I woke up rather depressed today with a nervous stomach. I’ve had the runs twice today, thanks to Deb, her just-as-sick pals, and the whole damn city itself. I just did not want to get up and deal with another day here. Period. It was just such a bummer when I awoke to face another day here, but things could be much worse. Imagine if every single vehicle that lives next door and that visits blared their stereos when they’d come and go! That’d be 50 times a day! That’d make the cock’s 6 times a day seem like nothing. I just can’t believe all this shit I’ve had to deal with living in a house. In a house! I never would’ve thought houses could feel so much like apartment living, but what do you expect when you have a pack of freeloaders just a few feet away and stereos that can be heard for miles?

At least there’s a way out. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t necessarily have that in the past. Remember? Things went from bad to worse upon moving from Springfield to Deerfield, and even more so upon moving from there to Connecticut. The only difference between coming to Arizona and where we’re going is that I’ve had much more time to anticipate our upcoming move. I didn’t know I was coming out here till about a week before it actually happened, I didn’t quite know what I was getting into, and it obviously wasn’t always a bowl of cherries what with some of the neighbors I’ve had at the Vista, Crystal Creek, and here.

Anyway, the blue pickup came back last night at least once more that I know of, and so far today, the cream pickup had been in and out 5 times before I’d barely been up for two hours.

Wait till I tell you about last night. It was 10:30. Late enough to take the headphones off. Or so I thought. As soon as I did, I heard that all too familiar bass thumping obnoxiously throughout the whole house. Immediately I blamed it on next door, and that’s where it certainly sounded like it was coming from. I couldn’t believe just how much they were pushing it and how bold and daring they could be! And so soon, too. All I kept thinking was - he’s right. They don’t care if they get evicted and I’m sure they don’t care if they live or die. So, I got him up like I agreed I would, and he said he warned me about this, then went and listened by the music room window. He said we’d call that non-emergency number as soon as we knew for sure it was them, and I was like, as soon as we know? Well, who else could it be?! Then he pointed out how we just heard a vehicle leaving from next door, but the music hadn’t stopped. That’s cuz it was coming from inside the house, I said, but then I went into the living room and noticed right away that it got louder. How could that be if it were coming from inside their house and if there were no cars in their driveway? Well, it wasn’t the freeloaders at all. Can you believe it was a car parked on the street in front of the renters?! The renters, who I had just been thinking - wow. What great, quiet neighbors. It was an old beat-up gray car that I’ve never seen before that was just visiting, thank God, filled with a herd of teenage Mexicans. Yeah, those fucking blacks and Mexicans cause more trouble than anyone! Anyway, these kids would’ve been arrested if a cruiser had gone by, cuz they were drinking. You’re not supposed to drink in public. Especially when the booze isn’t contained in an unmarked container and they were also underage. Tom and I saw them as we were headed out to go to Jack-n-the-Box, which I offered to go with him cuz he was worried I’d go after someone. Anyway, hearing this car across the street made me wonder if some of the times I’ve heard music that I was so sure was coming from next door was really from across the street. And maybe that stereo system we saw delivered wasn’t really that or wasn’t as good of one as we thought. 4-5 days ago when I heard that Mexican music, it was definitely coming from next door. But this was a baseless, low-quality piece of shit this music was coming from. The kind of radio you’d have in the 70s. I’m not saying I’m right for sure about this, but if you have a nice stereo, why play music on an old piece of shit?

Lying to the police wasn’t the first time she lied about me. She tried to bullshit us that time we were all talking, saying I told her guests to shut their fucking music up. Bull fucking shit I did! I asked them politely, unlike the last time, since politeness didn’t work with them and since I was fed up, to please lower their music.

Later...

No activity yet next door. They just have their animals out roaming around their driveway and in the pickup. Fine. That’s nothing compared to the bass. If we weren’t moving then that’d be different. I wouldn’t want kids screaming just outside my windows like these animals do for what could end up being years since they’ll probably be here till 2002. You can tell these wild things haven’t had an ounce of discipline and when they have, it’s been in a violent way. All Deb does is cuss and no doubt beat them when they do wrong.

I’d think that they’d be thrilled to see us move, but I don’t know. Maybe they won’t want us to go cuz then they couldn’t harass us anymore and force their loud sick ways on us, but they can always do that with new folks. I’m sure they will too.

Tom mowed the backyard. We still have the side of the house to do, the weeding in the front, side, and back, and the hedges and trees. I just hope to hell we’re not forced to spend even more money and time on a fucking pool fence. I’m sick of us paying for other people’s kids. Our taxes pay for their school buses and so much more, and again, what are people doing paying taxes toward kids they don’t even have? Talk about a fucked up system! Shouldn’t parents be paying for their own kids? Shouldn’t that be their responsibility? Anyway, it should be up to someone moving in here with kids to fence the pool, not us. We weren’t the ones who needed the fence.

I’d like to think that these freeloaders next door are simply plain old noisy, rude, inconsiderate, lazy, and selfish people. Not murderers who’ll shoot Tom when he’s out front doing yard work, cuz I’m gonna tell you one thing right now - if they shoot him, they’ll have to shoot me, too. If they shoot him, I’ll kill them, then I’ll make them shoot me, or I’ll hang myself.

I had yet another round of computer problems which Tom fixed. I’m totally hexed with these things and have been contemplating going back to writing journals or settling for an electric typewriter. I was cleaning my monitor and my keyboard and I guess that during my cleaning the keyboard I fucked things up, but for now, they’re back on track. There’ll be another problem before a week’s up.

I can think of a lot of pros to not having kids and one of them is sparing them from the sick people in this world. How do you tell a kid, unless you let them find out on their own, that there are people that are going to hate them for no reason and that will harass them for no reason, and that trying to ignore them won’t work cuz they won’t let you? And that you don’t have to be a troublemaker in society for others to give you trouble. You can try to live in peace, but you probably won’t be able to, cuz trouble will come to you no matter what. You can’t avoid people’s selfish, mean, vindictive ways no matter how hard you try to.

One of the vengeful quotes in the bible says, “Woe to those with children.” I say, “Woe to those who move in here.”

Another reason I woke up bummed today was cuz I misunderstood something Tom told me last night. Never was I more relieved to find out I misunderstood him! All those papers he got yesterday were forms to fill out so that they can go ahead with the loan approval. They don’t build the house till your loan’s been approved and till your house sells. Well, I misunderstood him and thought he was saying that they weren’t gonna build the house till September 25th, the day the 60 days expire. Boy, was I depressed when I thought that! I was like, oh no! We’re stuck here till late November! We’re going to be aggressive with selling this house so hopefully, hopefully, they can start building the house the 2nd or 3rd week of August. We still might be here into October, though. That’s gonna depend on how long we can hold off the new people coming into this house. He feels we may have a layover in a condo or a townhouse, and you know, I never thought I’d say this, but maybe that won’t be so bad after all. It’ll be just as noisy, if not more, and I certainly won’t get much sleep there, but at least you can pick up a phone and call the manager’s office concerning noise. It doesn’t always work, though. Dealing with a mad butch at the Vista and a herd of 18-year-olds at Crystal Creek taught me that!

I saw a show about vigilantism that I wouldn’t exactly call encouraging, about people just like us who just wanted to mind their own business and live in peace. But somebody wouldn’t let them. In San Diego in 1996, a guy terrorized a neighborhood of people who were said to be upstanding citizens that have never been in trouble till one guy shot the tormentor. For 3 years this guy ran people off the road and all kinds of things, and the police did nothing. So this guy was forced to take matters into his own hands since the cops wouldn’t, and although he didn’t want to, he had to defend himself and his family. The even sicker part of it was his 7-year manslaughter sentence. I hope next door was watching the same show, and I hope it taught them something if they were, cuz I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if somebody somewhere down the road killed these people. I mean, they’re totally, totally asking for it and are risking their lives behaving as they do.

