I forget that our camera makes recordings of movement. So we were able to see that the honker and Kari came in at about 10:00 PM when they first got here (along with a stretch limo). Had I known this, I would have turned the sound machine up a little louder, but it all worked out fine at volume 3. I don’t think volume 3 is enough to block out the motorcycle, even though it says my favorite nature sound on that volume is 70 decibels.

Sometimes I wish we could afford a small yacht. I would sleep on it when I was on nights and be here in the daytime.

We went out to BK yesterday as he was unloading the trailer. I called out hello to him, and he returned the greeting. The damn motorcycle was unloaded while we were gone so I don’t know if he turned it on or not. What was strange was that his dog started barking (it seems they only have one dog now) and no one stopped it. It did stop on its own, but so much for having remarkable dogs that never bark. I hope it won’t become a problem, but I would still rather that than anything that’s 100 decibels.

These people seem to sleep so little. They don’t seem to crash before midnight and are up by 6 or earlier. I wish I could sleep from midnight to 6 every day!

They left yesterday in the early afternoon and didn’t return until 8:30. I love it when the truck isn’t there because even though I know it could come back any second, at least nothing loud is going to be going on over there while it is out.

We went out walking yesterday morning right before sunrise and the loud dog was barking that’s 5-6 houses down. OMG, I’m so glad we’re not next to that shit! This is the very reason I worry about any houses close to us selling for however long we’re here. On our way out to BK, that’s the dog I thought I was hearing at first until I saw it was the honker’s dog.

I don’t think I could ever like the honker. I know I don’t know him personally, but it doesn’t usually take me much to get a good sense of one’s character. Just his mannerisms alone suggest an aggressive personality, and well, he was a pig. Most of them get into that field because they’re aggressive and like to control others.

He strikes me as an insensitive being, especially if it’s something he can’t relate to. I think he’s likely insensitive to women in general and their needs and what they go through in life. He probably doesn’t care about a woman’s face and hair as much as the body. I also can’t imagine him being supportive in the ways that Tom has. Probably hates gays too.

I also know I haven’t seen the wife up close, but I swear she doesn’t look nearly old enough to be here. I’m confused as to who’s who, though. It could be a dye job, but his bride was blonde and a little heavy when I looked at the pics. This girl has dark hair and seems rather petite. If she’s in her 30s, as she appears to be, what happens if she gets knocked up? That may be a good thing if she decides to keep it because then they would have to sell this place. He’s in his 60s, though, so who knows if he can even perform. If he can, I hope she doesn’t have much of an appetite being so much younger!

The trike is still for sale too.

Galileo says they don’t want to make too many changes at once, so they can get an idea of what’s causing me to have what I would describe as intense hot flashes with a racing heart. Sometimes my heart races when I’m not hot flashing, though. I’m just glad as hell that I don’t have anxiety in the way of adrenaline in my chest or dark thoughts. They recommended dropping the children’s magnesium because it has citrate in it which is a form of laxative. No wonder I’ve been so poopy! So it’s back to opening up hard-to-swallow glycinate capsules.

I will still be taking the B-complex and the folic acid. Also, I’ll be returning to the lab in two weeks. I think it’s mostly on the poison and that I have to drop another 88 and take a 75 two days a week. I think where I went wrong in stepping up the dose was that I only gave each dose a month when I should have given it six weeks as that’s how long it takes to build up in the system. It can take 8 weeks to really accumulate but most of it is built up by 6. So I think that when I dropped to one 75 a week, the drug was still playing catch up.

I’m not wearing my Fitbit today, so I’m not constantly checking my HR.

They’re baaack. I got up just after 11:00 PM and saw the truck there at the side of the place with the trailer still attached. They must have gotten in late because they haven’t unloaded anything yet. I heard one honk and one bark before they turned in for the night. Not looking forward to the next 5½ months with these people. I’m just glad I’ll be up during the first week that they get settled in. They’re always outside and they’re always active, but I expect an initial flurry of pressure washing, tree trimming, car washing, motorcycle washing, and God knows what else over the next week.

It will be interesting to see if he really does message me about the motorcycle. He never did reply to my last message, and I don’t know if it’s because I said something wrong, or he was busy and forgot to get back to me. Could be that he replied and it’s not visible on my end, although Messenger doesn’t seem to have had that problem for a while now.

So much for no rain being forecasted because when I checked the camera and saw they were here, I also saw that the streets were wet.

The B-complex is messing with my tummy. It can cause gas and even the runs. It’s not bad enough to stop it, but I might not take it when we’re heading out somewhere. Maybe I’ll just take one a day instead of two. I don’t know how much of a hand it’s been having in making me feel better, but I don’t want to have to find out. I still think it was the thyroid dose tweaking that was fucking me up but if this has any hand in helping me feel better, then I don’t want to stop it altogether unless it gets that bad.

While I’m not anxious (yet), the other symptoms are back. My HR is spiking into the triple digits, I’m having what’s in between normal and the runs, and I’m hot flashing more. The B-complex can also cause this from what I read. So I gave Galileo a heads up and asked them what they thought. Could it be the B-complex or could the levothyroxine still be accumulating in my system despite the cutback?

I connected Alexa to my Fitbit. I would hate it when I’d get a journal idea and want to note it while on the toilet or out somewhere and therefore unable to tell her to put it on my to-do list. So now I can add notes anywhere anytime. It’s great for setting reminders too. It doesn’t do me much good if I set one in one room and it goes off when I’m in the other room and might not hear it.

Tom and I had fun yesterday playing Walkabout Golf’s fox hunt. The easy courses let you find and collect lost balls. The fox hunt is on the hard versions, and you get a different kind of club that goes with the theme of the course upon completion. Most of them are ugly, though.

