Just a half-hour of peace and then it’s on to non-stop barking for 4-5 hours, so I’m doing the things that require a peaceful background right now.

The dolls not only sold, but they sold quite well! We made nearly $200 off the two of them. Amazingly, Nikita sold for $10 more than I paid for her and the American Model doll sold for just $15 less than I paid for her. Nikita’s going to Australia. I can’t believe they’d want to pay nearly $100 to ship her there!

My story has a rating of 4.18 stars and 1432 views.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s entry Paul D. E. Mitchell is a way awesome writer who could out-write me any day! He befriended me on Bookmania, and as I also said, it’s really flattering to have this writer/publisher/editor interested in helping me improve my own writing and then maybe – just maybe – yanking me through the door along with him as he continues to bust on through it himself. And his books are getting orders! You can find them at www.pdemitchell.com. He gave me permission to mention him and Wuggles Publishing. He also offered to post any downloadable links of my own on his site if I ever have any, though he is posting my journal link. He gives me constructive criticism and lets me know what he likes and dislikes. He’s even offered to “dissect” some chapters for me and likes the Nara and Lissi characters. Yeah, I like them, too! After all, I created them, LOL!

When he first contacted me on Bookmania I figured he may just be some pervert who was just another nobody like myself in the writing world. Yet he’s quite a gentleman, and of course when I found out who he is in the writing world since I’m not as familiar with UK writers, I was pretty wowed! It would be an honor to work together and to help each other get ahead, but I still do have some hesitations. I just don’t have the patience to write a full-length novel and to keep working and reworking the manuscript to marketable standards since there’s not usually much money in writing unless you make it big enough to have your books turned into movies. I think I’d still have a much better chance of getting a record contract! Maybe someday someone can buy my stories as they are and work them to their own tastes before selling them.

What’s funny is that I may get paid to write smut, LOL! My first thought, when I stumbled upon this site that pays its writers for erotica, was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it since I’m a romantic suspense writer and not an erotica writer. But it is just about the easiest form of writing, when you think about it, because it doesn’t require much of a plot.

Their payment guidelines are as follows: The “One Night Stand Writer” receives a $5 commission for each of their first 10 stories published. The “Casual Writer” receives a $7.50 commission for 11-25 published stories. The “Long Term Commitment Writer” receives a $10 commission for each additional story they publish after they’ve published 25 of your stories.

They also have monthly contests where the winner gets $200, second place gets $100, and third gets $75.

I submitted two short clips, then I checked out some of the other stories and was a bit discouraged. Unlike the other site where I’ve got a 4-star rating, these people’s standards seem pretty high. We’ll just have to wait and see, but I don’t think my stories will be accepted. I may be a good writer, and I know I’m a good writer, but there are always people better than me, and that’s what they seem to be looking for.

Later…

Now my story is on page one of the first site I submitted a story. As for the other site, I’m still awaiting word on whether or not they’re going to accept the mini manuscripts I submitted to them and pay me, but I have my doubts. The writers on their site are pretty top-notch as opposed to the other one. With the other one (where my story made page 1) there are tons of writers with poor spelling, grammar and punctuation. Not this one! The stories there are very well-written and they obviously don’t accept just anything from just anybody.

Meanwhile, I’ve made $14 so far today at work and that helps make up for the slow weekend. My grand total, counting pending jobs, is around $250.

Cool, my little lesbian sex encounter got 3 1/2 stars (the most you can get is 5) and his gotten 1273 views so far. I’m using the pen name of NorCaliGirl.

I didn’t think they were going to post the clip for a while there because I thought I either did something wrong when submitting it or it just wasn’t dirty enough for their tastes. Yet when you think about it, they probably get so many submissions each week that they gotta go through.

One more peaceful morning ahead for me, then it’s back to choosing between barking and music, and I know which one I’m going to choose.

I dreamt that the Tonner did sell as well as Nikita, so we’ll soon see!

I was reading about this case where a girl sends a “thank you” letter to the government, thanking them for killing her. She’s got terminal cancer and couldn’t detect it in time because she was uninsured and too broke for regular check-ups. I can totally understand her frustration, and while it’s highly unlikely, I realize I could be in the same boat and not even know it yet.

Hopefully, more people will do what we’re doing and not pay their taxes in protest of the government giving our money to other countries. Sorry, but we don’t work to support terrorists in Palestine!

And when are the fucking churches going to be made to pay taxes? It really burns me up to think that I’m expected to pay taxes while this organized hate group can not only get out of having to pay taxes but encourage hate crimes as well. They’re a big part of why hate crimes rose in 2009. The more hate they preach and recruit, the more those who are different from them, have to suffer.

Really, I’m not sure which I hate more – the government or churches!

OMG, it’s 39º out there now at just after 1am! I totally wish I was in Florida now. I didn’t expect it to get this cold till next month.

Got a Thanksgiving message from Eileen and lost a pound even though I’m still eating too much. Like 1500-2000 calories lately. Although I’m still working out, I better jump back on the diet wagon soon because sooner or later I’m not going to be able to get away with it like I have been, 126-pound bitch in kick-ass shape or not.