Just 24 days to go till these braces come off if the doctor keeps our appointment.

Another reason I can’t wait to move is cuz of all the spiders we’ve been finding in here. A ton of them! Like 3-4 a day!

The freeloaders didn’t have any company yesterday late afternoon or evening and I can’t say I’m too surprised in light of Wednesday’s incident. They’ll be up to their old shit again soon enough, though. It may take a few weeks, but we’ll have to deal with them again, trust me. But hey, if they force me to deal with them, they’ll be forced to deal with me.

Tom said the usual 3 vehicles were next door when he got in, but since I’ve been up, there hasn’t been anything over there.

I’ve got the cordless headphones here and a CD running continuously cuz at around 4:00 I’m going to put them on. These freeloaders can be noisy any day and at any time. However, weekends do tend to bring out the worse in these sick assholes, and so do the late afternoons/early evenings. With the headphones, though, I won’t hear it if they’re starting shit with us, and therefore, I won’t risk snapping and going out there and snapping them and ending up in a noisy, cold, dirty, dingy jail cell.

Last night, early in the evening, Tom was at his computer in the back room alcove and he said he heard banging and what he thought was music coming from next door, although he couldn’t be sure. Well, I didn’t hear anything, but I got to thinking about it, and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if these childish fucks went banging their walls with hammers, knowing that if the cops came all they’d have to do is say they were simply hammering a nail into the wall to put up a picture, but that they don’t know anything about any music and have been home and quiet the whole time. Yeah, I know. Even I can be childish, cuz didn’t I do the same thing for the blacks? Anyway, this just proves that I was wrong and Tom was right. They don’t mind pushing it and they don’t mind getting evicted, after all. Unless they don’t think they can and that could very well be the case and I really don’t think the city told them about my letter. After my letter about the blacks, the cock that wasn’t supposed to be there moved out and they quieted down, even if this didn’t happen right away. Meanwhile, a ton of people that aren’t supposed to be there are still there, and Deb wasn’t the least bit concerned about her ranchero gal pal banging in and out, so I’m not sure which one it is, but it’s one or the other; they don’t care about getting complained on/evicted, or they don’t think they can get evicted and were never even told about my complaint.

OK, enough freeloader talk and on to better things - our $1,000 check cashed! That’s a very good sign, Tom says, cuz it’s a hassle for them to rewrite checks. Meaning, the fact that they cashed this check and had us sent some forms regarding closing costs and buying houses, tells us there’s a damn good chance the loan was approved, even though Leona hasn’t called yet. We think today’s her day off.

Later...

The blue pickup is next door now. I’ve got the headphones on music when I’m cleaning or want to go into the music room to listen to it, and off-dialed to create static when I want to concentrate on reading without being distracted. As long as they don’t die on me, I’ll keep them on till 10:00 or 11:00, then recharge them up again for tomorrow. While we’re still stuck here, though, I like being “deaf.” Especially when it’s not late at night or early in the morning.

I know this is pure fantasy, but I wish I could read August’s journal. I always thought it’d be so neat to be able to read what I was going to write in the future before it’s happened, rather than to write it after it’s happened, or as it happens.

I never thought I’d be blessed enough to say this but I’m glad I didn’t have a kid back when I used to want one, and if I had to start all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. We’d never be where we are today and where we’re going to be if I had had a kid. I’d rather live my life for my husband and for buying things than live for impossible dreams with not much extra cash to spare like what used to be the case. I know it sounds selfish, and I would’ve made the necessary sacrifices if I’d had no choice, but am still glad things turned out the way they did.

I just try to think about the move when next door stresses me out, and the things we’ll be buying once we get there, and I’m so excited! I know God will never allow me quiet neighbors no matter where I go, but just think - they won’t be welfare bums! They won’t be 3’ away! New stuff for Tom! New dolls! New furniture! New towels, dishes, decorations, etc.! Can’t wait for the CD changer and home gym. He was worried I’d be worried cuz of how secluded it’ll be, what with having asthma and all that. As I told him, if it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go, and if an asthma attack doesn’t kill me, something else will.

Let me update a few things before I get into the latest showdown with next door.

I see so many commercials on TV about giving money to poor kids in other countries, and once again I wonder when this constant using of others is going to stop. If the parents in these countries were so poor, then they shouldn’t have been stupid enough to go having kids, and if they couldn’t afford birth control, all they would’ve had to do was keep sex confined to just before periods, during periods, and just after periods and their chances of conceiving would’ve been next to nil.

Andy left a rather defensive message in regards to my asking him if he got fired or laid off from his job, saying that he told me it was a temp job and that he only wanted to work part-time so don’t push it. And I told him that I didn’t care. I wasn’t pushing it. I was simply asking a question. But of course, Andy doesn’t listen very well. Meanwhile, it’s his life and I don’t care what he does with it. He can work full-time, part-time, or no-time for all I care. He can drug himself up, he can slam his head in the wall, he can play his keyboard, he can sing, he can order a pizza, he can go to Vegas, he can call his mom, he can take a walk with Michelle, he can dream about Quinn, he can pick his nose, he can win the lottery, he can watch TV, he can go to the moon - I don’t care!

God, I hate Intergroup! They just sent me what they claim is my third notice for the urine sample they took many months ago which is coverable by Intergroup. All we’re supposed to pay is a $5 co-payment and that’s it. What? Is this my payment for bitching about the doctor not calling Walgreens back right away? Can one ever make a legit complaint in this world without being punished for it?

I asked Tom, but he confirmed what I already figured - he didn’t complain about the freeloader’s trash. We don’t know if someone deliberately used our address or if our address was used only to describe what house this particular dumpster is behind, but we don’t care. The guy gave us a couple of ‘no dumping’ signs, but we didn’t want to put them up cuz we’re gonna be doing some dumping of our own if the freeloader’s shit would ever get out of our way. Tom thought they’d make good prankster signs so we’ll be thinking of what to do with them, but if we can’t come up with anything, I’ll just send one to Tammy and one to the freeloaders.

We received a city letter ordering us to chop down our weeds and overgrown grass in the backyard. I asked Tom if he thought a meter reader spotted the overgrown grass and weeds and made the complaint, or if he thought it could be the guy who came to work on the freeloader’s cooler who spotted it, but he said he thinks it’s cuz of my complaint. He said that if you spend too much time complaining to the same address, they get sick of it, even if you do have a case, and start citing you for shit cuz they just don’t want to deal with your problems, so now it’s time to move up the ladder and go to this person’s boss, then this person’s boss, etc. I don’t know if he’s right or not on this, but I do know now that they couldn’t have talked to the freeloaders about my letter. I thought that since they did settle down over there for a while after my threats to have them evicted they did care about getting evicted, but obviously they do not. Either that or they do, but just don’t think it can happen.

Leading up to the showdown with next door yesterday - I saw a guy put a couple of things that looked like toolboxes in the back of the silver car, then he took off.

A city van was over there at 4:00 for a short time, then the Ranchero returned shortly afterward and totally ruined my already depressing day, what with Mickey dying whom Tom buried out back, and our plans for today. Because I had to get Tom up a few hours earlier than he was planning on getting up, he had to sleep today. So they made us lose another day of prepping/packing and that doesn’t go over very well with me. I don’t like being controlled like that and having to put our life on hold cuz of some sick asshole’s shit, and I really believe we’re gonna be stuck here more than 60 days, too. Things are really shitty right now, and you black bitch, why’d you have to move?!