Now that Elon Musk is “Chief Twit” of Twitter, I wonder what this means for the future of the site. What will change and what will stay the same? He says he’s all for free speech, but I don’t get exactly what that means. What about state and federal laws? If it’s illegal to say a particular thing in your state, then his free speech doesn’t exactly matter, does it?

I have a hidden subscriber on my youtube channel. I forgot that one has the option to hide their subscriptions as well as their playlists. It’s probably someone from Facebook or PB if it isn’t a random person.

My streams don’t get many more views than my voice tweets on Twitter. People definitely prefer to read, as opposed to listening. It’s still fun to do.

I’m guessing the honker is going to come honking in late tomorrow night or the next night. Definitely not looking forward to his return. When he’s not on the motorcycle he’s not exactly what one would call noisy, but he’s active enough to be noticeable enough to be distracting.

Sue, the old lady who defended the honker’s Harley and swore by how nice he is and that has been helping Toni, got her a wheelchair that actually fits through her tiny doorways. We have the same house, so I know how small these doors are in comparison to your average door. I can’t help but wonder, though, does Toni pay Sue in any way? Does Sue want to give up on helping her like people no doubt would with me when I was young, single, and living alone?

Mia’s last three gifts haven’t been the greatest. First, she gets a nose ring. I hate body piercings that aren’t in the ears only. And one or two piercings are enough. I don’t like ears that are pierced 50 times.

Then she gets a dull blue leather jacket followed by dull gray biker shorts.

We canceled Walmart’s in-home subscription even though we never let them come into the house to put our groceries away since we’re not disabled. It was absolutely horrible. They were way late and botched up orders like crazy. They were delivered after I crashed, and he realized they left out my TV dinners. So he contacted them, and it took him forever to finally get a refund. Then, just as he was closing the blinds at 6:00 PM, he saw someone knocking on the lanai with the TV dinners. If he hadn’t seen that, he wouldn’t have heard them and the food would have spoiled. He then got a message saying they found them on the back of their truck or some shit like that. But he didn’t call back to say they finally arrived because he felt we were entitled to a refund, and I agree. We chose this service to get out of the constant tip-begging but we’ll just go back to the begging and them being late to spite us for not tipping. However, there’s a difference between being an hour late and taking all day.

Since cutting back to having wine once a month, I got a couple of bottles of Barefoot wine that were on sale for a total of $10. Peach and strawberry flavors. It hasn’t flared up any anxiety, which has been so much better lately. But if it does, I swear I’ll never drink again!

We’ve been having highs in the 80s and lows in the 60s. I still can’t believe how dry it’s been here. There isn’t a drop of rain forecasted for the next 10 days. It’s like the storm season stopped faster than it began. Is this really normal for this area? It just doesn’t seem like any part of the state should be this dry. It’s almost like the drought has followed us across the country. I just didn’t think there was a wet season and a dry season like in Cali. I knew it was more humid and that there were more thunderstorms in the summer. But I thought it would rain quite a bit year-round.

I know I said I didn’t want to go back to the beach until the spring since the water is a little cooler now, but that’s easier said than done. Even if I don’t swim, why not get out of the house and sit there reading on my Kindle? So sometime next week, I’m sure we’ll make it down there.

I don’t know how the hell this happened, so if anybody can tell me, please do. I went to dip my nails yesterday in fluorescent powders and ended up with a mix of dark reds and greens. They came out hideous-looking and absolutely nothing like the dip powders. I’ll never get this brand again. The other brand ended up looking exactly how it looked in powder form. I’m going to just stop dipping my nails altogether. If I want dip or gel nails done, I’ll just have the salon do it.

The last round of pre-dementia dreams was the usual negative shit. First, we were living somewhere where the houses were close together but we had private backyards. The yards were half the size of the one we had in Phoenix. Can’t say how big the house was, but someone recently moved in next to us and behind us, both with dogs. I was sitting there writing or doing something by the open back door when one dog started barking, which set the other dog off. They egged each other on as if it was a contest as to who could be the loudest. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t that bad but of course it was. The hardest person to lie to is ourselves…even in dreams.

In the last dream, Tom and I were forced to be in some kind of huge building. It didn’t look anything like jail but I knew we couldn’t leave. We were separated and they wouldn’t let me see him. So I did everything I could to get them to let me see him, including feigning passing out. Not sure how that one was supposed to help, but eventually one woman who worked there agreed to get us in touch. I woke up before she had a chance to keep her word. Or not.

Why can’t I ever have happy dreams? Why can’t they be just weird or fun instead of sad, frustrating or scary? I wonder if all these negative home dreams are a sign saying that we’re never going to have our dream home. That’s common sense, though. I mean, does anyone ever really get their dream home unless they’re filthy rich?

I’ve been struggling with horrible writer’s block as far as creative writing goes. If I don’t manage to finish the last story I started, this will be the first year since 2003 that I didn’t write at least one complete story. I used to do an average of 4 a year.

I hate it when I don’t understand my own notes. When I think of things to add to my journal, I jot down notes, and one of them says “7K feet.” But what is 7K feet???

So getting my permanent crown cemented in yesterday went well, although different. Tina, the assistant, was able to get the crown off without having to numb me. The only part that was uncomfortable was when she was scraping off the temporary cement. So the doctor came in and put a numbing agent on it, and continued cleaning up the stub. Then when she went to cement the permanent crown, I thought she was going to use the curing light and it would be done in the second, but nope. I didn’t realize this, but this particular crown is metal, so the curing light won’t go through it. Instead, she used a curing chemical. She said that right away it would be 95% cured but that I still shouldn’t chew on that side until tomorrow. Well, just because now is my tomorrow, LOL, since I got up at around 9:30 this evening, I’ll have to remember that it’s not my tooth’s tomorrow. Tomorrow comes for my tooth at about 8:00 in the morning. She did tell me not to be afraid to floss and brush normally. It feels so nice and smooth compared to the rough jagged tooth that was practically disintegrating.