Brandy just went off for a few minutes. Hope she woke Jesse up while she was at it! I wonder where Jesse’s going today. He definitely doesn’t seem like the type to cook and entertain at his place.

As for us, we’re glad we don’t have any place to go since we’re not big fans of turkey and aren’t into social gatherings. Family gatherings have really come to make me hate social functions of just about any kind. People just seem so phony and they expect the same phoniness from you as well.

Instead, I’m making a pig of myself with brownies and gaining my weight back. grins wickedly as she licks her lips Yep, I’m two pounds overweight!

The doll sales continue to look good. Someone from Australia asked if we’d ship Nikita there. Sure, if they’d pay the outrageous $87 it’d take to ship a 33” doll there. Since she’s got 42 views and 10 watchers, I’m expecting a bit of a fight for her in the end. The other doll has 58 views and 7 watchers. I thought she’d go at first, but now I’m not sure. We’ll find out in 3 days and 13 hours.

Been getting in a lot of work, writing and cleaning. Speaking of writing, when I was skimming through my sordid past before trying to figure out what was missing from my online extended autobiography, I realized I forgot to mention Marlene.

I can’t swear to it, but I think I met Marlene at the first middle school I attended. I was only there for the 6th grade, so I was probably around 11. She was a strange one, alright. One night I was sleeping at her house and we were on the floor watching TV. She started to get a little too close too, hugging me and kissing me. While I knew her intentions weren’t sexual, it made me very comfortable just the same. For one, Marlene was a homely-looking kid. Secondly, we were just that – kids.

She also stayed with us at our summer cottage at the beach at one point and I stole a magazine that had a picture of my favorite singer at the time on the cover.

When Marlene went home she told her mother about it and together they decided to give me an ultimatum. That would be that I must tell my mother myself by a certain day that I stole it, or they would take the honor of telling her themselves.

I let them have the honor.

And then I myself took the honor of dumping Marlene for snitching on her pal and then blackmailing me.

Guess I really was a pretty smart kid at times. :)

I’m currently proofreading my journal where we were stuck with Patty and her damn dog, and I had just started sweeping. My first win was a pair of men’s shoes for Tom, and I said, “I’d prefer a big cash prize most of all, but would happily settle for a vehicle, a cruise, a house or a gift certificate worth hundreds of dollars at a store. Even a bottle of perfume would be nicer than shoes.”

Wow, sometimes we really do get what we wish for in life since I went on to win all of these things but the house! I’m just sorry it all had to end when the economy went to hell. Maybe someday I’ll crank out the wins once again, but not anytime soon. Thank God for MT in the meantime! In less than 10 minutes I made $10 today!

The weather was nice today, though I’m not sure Jesse worked. When I went to pee one last time at 5:30, I never heard the dogs. Anyway, most days we don’t need the heat, but we always need it at night now. The only time we need to run it round the clock is when it rains since the clouds always prevent the sun from warming up the place.

I’ve dropped my workouts to Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays now that I know beyond a doubt that I’m not going to lose any more weight. And so now I’m officially in the maintain status.

Paula left a message earlier when the phone was dead, but now it’s too late to call her back. It’s almost Christmas so she probably just wants something. Ah, but she’s not going to get anything unless she pays me! And I’m not going to play email setup games with her either.

Tom says he read that they’re talking about the jobs opening back up in the first quarter of next year. Funny how they’re always “talking,” but never doing. And I’m sick to death of religion playing a part in EVERYTHING, and I don’t just mean who can marry who. Even the so-called healthcare reform is being based on religion, and I just want to shout in their faces, “Yo, I am not a fucking catholic!” I’m sick of so many people being forced to live in certain ways based on what other people believe. Just sick of it. So while the bible-thumping religious freaks are fighting over whether or not a woman should decide for herself what to do with her own life/body, many have to continue on uninsured.

Tom says that as uncomfortable as it may be, the fact that my back bottom molar is hurting all the time now is a good sign that it’s dying. Even yogurt stirs it up.

In better news, we listed two dolls yesterday and one already has a bid! That’s the 33” black child doll. The 22” white lady doll still has no bids.

Also, I made $22 yesterday! That’s my biggest day so far. My grand total since October 1st, counting pending jobs, is between $225 - $250. Not bad for doing a few minutes here and a few minutes there of work in the comfort of home. No having to spend money on gas or uniforms. No having to deal with nasty bosses or rude coworkers. I still wish Tom could get a job, though! Not just for the extra money, but so I could have the place to myself more often.

Anyway, there’s nothing like waking up each day, logging into my account, and seeing how much more money has come in while I sleep since they don’t always pay you the instant you do a job.

I cleaned the kitchen today. It took a whole hour as small as it is because I like to be thorough.

Work’s been slow but I’ve been getting in a lot of writing. And having loads of fun with it, too.

Jesse came down as the sun was setting with some guy in the guy’s pickup to get something from his shit pile.

Tomorrow we’ll take one last shot at selling the last two dolls I last tried to sell. Bad economy or not, I’m practically giving them away and so I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t go for them, but if they don’t it’ll be ok.