Anyway - here’s what happened: The Ranchero came banging in really loud. Loud enough to wake me had I been asleep, and out came a young woman with two little kids. Then the stupid shitfucks decided to blare the fucking thing for a few minutes before leaving. That’s when I woke Tom up, who I couldn’t believe slept through it since I knew there’d be a better chance of them listening to him than to me. He went out and asked them to turn it down. Deb, who was getting in the passenger side, said they were leaving. I knew they’d come blasting right back in, and they did. Not as loud, but loud enough to make me blow a fuse. I ran out and yelled, “Do you have a problem with me?” And Deb rolled her eyes. Then we both were screaming at each other. I told her to turn her fucking music down, that I didn’t want to know they exist, and that I was going to push to have them evicted for damn sure. I couldn’t make out much of what she told me other than - after we tried to be nice to you - get your white ass inside and don’t come out again. The woman with the Ranchero stood by silently, and 2-3 guys came walking out front with smirks on their faces. Yeah, males love to see women go at it, don’t they?

Then Tom, naturally, had to make it seem like I was the one in the wrong and that I was wrong for going out there, but what do you expect? Most people would go out there and yell and scream even if it is a complete waste of time. Meanwhile, I didn’t do anything wrong except for my swearing. I could’ve slapped the fat right off of that cunt for telling me to get in my own house and don’t come out, which no one does. No one orders me around. I was here first. I have more rights and seniority around here as far as I’m concerned. If you go into a neighborhood and you can’t get along with your neighbors and you can’t fit in, that’s your problem. This is a predominantly white, quiet neighborhood and they’re the ones who need to think about going to a Mexican neighborhood if they can’t cut it here, and obviously they can’t. I can’t be the only one they’ve driven crazy. What are they gonna do when they fuck with and go up against some homicidal maniac, huh? How long can they expect to keep shitting on their neighbors like this and not cross paths with someone who’ll do a lot more than just yell at them? What are they gonna do after they’ve instigated and antagonized and harassed more people and then they find themselves staring down the barrel of a gun? They’re gonna get themselves killed by someone if they keep this shit up. You can only badger and push someone so far. How much more pressure can I take? I’ve been dealing with next door’s shit since 1996 now, so how much further can I be pushed until I snap? I don’t own a gun and I wouldn’t use one if I did unless it was to defend myself, but I do own fists. These women are too big and too out of shape to handle me if I were to go after their lazy asses. There’s no way they could move fast enough to stop me from beating them silly. I could wrap them around their basketball pole permanently if I wanted to. All I can do is hope to hell they don’t make me do that, cuz I don’t need that shit. No one does. No one wants to have to resort to physical harm. At least I don’t, although I will if I have to and am forced to.

Maybe Tom’s right when he said Deb looked Mexican, or else she wouldn’t have referred to my ass as white. Well, whether or not they’re all blacks, Mexicans, white, purple, green, striped, polka-dotted, or some of each - I’m sick of their shit! That’s all I can say.

And what’s this “after we tried to be nice to you” shit? They did? How is blasting their music and screaming just outside our windows being nice to me? I’m sorry, but I’d call that rude and inconsiderate.

So then the freeloaders called the cops and lied their asses off to them, then we spoke with the cops which turned out to be a very nice, informative conversation. I was hoping they’d call the cops, and am glad they did. I want it on record that these people are a problem. Their calling the cops gave me a faint sliver of hope that just maybe they did want to resolve this matter, even if they went about it in a lying way, cuz they could’ve blasted us out big time and not bothered to talk to the cops, although Tom disagrees. He thinks that their calling the cops is a sign saying they’re vengeful and out to get us. Oh, I know that. I’ve always felt that unless you’re scared, if you call the cops on someone every time you get pissed at them, you’re childish and immature. It’s like being a little tattletale running to mommy. Either way, whether they did it to set things straight or to cause more trouble, I just think it’s still good to have this on record.

The sick bitch told them I called her a racial slur when in fact I never used one word regarding color or race. She did. She’s the one that referred to my ass as being white, but that’s OK. There’s what she says I said, then there’s what I really said, and I know the truth. My only violation was yelling at people who just don’t fucking care or get it and using the word fucking. Other than that, I did nothing wrong. The cop said he’d be mad too, if I said half the things they said I said, and I knew right then and there that they went beyond exaggerating. They LIED. They said anything and everything to make me look just horrible, but it didn’t work, cuz like the guy said - he wasn’t here to judge, just talk to us and give us advice. Even so, I’m sure he could get a handle on just which side was telling the truth and even he said that they were being childish. Yeah, they are, and it’s gonna get them into some serious trouble if they don’t knock it off. Just like with the blacks, I never did a damn thing wrong to these people. They’re the ones that started this shit and I’m gonna finish it for them. They’re the ones who chose to harass me. They’re the ones that are rude and inconsiderate. They’re the ones doing wrong, and you’re damn right I’m prejudiced, but only my husband knows that. How can freeloaders such as what lived there before and like these sickos shit on people as they do and expect not to be hated? They shit on me. See what I mean, though? They always gotta use race as a crutch. Yes, I hate the ways of blacks and Mexicans, but even so, this is not racially motivated. It’s noise-motivated. It’s keep-your-noise-for-your-ears-only motivated. It’s leave-me-alone motivated. I didn’t do shit to deserve this shit from these people. They’re the ones that shit on me!

Meanwhile, I could tell that the cops could tell that they were the ones to start the shit with us. He said he did tell them that they were in violation of the law in 3 different ways and that they claimed they didn’t know that. Yeah, typical freeloaders. Gotta play dumb. Use race as an excuse, use race as a crutch, then play dumb. They didn’t know it was wrong to invade someone else’s home with such loud music? Come on! Give me a fucking break! I know Mexicans are stupid as well as lazy but are they this stupid?

Anyway, as the cops told us, it is against the law to be noisy and there is a non-emergency number we can call for noise. We didn’t know this. It’s nice to know, but what good would it do us if they’d be long gone by the time the cops arrived? Again, I could kill the guy who created these kinds of stereos which I can’t believe are even legal! He also suggested we set up our camcorder and send a certified letter to our councilman if we have to, and that he sees a nasty situation brewing. It’s only as nasty as they make it. The ball’s in their court. We can end this right now by having them shut up and me not yelling at them, or we can keep on going here. It’s up to them. We’ll go to court together, we’ll write certified letters, whatever it takes. Of course, though, I’d rather that we just get the fuck out of here sooner than the 60 days are up and not have to deal with their shit anymore!! And the cops say they agreed to keep it down and their company’s music too, yeah right! Seems I’ve heard that line of bullshit before.

Fucking blacks and Mexicans! You bet I hate them! What do they expect after shitting on people the way they do? You can’t fuck with someone, especially someone that never did a damn thing to you in the first place to deserve it, then expect to be liked and live problem-free. If you want to multiply like cockroaches and play music - fine. Just keep your fucking music out of my house! And don’t go screaming just outside people’s windows either, although I don’t even care anymore if they yell and scream outside all day and all night long since we’re moving.