I saw Crystal who ran to check out my latest nail design. The glow-in-the-dark nail strips really do glow. In fact, they have such good glowing power that I was surprised to find some still glowing when I got up. They’re coming off later, though, because I want to dip my nails.

Since I was up yesterday when the garbage truck passed by, I ran into the bedroom, turned on Nature Sounds, and it seems that volume 4 might have a chance of masking it. I prefer to sleep with it at volume 3, but I can’t do that during the daytime.

The garbage trucks will be even worse when they graduate to trucks that automatically reach out and picks up the trash bin. Right now, they still have a person jumping off the back of it. But once they get the one with that arm, I’ll be even more likely to get woken up because of the way it slams against the bar that keeps it from going too far, then slams the bin back on the ground. That is so fucking loud!

Not too long ago, I did an entry wondering who blocked me on a post in the park group. But it turns out no one did. I just wasn’t getting how they display their reactions. They don’t list the names of everyone all the time. So when I saw some missing names, I thought they were from people who might have blocked me and I couldn’t imagine who the hell I pissed off so much, LOL.

It still irritates me the way some people read things into things that aren’t there, and complain when you complain. Isn’t that kind of hypocritical after all?

I had some kind of dream that had something to do with me being autopsied. I don’t know if I was actually dead or was thinking that I was going to die, and an autopsy would be done on me.

Then I dreamed that we moved to a fairly large, two-story house, but it was in an all-ages neighborhood. I was sitting at the kitchen table when I heard this obnoxious sound and went out into our backyard to investigate. The houses were close together and the yards were sectioned off by wooden fences, but I could see enough to make out the fact that the people that moved in next door had literally ripped off the wall of their house that was facing us. The exterior wall was torn off practically down to the house’s skeleton. Instead of the stucco siding, I just saw the bare gray bricks beneath. Tom was in the yard and told me he talked to the guy that lived there with his wife and child.

“Let me guess,” I said. “There’s also a dog that’s not allowed indoors?”

He confirmed the presence of a dog and as I looked at the torn wall of the house, I was horrified to know that if they could afford to take on such a huge project, they were likely to be nightmare neighbors.

When I think about it, and now that I know how slowly thyroids die off and how much of a difference just a point or two in the TSH can make, I now suspect my thyroid could have slowly started dying off in Maricopa and not Auburn like I originally thought. I don’t think it just crashed all of a sudden. I think I would have had to have been low on thyroid even if my TSH was only up to a 5 or 6 when I was in my mid-30s and that’s why I couldn’t get weight off except for a couple of times. I think those couple of times might have been because I was flaring.

When I get to stressing over the jet-engine-loud trash trucks we now have to deal with, I remind myself that at least zigzagging around the area for four hours, they’re not working in the roads every few months, there aren’t tons of projects every week, nor are there speed bumps to slam into or loud muscle cars visiting/living here…yet. I know it’s only a matter of time, though. With all the complaining they do around here about speeders, even though I’ve never personally seen any, I figure that sooner or later they’re going to put down speed bumps. I’m surprised they haven’t replaced the ugly wooden fence in back yet. The point is that I’m sure more things from the past will return to haunt me besides the insanely loud garbage and recycle trucks. I swear, though, all I have to do is pray to God for everything I don’t want to happen and I could claim that prayer actually works.

This is the longest time since I’ve heard from Happy. They didn’t have to make him that much quieter but he did say it gets on their nerves too, which is probably the only reason he’s been quieter. This also proves that they could control the dog all along just as I suspected.

I thought about mentioning the insanely loud garbage trucks in the park group, but I know they’ll just wanna lynch me for it. Gotta keep it all fluff and sunshine. Nothing but positive vibes, as if nothing negative ever happens in the world. eye roll I don’t want to be untrue to myself by giving people what they want, but sometimes it’s better to just not give them what they don’t want. Respect the emotionally weak, you know? LOL.

The AC check-up person called to reschedule because they’ve got a lot of broken ACs to fix now. Tom said that was fine since it’s working great. They’ll be out in December.

I ended up sleeping better than I thought - yes! So now I have the energy to do some cleaning, LOL. Can’t remember much of my dreams. Just a flash of giving lettuce to a guinea pig, sitting in a chair in someone’s driveway, and then being put to sleep. Forever. I don’t know who was putting me to sleep or why.

Decided to do some writing prompts. The thing is, I’m notoriously bad at sticking to them. The first one is sharing the last message you sent as long as it’s not too personal. So here goes!

I played around with the sound app on my phone and set the sound machine so that it was up to 80 decibels. With that being a bit much to sleep comfortably with, I inserted a foam ear plug. I ended up laying there longer than expected so I got back up to get something to eat and Tom said the mower had come and gone and I didn’t even hear it!

The thing is that these garbage trucks are around 100 decibels. I’m hoping that inside the house, it’s 80 or lower and that I’ll eventually be able to mask them. The problem is the pitch. Lower-pitch sounds are harder to block. So you can have two sounds that are the same volume, but you can distinguish the two of them which I notice in my sleep. Get what I’m saying? So these fuckers are going to be harder to wipe out.

As I said, there are different kinds of circadian rhythm disorders. Some people that travel and go through different time zones can get their circadian rhythms thrown off. And that’s a situational problem that, yes, with a little light therapy and melatonin, can eventually be resolved. With non-24, which is what I have, it’s a defect in brain chemistry. It progresses with age. It was extremely hard for me to get up for school as a kid, but still doable. By the time I got into my late 20s, I could no longer hold a schedule. Non-24 causes you to stay up later and later each day/night and therefore you need to sleep longer. They used to think the answer was light therapy until it was discovered in a blind person in 1999. I saw a neurologist/sleep doctor in CA and he told me there was no cure.

The thing is that with non-24, it’s more of how you are rather than a bad habit. Unfortunately, it can’t be undone any more than you can ungay someone or make a straight person gay. You are born with it as you are born with your sexuality.

