We’re back to having to play net games again, so I can’t do my sweeping. Guess now’s a good time to catch up here.

The person we woke up checked out the next day, and it’s been empty over there ever since. I know it won’t last long, though. I just hope they don’t fix what’s broken in our old room anytime soon.

We went sign-hunting on Saturday but had horrible luck. We went to Folsom to see what it was like, so being unfamiliar with the area, we just didn’t know where to look. They told Tom at work that it was as small-town as you’d get being this close to Sacramento, and it was true. It did have a small-town feel to it, and if it weren’t for the scattered palms, you might think it was K-Falls. We drove by the prison, though we couldn’t see it. It’s set way back in the middle of a huge farm. The subdivisions were typical of the west; the older houses were about 20’ apart, the newer ones just a few. Some are so ridiculously close you might as well connect them! You’d feel like you were in an apartment anyway if you were close enough that you could literally touch the wall of one house with one hand and the other with your other hand.

Tom’s still looking online when we can get on it and still feels we’ll get a house. I’m starting to think we’re going to end up in a trailer, duplex or townhouse. You know we’re not allowed to live where we want. He did see a house listed for just $700 in Yuba City, but the catch is that it’s very small and no doubt a dump. Especially since they didn’t post any pictures of it. We don’t mind being in a small dump again if it’s going to be that cheap and not on top of someone else. The only thing we didn’t like is how the ad stated, “No pets or animals, no exceptions.”

The car is so much more comfortable to ride in than the truck! It’s not nearly as loud either, and it drives much smoother.

Before heading out to Folsom, we stopped at Starbucks and I got a caramel coffee.

Tom grabbed the vacuum and hair cutter from storage so he could cut his hair and look more presentable for job-hunting.

We also went to the mail place where I got a $3 shiny, colorful tube for mailing things like posters. It’s just so cool looking I thought it’d make a neat Barbie prop or something.

After he cashed the check and put money on the card, the real fun began. We ended up spending $200 at Walmart! He needed a new razor and wallet. I finally got some hair detangler, a pack of flavored lip balms, and a trio of sports bras.

I also got a Barbie with a deep aqua cami and dark denim capris with glitter, as well as eyeshadow, that matches her cami. She has long blond hair and comes with a “chalk iron” that you run through her hair to color it. It’s got purple, pink and blue.

Then there’s Nikki, a black doll with bendable wrists like the newest Tonner dolls have. I’ve never seen bendable wrists before with Barbie and friends. This one wears a pink party dress with gold accents.

We also sent off the money order for the shipping on the two beauty baskets and placed a wholesale order with Incense Galore. The question is whether or not we’ll ever receive the incense. The emails I sent have been returned as no good, and I can’t leave a message on their machine cuz it tells me that person can’t receive messages at that time. I had a live chat with the Stickman and asked if he had any additional contact info, but he didn’t. Tom said that if worse came to worse PayPal would reimburse us.

Again I was woken up just as I was knocking off! Thanks, God, for cursing me with this wonderful sleep disorder, and for compensating us with even more money to make up for me not having a job so I can double our income.

It was Satish knocking. He was all apologetic and all that, saying he just needed to get numbers off the TV, fridge and microwave for warranty purposes. Then he said he’d talk to his realtor friend about helping us get a place. I’m not sure I believe that one or that they’ll want to help once they learn how much he makes, but we are going to go out hunting today ourselves.

Tom’s begun submitting job applications. We both think he’ll get something between $10-$12. The key is getting a job with insurance and where there’ll be room for advancement since we’re never going to be allowed to work for ourselves from home.

Speaking of being woken up, someone else checked into 334 on Thursday and woke me up with the door. Well, they got woke up last night by me talking too loud, but only by accident. It was 11:30, shortly after Tom got in from work. They banged on the wall a few times to let us know how pissed they were. This is the first time we’ve ever disturbed or woken anyone up that we know of. Tom and I were laughing about it, though we did quiet right down and he hit the sack. Imagine the look on their faces in the office if the person mentions it to them! They’d be shocked, alright. The only difference is that the person will no doubt be punished just once for waking me up. Me, I got about 100 more wake-up calls to go to pay for waking them up!

I always said I wished we were on the end, but I don’t know about that what with how popular the end rooms are. That’d mean always having someone below us, and for some reason, the door underneath us wakes me up more than the ones next to us.

If only I was your typical little herd animal! If I could just snap my fingers and just adore people and noise, we could almost own a single-wide trailer, from what Tom found out, on a lot in a park that would cost just $435 a month. That’s what we were paying at the duplex! Then we could save up for some land, but by the time we could buy much more than a few feet, we could be in a retirement community, so I guess we could just save for that. Owning land is definitely a bad idea if we can’t own everything outright. With house and land payments, we couldn’t afford the everyday commute to the city. If he could work from home, that’d be different, but I still don’t see that happening. He may make a few hundred a month from the horses, but not a few hundred a day.

Tom surprised me with some treats when he stopped at Walmart on his way in from work a couple of nights ago, saying I deserved them. He got me some incense and some temporary tattoos. These tats aren’t as good as the last one was, but it’s still fun to play around with.