I asked the cop if he thought they’d be quiet and his answer was just as expected - for a while. Till things simmer down. Yup. That’s how it always works. They shut up for a while then they think they can just suddenly get away with their shit and you get a whole new round of noise harassment from them. So, I expect I’ll be hearing from them by Labor Day at the latest, if not sooner. Well, like I said, the ball’s in their court. They want to fuck with me, I’ll fuck with them right back and we will go to higher authorities. If they want to make this a competition - fine, but I can tell you one thing for sure - they won’t win. They won’t win. They don’t stand a chance. We may have more to lose in life since we’re homeowners and they’re not, but they won’t win. There’s a price to pay for the people you fuck with and then say you “tried” to be nice to.

Tom said he’d have to be really careful working out front cuz these are the kinds of people that do drive-by shootings. He may be a paranoid kind of guy, but he’s right - these are gang bangers who don’t care if they live or die. Well, you’ve got to have a serious death wish for sure if you’re bold enough to shoot someone you just had a fight with. It’d only be too obvious who the shooter was, and I’m gonna tell you something right now, if they ever harm my husband, come to my door, make bodily threats, or raise a hand to us, I will take action.

The cop, who had a gorgeous black female partner that was totally my type and not at all butchy, said he understands that it’s hard to ignore neighbors you don’t like when they’re infringing upon your privacy, peace and quiet. Damn right! I don’t want to fight with these people, OK? I don’t want to. But they’re making me. They’re making me have to. I hate being backed into a corner like this with no choice but to battle it out with someone! This is a totally stupid and dangerous thing on their part for them to be doing. What if I lose it on them? I know I asked that before regarding the previous freeloaders and I didn’t, but still, what if it’s different with these freeloaders?

We also brought up the fact that that house is city-owned and subsidized and that there are a ton of cars coming and going 24 hours a day, and that most of the people there aren’t supposed to be living there and asked why the city doesn’t check this out. He said that their mail may be a way to prove people are living there that aren’t supposed to be, but that no one can just go through their stuff to see that there’s stuff in there for more people than that are supposed to be there, cuz that’s a violation of their rights. It is? Then why do they do search warrants? The city inspects for other things, don’t they? So why not inspect for illegal residents?

I wasn’t too happy with Tom who later lectured me about swearing and calling them sp*cs and that people out here don’t call them that, cuz that’s an East Coast thing, and he’s not gonna tell me what they’re called out here. But I didn’t call them that, the fucking lying cunt! I never used one racial slur cuz that wasn’t the issue. The issue was their loud music. Then he said it was against the law to swear outside in public and that they tried to say they had a right to play their stereo and the cops told them, no you don’t. Not for other people, anyway. You want to listen to music, YOU listen to it. Don’t involve others. God, people can’t even do the littlest simplest, most reasonable things! How unreasonable and how hard can it be to turn your music down and keep it to yourself? Why does that have to be such a big deal to people?

I’ll tell you one thing that’s obvious - they’re just as prejudiced as I am. I’ve never seen one white person over there, and for them to mention my white ass, and treat us as they have, I’d say they’re even more prejudiced than I am.

All I’ve seen so far today is the usual comings and goings of the silver car and the cream pickup, but the van hasn’t moved yet. There was also a white car I’ve never seen before with another huge family I’ve never seen before. Besides being huge weight-wise, like they all seem to be, this woman had short auburn hair.

I just saw Deb pull up in the street in the pickup. She was wearing pink shorts and a flowered tank top with a white background, and her hair was up in a pom-pom bun looking like a little poodle. She went around to the passenger window and covered it with a dark blue towel. Then she grabbed a plastic bag of groceries. They get groceries every day! It shows, too. Damn Mexicans!

Anyway, I’m sick and tired of these freeloaders coming between us, fucking with our plans, and stressing me out/pissing me off the way they do. At least I slept really well last night, unlike when I had my little squabble with the black bitch. After me and Miss Bitch had it out, I woke up every hour and had numerous dreams concerning her and her sick associates. This time, though, I slept great and dreamt of dolls. The only negative thing to invade my dreams was the usual - Dureen, Art, and Larry.

I’m just soooooooooo sick of assholes shitting on me next door!!!!!!! In fact, I’m even sick to death of writing about these sick fucks for now. I don’t even want to think about these shits.

Now who the hell was that? The cream pickup just pulled up with its squeaky brakes and out came two big bazookas. One of them may’ve been Deb, and the other, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before. Fanny and Deb look white but this blimp was definitely a Mexican and was carrying a baby. Again, how many adults and kids live in that little shithole?

So, we left off with there being the cream pickup, the tan pickup, the silver car, and the van, huh? Well, at 7:30 the dark red car reappeared (I knew it would) and stayed put till around 11:00. The tan pickup didn’t leave till after 1 AM. When I got up at 7:30 this morning, I saw the van, silver car, and cream pickup parked out front.

I can’t wait to get away from these freeloaders! Meanwhile, they better keep their fucking music out of this house!

So what was going on yesterday? Were we just being typical lazy freeloaders who always have to come here for a gathering? Or was Chester having a birthday or something like that? And how many carloads of company will they have today?

Typical Andy and his not listening. I told him in my message to him yesterday that we haven’t found the land yet, yet what does he do? Asks if we found the land yet. Anyway, I told him more about the house and that there could be a potential pitfall. There’s a chance we won’t get approved for the loan on this house, and if we don’t, we’ll have to go somewhere else. This could either speed up or delay the move. There’s no way of knowing for sure. I sure hope we get this house, but if we don’t, it won’t be the first time I didn’t get something I wanted.

I forgot to mention yesterday how long this house is looking at it from the outside as well as the inside. As we stood at the front door, the master bedroom and bath were to our right, but when we looked towards the left where the spare bedrooms and bath were, it was like an endless wall! The house is so long. When I was inside standing just outside the master bedroom looking down towards the den through the dining area and the kitchen, it seemed miles away!

Also, she made a mistake in our favor that she said she’ll live with. She told us the glamour bath I want for the master bath was $750, but it’s really $1,050.

The ride back wasn’t quite as bad as the ride up at first cuz the sun was behind clouds. When we got home, though, my face was totally heat-flushed. It looked sunburned. I was sweating my ass off and threw myself into a cool shower.

Later...

The doorbell just rang and a guy from the city said he picked up the garbage around the dumpster that “this address” complained about by way of email. I told him I didn’t know anything about it and that if my husband had complained, he’d have told me. He gave me ‘no dumping’ stickers to put up anyway. I asked him if he knew what the story with next door was and he said he didn’t know any of the homes were owned by the city, he just deals with garbage.

So I take it someone complained and used our address? My first guess as to who would do that would be the collie people. My second guess would be that older woman, Gloria, who lives behind us. The freeloaders are last on my guess list to complain about trash cuz they are trash themselves so it’s all the same to them. They’re notorious for being filthy and for living amongst piles of trash. In fact, the trash that's been thrown out there is their trash.

Later...

I’m in tears now. I just discovered Mickey dead.

I knew there was something about today’s date that bugged me till it hit me - today’s the day back in 1981 that I was admitted to the Brattleboro Retreat where I stayed prisoner till December 17th. God, it’s been 18 years! It’s funny how my mother could finally admit in the end that Brattleboro was a mistake, but not Valleyhead. Yet Valleyhead was much worse.

Let me update next door before I get into our exciting but hot trip out yesterday.

Shortly after my last entry regarding the freeloaders, in the early evening, we were up to 4 vehicles over there. The white pickup, the blue pickup, the silver car, and even the van. There was no music, but we were both suddenly surprised to see so many vehicles over there after it had been pretty mellow there for a while as far as that goes. The van ended up staying there overnight, but I don’t think the silver car has stayed there the last two nights. Last night it was just the white pickup as far as I know, although the blue pickup was visiting. Right now the white pickup and the silver car are here.