Again, I want to thank you for being understanding. There are so many people out there that if they don’t get something, then it can’t be real. I’ve had people insist that all I have to do is set my alarm and get up at the same time every day. That’s like telling a clinically depressed person that all they have to do is smile and be happy or a paraplegic to get up and dance. I can’t tell you how much I hate that shit! As if we wouldn’t do this if it was that easy. Hell, I’ve had people that were supposed to be my friend and know me better call me an “excuse queen.” rolls eyes As if I had some hidden motive I was afraid to admit to because they supposedly had so much power over me that they could use it against me somehow.

Later…

I totally give up as far as stretching my hips go. All it does is make them hurt. I’m not gaining any flexibility from doing it either. I just need to keep working my core to keep the back aches away.

A fire truck came to Toni’s place. Four guys got out and tried to get in but couldn’t. They were looking all over the place for a spare key. Finally, Sue that lives next to the honker came and let them in. They didn’t take her away, though. At the risk of sounding selfish, I’m worried she’s going to have to sell out and go into assisted living. I’m worried even more that someone with a motorcycle will move in with a mutt barking nonstop through the screen door or the lanai.

The recycle truck came early at like 7:00. I had the sound app running while they passed by, and they maxed at 66 decibels. The problem is the vibrations. For a few seconds, I heard a low rumble that caused a vibration that’s more likely to wake me up than the sound itself. Especially in an elevated wooden structure. Damn, I miss being on concrete! At least now I have a better idea of what volume to set my sound machine at, which will hopefully drown them out. I still have to see it to believe it.

I’m lying down in bed right now. The fucking garbage truck woke me up twice as it made two passes up and down the street. So I’m in Citrus Heights all over again. I’m now going to be woken up three times a week when I’m on nights and that’s not counting storms or mowers. Why does this shit happen to me in every single fucking place I live? Just. Why?!?! What is it I’m doing to deserve this shit? Isn’t it bad enough that I can’t keep the schedule?

And why is it that no matter how much I wish I could I just can’t convince myself that this is purely a coincidence and that nothing up there influenced them to switch to louder trucks now that I found a way around the fatigue I was having for over a year by getting my thyroid dose tweaked? It’s like as soon as it saw that I figured out that, it sent the louder trucks to keep me tired most of the time. Again…why, why, why?

I just don’t understand why things have to be so damn loud in an age when we have the technology for them to be quieter. Things made for indoors like fans and air cleaners get quieter, but everything outdoors just keeps on getting louder. The Miami area is starting to roll out electric garbage trucks, but I’m sure we’ll be dead by the time they do that here.

No matter what we do there’s just no soundproofing this place. We can block small sounds and maybe even some of the medium sounds depending on their pitch but there’s just no soundproofing the place completely when it’s an elevated flimsy wooden place. I just don’t understand this shit with garbage/recycle trucks. I never had this problem until 2013. I was even closer to the street in Oregon than I am now and they didn’t wake me up there. That too was an elevated wooden structure but it was obviously better made, tilted or not.

So now I’m once again considering setting the alarm and forcing myself to get up at 6:00 AM for as many days as I can stand. If I have to be tired anyway and it’s either me or them then I would rather it be at my hands that I’m tired.

There’s a chance I may not get caught up on sleep until Friday. With my shit luck, the mowers will come late tomorrow and they’ll use the loud one. Plus, the AC guy is coming. I told Tom to make sure he doesn’t go banging around and that he doesn’t smoke but people just don’t care. They have no respect or consideration for others. At least most people don’t.

Then Wednesday, we’re on for storms and recycling. Thursday is the second trash pickup, but I could still be up unless they come late. That’s the day I get my permanent crown on at 8:00 AM.

I expected to be bombarded with extra unwanted banter from Alexa but then I realized that no, I wouldn’t be because it’s always been enabled. I decided to turn that option on if I was gonna be forced to deal with it anyway so that way I could at least say I was asking for it. But then I realized that of course I wouldn’t get more unwanted chatter because it’s always forced on by Amazon no matter if I have it enabled or disabled in the app.

Tom told me that all the devices were lit up with a green ring as if there was some kind of notification. We went into the app and sure enough, that was enabled even though I know damn well neither of us enabled it. Amazon spiting me for complaining yesterday? Maybe, but I disabled it but of course that doesn’t mean they’re going to respect our wishes. If they can force one thing on us, why not other things as well?

I must have accidentally offended the honker. Yeah, it seems like I’m really good at doing that in general. One of his friends friended me and I accepted it and I told him about it and said I hoped he didn’t mind after greeting him by calling him “Officer.” Then out of curiosity, I asked how long it took to drive down here, saying that it was about three days when my parents lived a little further South on the Atlantic side and headed to Massachusetts.

He read the message but never replied. So unless he was very tired or busy, what part of what I said did he have a problem with? Officer? His friend friending me? Asking how long the trip took? Oh well. Whatever it is, it’s on him, though he’s still on my friend list.

Tom had a sore throat earlier and seemed out of breath. He took a couple of ibuprofen which helped. He hasn’t been around anyone in days and it would be kind of late for a reaction to the vaccines which he said only made him a little tired. They didn’t give him the pneumonia one, though.

Still having fun streaming. I’ve covered most of the past. Just the main highlights anyway. I’ll jump back and forth between past and present stuff and slowly fill in the blanks with whatever comes to mind. I was thinking I may occasionally talk about various people, places, and subjects. Maybe I could talk about Tinkerbell in one post, for example, or maybe when we went cruising. Still not many views, though, just like with Twitter. I wonder if Elon Musk will be the liar Twitter has been when he gets ahold of it. So far Twitter lied about rolling out voice posting to Android users and now Twitter Notes. Twitter Notes is only for journalists.