They’re getting better at the cheap incense, but I’ll be enjoying gourmet incense soon enough, so long as Incense Galore doesn’t fuck up too badly on us.

The smoke detector started going off periodically yesterday during the late morning as I was about to fall asleep and he was to get ready for work, so Satish came up and replaced it altogether. I wasn’t very nice about it at first, but I’m sure he understood how annoyed I was.

Again we had to get people next door, even though Tom heard Michelle mention that we’re only 30% full. Well, hopefully we won’t be here much more than a week! We’re going out hunting this weekend.

I still don’t think we’ll ever own anything again because I still not only believe without a doubt that God doesn’t want us living where we want to live, but I’m not so sure we’ll ever have good credit. Tom’s been the victim of identity theft, so he learned when checking his credit. Most of it happened in the summer of ’06. He thinks it’s a random act done by someone who got a hold of his social security number, but I’m thinking whacked blacks, pigs, or his family. Tom assures me he’s not only not at risk of going to jail, but that it’s up to the people who gave whoever it was the credit to prove that it was actually him they gave it to. I was surprised. You mean there are actually good laws in this world? Fair laws that actually protect people like us? Wowee! He also says that for just a couple of bucks a month, you can be alerted whenever someone tries to get credit in your name with your social.

Rosalinda, as is the Mexican housekeeper’s name, did our room Wednesday. I hope that whoever does it next Wednesday will be the last one to do it till we leave!

Satish came to fix the smoke detector around 11:00 which was when I figured he’d come. Fortunately, I had only been asleep 5 hours which meant I could go back to sleep after he and Tom left.

Satish was pleased to hear we’d finally received the prize money and got a new car. He asked what it was and we told him. Then he asked if it was the green one parked out there, and when we moved in here. I let him know the fridge in our old room still leaked even with the settings he changed, and that the heater broke completely.

Someone checked into 334 at 9:00 and although I could hear them due to the thin walls, they weren’t noisy. I just hope they let me sleep tomorrow if they stick around, or that the housekeeper will if they’re an overnighter, cuz they ain’t letting me sleep on Wednesday unless I decide to have Michelle call them off.

I discovered SweepsNation last night and it’s pretty cool. Normally I wouldn’t join other sweep sites since most of them have the same sweeps and all I’d be doing was DQing myself. But the site itself gives away its own prizes, mostly GCs, and they automatically enter you in all their progressive jackpots for life just for signing up once.

OLS is really annoying the hell out of me more and more. The single-entry sweeps are now mostly for parents and kids, and all the damn comment sweeps are driving me crazy!

Well, the AC does work after all. I was getting worried seeing that the breakage curse obviously lives on, even if it’s stuff we don’t own. First we’re cursed with toilets, then refrigerators, then heat/AC pumps.

NBC’s doing a Most Awkward Moment sweep for 5K. I couldn’t think of anything for real, so “awkward wedding” paragraph.

Funny or not, I don’t think it stands much chance cuz they’re only picking 1 winner. 5 people won the 9K, and 12 won the $500. Between Clorox and Simple Green, we have enough cleaning supplies to last till I’m 45 years old! I just wish some of it wasn’t orange. I hate citrus scents and tastes, especially lemon, lime and orange. I’ll let Tom keep those in the car.

It took them over an hour to do our old room and it was just the one I hoped would get cursed with having to do it, too – Prasaad and the new Indian chick she’s been training.

New room, new car, new life! Yes, things are the best they’ve been so far since coming here! Yesterday evening the heater crapped out for good in 338. No wonder it was always kind of funky. When the heat was on it’d make these soft popping sounds. Well, yesterday it started popping louder and the heat wouldn’t stop. I’d get heat when I’d switch it to the fan and even the AC, so knowing we were to be in the mid-70s today, I had this young, wimpy Indian guy let me move into 336. It took me a half-hour to move all the stuff and another half to set it all up. Although I haven’t used the AC yet, the only problem with this room is that the smoke detector battery died and only Satish is allowed to deal with those things, so I have to wait till Monday for that to be fixed. It’ll be just one more thing, along with the housekeeper on Wednesday, to wake us up.

I emailed Tom at work to let him know we moved and he helped me swap mattresses before turning his key in and getting the new one. The mattress in here was old, flat, and hard like the one that used to be in 338.

It’s weird getting used to the reversed direction. I automatically head for the lower right cabinet when I want to throw something away, yet it’s on the right in this room. It’s much darker in here at night, and I’m glad to be away from that damn end room! The only negative is that it’s right on the stairs.

What’s kind of strange is that this room is colder. The kitchen and bathroom floors are icy cold, but that’d be a good thing in the warmer weather.

This carousel is broken too, but at least the fridge doesn’t leak.

The best news is that today Tom got a ‘94 Ford Taurus GL wagon for just under 2K at a dealership. No more uncomfortable antique of a truck that won’t idle, has a driver’s side window that won’t roll down, a passenger door that won’t open from the outside, has plates that expired in May of ’05, and insurance that also expired in January. That’s the part Tom wouldn’t tell me so as not to add to my stress. There just wasn’t any money to pay for it, and by the time we got money, we knew we were getting a whole new vehicle anyway. Where I thought he’d just get a warning or a $200 fine if pulled over for the plates or for a tail light that may’ve gone out unbeknownst to him, he’d have actually gotten fined over a grand and the truck could’ve very well been impounded.