It really disturbs me to see that they had to “vote” on whether or not people in need of healthcare should have it. I mean, that’s really sick when we have to vote on something that should go without saying. That’s like walking up to a bleeding man and saying, “Ok, folks. Let’s have a vote as to whether or not we should try to save him.”

I still say it’s all talk and no action just like with most things, and that we’re not going to get shit for insurance. You don’t “try” to insure people for 50 years like they’ve been claiming. You either do it or you don’t, and if they wanted to give us insurance we’d have had it by now. That’s ok. I won’t be under 65 forever. I’ll always live in noisy places and I’ll always be poor no matter how hard I try to change that and get ahead, but I won’t always be uninsured.

Got a letter from Mary. She’s depressed, of course, but surviving. One interesting thing she told me was that she met Yolanda Saldívar, the lady that killed Selena. I’m surprised she’d be in general pop. I also thought she was in Texas, though, and when I checked on Wikipedia it said she’s now 49 and serving time in Gatesville, TX. Death threats from Selena fans kept her in isolation for a while and she may be paroled (I hope not!) in 2025. If she were white I’m sure she’d stand no chance of parole at all since the laws are favoring non-whites more and more.

Anyway, I have some of Selena’s songs in both Spanish and English and always thought she had a better voice than Gloria.

Mary’s in a two-man cell now and not a huge dorm, and has to work for free as a dorm worker. Kind of like the equivalent of a trustee at Estrella. She says she doesn’t find it any better than jail, but that she’s at least been treated fairly so far.

Jesse came down yesterday afternoon in his truck with his kid to see if the pipe’s leaking in back. Is it? Well, of course! And so is the front kitchen window, but only when it rains hard. It doesn’t hurt anything, though, as long as we have a towel sitting on the sill. So we’re still cursed with leaks even when it’s not our own shit we’re dealing with.

I was surprised he worked today since it rained like hell all day, but when my allergies woke me up at 5am and I went into the bathroom to pee, sure enough, the dogs were going crazy. Oddly enough, though, I didn’t hear anything when I went back into the bathroom a half-hour later to put a nasal strip on my nose.

I had to take a Benadryl and ended up crashing till 11:00. When I got up it was raining hard and steady and it was as dark as either 7:30am or 4:30pm.

Not surprisingly, Jesse’s worked all week. I’m sure, however, that once I’m sleeping through the hours that the barking is usually at its worst, he’ll be out of work.

The propane’s been going down about 1% a day. I didn’t expect it to get this cold till next month. The afternoons are pleasant, but the rest of the time is pretty cold. It’s going to nearly freeze tonight, then tomorrow we’re going to have a day of cold, wind and rain as a fast-moving storm rolls through. We shouldn’t need more propane till the end of January, and thanks to MT, we just paid our car insurance. So no bills other than the internet! We’re really starting to get ahead.

Next month we’re going to blow a few hundred on some fun stuff we’ve been wanting (incense, wireless speakers, a topper for the bed, a new deep fryer, some perfume and other goodies for me at Sephora) then it’s off to save, save, save! With all the weight I’ve lost, I should get new bras, even though I only made it from a 38C to a 34C. I miss my flat days! At least I got the flat tummy.

I’ve really been having fun with the scene-writing. It gives me greater flexibility and I don’t have to worry about perfection and consistency so much, although I do try to keep things somewhat consistent. I won’t make the same character Italian in one scene, then Mexican in another. And I won’t have a couple together for a few months in one, then a few years in another unless it’s to represent the passage of time. Maybe someday I’ll put them all together into a book. Who knows?

The pain in my lower right side stopped as suddenly as it started. We’re thinking it probably is an ovary like maybe I’ve got a little cyst or something on it. I just hope it doesn’t get any worse or more frequent! If I’ve been uninsured for nearly 5 years, then insurance obviously wasn’t meant to be.

I have that pain in my lower right side that I get periodically, usually when I’m mid-cycle. I still can’t figure out if it’s a bum ovary or a UT infection or something else. I just hope it doesn’t turn into anything serious. Tom can’t see it, but I know we’re years away from being insured.

Yesterday was both fun and productive. Knowing we’ll probably be here a few more years, I decided to tear apart the bedroom closet and all the drawers and rearrange things better. It’s so much harder to find things when you’re cramped for space because then you have to have so much shit piled up together. I was sick of having to move ten things just to get to one so I rearranged things a little more spread out as best I could with the limited space and in a more organized fashion.

I’m sure there are other things I could discuss, but I’m pretty busy at the moment so I’ll leave it at this.

I’ll have to remember to check and see how things went in court for Stacey, LOL! I think her next court date is the second week of December.

Up to $175 now on MT. There’s no doubt that the two of us together can pull in 3 or 4 hundred a month. It may never replace a regular job, but it sure does a fine job of supplementing one. Or one’s unemployment benefits.

The weather’s been cold at night, but nice during the daytime. The heat doesn’t usually run between 9am - 9pm.