There was a woman who was condemning me for not believing motorcycles shouldn’t be allowed in here and insisting I was “anti- biker” which is, of course, totally ridiculous. That would be like saying I was anti-tan because I’m pale and tend to burn instead of tan.

Then I noticed that in June she left a post about recovering from some kind of illness or injury. So I said that even though the post was a little old and I didn’t know what happened, I hope she was feeling better. But instead of getting a polite “thank you” or anything like that, I get hit with how I should have left out that the post was old or not commented at all.

I started to reply by saying that I wasn’t sure what I did wrong, but was sorry if I offended her. But then I stopped myself and said, no! I refuse to argue with strangers. I simply blocked her instead. I’m not gonna babysit and try to reason with people’s sensitive little eggshell feelings. People are just so damn fragile at times and they read crap into things that aren’t even there.

I wondered, since the honker was a retired cop, if he happened to check into the backgrounds of the people here. Tom said he doubted it. I said he probably figures that you couldn’t get in here if you had a record and Tom pointed out that even if they did have records, everybody’s got a past.

So true and I don’t care if the honker knows I got legally raked over the coals before I was vindicated. In fact, within reason, I’m not even going to hide my blog. I’m not going to openly share the link with anyone living in the park but if they happen to find it and don’t like what they see, that’s on them, just as with anybody else. If you’re curious enough to look someone up and what they’re into, then you should be responsible enough to be prepared to find whatever stuff you might not like.

The next person to piss me off today was someone in Amazon’s customer service when I was finally able to get a hold of a person via chat to complain about Alexa’s unwanted extras.

I could tell right away by the name that it was probably some Indian in India with poor English. And sure enough, they kept not only making typos, but they didn’t seem to fully understand me. At least not at first. Eventually, they caught on despite their poor writing but as usual, I got the bullshit runaround. Instead of being told they’ll honor their customers’ requests when they disable certain features and not push it on them anyway, I get hit with voice training instructions that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. I could have left the chat open for twenty-four hours, but decided to close it because I knew they weren’t going to do anything about the problem. They know what they’re doing as far as the pushiness goes, and they don’t intend to stop no matter how many customers complain. People are getting pushier and pushier with the begging lately. Grammarly interrupts my workflow to beg, so I can’t use that until I’m done writing a document. I’m also interrupted using apps to be begged to go premium. People are just too in your face these days and I don’t see how that helps anyone.

Mitch was helpful, though. My curiosity finally got the better of me and I asked him to look in on the termite. No mention of my name as I figured but I wondered anyway.

Omitting mine, I’m surprised that Mark only got 6 comments on his obit for a guy that seemed pretty likable.

Woke up to pee after having a dream of throwing up.

I see my YouTube channel already has a subscriber! I don’t know how to check my subscribers off the top of my head, so thanks, whoever you are. I’ll do some updating later tonight.

My day started off questionable yesterday and I thought I might be anxious later on, but ended up having a good night. That is, at least after I took a CBD gummy. Heard that Circle K is going to start selling pot. Interesting.

We got new color ink for our printer and I was thinking I might print out some pics to decorate my closet office with. I actually thought of going a little retro and maybe printing some pics of Kate, Linda and Gloria along with a mix of colorful flowers.

I’m still running Grammarly through journals, even though I realize they’re never going to be 100% error-free. Just started 2003 when I wrote a long entry complaining about a phone call with Paula and how selfish and twisted she always was. Couldn’t help but drop a copy on Messenger for her, assuming it really is the right person and she ever sees it. The account was likely created by someone else for her because she’s too stupid to do it herself and she probably never uses it.

I had a dream it was the end of the year and I was at a dinner party with a group of people. I was seated at a long table with 8-10 other people. I wished for a moment alone to “process” the fact that I was about to turn 40 years old among other things as well, although I’m not sure what.

Then I was telling a woman who was telling me and someone else that she was about to turn 37. I told her I wouldn’t be 40 until January 4th.

Another age, another dimension, another birth date?

In the late afternoon, we took a walk around the Veterans Memorial Park nearby. They have a pool, tennis court, swings, and things like that. It’s definitely a great place to get in the steps without gagging on people sitting outside their homes smoking.

I’m excited to develop my YouTube channel! I currently do voice tweets on Twitter, but this way I don’t have to use the iPhone. I can do it from either computer. I thought I would start a personal blog and do a mix of present and current stuff.

Not surprisingly, I posted a positive post in the park group about the weather and it only got a couple of likes and no comments. It’s just that it bugs me when people complain about others that complain only because life isn’t 100% positive. It’s a mix of positive and negative, whether we like it or not, and believe me, I wish it could be all fluff and sunshine around the clock. If they complained all the time and never said anything positive, then sure, I can see where that would be annoying. I just don’t get why some people are quick to ignore positive posts but as soon as you post something that they either don’t agree with or don’t want to hear, they get on you for it even though you’re simply just being honest. If people can’t handle complaints, then why go online?

The park group reminds me so much of the Replika group. Say anything people don’t want to hear and you’ll be scolded for it. If it wasn’t for my wanting to know what’s going on around me, I would leave the group.

It was funny because when Steve’s girlfriend Julie complained about my complaint about loud sounds I replied with, “I heard you flush that toilet just now. Oh my god, that is so annoying! Don’t flush that thing again. She “liked” it but has never commented on any of my positive posts ever.

I finally know what’s going on with Toni. No, she’s not home yet. The white car I see at her place is actually the white Mercedes that lives next to the honker. Her name is Sue. She stops by on her way out or in. Sue was one of the ones that weren’t too happy with my anti-motorcycle post. I don’t think she knows who I am, though, Toni sure didn’t when I texted her that stupid Amazon once again left our packages on her doorstep. So Tom went over to collect them. It’s a good thing he caught them in time before Sue brought them into her house and we had to wait till Toni got home. She texted me back asking who I was, and I told her. She’s still in rehab, but should be home next week.