He saw this car online last night and knew it was the one he wanted. He’d actually had his eye on it for a couple of weeks and last night he found that it had come down in price and was worried it wouldn’t be available because it seemed like such a good deal. I prayed several times for it. Then this morning he took the truck out for its final ride, 7 miles to the lot. Once he got there and saw that it was still available, he paid for it and drove back here and parked the truck for good. Right now it’s officially on death row! Yep, as soon as we clear it out, it’ll be towed to a junkyard to await execution after it’s stripped and Tom has a few days of driving the Taurus without any problems. I almost wish I could pull the switch myself!

All works well, but the AC is rather wimpy. Nothing he can’t fix, though. While we’d never want anything too new or too fancy that could appeal to joyriders, it’s the newest thing we’ve had since being together. He had a Nissan Centra when we met, then got a Ford Tempo, both 80s vehicles. Then we had the ‘91 Ford Taurus which was a regular car and sold it before going to Oregon. They were all white, as most vehicles in Arizona are. This one’s shiny dark green with a gray interior. Dull colors, but the least of our concerns. We were surprised to find it has no power locks or windows for a ’94 with dual airbags. It’s been smogged, too.

They accepted the debit card and took care of all the paperwork so he never had to go to the DMV. I signed off on insurance since I don’t drive, so it’d save us money.

Tom got the check!!! He took it to the check-cashing place he normally uses. The fees are going to be $337, a little less than he thought they’d be. The only catch is that they’d only give him 3K. He can’t get the rest for 10 days. Because it’s a big company using a well-known bank, he feels confident that there’ll be no problems. While we can get a new vehicle ASAP, this does delay us a week from getting into a place. I just hope that when the time comes, he’s right about those not going through property management companies having lower expectations of potential renters.

Kissum did the room yesterday. No insiders in a couple of days now. Our little ender was out most of the day, but it just got back to bang around on and off for the next 4 hours till it crashes. At least this one’s just mildly annoying and not maddening. They’ve been here for about a week now.

We’re not sure whether or not we’re going to rent this place for a month or not on the 3rd when he gets the rest of the money. I hope we can find a place fast enough so that we won’t have to! The next question is, did the neighbor curse really end with Kim? Or will we still just “happen” to get one extreme after another?

It’s nice to be able to finally move on to new worries. Now instead of worrying about how we’re ever going to escape this room, I worry that the neighbor curse will follow us to wherever we end up if it’s not already there waiting for us. Will we get someone like Kim who wasn’t perfect, but was tolerable? Or will we get the crazy lady with the yipping dog and blasting TV? Or maybe some other rude asshole with the loud stereo and wild kids? Perhaps the rowdy college kids? I just hope we don’t “happen” to get all kinds of extremes like we usually do. Going in order of what we want most to our absolute last choice, it’d be a house, a cottage, a townhouse, a duplex, and an apartment in a complex last.

What we should’ve done was go to Italy from Oregon taking the cheapest travel package available. Then we could’ve used the leftover credit to pay for some of the motel time.

Tom pulled our printer from storage and tomorrow he’ll get a cartridge for it. It’ll be so nice to be able to print again after so long! Oh, those little luxuries in life we tend to take for granted!

At last, the light is shining at the end of the tunnel!!! I was about to resign myself to the idea that this motel room was to be our permanent home and so be it. I told myself that never again could the Gods tease me with getting out of here if I just stop hoping and trying, and just learn to accept our fate as it is. Fate is something we can’t change anyway. Besides, if we were meant to live where we wanted, I also told myself, we wouldn’t have lost our beautiful brand-new home 4 years ago. I told myself I’d get my dream house someday. Just not in this life. In the next one, though, I’d have a beautiful home with all the peace and security I could ever need and want and I’d have a nice garden, too. In this life, it was time to start looking at the good to being here and to start being grateful for what we do have and to keep in mind that there are worse places to be than motel rooms. I thought of how we’d eventually have to sell most of the stuff in storage like the dolls and things like that because there’s only so much room in here and most of it won’t be needed here anyway.

Then I remembered the dream I had last night and told Tom about it before he went to shower and head out for work. I dreamt I was spying on a house that was wonderfully far away from the one I was in through a pair of binoculars. It was nighttime and I could see into the lighted windows, but saw no people. Just furniture and wall hangings. Then I turned around and faced the center of the room where 3 baby rats stood on their hind legs looking at me expectantly as if to say, “Well, aren’t you gonna come play with us and give us more cheese, too?”

He decided to check his email one last time and a few minutes later he said to me, “Well, I know you’re not going to believe this, but I got an email from Nancy. She says the check’s been cut and we should receive it this week.”

And we were just about to sic Consumer Affairs on them! I was laughing and crying with joy, grinning like a mad idiot, squealing with delight, dashing around the room, and nearly dropping the can of chickpeas I’d just opened!