The city was next door again yesterday, and again, the pickup was on the street to make it look like it didn’t live here. Anyway, I think they were up on their roof again.

I’m kind of surprised Tammy hasn’t kept calling since that message she left about wanting to work things out.

I’m not surprised, though, that Andy didn’t leave a message during the weekend. He seems to be making sure to leave messages only every other weekend.

Before we left we used that kick-ass, smelly primer that really seals and boy does it ever! Yes, we definitely should’ve used it to begin with. We then switched to the cooler to vent the fumes. Before leaving, I put bowls of ice in the animal’s cages, even though I knew they’d be OK and that they’re more tolerant of humidity and temperature changes than people are. Dogs are left out in 115º weather.

I was in and out of Mel’s quickly. Just 27 more days of these braces! The only thing that can delay the braces from coming off (since my two front teeth are moving back after all, and she didn’t say there’d be a problem) would be if I couldn’t make it or if the doctor decided to play musical appointments on me.

Mel said she liked my hair better this way cuz it was spunky (some of my curl has come back).

On my way out I told Tisha I had wanted to wait till after the braces were off before I had my teeth cleaned, which are now due to be cleaned, but she said I didn’t need to make an appointment for that because cleaning is part of the disbanding. Good. Then I can get both things done at once and all I’ll have to do is go back for retainer checks and fillings.

The ride to Mel’s and to the home dealers was very hot and humid. Although they said it was only to be 104º it felt like 115º. Naturally, Tom who’s a native and tolerant to heat was insisting it wasn’t that hot or that humid. Yeah, right! They gave me some water once I got to their offices, and Tom was laughing later on about how they thought I was going to pass out.

Leona was there and available to deal with us, which seemed to take forever. We had a zillion forms to sign.

There were two disappointments, as far as we were concerned. One was that the washer and dryer weren’t included in the house. They could order it, which they did, but it’d be on a separate delivery. Not with the house like the carpet and the dishwasher will be.

Also, she made it sound like it’d take more like 3 months to get into the house rather than 2. Tom says it’s unlikely we’ll have an apartment layover and I don’t vibe it. God, I hope not! (I told them they should think about having apartments just for people who do have layovers) Apartments in Arizona may be modern and cheaper, but they suck!! They’re so damn noisy. Kids are outside screaming constantly, and the walls are paper-thin. At least this time around, if we do get stuck in an apartment, I’ll have Tom with me and it’ll be for a very short time and I’ll have the fan, rather than a wimpy clock radio to sleep with. Having people next to you or below you can be just as bad as having people above you. You can still hear people’s doors and cabinets closing that are next to and below you, as well as people’s doors, cabinets, and footsteps above you. I know how it is to have someone who walks like an elephant living above you and to have one pissed-off butch next to you! Even if they’re not noisy, and aren’t deliberately trying to stomp around and slam shit, you can still hear them moving about just fine. A box fan should drown out the blowers and mowers they use every day, but a clock radio? Forget it! Just forget it. Remember, I should know.

There’s always the chance that we may not get approved for the loan, and if this does happen, we’ll have to drop this house, get our $1,000 back, and go somewhere else. Even though this model’s the best and the most original, it wouldn’t kill us to have to go to that place near here; the second place we went with that older lady. They had some really nice Cavco models, which wouldn’t be settling in any big way. Certainly not at all compared to this house and where we’ll be living.

We’ll be buying land within the next couple of weeks. We’d be pretty much done with the prep work if a certain somebody had kept up on the garage, but because there are mountains of junk in there, he’ll have to clear that out first. That’ll probably take longer than anything else we’ve got to do around here, like finishing the packing and the yard work. We still have to paint the trim and do a little bit of edging in the house.

Later...

Tom just got in and is in the bathroom now. He said the silver car is here. Fucking lazy assholes! Not only do the freeloaders that live here not work but neither do their associates. They’re all the same, I swear to God! Tom said he’s not sure if he’s gonna write to the mayor since he basically had intended to use the mayor if the house had problems selling which we’re sure it won’t and since it wouldn’t change anything. Sadly enough, there’s probably nothing that can be done to stop these lazy bums from using society to live off of, but I need to vent. It’ll make me feel good, nonetheless, just to write my frustrations to the city and that’s exactly what I intend to do once we’re moved.

Later...

Tom’s gone to bed.

The van’s gone now, and the silver car and the white pickup have been coming and going.

I was just in the old music room checking out how the primer did when an adult male yelled out something that startled the shit out of me. Fucking cock! The fucking adults can be just as loud as their many mistakes. The little Mexicans were working on the van that is in the carport, after all. Them and their fucking working on cars! I’ll bet they work on cars that don’t even need to be worked on. So what is this now? Three vehicles live there now? Anyway, those little lazy shitfucks really piss me off. You don’t know how hard it is to restrain myself from going over there and giving them a piece of my mind about their sick, rude, inconsiderate, lazy ways!!!! Makes me just want to beat the shit out of them! It’s no wonder so many people do beat the snot out of these people. How can they carry on the way they do and not expect to be hated? It’s one thing for someone to have a different lifestyle than I do, which is fine, but when it’s forced upon me and when I’m used, we’ve got a serious problem. If they want to yell and play music, they shouldn’t force it on others or use them to live off. If it weren’t for my promise to Tom, us moving, my having a record, and being a middle-class citizen who’s no longer on disability, I would be bashing their faces right into the brick wall of the house! Really, I’d take them by the nape of their necks and bash their fucking heads right into the bricks! Also, I could hear the faint strains of music, but only in the music room which I’m not in 99% of the time, and which was baseless. They better not be testing me, though, cuz if that music gets louder and bassier, they’re gonna get it!

How many years can they do this, though, and just bum around at the taxpayers’ expense? Aren’t there any laws and limitations? Can they really get away with this forever? I thought I heard something ages ago about how they were changing the welfare system and making it so people would only be on it temporarily till they could become financially independent, and would be cut off after a certain amount of time even if they remained unemployed.

I’m not done with yesterday’s outing, but let me just cover a few other things first.

I mailed Andy a copy of the floor plan of the house we’re getting, along with pictures of me before and after I cut my hair. I had Tom show copies to Mom and Mary, too.

I told Tom I don’t mind sex every other week, but my crotch does. If I do it too much or too little I get irritated down there, and once a week really suits me best these days. I thought it’d be best to just wait till after we’re moved and settled, but he said we could screw tomorrow. Why doesn’t the thought of that excite me? I mean, there’s just no looking forward to it at all. I guess it’s because I know what he’ll do. I know what his every move is gonna be. He’ll be on the side for a short time, and maybe he’ll go on top, although it’s doubtful on a Wednesday, and neither of us will cum. It’s like we mechanically go through the motions without feeling a damn thing. Although I know he has to get a little excited or else he wouldn’t get hard. I still can’t believe his resistance after all these years! Now that’s being determined and stubborn! Imagine all that excitement year after year which you don’t release? God! And he can’t always privately release it right away after we screw either, cuz he knows that’d be too obvious. Sometimes he does, though, in the bathroom or in bed alone. And all he would’ve had to do all along was insist we use birth control from the get-go, and he could’ve had fearless, fulfilling sex ever since, but like I said, I want him to be happy. Even if I still wanted a kid and could conceive, I’d give that up just so he could be happy and not feel like he had to change or be controlled, although I also think it’s his nature to have a low drive and low energy in bed.

