it comes to Facebook, I prefer to keep that confined to people I actually interact with, even if it isn’t every day.

I found myself missing Marie the other day, but I won’t dare ask Becky to have her email me. I won’t reach out to anyone who obviously wants nothing to do with me or who’s crazy—in this case, it’s both. I still don’t know what the perceived slight was about. I deleted the conversation thread years ago, so I can’t go back and read it, but even if I could, I’m sure it still wouldn’t make sense. I have no idea what I did to upset her and cause her to block me, but that’s just the mentally ill for you. She was always very paranoid and accusatory, even when she could be a sweetheart the moment before. I can’t stand people like that with constant and drastic mood swings. A part of me will always care about her and hope she’s doing well, but people don’t change. I’m smart enough to know that, and I’m not going to try to reconnect with anyone who’s been a problem in the past. 

I thought about once again allowing people to message me and send me friend requests on Facebook, hoping I’d hear from someone I actually want to hear from, but I know if I do that, I’ll get the opposite. Even if I don’t hear from anyone connected to Andy or Tammy, it’ll just be someone from the park I barely know who ends up sitting silently on my friend list until I delete them. Every time I open the door for something good to come through, I end up with unwanted stuff instead. Besides, anyone I’d really like to hear from isn’t going to message me anyway.

We talked about dropping Microsoft Office for Google Gemini Plus with its AI features. Unlike Word, it's supposed to be able to correct and edit large documents in one shot. Even Grammarly won't do that. With Grammarly, you have to choose to accept its corrections. This will be a couple of months from now, though.

I should have figured it was just a fluke that I was able to handle the higher CPAP pressure that one time. Last time around was a disaster! First I had three or four mouth farts, then I took the damn mask off but had trouble breathing. Finally, I got back up to lower the CPAP pressure back down and put my mask back on. The constant sleep disturbances left me exhausted. I could kick myself because, in this case, it was my own fault. The fatter I get, the more it worsens my sleep apnea and the snorties, and the more determined I am to try to get some weight off for once and for all, and say fuck it to how my medication may eventually affect me should I finally succeed.