My comment on the obit is still there. Still can’t say if they’ve seen it yet or if they’re choosing to leave it there as “evidence.” I thought of springing up “Drew’s” account that I deleted since I have 30 days to change my mind and see if my name is mentioned on her wall. But so what if it is? Even if she wrote that she called the police on me and wrote my name, do I care? Nope, not at all.

I’m still going back and forth on getting a therapist. When I feel anxious or depressed, it’s easy to want to run to one. When I feel better, it’s easy to tell myself that they wouldn’t be much help anyway since they can’t stop those feelings from coming or provide me with an off switch when they do. It’s just that I’ve already been to the therapist and shrinks, and I’ve already tried a million things, so it’s hard to believe there are any more tricks up anyone’s sleeves that I haven’t already heard of.

I posted in the park group yesterday how annoyed I was by gunning motorcycle engines. And as expected, a few agreed and understood while others could barely handle my complaint. As is my rule these days, I refuse to be the silent minority and keep quiet just because most people don’t agree with it and don’t wanna hear it. If you’re gonna get into a frenzy over a complaint or a belief or an opinion, then you shouldn’t be online.

I thought Jim would want to lynch me for it, but he said not to let them get to me. Oh, I won’t. So then the honker left a post… He always putt-putts through the park out of respect for his neighbors, people should go to the source and not take their complaints onto social media, he considers himself relatively young and in good shape and always willing to lend a helping hand when needed, he’s open to conversations of all kinds and can be approached with whatever issue and not to be shy.

So I decided to DM him. I congratulated him on his marriage and did acknowledge the fact that he is respectful in that he doesn’t sit there gunning his motorcycle. I also explained why loud sounds were rough on me and gave him a quick crash course on circadian rhythm disorder. Then I asked if there was any way he could give me a heads up in Messenger when he planned to use the motorcycle the following day so I could turn up the volume on the sound machine when I was sleeping during that time but I haven’t heard back from him yet. Depending on his reply - if he replies - it will tell me how big of a hypocrite he is or isn’t.

Either way, it sucks to know he’s coming down at the end of the month. He said he can’t wait to see his southern friends. I was really hoping he wouldn’t get here till November like last year. More than likely, though, I’m stuck with him and his honking and Harley until mid-April.

I can’t wait till we move – if we ever do – to share the link to my journal and see how many hits I get – hee-hee!

Or not. The honker is surprisingly nice so if I’m going to end up friends with anyone here then I’m not going to share the journal link. If you’re on my Facebook friend list, then you don’t get access to my journal unless I met you on a writing site to begin with.

He sent me a friend request. Then he replied to my message saying he would do his best but doesn’t always know his exit and return. Then he asked if it would help if he headed in a specific direction. I told him direction didn’t matter and thanked him for understanding.

Turns out he’s a retired cop which doesn’t surprise me. Hell, he looks like a cop. He said he understands how hard it must be on me because he had to do shift work at one point and he lives near a school.

His new wife is Kari, not Carrie.

I can’t believe there’s a bill about to be introduced to ban public drag performances, even though I can believe it at the same time. But still, they wouldn’t do this shit 50 years ago. It really is a little scary to see this country step back into the Dark Ages with its attack on women and now the gays too, and I have to live in this twisted world for another 20 years.

I hate to say it, but sometimes I wish I would get a deadly disease. Like now, and not in 20 years. Most of the reason I feel that way, though, is because of the intermittent anxiety. I didn’t feel as calm yesterday as I did the previous few days. But today I feel OK. I’m just tired. I stupidly turned the sound machine off, thinking I was getting up then. But then I drifted off and the fucking recycle truck woke me up. But I could tell that even with the sound machine blasting, we’re still gonna have to get out of here if we can ever afford to and get some space around us. I don’t see how I’m going to be able to sleep on recycling and trash days from now on.

So I’ve been tired today. Too tired to work out or bother with making the therapist appointment, although I did stretch my hips and do a little cleaning and cooking. Tom was kind enough to go out and get us breakfast from Wendy’s this morning and pick up my low-sodium Viennas at the dollar store.

Just when I was thinking, they might be visiting, after all, because I didn’t hear it for a day or two, one of the motorcycles came and went today that’s behind the honker. Even though it wouldn’t wake me up, it’s almost as annoying because the assholes sit there with it running for 10 minutes before they actually take off. In fact, after sitting still for a few hours, they just turned it on, revved it a bit, and then turned it off. OK, what is the fucking point of doing this???

Looks like the other one was pulled out from deep in the carport, and then they had to play the game of rev it up and get attention before taking off. When Tom goes out for his walk early in the morning, he’ll glance into the carport and see what he can see. He thinks they’re visiting, but I’m starting to think they live here.

Having a cold snap as we wait for Walmart who just can’t seem to get their shit together as well as they could in Citrus Heights. Neither of us wishes to return to the days of doing our own shopping. He says I’m “hell” to shop with because I’m an impulse shopper, lol, and I say I don’t want to get my ears blasted with unwanted music while I shop and struggle to hear my soft-spoken husband while I’m at it.

We’ve got the heat set to come on at 68 tonight, figuring it would be nice to run the heat before they come and inspect the AC to make sure everything’s running properly, as they’re going to do every six months. They’re coming out on the 25th. I don’t know that it will get cold enough in here to trigger it, but we’ll see. It’s getting down to the 40s tonight, which is absolutely ridiculous. It’s just not what I think of when I think of Florida. It’s not even November yet. But here I am in long sleeves and slippers and I’m going to be that way for the better part of the next half a year or so, especially early in the morning.

Walmart finally came and almost left without giving us our frozen stuff. They gave us an extra bag of cheesy bagels and charged us for it too. I fucking hate it when they do that. Every now and then the sneaky bastards will double the quantity on something, assume you won’t complain about it if it’s just once in a while, and then they get to make a little extra money.