Now here’s something that makes no sense whatsoever. He bitches to me that he doesn’t want me to say he won’t do whatever, then I don’t, and he still doesn’t do it. How can he expect me to take him at face value and assume he’ll do what he says he’s gonna do if he doesn’t? He still hasn’t ordered the CDs he said he was going to order, yet I never said he wouldn’t in the first place, so see? He even doesn’t do the things I don’t say he’s not going to do. He can’t blame his fears/procrastination on others. And he doesn’t want me saying he won’t do something he says he’s gonna do? Well, what does he expect? I guess it’s an obsession with him.

Anyway, we made the last-minute changes we wanted to make with Leona. I put back the carpet in the bathrooms, but still want the dining area in vinyl. We’re still not sure just where the edges of the vinyl will be since it’s an oddly shaped area. Meaning, the kitchen, dining area, living room, and den, are all kind of connected. We are getting a regular tub with a shower in it for the second bath, which comes with a pretty, decorative, lacy shower curtain that’s not really a shower curtain. It’s gathered at the side, and of course, it wouldn’t keep water out. At first I thought we better take the one we’re using here, but then I changed my mind upon realizing that it’d clash with the tulip wallpaper that’s going in there. So, I’m just gonna get a clear or a plain white shower curtain to use inside the decorative one. This bath has a skinny window that doesn’t open, but it’ll sure be nice to have natural light in there. Tom said he wasn’t too thrilled with the low sinks, though. I’m trying to get one of the sinks in the master bath omitted and shelves put in its place, but if I can’t, I can’t. In this bath, you have a sink in the southwest corner of the room from a doorway’s point of view. The tub’s in the northwest corner and next to it is another sink, then a tall skinny cabinet, then the toilet, then the shower stall in the southeast corner. I’m hoping to do away with the sink that’s to the left of the doorway and get another set of cabinets there. Then there’ll be even more space for sheets and bath accessories. Then it’ll just be a question of what things should go in which bath. Some things will be best in both baths. For example, I want both baths to have pails. The second bath only has space under its sink, but as Tom said, he can get a medicine cabinet for $30 if he really wants one and put it in himself.

Tom’s gonna do the cable and phone jacks himself after we’ve furnished the place. We did agree to their outrageous fee of $105 to wire the master bedroom, den, and my office for ceiling fans, but they don’t supply the fans. That’s OK, though, cuz we have 4 fans. We’re also gonna do our own awnings for the windows or whatever we want to stick on windows and doors. We got a 5-ton heat pump. Wow, that’s big. This one’s 3½.

Later...

Jesus Christ! There goes another vehicle I’ve never seen before pulling out of next door. I’ve lost track of how many vehicles have been in and out of there, but it’s got to be at least 25-30. It was a light tan-colored pickup. A newer smaller one than the cream-colored one with the rails that has been staying here lately. See? I was right when I said they’d not only not work and be loud assholes, but that they’d have a lot of “friends.” Assholes always know lots of assholes. It’s back again now. I know these people have something to do with drugs. They’re still doing their bullshit work on the van that Mexicans are notorious for. As long as I stay out of the old music room, which I have no need to go into but to put his clothes away after I wash them, I can’t hear their voices and their soft Mexican music. If their voices reach the living room and kitchen and if their music becomes their loud Mexican music, then they’ll be hearing from both me and the city, but definitely from me.

I suppose the blue pickup, which showed up here late afternoon yesterday, will be here to join the crowd any sec now.

Later...

I just might not finish yesterday’s outing today after all.

Andy’s been fired. I called his machine to see if he’d gotten the message I left earlier about yesterday’s outing which he did. If he was still working the hours he said he was, he wouldn’t have gotten the message yet. So, he’s already been fired, huh? I knew he’d make them fire him if they didn’t lay him off, but that could be the case instead. He could’ve been laid off.

Anyway, I finally got to pick out colors. There weren’t a zillion choices, but it was still fun, and having more choices may’ve made it all the harder to choose. The only thing I wasn’t too happy with was that there were only two floor choices. A wooden plank design, and white. I chose white but would have preferred soft pastel colors. Again, things show up against white, but at least it’s much more bright and cheerful than brown. And the deep dingy yellows, oranges, and browns that are in this flooring.

I don’t have a list of my choices, so I’ll list them according to memory. Out of the dumpy carpet they had, they had spruce, denim, and spice. I chose spice, a wine-red shade. The denim sample dot looked way too dark but when we saw it laid out in the model, it looked lighter, so I’m sure that this spice carpet won’t look as dark laid out, either.

I chose whitewash cabinets, and for the countertops, I chose a design that consists of a splattering of little speckles of two different shades of white. This was the only acceptable choice if you ask me. The rest were hideous.

I chose wallpaper for the kitchen and bathrooms of a faint tulip design.

Pompeii White was my choice for the vinyl walls which I couldn’t do wall art on even if I wanted to. It’s a totally different texture than drywall.

They had about 16 exterior colors in neutral, blue, and green shades. The body of the exterior of the house is going to be Scandinavian Blue (light blue) and the trim will be Everest White (bright white). The two roof choices were brown and white and I picked white.

The valances get a little complicated, but fun, like Leona said. You pick out a packet containing 3 designs. I chose the Catalina packet that contains a solid blue color, colorful flowers, and colorful lines crisscrossing one another. Blue is the predominant color in this packet which I think will go well with the spice carpet. I like contrasting colors. However, you don’t tell them where you want which design. They decide that and they also decide whether or not you get balloon-shaped valances, straight ones, or ones that are draped over a rod sagging in the middle with its ends hanging off to the sides. I think they’ll put the solid blue ones in the den and living room that are draped over the rod, flowers in the kitchen, master bath, master bedroom and retreat, and lines in the other bedrooms and bath. As Leona said, if we don’t like the way they do it, we can change them around or replace them. I want to get white blinds for all the windows except for the two bedroom windows. Those will get shades cuz they keep light out better. They may look funny with valances, though, so I may get long curtains for these windows. The master bath has two big windows too, but I can always shut the bathroom and retreat doors when I’m sleeping during the daytime if I want to keep light out.

Later...

No wonder the freeloaders were out and about working on the van (I think they’re done for now) and having company today. It was only 102º. In fact, I think this is the coolest day we’ve had in a while. The cooler it gets, the more they’re gonna be out. The less company they have, the better I feel. Even though there’s been no music and there doesn’t have to be any company for there to be music what with that stereo they’ve got in their living room, but it’s just better to have less of them around. The more of these Mexicans you throw together, the more trouble and noise can come of it.

Later...

Damn! Here we go again. Vehicle number God knows what has come and gone. An old dark red Grand Prix pulled in with two guys in it who didn’t get out of the car right away. Chester came walking up to the car a couple of minutes after they pulled in. Just as I was wondering if I was gonna see a drug transaction go down, the two guys got out of the car just as some guy was pulling up and exiting the silver car. The two guys in the red car then hugged the silver car guy, then all 4 guys, just kids between the ages of 18-22 or so, walked towards the house. Both cars are now gone but will be back any sec, of course. The van and the cream pickup are still here, though, but what is this? The weekend? Is something going on? Or is this just how they’ll always be when it’s under 105º? Is the blue pickup coming any sec, too? I just thank God the ranchero and white car have disappeared and I hope to hell it stays that way while we’re still here. I went out back before the silver and red car left, expecting to hear tons of screaming, but all I heard was soft, baseless Mexican music.

The silver car just returned. It looks like Chester’s arm is still a boo-boo. The driver got out carrying a beer. Drinking and driving, huh? Way to go, freeloaders! Way to go!