The dogs continue to go crazy in the mornings and that’s about it. I just hope I can count on them shutting up in April like I knew I could count on them starting up again a few weeks ago.

“We’re not poor,” Tom says. “Poor is when you have no place to live, no food to eat, no internet, no monthly subscriptions.”

That’s true. But we’re not as comfortable as I’d like us to be yet either. Oh well. We’ll get there. It just may take forever and only last 5 minutes.

Tom is loving every minute of having his Mac back after nearly a year without it.

I sent Eileen a message a couple of days ago letting her know I hoped the move was going well and she thanked me for caring, saying she was throwing stuff out because she’s got so much stuff. She’s been cleaning out her old house and keeping busy.

Oh, she just emailed me again to say the move went smoothly and they arrived in one piece. I told her, “Yay, lucky you! Every long-distance move I’ve ever made was a sheer disaster so I’m glad one of us can “move smoothly.”

She also gave me her phone and address so I gave her ours.

Yesterday was a very peaceful day. Jesse didn’t go out at all. I would think that even if he left late morning/early afternoon, the dogs still would’ve gone off. They just don’t go off as long during those hours as they do in the very early morning hours. I don’t think I’ll get lucky enough to get two days off from them, so I’ve got the white noise going so I can concentrate on my writing since work is slow on weekends.

I’ve given up on Revtwt. That’s just no way to make extra money.

Although I still have to see us buy a house anywhere to believe it, Tom was saying that a retirement community might not be our only option if we can find the ideal piece of land. Of course I’d choose a house with elbow room over a “tooth house,” but I didn’t think we could afford land in California that wasn’t in the middle of nowhere like down in Death Valley. He said that this area is a bit more expensive, but we should be able to afford a parcel in an area called Grass Valley just 15 minutes from here because it’s off the grid. He says it might even be cheaper than a retirement community, although we would have to make our own electricity as with solar energy and have a well again. We’d have to weigh the pros and cons. The “ideal” land would be not having the nearest neighbors within a straight shot of us if they were closer than about 400’. If they were closer, we’d have to have a hill between us in which no one was at the summit. That’s what makes Jesse’s dogs so obnoxious. They may be up higher, but it’s a straight shot from no more than 200’ away. That’d be a little too close for one small dog, so I’m sure you can imagine what it’s like having 3 large dogs barking that close to us for hours on end.

A retirement community would mean being bombarded with barking just a stone’s throw away, and while it would probably be one small dog that was let in at least at night, it’d still be plenty obnoxious enough. So while rural folks tend to have big dogs and more than one, if the terrain was just right and we could fence out loose dogs that might otherwise come barking onto the land, we might be better off sticking with rural. I just hope we get the chance to decide!

I want to live everywhere! Seriously, I want to return to the desert, just not in Arizona. I want to move to Florida or some other tropical place. And I want to stay right here as well. The only place I don’t want to go is wherever it snows.

Today’s the day Tom gets his iMac back – yay! Who said Friday the 13th can’t be a lucky day? I know the real evil number is 4. Maybe being born on the 4th is part of why I’ve had such a shitty life at times.

Anyway, all has been good except for the barking. Every morning for anywhere from a half-hour to 3 hours, the fucking dogs go crazy. I know I could go out and yell at them and they’d stop, but I haven’t for a few reasons. For one, I’m sick of having to take responsibility for other people’s dogs. Secondly, I know it wouldn’t do me any good for more than 10 minutes. Lastly, I keep hoping someone will complain. I don’t know what good that would do them, but it’s a nice thought. It sucks that we have to live this way everywhere we go, but that’s just how it’s gonna be for the next 5 months, so I keep the air cleaner running and fans on to drown out the noise.

If I could snap my fingers and make myself like cold weather I’d do it in a heartbeat and get us up to Canada as soon as we could. Canada’s a wonderful country. Most of the people are white, so there are less gang activity and welfare bums. Its residents are also insured and they don’t discriminate against gays. Yet sadly, I’ve got 21 years to go before I’m insured.

Been selling short stories and making money on them. Finally! It’s not much money, but the point is that I’m being paid for my work, period. Like I said before, sharing my life for free is one thing, but sharing my stories is another. I’m going to have to go around at some point and delete some online excerpts that I’ve sold because technically they’re no longer mine to publish.

Hey, I may be one of God’s chosen ones to be trailer trash, but at least I’m a professional writer now – hahahaha!

Meanwhile, while God’s busy blessing the rich (or at least the comfortable) with even more money, I sit here and worry about the future. The here and now look great. It’s the future I’m worried about. Tom insists that as long as the unemployment rate is as monumentally high as it is here in Cali at 12%, they’ll keep sending checks. But I fear that they’ll cut those checks a little too soon. Even once we have a few grand saved up, it couldn’t last forever without the checks. So I just hope to hell the jobs come around before the checks go away. I want us to die because we’re too old to live anymore. Not because we had to kill ourselves to escape the streets. Tom’s not worried because that’s just how he is. He doesn’t worry about much until and if something actually does go wrong. I wish I could be like him, but that’s just another one of those things we can’t always control – our fears and emotions. They are what they are and there’s no magic switch we can reach in and flick on and off. Sure wish there was, though!