How ironic that in the end, God granted every single one of my prayers. Some much later than I’d have liked, but better later than never! Then again, He still hasn’t granted the horses.

Our plans for the money are to get a vehicle first which should only take a few days. Then, if we can’t find a house in about a week, we’ll take advantage of the $1000 apartment rate they now have if we still can, since Mike, the manager, said there were only so many of those they were allowed to have. This way we’ll have a whole month to look for a place. If we still haven’t found a place right before the month is up, we’ll jump into a trailer. This is still something I’d rather not have to do, but it’d beat motels/apartments and be the cheapest route to take. So hopefully we won’t be here past the beginning of May!

I haven’t felt this good in sooo long! No, our only choices are not to either stay forever in this room or die on the bathroom floor!

Did I mention Tom got a new phone with internet access? Two weeks ago I was freaking out when the net was down and was awaiting his return so he could book the room after cashing his check and getting the money onto the card, failing to remember that he could now do this by phone if he ever had to.

Got a jump start on learning what little I could of Italian for free, and learned to count to venti (20), some words, and a little about the pronunciation and grammar. Last night I mentioned to Tom that I still wanted to learn Italian and Hawaiian if we made it out of this room, and how easy Italian should be as opposed to Hawaiian, my first non-European language, and he pointed out that I couldn’t even count in Italian yet. So I jumped online and proved him wrong on that one in under 10 minutes! It would’ve taken hours, though, had it not been so similar to Spanish. To say that knowing Spanish helps is an understatement! It seems its grammar is very different than English as is the case with Spanish, but unlike with Spanish, I’d say the pronunciation is not as easy.

The good news is that the Clorox check did indeed save our stuff, but the bad news is that not only has the 9K still not shown up, but now the guy’s email address has been removed from the site that I contacted. Mr. Ever So Trusting says it’s because he just didn’t want to be contacted anymore, but I say it’s because he was part of a nasty scam and he knows it. So now Tom has to contact Consumer Affairs. He still thinks we’ll get the check, but even if we do, when will we get it? Before the next crisis hits or after? In just a matter of weeks, the extra money will be gone and we’ll still be trapped here, trying to figure out how we can make it. I just don’t understand why we’re so undeserving of a home. What did we do to be so hopelessly trapped in this motel? The manager offered us a $50 discount on the monthly apartment rate, but there’s no way we could come up with the grand in the first place.

Anyway, I showed the guy he can run, but he can’t hide. At least not from me. I found his email in my ‘sent mail’ section and have sent a message asking for a more precise time frame. If he won’t give it to me, Tom will deal with them from there on out, but I still don’t know if we’ll ever see the money. He says a big company like that doesn’t want bad publicity, but there are a lot of people who just don’t give a damn whether they have bad publicity or not. Lots of people will spite themselves to spite others.

Meanwhile, as soon as he can get to the storage place, he’s gonna pull one of the old inkjet printers so he can print resumes for a better job that has regular benefits.

We had someone check in the inner room yesterday afternoon for one night. They were pretty bangy their first 20 minutes or so, then they shut up. We had a surprisingly quiet end roomer too, but that’s probably why they were only there one night as well. Only the noisy ones stay longer! With it being Friday night, I expect to get company on both sides any minute, so I’m enjoying what’s left of the peace.

I saw Prasaad cleaning the inner room when we returned from Carl’s Jr. We felt we deserved a treat in light of the Clorox check which should’ve arrived today. I sure hope so anyway! If it was mailed in a package with the cleaning products, however, it could take up to a week. Still time to pay storage, but even so, I’ll feel better once the money is actually on the card, and even better if we can get the 9K. The only thing dampening my otherwise fine mood is knowing we could end up right where we were last week if the 9K takes much longer.

At least the cop dream seems meaningless so far, as all he had was one little scare so far. Last night I dreamt I was writing to my folks and giving them our new address. That one I sure hope is a sign of a home to come real soon!

They’ve got a new housekeeper who’s definitely Indian, judging by the red circle on her forehead.

Mike, the manager, called up while Tom was out getting the check. I let him know Tom would be in any minute and he asked if everything else was ok. I let him know the shower drain was clogged again and he sent Satish up to fix it.

When he got back, he booked the room till Wednesday. Then with the Clorox check or his next paycheck, if worse comes to worst and there’s an issue with the Clorox check, we can book till Saturday and be back in sync with the weekends again. That way he doesn’t have to get up early on Fridays, run out and get the check, put the money on the card, then rush back to book the room.

We passed Say on the way in to see Mike before heading over to eat. The paperwork takes time to be faxed to the office once he’s booked the room through Hotwire, which he usually does at night rather than late morning. But since they know us so well, Mike said not to worry, we could sign in in the morning.

The $500 Clorox check is on its way!!! I’m so relieved I’m actually crying tears of relief and grinning like a mad idiot. If I could react like this over $500, imagine how ballistic I’d go over the 9K if we could ever get it. I plan to ask for time frames next Monday. If he dances around the subject with vague answers and says stuff like “shortly,” Tom will sic Consumer Affairs on them.

The discouraging dream I had was the one describing the “shared” wall in our new place to my folks, though I suppose I should be happy if it’s a sign that we’ll at least live to escape this room.