How many fucking people are living there?! There’s got to be at least 4-5 adults and 4-5 kids.

It’s still a 50/50 guess as to whether or not the city discussed my letter with them. I want to say yes, they did since there’s been no loud bassy music heard all throughout our house, but then I want to say no because it’s still overcrowded with a ton of vehicles coming and going and staying there overnight. As long as they keep their music out of this house, we’ll be OK. Even though there hasn’t been blasting music or a ton of door slamming, I wish they’d drop down to having just the van if they have to have a vehicle be there. All these vehicles get me all nervous.

Until the next slew of vehicles comes in, I’ll write more on the house.

We got to see the model again and it was so much bigger than we remembered it to be. It’s hard to tell from the floor plan layout, but the corner just outside the master bedroom is huge. Huge enough to hold a hutch full of dolls if I wanted. I had just thought of that idea right before Tom brought it up, too. Also, I was half wrong in saying the spare bedrooms were smaller than the music room. The music room is about 12x12, and all the spare bedrooms are 10x13. So it’s shorter one way, but longer the other way.

The front door has a small diamond-shaped window, and I forgot just how fancy those kitchen shelves were! They’re the cabinet tops, actually, which have pretty gold and wooden rails running along them. Plants would look great up there, but maybe my collector’s plates would too. I’m gonna have to get plate holders for them.

The pickup didn’t return till 2:40 yesterday, then it left again 20 minutes later. By that time, I had pretty much quit paying attention. Once again, as is the case 80% of the time, my vibes were right. As I’d sensed, there was no trouble. If the kids have been out after dark raising hell, I wouldn’t know it. I haven’t been up at that time lately and checking, but somehow I doubt they have been. There’s been no music, either. The pickup ought to be making its first trip out any sec now.

Later...

Tom’s at work now, as usual. I swear he’s there more than he’s here! Normally, he doesn’t go in till 7 PM on Sundays, but he had to go in at 6:00 this morning. There goes a whole day lost to prepping. I’m excited about going to sign the contract tomorrow after seeing Melanie, and he better be right about us getting out of here in 60 days no matter what! We’ve agreed to go as low as we have to till the house sells.

It’s a damn good thing I’m not like I used to be - horny and wanting a kid. We’re down to sex biweekly now. Thank God the vibrators are there for if I really feel the need to get off. It’s not that often that I get all that horny, but when I do, I find it’s easiest to just quickly get off and get it over with using the vibrators. This isn’t just because of Tom’s lack of availability, but also, although my husband is no dog, I just don’t have much lust for him. No, I don’t wish I could be with an attractive woman either, just with my imagination and fantasies, which I find to be more reliable and more of a turn-on. So I guess you could say I find it more appealing to be with an attractive woman in my mind and use either a vibrator or my hand, which I can depend on to please me the way I like to be pleased with no excuses or conditions. Like I said, I love Tom emotionally. I love him for him, not for his body.

Just washed my hair. God, it’s so easy and it dries in no time! I can’t believe this straighter hair, though. The last time it was this length it was really curly, then the curl straightened out a little as it got heavier with length. What I wonder is - since it’s wavy now, does that mean it’ll be only slightly wavy if I let it get as long as it was again? And will my sides quit growing at around waist-length like before and let the back keep going and going past it? Will it really be healthier and look better if I don’t dye it or straighten it? You never know. I thought my shortness of breath would go away with quitting smoking but it didn’t. Well, my hair sure as hell is healthier right now! It’s like silk from roots to ends, unlike before when it would go from silk to straw. It’s just too damn thick! Of course, there’s always the chance that it won’t grow back or will grow back much slower than before. Wasn’t it Kim who said something about cutting her hair when it was really long and not being able to grow it back? She’s had it down to the middle of her back, though, these last few years, so who knows?

Later...

I can’t believe we’re already up to 2:00 in the afternoon and the pickup hasn’t moved yet! That and no other vehicles have come or gone that I know of so far today.

Later...

And the weekend company has arrived. I knew they had to have some company, although I don’t know if this is company as opposed to Deb borrowing the blue/green pickup. All I heard was one car door and all I saw was her. She was pulling up a plastic bag from the back of the pickup. No music, though. What? Is she borrowing the gold car and now this pickup since the van’s not around? What’s wrong with her using the white pickup that’s been here since the van’s been gone?

Later...

At 4:30 Deb and 3 guys took off in the blue pickup and guess what’s here now? The white pickup that’s been here, the blue pickup, and the van. A couple of guys are leaving right now in the blue pickup. What? Do they feel the van’s been gone long enough to fool the city? Or did the absence of the van have nothing to do with the city letter?

Anyway, I’m a bit lonely now, what with having been up nearly 12 hours without Tom around. He left right before I got up. Sometimes I’m even lonely when he’s here and when I’m not alone. That’s because he spends so much of his time at home watching TV when he’s awake. I try not to bother him and I try to let him have his TV cuz I know how important it is to him and that he doesn’t spend the time alone that I do. He spends it with the people at work, so I figure he needs a break from people and I try to give him all the space I can.

I swear, though, that something wants to tie him up from spending time with me. First it was his mom that was sucking up all his time and now it’s his job. Maybe it’s for the better, though, cuz the more you miss someone, the more you look forward to seeing them. Perhaps we’d get on each other’s nerves if we were around each other too much. It’s not that we don’t get along, but he can be so sensitive over the dumbest things at times and he gets moody.

I feel like he too, has lost that initial lust and fascination with me that I had had with him, even though he’d deny this, but isn’t that normal? Don’t the lust and the eagerness to see each other wear off in time, along with the curiosity and all that?

The blue pickup’s back now. I should’ve known it would be.

Tom evened my hair out and did a wonderful job. Now I have a total of about 16 inches gone and it’s about 8 inches above my waist and 4-5 inches below my shoulders. I intend to leave it alone for a very long time, but meanwhile, I’ll enjoy having it be much less of a burden and I’ll pamper it this time around, too. It’s so nice having even, healthy hair for a change.

Tom worked an unbelievable amount of overtime yesterday. I told him that we can’t afford to have him have no time to do anything but work and sleep during the week, and that weekends weren’t enough to get out of here, but he said we’re moving by the time 60 days is up from Monday no matter what. I hope so! I do vibe it strongly, thank God. He’s decided to take a week to find someone to buy this place privately, but only a week. After that, he’ll call in a Realtor. I hope to hell we can sell it privately, but I won’t hold my breath.

I still wish they’d stop treating Tom at work like he’s some sort of machine. He’s a human being who needs a life. I fear all the time he’ll have a sudden heart attack cuz of all he does for that fucking bank. And that excludes errands and all the prep work he’s been doing.

Pies aren’t the only things that can make life messy. Larry will learn that when he pulls the stuff out of his manila envelope. He’ll be getting a sequin shower.

Tom was out earlier doing some yard work. He’s getting the pool cleaned up now, and he also put some more gunk on the roof. Nothing can permanently seal up this leak while we’re here; just stall it.

No silver car overnight last night next door. Also, I never saw the gold car yesterday. It was quiet all day. Just the pickup came and went. The only other thing to come was a city van. For the first time that I know of since they moved in, the city finally came out. The guy that came went up to work on the cooler. The stupid freeloaders probably think it doesn’t work when in fact it does work; it’s just too damn humid to be noticeable. Being well over 200 pounds probably doesn’t help, either. Anyway, I took a picture of the cooler opened up on the roof while the guy was probably getting something from his van, and one of the pickups and the silver car parked on the street/driveway (of course, no vehicles were there when the city van came). I’m sure they’ll enjoy seeing this!

