My day started off as it usually does – busy with no time to myself, and even a bit of a scare mixed in. I wasn’t literally scared, but I certainly was a bit worried for a minute that we wouldn’t be able to stay here! When it started I looked up towards the sky and shouted in my mind, “No, God! We are NOT going to be your little street bums EVER again. Not for 36 hours, not for 36 minutes!”

It started when I went to turn the water on in the kitchen. This time it wasn’t just a case of low pressure, there was nothing at all. So Tom went out and then came flying back in yelling at me to give him the phone because there was water leaking everywhere. So up he called to Jesse who I feared wasn’t home, but fortunately, he was. So all the while I was cussing about there always being a fucking problem with the well/plumbing if it wasn’t the barking we were SUPPOSED to have escaped by coming here, Jesse turned the water off up at his place, then took what seemed like forever to get his ass down here. He was gathering up parts, apparently. When he did come down in his truck we showed him the plastic QVC pipe that was about a foot long that had busted out of the pressure tank altogether.

So Jesse says that out in the country, we gotta expect things like this, he knows about problems, his boy just had his third open-heart surgery, plus a busted appendix. Well, I’m very sorry about his boy, and I realize this dump may be old, but the amount of problems we have here still seems a bit extreme. Every 1-2 months there’s a problem. Being inconvenienced for a few hours is one thing, but I worry about something happening that’d make this place inhabitable for a while. Where the hell could we go in that case???

As it is I’m not going to get much sleep tomorrow because he’s got to come back down to insulate the pipe and tie up loose ends, so to speak. Figures I just have to be on nights now! I’m just glad he was able to set things up so we’d have water tonight, and so quickly, too.

In other news, we decided not to relist the large vinyl doll since those aren’t doing well right now. But Tonners always do well, so we listed the American Model doll. If others just like her sold for $99 with shipping, ours should certainly go for the same price, only we’re offering free shipping. We’ll just have to send it by parcel post. Anyway, if she doesn’t sell, we’re only out 15¢ and I’ll just be stuck with one more thing to have to dust.

I tried to cancel my membership on the new Kiwibox I hate it so much, but it wouldn’t let me, LOL! I’m not surprised by all the fucking bugs they have. It’s just not for me anymore. It used to be about colorful journals and points and prizes. Now it’s just one big old buggy dating site laid out like Facebook. It’s funny, though, cuz the two blog entries I made quickly got like 4 or 5 comments and some thumbs up, too.

Later…

Am I wrong for not joining the millions of Americans whose hearts are filled with such hatred for those who are different than them? Yes, I’m talking about the bigots’ victory in Maine. Should I try to MAKE myself follow the so-called norms? Should I start caring about who other people marry? Should I hate those who live differently than me because it’s so widely accepted, even expected of me? Then again, those “norms” are deceptive. Online polls and other studies show the vast majority of Americans today either accept or just don’t care about gay marriage.

A part of me wishes to hell I could sometimes be just as hateful simply because there’s so much hate and control all around me. Really, if I could reach inside myself, flick a switch and turn on the hate, I probably would. But I just can’t do it. For one, I know gays wouldn’t choose to be the way they are with all the bigots in this world. Secondly, I still don’t see anything wrong with two CONSENTING ADULTS loving and marrying each other. If race, color and religion don’t matter, why should body parts? I mean I just don’t get it. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I just don’t get it! Where’s the “sin” in loving another adult???

I guess the only way to try to force myself to “conform to the norm” would be to go out and vote against gays as soon as it hits the Cali ballots again, though the thought of it makes me so sick to my stomach that I don’t know if “normal” is worth it. I’ll think about it then. Meanwhile, if I can’t do it I know gays would still lose anyway. No state’s ever voted for gay marriage and so I don’t see that they ever would. That only happens online where it’s easier for everyone to vote. But when it comes time to actually go out and vote in person, it’s mostly the bigoted control freaks who care enough to do it. Those who don’t care who others marry tend not to vote since they’ve got more important issues at hand to deal with like the economy, the healthcare that most of us are never going to have, etc.

So normal or not, right or wrong, gays will never get ahead. Just never ever get ahead. I still don’t get how it can be legal to vote something down after the state just said it was legal, and I don’t mean just with gay marriage, but with anything. How can a state or a court say something’s legal, ok it, then allow people to vote to take it away??? That’s just so twisted!

Twitter was flooded with tweets about how hurt, angry and even outraged people were by the way the bigots of Maine snatched the rights away from gays, and I had to ask myself, where are all these people? Why weren’t they all in Maine to help defeat these jerks??? I’m just so sick of religious fanatics being able to push their beliefs on others and being a part of politics!

Between all the hate that lives on out there, the economy, the bullshit healthcare overhaul thing they love to talk about but never do, I have to wonder how this country got to be as fucked up as it is? People may’ve always hated gays, but it seems that despite all the so-called “loosening up” and “tolerance” people are supposedly coming to have, there’s still soooo much hate out there! Somebody always wants to control somebody else. All this hate is so depressing. Like I said, if I could harden my heart I would because it is much easier to hate. But I still don’t see how I could do it even if I’d never been attracted to a member of my own gender. I wish to hell I could, though, because like I said, it really truly is so much easier to hate, to be angry, to be unforgiving, to be intolerant, and to basically go through life kicking and screaming in protest of “different.” But to see a group of people being picked on simply for being who they are is nothing but sad, sad, sad. Certain groups of people have asked to be hated and so that I can see. When you run around terrorizing and killing people, or expecting a free ride in life because of what “might” have happened over a century ago, you deserve to be shit on. But that’s just the thing; it’s the assholes that are being treated like royalty these days. Yet the people who just want to marry the ones they love don’t get shit for equality. It seems people would rather get high, according to other so-called votes going on out there.

Meanwhile, if things haven’t changed for gays by what’s almost 2010, they obviously never will. And so straights will continue to be able to marry the ones they love and they’ll be able to brag all about their liaisons in the military while gays are forced to stifle the excitement of a new flame they may’ve met and made to hide in shame as if they were perverted little child molesters if they don’t want to be discharged. And of course it’s also just a matter of time before the bigots snatch gay marriage away from the very few states that still allow it.

I hear all this fear-filled hype about gay marriage having to be taught in public schools should they ever be allowed to make their own personal decisions for themselves, and I’m like WTF? Not even straight marriage was taught when I was in school! And so what if it was? What’s wrong with teaching marriage – not gay marriage, not straight marriage, but simply MARRIAGE? I just don’t think it should be taught in a way that makes its students think it’s a must, for marriage isn’t for everyone, gay or straight.

sighs sadly Maybe God really does hate gays. He must if he keeps allowing them to be treated this way, right? Right? Maybe He even still hates WOMEN when you think about how they’re STILL being treated today in the Middle East. I wish I could tell Him I sometimes hate Him too, but I know He’s sensitive and will only punish me for it, so I guess I better bite my tongue…

…and hope to become just as bigoted someday so it’s not so damn depressing.