The scary dream that I hope was just a dream and not a warning was where I dreamt that for some reason I went to work with Tom. We were eating in a semi-crowded cafeteria when we looked out the window and saw a pig car pull up. A few minutes later, someone called for someone to come see the police over an intercom. Just as we were breathing sighs of relief, they also added, “Tom, Tom S, you too, come and talk to the police.” Now he really has to watch his back and I’ll have to up the prayers and spells big time! He thinks it’s just me being paranoid since there is no cafeteria at work and the dream didn’t involve him getting pulled over. He’s on his way to work right now. Hopefully, he won’t email me to say he got pulled over. Hopefully, the worst-case scenario is just a scare with a pig driving along too close. At least someone won’t get what cost us thousands over the years for just $87!

I really do hope this is finally the beginning of the end! What a wonderful day it’s turned out to be so far. Even our annoying endroomers are gone. It may be way too soon before the new slam-bangers get here, but for now, all is wonderfully peaceful.

Say did the room yesterday and Tom will have Satish return to fix the clogged drain tomorrow when he goes to sign in.

Jessie says she’s stressed out because her brother Ben needs a place to stay and he has Crone’s disease and won’t take his meds or see a doctor. Their mother won’t take him in and Jes won’t take him either because he parties. Her mother’s husband told him she would, so she’s pissed off about that one. She says to slap her if she ever gets that uncaring about her kids. I reminded her there’s someone I’d like to do a lot more than just slap who stopped caring about one of her kids herself.

God’s little bum just checking in.

Another “nothing” week has ended and another’s begun. The neighbors are annoying me with their scattering of bumps and bangs, one of which woke me up early this morning, and of course, it’s coming from the end room. If we don’t decide to move next door to the inner room just in case it is Tink’s spirit trapping us here and to escape that room, then I hope they leave soon.

There are 3 people over there and they have a set routine from what I can tell. They bop and bang on and off from the early morning hours till 2:00 when one slams out 20 seconds before the other slams out, which is weird. Like maybe one is following the other like a bodyguard or something? Then the third one stays behind to carry on with the annoying scattering of bumps and thunks. I have my sound machine going, and the fan above the range, but they can only do so much to cover sounds.

Tom thinks Clorox will come through this week. I think they will too, this week or next, and I hope they will, but until they do I can’t rest easy. This is because we’ve not only had to play pawn-it some more (this time it was my ring and the navigator), but if nothing else comes through by the 1st, we’ll lose our stuff. We don’t have enough stuff left to pawn in order to save it. Tom’s pretty sure we’ll get the check and that he could hit his boss for a loan if need be, but being “pretty sure” doesn’t exactly cut it. And as it turns out, Jessie can’t be of any help herself. I asked if she’d pay our storage in return for my Spa Finder GC, but now she suddenly has to pay her daughter’s doctor’s account balance before her 5th birthday in a couple of weeks. She said she’d let me know by then if she could help as a spa treatment sounds really nice, but I won’t count on it. Our best bet is going to be either Clorox or his boss. I’d hate to bother my folks at their ages and with their problems. I’d like to think even God could never hate us enough to see us lose our stuff after all we’ve already been through and no doubt will go through, but if we do, I’m so outa here! One can only live to keep losing so much, you know? We lost our house in Arizona and our land in Oregon, and so if we lose our stuff here, then I’ll really know for sure there’s no getting ahead for us, not that I haven’t figured as much a long time ago. I really hope we don’t lose it, though, and that Tom’s not just being Mr. Overconfident, as usual.

Michelle called up earlier and woke poor Tom up to ask me if I wanted the housekeeper today or tomorrow. I told her that as far as I was concerned we were always on for Wednesdays, so tomorrow would be fine. In the meantime, I mentioned we were thinking of moving to 336, but only told her some of the reasons – to get away from the end room because it’s occupied more than the generic rooms, and because the AC doesn’t work right, nor does the carousel in the microwave turn, and of course, the refrigerator leaks.

So Satish came up and while he was checking things out I couldn’t resist commenting on how people like to get our hopes up for no reason when he asked if we’d be checking out soon. According to him, he’s still house-hunting, which really means he’s waiting to see how much longer prices keep falling. Anyway, the dumb cock didn’t get it as far as the AC goes, but he replaced the cover and filter. He fixed the microwave and reset the fridge at a setting he says will keep it from leaking.

When Tom went to the office yesterday, the manager was there and commented on how long we’ve been here. It turns out they’re starting an apartment program here cuz of the economy and to attract more business, charging a grand a month. The wonderful catch is that this includes no housekeeping. While this certainly would’ve been helpful months ago (if we could’ve come up with the initial grand), it serves no purpose if Rhino or Clorox or Jessie can spring us out of here soon enough. Besides, it’s so ridiculous to charge a grand for a room and one that doesn’t even have an oven, when you can rent a house for that much!

The funny thing is that Tom’s noticed the same pattern I have, and he pointed out that now that they’re finally offering this, someone will come through for us before we could ever get a chance to benefit from it. At least I hope that pattern still holds true! Especially in this case.