Since there’s been no music (other than the soft bout in the gold car) and no antics from the kids, I’d still say that the city probably did talk to them regarding my letter.

Later...

Wow. What a long time for next door to remain without a vehicle there. The pickup’s been gone over 3 hours now, and who knows how long the silver car’s been gone.

Tom says he found the leak in the car. Great. Now God can go break something else within the car for us to have to deal with while we’re trying to get out of here. Tom got stuff to fix the car’s AC yesterday and even considered putting off signing the 60-day contract for a week but decided against it. Good. I’d rather sweat than be here longer than necessary.

The sooner we can move, the sooner those Mexicans and these blacks, among others back east, can get their little packages. Also, the city can get its final letter from me. Not only does Tom intend to give the mayor a piece of his mind (so he says) but I intend to let the city know just how furious I am with the way these rude lazy bums carry on at our expense, even if it doesn’t do me any good other than just to vent my frustrations.

Speaking of these such people - every time I think I’ve got the freeloaders next door figured out, they throw a curveball at me. Tom says a small, old sports car stood next door in the carport all night (I just couldn’t see it cuz I’m so short) and it’s here tonight, too. That’s why I’ve heard car doors and then got all confused cuz I couldn’t see a vehicle of any kind. The pickup’s still on the street, too, but that’s why it’s been parked on the street. Maybe they aren’t trying to make it look like no cars live there and maybe the city didn’t even bother talking to them regarding my letter.

The only other thing I saw yesterday was Chester and some guy getting out of the pickup. It looks like Chester got a boo-boo and has a bad arm. His forearm was bandaged and he was wearing a Budweiser T-shirt.

I got a kick out of Andy’s message he left me yesterday from work. Yeah, now he’s even calling from work. That’s because he just sits there most of the time with nothing to do, but this job won’t last long. Even if it wasn’t a temp job - all jobs are temp as far as Andy’s concerned. He’ll make it a temp job and he’ll quit if they don’t let him go themselves before too long. Anyway, Andy starts off by saying, “I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard my voice.” I’m like - yeah, a whole 4-5 days! He makes it sound like it’s been months, although to him, not talking to someone on the phone for 4-5 days is like months. At least he’s not calling constantly and bugging me to let him come over so he can use something or have me do something for him.

Later...

Pick-up - recently left on its first trip of the day.

Later...

Pick-up - just returned.

Later...

Unbeknownst to me, till I just checked, the pickup left again, and so did the silver car. What I’m curious to see is if Deb has the nerve to come banging in and out again even louder than yesterday in the gold car.

Ratsy’s been here a whole year today and Velvet’s about a year and a half old!

Tammy left a message saying she wanted to work things out. I knew she’d call before we got out of here. Well, that’s sweet of her and I hold no hard feelings towards her, but I don’t care. I just don’t care. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt her or angered her, and it’s even funny how she last went off on me (I wish I taped it), but I simply have no desire to kiss and make up and associate with her. I need to break that never-ending cycle with her as I did with the others and let her go. I have to move on. It doesn’t mean I hate her or that I don’t want her to have a wonderful life. I hope her life is full of good health and happiness. Meanwhile, she doesn’t need me. She’s got others that are there for her when she needs to talk. People she has more in common with than we do.

Later...

What a gorgeous morning it is out there. It’s the driest it’s been in ages, too. It won’t last long, though. As soon as that sun gets visible, it’ll be a sauna. I do not look forward to seeing Melanie and signing the contract Monday (the money came) in a car without AC, but it’s got to be done and it’s worth it. To think that Monday will finally be the day I have the honor of picking out valances for the new house, the cabinets, etc. is so exciting! I can’t wait!

The pickup is on the street now like it usually is. It went out for a little while yesterday afternoon, though. Also, a white car I don’t think I’ve ever seen before was here yesterday in the driveway getting worked on. Mexicans love to work on cars, but this was no old junker like the Puerto Ricans back east had. It looked like they were changing a tire, and the hood was open, too. They left shortly after I spotted them at 5:00 and I have a feeling that if I hadn’t sent in a certain letter, they’d have blasted Mexican music while doing their shit.

Anyway, I still don’t know if anyone moved out or where the van is, but I do know that they’re trying to make it look like whoever drives the pickup doesn’t live there. Why else would they keep it parked on the street all the time? Especially when there’s no van coming and going in the driveway. I’ll bet it’ll park in the driveway on Sunday, though.

My guess as to the situation is that due to my letter, they canned the music and the kid’s antics. Then they loaned their van to the person that owns the pickup and borrowed the pickup so they could still get around with the intention of parking it on the street to make it appear that this pickup visits a lot. I think they’ll swap back in time.

Later...

Tom was right - that guy does walk around the neighborhood a lot. The bearded guy who looks a little like his brother that was inquiring about the freeloaders. I don’t see how anyone can stand it now. It may’ve been a warm and dry sunrise, but now it’s deathly hot and humid.

I hope Tom isn’t as beat and as sore as he was yesterday due to the conversion going on at work. I feel so bad for him. There’s always something going on with that bank. They treat their employees like machines at this job. They don’t give a shit about running people ragged, and I worry about him all the time. What if he has a heart attack cuz of all the hours and work he’s doing for this fucking bank? Will he ever really have a normal job with normal hours? Or is he forever hexed in the workplace? There should be laws to protect how long and how hard you can work people. People need to have a life. However, when he’s home, he’s usually too tired to do much. At the same time he’s got way more stamina and control over his schedule and how long he stays up, he’s like an old man. He has no energy. It’s a damn good thing I’m not the nympho I used to be, wanting mutual sex, cuz I’d be seriously deprived if I were. The main part of his holding back and being hesitant in bed has always been fear of impregnating me, but another part of it has to do with his low energy and drive. He has very little energy and drive when it comes to things like that. This is one reason I believe the sex would be the same even if I had a hysterectomy. Also, he’s so stubborn and determined to make sure he never changes or admits his fear of impregnating me that he’d make sure he didn’t change as a cover for that if I had to have one. He wouldn’t fool me, though.

If his mom gives us that $5,000 when we move, it’ll get us all we want to get for the house, but Tom said she didn’t say when she’d do this, let alone that she was going to do this for sure. Well, any decent human being would not only not say something like that unless they intended to do it, but they would see someone moving as the right time to do it. Especially someone who was moving that helped her move. I don’t know, though. The decent Marjorie that I knew died when Dad died.

The pickup came and went a few times. It’s been out now for over an hour.

Later...

Debra and Chester just returned. The pickup’s in the street, of course, and it looks like they were unloading bags and boxes of groceries.

Wait a minute…That may not have been Debra. A little girl of about 6 years of age and a woman who was definitely Debra just pulled up in the driveway. Debra had her hair in a bun, so maybe the other woman who got out of the pickup was Fanny.

Later...

Debra just left in the gold car with 3 kids - two girls and a boy. The boy was about 8 and the girls were around 5 and 12. The older girl could’ve even been around 15. I now believe that this car is owned by Debra’s parents. She was playing music softly. I didn’t even know this car had a stereo like that. Anyway, it was very soft, and if she knows what’s good for her, she won’t dare turn up the volume any higher. So then that was her that thumped in, huh? I thought it was someone driving by that turned down one of the side streets, but obviously it wasn’t. Well like I said, if she knows what’s good for her, it won’t get any louder. She’s so lucky we’re moving, though! So lucky! If it weren’t for us moving, she’d have to start looking for a new place to live real soon.