I updated my Oregon blog with the first 6 months we were at the duplex, attached to a nut named Beverly. Next up will be the 4 months we were attached to an even nuttier nut named Patty. I wouldn’t bother reading it, though. All I did was bitch about all the noise and how broke we were, LOL! It seemed that was the highlight of the 10 months we were at this duplex. It wasn’t until after we moved that the big surprise promotion/raise came.

Speaking of jobs, man I hope the dream I had means something! Like most dreams, it didn’t take place here. If anything the place looked like my childhood home, though Jesse was still the landlord. It was late at night when Tom was suddenly getting dressed. I asked him where he was going and he said he got a job. I asked him what the job was and he said he couldn’t tell me. I thought it a bit strange, like maybe it was some secret government job or something illegal, and so I let it go.

I was asleep when he got in the next morning, and up before he got up. I was making coffee when he got up and once again scurried to get dressed. I asked if he was going back to work and what the job was all about. He said he didn’t have time to tell me but promised to fill me in when he got home. I asked if he could at least tell me if it was good money. He said, “Nah, not good money. At least not yet.”

I woke up before he could return to tell me what the job was about. I wish it was a sign that Tom would get a job – any job – soon, but no one’s hiring around here. And when they are it’s usually something he’s not qualified for. They were looking for a manager at Goodwill. He’s got tons of managerial experience, just not in retail.

I finally made 7¢ on Revtwt. Aren’t I just so darn lucky? laughs I think I’ll leave it alone for now. It doesn’t hurt anything and is little to no effort on my part to tweet ads.

There I was accusing those people on Facebook of being in Mountain View, California and not where they said they were, but then I realized that that’s where Gmail’s office is – duh! So I guess if you don’t set up a Gmail profile anyone who runs your email will think you’re in Mountain View, California.

Tom was right. The doll didn’t sell because I listed her too high. Hey, I’m greedy, LOL! Since we’re not desperate for money, but I’d still like money more than that doll and the Nikita doll, I decided to wait till right after the first to relist them at lower prices.

The dogs surprised me yesterday morning. I was writing away at 4:30, realizing it’d be noisy in a half hour. Not wanting to be distracted, I put the sound machine on. As expected, I could hear barking in the bathroom a half-hour later when I went to pee. But then when I went back out in another half hour it was dead quiet. Makes me think someone came in after Jesse left because I can’t believe they’d quiet down that fast that early in the morning. If they start at 5am, they’re usually going non-stop till 7am - 8am.

Been doing some creative writing “scenes.” Yeah, for now, I decided to swap stories for scenes. So whenever a scene plays through my head I try to put it into print and not work it into a whole story. It’s kind of fun. Especially since I can’t always decide whether I want one thing to happen next or another, but I like both ideas equally. That MT job, along with Tom, inspired me to do this. Tom really liked how I showed a character’s thoughts and intentions as opposed to explaining them to the reader, though I sometimes may still do that.

Making money on Twitter is proving to be a bust so far. Unless I’m doing something wrong, I’d say it’s a definite scam, only I haven’t lost any money. They never asked for any at Revtwt and I wouldn’t have paid if they did. I sent an email asking if I was doing anything wrong and that could be why my stats were still at 0, but I never got a reply. I think I’m doing everything right, so I guess it’s just that no one’s clicked on the ads yet. I can’t blame them, LOL! I wouldn’t click them myself. I’ll cancel my account if it still hasn’t made anything in about a week or so.

Tom doesn’t think the doll will sell because I’ve got her set too high for a used doll, but we’ll find out in just under 10 hours. She has 57 views and 4 watchers at the moment. If she doesn’t sell, I’ll relist her at a lower price. If that doesn’t work – fuck it then. I’ll never list dolls on eBay again.

I was looking for lesbo stories for Mary and found some on a site where users share their own stories. I even posted an intimate scene from my Rainbow Dreams story that Allison described as tasteful. Yeah, it sure is mild compared to some of the stories there and even right here! They rate them too, so it’ll be interesting to see how many stars I get, LOL!

I’ve been stingy with posting many of my stories in full because while becoming a published author may not be my goal right now, I don’t want to share stories for free anymore with just anyone and everyone. My life is one thing, my stories are another. But I will share the clip I posted there that’s awaiting approval.

The barking this morning was terrible and went on for at least two hours. The earlier Jesse leaves, the worse the barking is. I still don’t have a clue as to what stirs them up. All I do know is that it’s got something to do with it being between November and April and Jesse not being home. When he’s out during those months, they go crazy, and it wasn’t just Whiskey this time around either. So it’s back to having to have sound machines, fans or air cleaners blasting whenever he’s not around. 

I keep wishing whoever it was that complained on him before we got here would do it again, but chances are they’ve realized it won’t do them any good or they’ve moved. Guess the next best thing to wish for is someone shooting them, but if they haven’t yet, why would they now? Besides, Jesse would just go out and get 3 more dogs to toss outdoors like yesterday’s trash, so it would only be a temporary break.