I’m a bit concerned about something that could happen in the future even though it’s unlikely. I know someone who did something illegal. It was a misdemeanor and a warrant was issued for their arrest even though they were in another state. I’m not going to get into the particulars, but I worry about the way things change and how it may later catch up to them. I know the odds of that actually happening are next to nothing and that they probably have a better chance of winning the lottery. But I still worry for them.

Take DNA for example. Look at all the cases that went unsolved for so many years before that came about. So many suspects remained free and went about their daily lives, as usual, year after year, until DNA finally got them arrested. Well, what if there is a convenient way to round up those with outstanding warrants someday no matter where they are?

These days we can reach out to anyone in any part of the world with a simple click of the mouse. It never used to be that way. Someone in the US couldn’t easily chat with someone in Europe one minute and then Asia the next. So yeah, I’m a little worried for them in that I wonder if someday it will be that simple for anyone with outstanding warrants to be arrested. They better build a shitload of additional jails as I would think that would be millions of people.

Actually, it’s almost 800K, according to what I just googled, but it said there could be more.

Even though it’s a non-violent crime, I know how twisted this country’s laws are. It’s always the non-violent crimes that get the harsher sentences. Non-violent or not, I swear they committed a misdemeanor. Well, I read that those expire after 180 days which is 6 months. Yet they’ve had a warrant on them for years. Is the site just not up to date or something with its list of outstanding warrants? Either way, it’s not a violent crime so I would be worried about them doing time if ever they were picked up.

Right before 9:00, I called down to Michelle to ask that the housekeeper start with me. She’s usually quick and to the point over the phone, but she took the time to ask how I was and told me to have a good morning after assuring me she’d have me done first. It was my favorite that arrived shortly afterward – Kissum.

Tom met both her and Satish, cuz Satish came to bring me a clean blanket which I had asked for after giving Kissum the one that had been here ever since, with things spilled on it like coffee, soda and other things best left to the imagination.

Just a little while ago, I called the front desk to complain about the room below us. They’d been partying, shouting and slamming doors down there for 3 hours. Meanwhile, I’m trying to get some work done and I don’t need to hear it. The fact that they were below us and not next to us ought to give you an idea of just how loud they were. I was told security would ask them to quiet down or they’d have to leave. Well, other than a few scattered bumps and bangs, it’s definitely been quieter since I called.

In an email from Jessie responding to my telling her I worried that Rhino was a scam, she said that’s horrible and asked if I could call the news people. Then she asked, “I know you hate it, but how much do you need for an apartment?” This makes me think she may want to help spring us out of here and into an apartment, and you know what? As much as I hate apartments, I’m so sick of this place sucking every last dime out of us that I’m ready to go for that if that’s all that’s meant to be, and you know we’re not allowed to be where we want to be anyway. But at least there, as insanely noisy as it would be, we’d have our stuff, more than one room, and we’d no longer have to deal with housekeepers. Being in a cheaper place would be half the battle which would be wonderful, but there’s still the 2, preferably 3 grand we need for a new vehicle and some furniture and appliances we need, plus I’ve still got to see a dentist. Once we get moved, then he can start looking for a new job that pays better and that will insure us both ASAP. But with this place sucking every spare dime we’ve got, our hands are tied. It’s $330 a week for this room, plus the storage, plus gas/food. He has a 35-minute drive to/from work.

Then I got an idea. I told Jessie I at least received the $100 Spa Finder certificate I won, but would much rather have our storage paid for. I told her it’d be no biggie if she said no, that we had all month to pay it, but that if she wanted, I’d gladly mail her the certificate if she’d pay our storage online, using our account number.

As I also told her, Tom said that the reason he still thinks they’re going to pay is that it really does take a couple of months to get all the necessary signatures to cut checks and all that crap. The only difference is that while Clorox, who’s a much bigger company and more experienced with sweeps, told us it’d take a couple of months up front, Rhino didn’t. But if worse comes to worst, he also said we’d have to wait 6 months, which would mean around July, but yeah, we can contact the consumer protection department and let them know we never received payment. We have the win notice and all the emails saved. Tom will start hounding them again too, with more harsh and insistent calls and emails of his own. I really hope he’s right and they pay up in time.

As I told Jessie, the apartments themselves are gorgeous and have a lot to offer for the money. It’s the damn noise, both inside and out, that’s utterly maddening. But like I said, if that’s the best we can do for a while, so be it. We’re ready. Getting our expenses down, if only a few hundred a month, is half the battle. It’s the only way to be able to move ahead, so to speak, and get other things we need. Then would come the icing on the cake, as in getting new ratties. I miss having pets!

I was freaking out for a couple of days after a huge misunderstanding. I partly misunderstood Tom, but I also thought he was playing down how bad off we were. I thought we were back in October again, facing either the streets or death. I’d still definitely take death over the streets, but I’d much rather live and do some of the things I miss doing, even if I have to do them in the midst of loud, rude, obnoxious assholes that are so attention-starved they just can’t shut up.