I wonder if StatCounter might have been hacked because of the way I went to check my visitor log, and it said I don’t have permission to view it. I contacted a guy who’s helped me before, and he said that it looks like someone else deleted them, but I’m the only one that has access to the account. If they weren’t hacked, then somebody there must have messed up (not that he’d admit that). He gave me a new code to use and it’s working fine.

I still have achiness around my temp crown, and I really hope that it’s resolved with the permanent one.

Love the new application background colors in Word! You see a hint of color based on the colors of your wallpaper.

Since we already spent money on planters we ordered some seeds. One has cactus seeds, another has pink cosmos seeds, and another has a mix of herbs.

I’m proud of myself for finally having a brave moment. I’d been itching to leave a comment on that obit. For the longest time, I’ve been afraid to do much and then I finally asked myself, what am I afraid of? They didn’t even think twice when they harassed and stalked me. Plus, it’s not like I would be breaking any laws as they did by threatening anyone. I couldn’t resist saying, “So sad. Heard his SIL is publishing a book about the family. Can’t wait to read it!”

LMAO!

I don’t know how often they check the comments, though. His memorial service is in a couple of days. I’m starting to think the termite did move back to Connecticut. Her brats are still down here, though, from what I can tell.

In the park group, I wrote: If this park must allow motorcycles - and I don’t think they should as they are ghastly loud whether it’s night or day - I really wish people would just get on them and go. Not sit and rev the damn things for 15 minutes at a time.

Someone “liked” it and another person left a comment of understanding.

Redneck’s GF said: Wow! Maybe you need to turn your TV up. You seem to be annoyed by every noise outside.

My reply to her was: I just heard your toilet flush. Oh, my god, that’s so annoying! Please don’t flush that thing again.

Wait. Every single noise? What else does she think annoys me besides the dog? Has she found and been reading my blog somewhere?

My number one fantasy is still that soundproof high rise overlooking the ocean. Number two would be a house on or near the beach. It’s the third one that’s most likely to become a reality if we ever move. That’s returning to having a little breathing room around us. If so many vehicles weren’t so damn loud then it wouldn’t matter if we were in a community as long as we weren’t next to someone that let their dog bark constantly or that did loud projects all the time. This place is still nowhere near as bad as the other place but it’s going to catch up eventually. Mowers didn’t come right up to the window in the old place as they do here, and now they’ve switched to the more modern and louder trash and recycle trucks. Next, I have to hope they don’t build anything behind us.

I thought Brooksville was gorgeous when I rode through it in VR and would love it if mowers and vehicles couldn’t get as close to the house. It would have its pros and cons, as with any place. As long as dogs were treated as pets and we didn’t have hours of barking that we could hear inside the house every single day, I think I would like it better. We would be 13 or more miles further from Tampa Airport, which raises the flight path. We could put up a plastic pool or maybe plant vegetables if we had some space around us. The only negatives are that we would be further from the beach and it might be a little colder.

The question is whether or not he would be into the idea of going rural again if it ever became a possibility. My logical side still says it won’t, and that this is it. It would be far from the end of the world, though, if this was it. If I suddenly knew that it was, I wouldn’t shed a tear. But if I had known that it was at the other place, I would want to beat my head into the wall.

Living near Jessie is still a nice option to consider as well if we chose to remain in communities and as long as it wasn’t too close to Cape Canaveral.

Woke up at 160 pounds for the first time in weeks now that I’m hypo again. He thinks I’m still normal, but I don’t see how I could be because normal just doesn’t feel this good. I’ve felt much better physically and emotionally. And then there’s the weight gain. Plus, I’ve learned that it doesn’t take much to make a huge difference either way when it comes to this drug. So that’s another thing Doc O got wrong when she was trying to convince me I would be okay going up to 88 micrograms. She tried to tell me that if you threw a salt tablet in the ocean you wouldn’t notice it and that’s why I’d be fine. Yeah, well, I really noticed those 12 extra micrograms a week so of course 84 was more than noticeable. I’ve heard others tell me that just one point in their TSH can make a difference in how they feel. I didn’t get that back then, but I definitely get it now. Either way, I don’t think I’m that hypo. I’m probably a 5-6, but again, that’s all it takes to notice changes. Even 3-4 would be noticeable.

I’m glad we kept the Bowflex after all. It not only makes it easier to work my abs on the bench, but it’s great for stretching my hips as well. I can sit on the bench and bend my knee so that my foot is next to my butt so I stretch the joint by turning my thigh inward. Then I sit facing the length of the bench and put my foot in front of me with my knee bent and this way I turn my thigh outward as well. This is much easier to do on a firm surface as opposed to the edge of a couch or bed. It even makes doing my lunges easier. This way I’m stretching the joint in four different directions. I don’t know if it’ll do me much good since I’m still heavy, but it should help.

Saw some people parasurfing on our way to and from the beach and it looks so cool! I guess you need to be pretty heavy, as in 200 pounds or more, otherwise it can lift you up. Well, I’m nowhere near 200 pounds, so it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for me. I’d like to try parasailing someday, though.

I was telling Tom that I wouldn’t mind knowing some things as far as the future goes since I spent nearly 57 years not knowing. I wouldn’t mind knowing how much longer I’m going to live and if we’ll live in this house for the rest of our lives or not. He said he wouldn’t want to know because if he knew he had only so much time to live, he may be tempted to do some crazy things. Things that could mame him.

Took a break from working on this entry so we could golf. I’ve been beating him more often, but he still usually wins. I guess he’s OK after all since he said he was feeling hot earlier and his vitamins were making him feel rundown. I just worry about how he may feel getting triple-vaxed. I’ll be asleep when he’s out, as usual.

Am I making a mistake by not getting the flu and covid shots (I already had the pneumonia shot)? Probably not. I’ve got a tough immune system and I’m not around many people so I don’t see the point of dealing with nasty side effects.