I can still do some things with the sound machine going, but I can’t do things like study languages and proofreading. It isn’t me that’s doing the proofreading, it’s the electronic reader I’ve got going, and I need to hear it and it only.

I asked Tom if he thought the queen would cut us out of her will (if she hasn’t already), or if we just wouldn’t get anything if she doesn’t, and he said he thinks she’ll run out of money before she runs out of life. So I thought about it and yeah, at the rate she’s going I’d say that’s probably true.

laughs What a punishment on Miss Perfect! To be burdened with your mother-turned-daughter during your entire marriage which is almost as long as ours is, then to have her run out of money in the end – hahahaha! Only difference is she would just deal with the fact that she couldn’t pay her rent anymore. I’d toss her on the streets. flashes an evil grin

The doll has 40 views and 4 watchers, but no bids yet with 2 days and 17 hours left to go. Hope she sells! But it won’t hurt us if she doesn’t. She’s just one of those dolls I’ve had around here that’s just so-so that I figured would be worth having us make a few extra bucks if possible.

I’m working on making a few extra bucks on Twitter too, and my main job is going super well. I thought I might stand a better chance with Revtwt than with Google AdSense since more people see my tweets than my journals/blogs (I think).

Tom said he didn’t hear anything throughout the day, but right before I crashed at 7:00 this morning, Whiskey was going crazy. I wish someone would shoot just him if we can’t lose all 3 of them! He does most of the barking.

Jesse gave Tom his cell number yesterday and told him to call him at work today if there were any problems, but there weren’t. But by the end of the year, I’m sure there will be. Old place or not, rural or not, we can’t go more than a month or two without some problem pertaining to the well or plumbing here. Tom says it’s normal, but I disagree. The dump we lived in in Oregon was much older than this place and we had like 3 problems the whole 2 years we were there, one of which wasn’t even related to plumbing.

I went and checked the most popular section on MD and saw I was first on the list after being second forever. Wow! I was glad to see Dorian made the list, too.

Now that I’m getting paid for at least some of my writing, some people have suggested that maybe writing is my true calling in life.

Nah. I’ve learned years ago that I wasn’t meant to have any one big calling in life, but a bunch of little ones instead. Some things I’ve done forever, some I’ve gotten sick of, but I’ve definitely done and experienced a lot in my life.

Jesse was here this morning for about an hour and by some miracle, he didn’t wake me up. I guess God doesn’t always hate me as much as I sometimes think He does. Jesse’s on his first unemployment extension himself, though he is working tomorrow. Glad I won’t be up most of the day tomorrow if that’s the case, cuz it’s going to be cooler and so the dogs are bound to go crazy. I guess they’re just paying him for the days he doesn’t work since construction is so erratic.

A big win for gays in DC, but this court case Tom told me about sure seems doomed. The bigots’ main concern is their precious little word “marriage,” but as Tom and I agree, who the hell gives a shit what you call it as long as gays have equality, but hey, we live in a word-sensitive society. So that’s basically why DC won; because they kept that holy little word out of it. But the court case is about trying to make it a federal law that says you can’t ban gay marriage in any state. The problem is that most people connected to the courts are older and most of the bigots are over 50. So it’s like asking the ones that hate gays the most for support. I still say they’ve got another 20-40 years before they make any real progress, although as Tom pointed out, having gay marriage in 5 states is 10% and that’s ahead of where they were a decade ago.

I can’t believe Maine tries to say its motto is “live and let live.” What hypocrites!

I just wish they’d quit jerking us around with the healthcare thing. The more I think of how my dad said it should only be about $500 for dentures, the less that makes sense only because costs rise with time. If it cost me $2500 for braces in 1997, how could it be $500 for dentures today? And that excludes the initial exam and X-rays and all that. I love you Dad, but this isn’t 1975!

Getting more “tummy knots” from the crunches – yay!

My day started off as it usually does – busy with no time to myself, and even a bit of a scare mixed in. I wasn’t literally scared, but I certainly was a bit worried for a minute that we wouldn’t be able to stay here! When it started I looked up towards the sky and shouted in my mind, “No, God! We are NOT going to be your little street bums EVER again. Not for 36 hours, not for 36 minutes!”

It started when I went to turn the water on in the kitchen. This time it wasn’t just a case of low pressure, there was nothing at all. So Tom went out and then came flying back in yelling at me to give him the phone because there was water leaking everywhere. So up he called to Jesse who I feared wasn’t home, but fortunately, he was. So all the while I was cussing about there always being a fucking problem with the well/plumbing if it wasn’t the barking we were SUPPOSED to have escaped by coming here, Jesse turned the water off up at his place, then took what seemed like forever to get his ass down here. He was gathering up parts, apparently. When he did come down in his truck we showed him the plastic QVC pipe that was about a foot long that had busted out of the pressure tank altogether.

So Jesse says that out in the country, we gotta expect things like this, he knows about problems, his boy just had his third open-heart surgery, plus a busted appendix. Well, I’m very sorry about his boy, and I realize this dump may be old, but the amount of problems we have here still seems a bit extreme. Every 1-2 months there’s a problem. Being inconvenienced for a few hours is one thing, but I worry about something happening that’d make this place inhabitable for a while. Where the hell could we go in that case???