Tom says he’s been at peace for days now and accepts the fact that things are going to be as they are. He says he doesn’t think I’m ready to die because I’m still mad and sad. Oh, but I am ready, alright, as opposed to settling for what few options we have in our sorry lives. Sure I’m pissed and depressed. I wanted the same American dream we all want. I wanted a nice place to live and to do the things we enjoy doing. But for some of us, that simply can never be. My dream house was just that – a dream. I hope that when we’re dead God will love us enough to give us a nice home in the afterlife, but I was foolish to trust Him in this life. If he didn’t care about innocent kids who got murdered or innocent victims of natural disasters, why should He care about us?

We could wait for the Clorox check, assuming they’re not the scammers Rhino is. And we could then either stay here or get into an apartment while he continued to drive a vehicle with expired plates till we could one day save up for a new vehicle, but what kind of life is that? I’m not only tired of being the underdog, I’m tired of being forced to live where I don’t want to live. It’s been that way, for the most part, since I was 15, so you’d think by now I’d be plenty used to it, but I’m not. The further away a rural house with breathing space around it gets, and the more I’m forced to live with people just a wall away, or at best, a wall and a few feet, the more frustrated I get, the more hopeless I feel that things will ever change.

We could also assume what we read in the medical journal is correct and that a doctor at a sleep clinic could easily enough prove my sleep disorder by testing my melatonin levels, but I know that just because it was me trying to get my disability benefits reinstated, I wouldn’t succeed. If God wanted us to have enough money, He wouldn’t have sicced this schedule curse on me to prevent me from working a regular job, not that that would’ve been any fun at all. But that was the whole point of it just the same; to hold us back financially and limit our options.

There’s no changing the fact that I can never have any dreams come true. It doesn’t matter if it’s a perfectly reasonable dream either. All it has to do is belong to me, and as long as the dream is mine, simple, outrageous or in between, it is not allowed to be granted. Period. And there’s nothing I or anyone else can do about that fact.

Tom has always seen the world through the eyes of a child. As children, we think all will work out and be ok, that if we just do the work necessary to achieve our goals and dreams, then sooner or later they will come to pass. But I see the world in a more realistic way. I see that we would’ve struggled most of our lives on just one income, probably been poor as hell in retirement, etc.

Like I told Tom, sure I’m upset. I wanted to be happy, to have fun, to do things we like to do. But no matter what age we die at, there’s always going to be something we were currently doing or hoped to do. I still say it’s better to go now, together, like a real Romeo and Juliet team, before enduring another 40 years of settling, struggling and all kinds of bullshit just to watch him get old and die of whatever, then have to follow him to the grave cuz I couldn’t stand to live without him, even if we had all the money in the world. So you see, I’d only have to kill myself someday anyway.

Until the wee hours of Thursday morning, I shall do my best to remind myself that for every good thing I’ll miss out on, there’ll be dozens of headaches I’ll also be missing out on. I’ll never have a lobster again, but soon there will be no more ear or tooth pain. I’ll never get to listen to my stereo again, but soon there’ll be no more door slamming or TV blasting to have to listen to. I’ll never see my dolls again, my friends or family, but I’ll never live to again see either of us upset by some cruel person or fate that got our hopes up for nothing.

For the first time in over a decade, I got the urge to run to mommy and daddy. To have them wrap their arms around me while I cry on their shoulders. Ridiculous for a 42-year-old, I suppose, but maybe we really will meet again someday. It just won’t be in this life. Despite the things they’ve said and done that have hurt or angered me, I dread the idea of the Sacramento police, or whoever does these sorts of things, calling to tell them their daughter and her husband have killed themselves, and having to put this on them at their ages and with their health problems, but I think in the end they’ll come to understand that we did what we felt was best. I suppose it’ll be like déjà vu all over again for them, bringing bad memories about when my nephew died, but we all have to do what we have to do. If they read these journals, hopefully it will make it at least a little easier on them to know how we felt and how limited our resources and options really were. I let them know we don’t care what happens to our bodies and that our stuff was theirs if they want it.

I know one thing for sure and that’s that I totally regret coming down here. It’s really too bad too, as I think I could’ve really liked it here if only climate-wise.

It’s going to be hard on my friends too, especially Mary because she’s so sensitive. But if she can survive having her daughter killed, she can get over me in time.

Amazingly, it’s been one whole week that we haven’t had to deal with anyone in the end room, but they’ve been putting one person after another in the inside room. They haven’t been a problem, though, fortunately. The last guest was a little annoying, but they haven’t come and gone like crazy or gotten carried away with the banging like end roomers love to do.

Now for the bad news. I dreamt I was telling Tom there was enough food to eat for a while, and he said, “That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about paying for the motel and gas.” As soon as I awoke from that one, I knew there was trouble ahead. Sure enough, the horses were the biggest letdown, losing $12 in an attempt to double the money, since we thought he finally homed in on the numbers. Even I have to admit it had looked more promising than ever, but it was just another tease from above. Yeah, something up there is just so damn bored that it needed another good laugh at our expense. If it isn’t God cursing us, then what is??? First it’s Satish with his house, then the 9K, and now the horses again. What next?