As it is I’m not going to get much sleep tomorrow because he’s got to come back down to insulate the pipe and tie up loose ends, so to speak. Figures I just have to be on nights now! I’m just glad he was able to set things up so we’d have water tonight, and so quickly, too.

In other news, we decided not to relist the large vinyl doll since those aren’t doing well right now. But Tonners always do well, so we listed the American Model doll. If others just like her sold for $99 with shipping, ours should certainly go for the same price, only we’re offering free shipping. We’ll just have to send it by parcel post. Anyway, if she doesn’t sell, we’re only out 15¢ and I’ll just be stuck with one more thing to have to dust.

I tried to cancel my membership on the new Kiwibox I hate it so much, but it wouldn’t let me, LOL! I’m not surprised by all the fucking bugs they have. It’s just not for me anymore. It used to be about colorful journals and points and prizes. Now it’s just one big old buggy dating site laid out like Facebook. It’s funny, though, cuz the two blog entries I made quickly got like 4 or 5 comments and some thumbs up, too.

Later…

Am I wrong for not joining the millions of Americans whose hearts are filled with such hatred for those who are different than them? Yes, I’m talking about the bigots’ victory in Maine. Should I try to MAKE myself follow the so-called norms? Should I start caring about who other people marry? Should I hate those who live differently than me because it’s so widely accepted, even expected of me? Then again, those “norms” are deceptive. Online polls and other studies show the vast majority of Americans today either accept or just don’t care about gay marriage.

A part of me wishes to hell I could sometimes be just as hateful simply because there’s so much hate and control all around me. Really, if I could reach inside myself, flick a switch and turn on the hate, I probably would. But I just can’t do it. For one, I know gays wouldn’t choose to be the way they are with all the bigots in this world. Secondly, I still don’t see anything wrong with two CONSENTING ADULTS loving and marrying each other. If race, color and religion don’t matter, why should body parts? I mean I just don’t get it. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I just don’t get it! Where’s the “sin” in loving another adult???

I guess the only way to try to force myself to “conform to the norm” would be to go out and vote against gays as soon as it hits the Cali ballots again, though the thought of it makes me so sick to my stomach that I don’t know if “normal” is worth it. I’ll think about it then. Meanwhile, if I can’t do it I know gays would still lose anyway. No state’s ever voted for gay marriage and so I don’t see that they ever would. That only happens online where it’s easier for everyone to vote. But when it comes time to actually go out and vote in person, it’s mostly the bigoted control freaks who care enough to do it. Those who don’t care who others marry tend not to vote since they’ve got more important issues at hand to deal with like the economy, the healthcare that most of us are never going to have, etc.

So normal or not, right or wrong, gays will never get ahead. Just never ever get ahead. I still don’t get how it can be legal to vote something down after the state just said it was legal, and I don’t mean just with gay marriage, but with anything. How can a state or a court say something’s legal, ok it, then allow people to vote to take it away??? That’s just so twisted!

Twitter was flooded with tweets about how hurt, angry and even outraged people were by the way the bigots of Maine snatched the rights away from gays, and I had to ask myself, where are all these people? Why weren’t they all in Maine to help defeat these jerks??? I’m just so sick of religious fanatics being able to push their beliefs on others and being a part of politics!

Between all the hate that lives on out there, the economy, the bullshit healthcare overhaul thing they love to talk about but never do, I have to wonder how this country got to be as fucked up as it is? People may’ve always hated gays, but it seems that despite all the so-called “loosening up” and “tolerance” people are supposedly coming to have, there’s still soooo much hate out there! Somebody always wants to control somebody else. All this hate is so depressing. Like I said, if I could harden my heart I would because it is much easier to hate. But I still don’t see how I could do it even if I’d never been attracted to a member of my own gender. I wish to hell I could, though, because like I said, it really truly is so much easier to hate, to be angry, to be unforgiving, to be intolerant, and to basically go through life kicking and screaming in protest of “different.” But to see a group of people being picked on simply for being who they are is nothing but sad, sad, sad. Certain groups of people have asked to be hated and so that I can see. When you run around terrorizing and killing people, or expecting a free ride in life because of what “might” have happened over a century ago, you deserve to be shit on. But that’s just the thing; it’s the assholes that are being treated like royalty these days. Yet the people who just want to marry the ones they love don’t get shit for equality. It seems people would rather get high, according to other so-called votes going on out there.

Meanwhile, if things haven’t changed for gays by what’s almost 2010, they obviously never will. And so straights will continue to be able to marry the ones they love and they’ll be able to brag all about their liaisons in the military while gays are forced to stifle the excitement of a new flame they may’ve met and made to hide in shame as if they were perverted little child molesters if they don’t want to be discharged. And of course it’s also just a matter of time before the bigots snatch gay marriage away from the very few states that still allow it.