Now past dreams and events make more sense. The dream where the horses won 2K was only signaling the extreme fluke we had where it won a few days in a row like never before. The Netwinner dream meant Rhino still won’t pay up. And October wasn’t to reunite my folks and I but to prepare us for our inevitable deaths. Last October wasn’t a reprieve, but just a short life extension. That’s all it was. If there was any meaning behind the reunion it was only to pass along our stuff to them, if they’d like to have it. I’ve left notes for them with ways to contact my friends, for Tammy, explaining why I could never forgive her, and for the motel, letting them know, as I did with my folks, that we’re sorry to have to put them out as nice as they’ve been to us. I gave my folks access to my doc files and more, so they could get a better understanding of why we’re going to off ourselves, but I don’t think they’ll ever get it because fortunately for them, while they may’ve had their share of problems, they’ve never gone through anything remotely like what we have, so it’s hard for people to understand what they can’t relate to.

I’m just sick of this shit!!! Every time it looks like there’s hope after all and that we may make it out of here, other than to a rocking apartment, it turns out the joke’s on us. It’s like something up there has given us an ultimatum – either stay put or suffer an apartment. Well, we’re not going to do either! We’ve suffered and settled with enough! I’ll miss spending time with Tom, my stereo, downloading music, renting movies, reading, writing, getting dolls and incense, having rats, and so much more. But we won’t be struggling in the midst of people who can’t shut up and let us even think in peace, let alone live in it. Tom doesn’t want to die but loves me enough not to let me die alone, saying that we’re not backed into a corner this time and that we do have a choice. But look at what the choices are! We’re backed in enough, just not in the desperate way we were last October. I’m sure that most people would agree that if their only choices were to live poorly and miserably or die, they’d rather die.

Tom said he considered lying and saying we won today, but he doesn’t do that. That’s good, cuz he couldn’t have hidden this forever, though he certainly did the right thing by not letting me know that the new debit card was really 10 days away and not 3, cuz I’d have been freaking out a whole lot more than I was if that were even possible.

He said today he found that this particular brain he used couldn’t do California tracks like his other one could, and while he admitted that he was wrong about those 3 ingredients being the answer, he’s still so damn naively optimistic! He still thinks it’ll work out and that Rhino will pay us. I know he can’t help how he is, but he’s the one that’s been wrong on things lately and I’m the one who’s been right. If I say I don’t see us ever owning a place again or living in a peaceful place without the problem neighbors and money struggles until we do, why would I be wrong? Of course I haven’t been able to picture, to feel us ever getting out of here, moving into a place, unpacking our stuff. Because it’s not going to happen!

Friday was shitty, yesterday was better. Either way, I can’t believe it’s March and we’re still here, and I got falsely promised 9K by a huge company! But I’ve been places I didn’t want to be since I was 15 years old, and my life’s been full of false hope and promises, so I shouldn’t be too surprised. It’s ironic that he fine-tuned the horses right after we reapplied that spell, though, and stopped that cold from setting in. Too bad it hasn’t done a damn thing as of yet to get Rhino to pay up and I doubt it ever will at this point. The only problem with the horses is that while even I’m now surer than ever that yes, it can get us more than comfortable money-wise, is how long it may take to do it. I still worry we could be here for several more months and that alone makes me want to drop dead. This may not be jail or Valleyhead or a project, but it’s still no place to live either. If I’d known just how bad things would be down here, and if I’d finally learned that, for me, dreams are just dreams not meant to be made a reality, and if I’d known that the horse thing wasn’t a bust, after all, I’d have stayed up in that freeing dump until we could’ve saved more than enough to go to Nevada. But I’m also glad I did get to live out my dream of living in California, even if it’s nothing like I dreamt it to be.

The reason I was bummed out Friday was that it lost a couple of bucks. He made most of it back yesterday, and that’s when he realized he’s needed 3 ingredients all along – the computer’s picks, the expert’s picks, and his picks. The computer can’t predict every single horse in every single race, the experts make sure to keep the percentages low enough so people still want to bet in person at the tracks themselves, and Tom’s only human. However, he’s found that if all 3 agree when making predictions, then he’s more likely to profit. He said not to worry if we have losing days because that’s to be expected. I didn’t know this and thought we had to profit every day in order to succeed. He said that had he gone about things the way he used to, without those 3 ingredients, he’d have lost money today for sure. Up until yesterday, he was doing one track a day, today he did two, and tomorrow he’s going to do 4. Then he hopes to be able to bet more money to make more money.

He stood up till 1 AM to get himself used to the new hours coming up. He’ll be working 2 PM-10 PM and may still get overtime at times. They said he’d still get the 5% shift differential if they have him work days, which they might sometimes have him do. He’ll only be working with one nice quiet guy, instead of all those mean, rude assholes, so he’s happy about that, even though we’d both still prefer him not to have to work for anyone but us!

All in all, I still don’t know that we’ll ever get out of this room alive. He agrees there’s a possibility Tinkerbell has something to do with holding us back here since this is the last place she was, and so we both agreed to talk to her in our own way, even though I already have and urge her to let us go and to follow us out of here. We’re letting her know that the sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can get new rats for her to channel through.

At least we’re back in shorts and running the AC during the daytime while the Klammers are getting down to just 15º tonight!