I hear all this fear-filled hype about gay marriage having to be taught in public schools should they ever be allowed to make their own personal decisions for themselves, and I’m like WTF? Not even straight marriage was taught when I was in school! And so what if it was? What’s wrong with teaching marriage – not gay marriage, not straight marriage, but simply MARRIAGE? I just don’t think it should be taught in a way that makes its students think it’s a must, for marriage isn’t for everyone, gay or straight.

sighs sadly Maybe God really does hate gays. He must if he keeps allowing them to be treated this way, right? Right? Maybe He even still hates WOMEN when you think about how they’re STILL being treated today in the Middle East. I wish I could tell Him I sometimes hate Him too, but I know He’s sensitive and will only punish me for it, so I guess I better bite my tongue…

…and hope to become just as bigoted someday so it’s not so damn depressing.

Kiwibox’s 3.0 really sucks! I don’t know if I want to stay there. If I did it’d only be because I know so many people there. But it’s like it’s become one giant dating site or something, and of course the site’s all messed up.

My husband is driving me crazy being home all the time since he’s been on unemployment for what’s now been a whole year! I love the guy, we get along really well, we probably haven’t fought in over a decade, but everyone needs space. I feel totally smothered by his constant presence and his getting in the way of my housecleaning and things like that. Trying to live our lives and do our thing in 500 square feet gets to be a bit of a challenge at times. I can’t vacuum when he’s trying to do audio transcriptions, and I always have to work out to the TV when I want music instead! I can play my iPod, but he’s still got the TV going right in front of my face, too. And I’m not a TV person. :(

But I know there won’t be any jobs here for the next year or two, and that we’ll always be broke and living in tiny little dumps no matter how hard we try to get ahead, so I better hope I get used to it soon.

Tom just came into the room and I read him what I wrote about him. He’s laughing, too.

When I got up the living room stunk of oranges, not my favorite thing to smell. He had a cut on his foot and he bled all over the carpet so he cleaned the carpet with this orangey crap. As I told him, though, the carpet’s not ours, so he should’ve just bled all over the landlord’s carpet rather than stunk me out with oranges. Even with peanut butter incense burning I still smell oranges - ugh!

It sure feels good to vent, though. :)

This is a short – very short – story I wrote for an MT job that paid $3, though I ended up not submitting it because they wanted an article and not a story. I just couldn’t come up with 500 words pertaining to lingerie and related gifts, though, in article format. It had to be fun and flirty, not X-rated or vulgar. Nonetheless, Tom thinks it’s one of the best things I’ve written because of the way I didn’t go overboard with fleshing out the characters. I let him learn about them through their actions and not by telling the reader about what they were thinking or planning on doing. It kind of got me thinking about writing a series of scenes and putting them together, rather than writing stories like I normally do. It’s just an idea, though, so we’ll see.

The woman bends over to check the roast she’s cooking in the oven, then stands up and smoothes her miniskirt. Walking gingerly on her stiletto heels, she gazes into the mirror in the adjoining room to check her hair and makeup.

Perfect, she thinks to herself.

Next, she checks the clock on the nearby mantel. Her boyfriend will be home any minute now.

She returns to the kitchen and pours two glasses of sparkling wine.

A moment later she hears a vehicle pull into the garage and in walks her boyfriend. The look of satisfaction on his face is well worth the effort it took her to get all decked out in her sexy camisole and skirt.

Next, she notices that her guy is hiding something behind his back and looks behind him curiously. He then surprises her with a dozen beautiful red roses.

She squeals with delight, takes the roses, sniffs at them, places them down on the counter, then throws her arms around her man. They hug and kiss passionately as the guy’s hand slips just under the hem of her short, skimpy skirt.

The woman places the lovely roses in a vase she fills with water and makes them the centerpiece of the dining table. Then she slowly and deliberately removes her boyfriend’s jacket and flings it carelessly aside, drawing him towards her in a swift embrace. They kiss for a few more minutes and then the timer on the oven starts beeping.

Guiding her guy towards the dining table, she sits him down and then pulls the roast out of the oven, all the while her man eyes her with a hunger that has nothing to do with his desire for food. He stares intently at the woman’s backside, anticipating the present that awaits him underneath the fancy packaging.

They take their time enjoying their meal, staring at one another with the knowledge that they will have each other for dessert, always saving the best for last. The woman teases and flirts with her man by sliding her foot under the table and up alongside the man’s leg. This turns up the heat even more.

Before they can begin with dessert, however, the woman is surprised when her boyfriend reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out what appears to be a folded little red bikini and hands it to the woman.

The woman accepts the gift and unfolds the garment. Something falls from it and hits the floor with a bit of a metallic clank. Curiously, she looks down and sees something shiny nestled just at the base of the refrigerator. She walks over to it and bends over, providing her lover with a sensational view, then swoops down to pick up the object.

It is an engagement ring. Its beauty takes the woman’s breath away as she is proposed to by the tall, dark and handsome man that has now risen from his own seat at the table. Tears of joy well up in the woman’s eyes as her lover takes the ring from her and places it on the proper finger.

The woman’s hot, sexy camisole and short little skirt didn’t remain on for much longer.