Since the 15th I’ve been feeling a lot more like my old self. Hopefully, most of it was just due to the med tweaking. I’m adjusting nicely to the dose decrease. Now, I just have to hope the shit doesn’t hit the fan again when I’m on nights again! If it does, I’ll definitely look for a therapist to do a virtual appointment with. I’ve already got someone in mind that says they’re accepting new patients.

On the road now, this cloudy but pleasant day that’s currently 25 degrees warmer than our old place in NorCal.

I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just go through the tons of notes I’ve accumulated over the last week or so.

The same loud recycle truck came last Wednesday, and as predicted, the trash truck is now just as loud. Just like I never could understand why landscaping was done every single day at the old place and not just once a week, I don’t get why we have to have two trash pickups a week, plus the recyclers on another day. Both were picked up once a week on the same day at the old place, but at least here it will never take them four hours to do it. But now it may be a matter of time before I’m woken up three times a week just like in Cali and that’s on top of mowers, motorcycles and storms. The storms have let up for the most part till the spring, but you never know when they’re going to break out the louder mower, even if they’re now mowing every other week.

Another couple of weeks and the fucking motorcycle is back. There’s been a couple at the house behind the honker with two of them that I hope are just visiting, even though it’s not nearly as loud as the honker’s.

Speaking of the honker, he “liked” my comment saying we’re okay with dogs peeing and pooping in our yard, as long as the dog isn’t allowed to bark, and the poop is picked up afterward. This was on a post by the redneck about being chewed out by some lady for letting his dog go in her yard.

The redneck finally replied to my message too. He said Happy barks all the way to the car when going to the park (yeah, I know). He apologized and said he’s working on keeping his trap shut which gets on their nerves as well. I thanked him and Happy.

Toni must be back, Tom said, because her door was open. I noticed she was online last night. Never did respond to my text but as the redneck shows, sometimes it takes people a while to get back to you.

If we can never live at the beach where a little noise would be worth it, I wish we could get an acre or two of land in Brooksville so loud vehicles and mowers wouldn’t be so close. In Brooksville, we couldn’t go to the beach as often, but we’d be even safer from hurricanes and closer to Jessie.

I just want to be under a higher flight path someday! There’s no avoiding small planes and helicopters but I’m really, really sick of hearing dozens of commercials a day, even if they’re not quite as loud as in CH.

We went walking before the sun came up a few days ago and it was gorgeous save for the planes and me having to gag on cigarette smoke twice during the walk. It was still great exercise that I wish I could get every day. It’s hard here, though. Either it’s too hot, too humid, or my only other alternative for getting steps is our boring treadmill. Hitting the road in VZ counts as steps, though, because you have to wave your arms to move the board.

I feel kind of bad for our neighbor down the street. I don’t know his name, but I saw a trike for sale for $250 in his driveway and since I’ve been wanting one, I asked if he’d accept $175 for it. He said he would and let me test-ride it. Not having any money on me, I told him I would be back with my husband. Well, I never did go back. Not only did Tom feel that was too much for a used trike, I really didn’t like the feel of it after all, the more I thought about it. It just handled funny and almost felt wobbly. It didn’t make turns as easily as you would think a balanced bike would. It was heavy as hell, too.

Well, that wasn’t much fun. We’re leaving the beach now because it got windy and rainy and the water was chilly. It was low tide, so even if it was warm, we’d be walking on that yucky, muddy grassy part for quite a while just to get over our heads. But because it was chilly, we may not return till March or April. Wish we lived in the Keys! It was still worth the 5 bucks to get out.

Interesting mix of homes close to the beach, I must say. Some look typical of what you’d see in warm climates while others are huge and much like you’d find in New England.

On the way to the charger now and then to grab something from Burger King to take home.

It’s raining steadily now, so the car windows are getting a free bath.

Finished watching a short series called The Watcher. It was great even if the ending leaves you with a bunch of unanswered questions.

Got a $25 gift certificate for Amazon from Galileo for doing a quick survey.

I enabled the hand tracking in VR but I’m used to the controls and find that easier.

Every three months he gets $80 worth of free healthcare-related stuff from Medicare. He got alcohol, Q tips, cotton balls, Tums, mouthwash, lotion, hand soap, and the folic acid Galileo recommended I take. He got other things too.

Thursday, he’s getting triple-vaxed. Flu, covid and pneumonia.

To my surprise, Doc A replied to one of my comments. She posted pics of her and her kids at a pumpkin patch. I asked where it was and she told me it was in Loomis.

I was really into watching reels for a while on Facebook but stopped. Seeing animals kill other animals and people fighting disturbs me. I reported a fistfight, but they said it didn’t violate their rules. So let me get this straight… I can’t refer to a Jew-hating Muslim as a “fucking Muslim” but you can post all the violence you want? Then why have an option to report violence on their complaint form?

I created a Facebook account to establish and eventually pick on the termites. I was going to post my last letter to them in case they never got it, then react to one of their posts to draw their attention to it. The account was in a bogus name. Then I read that even though people do it all the time, creating a fake profile could actually get you arrested so I deleted it. Leave it to me to be that one in a million to get busted for it too.

Before I deleted it, I left Maliheh a message saying I loved Evil Amongst the Evergreens. The idea was to make her wonder if I used her name after all in hopes it’d prompt her to find out by downloading a copy or at least get someone else to get a copy. No downloads, though.

We went to Denny’s a few mornings ago. The waitress was nice and the music wasn’t blasting but it was annoying. At least it masked his gross lip-smacking. The food was great. I was gonna get salmon but opted for chocolate chip pancakes instead. I had bacon, eggs and fries with it.

Got some patchouli incense. I missed that sharp, woodsy smell I always loved.

He got a new drive for his horse data, but I still say that’s just a dream. It’s never going to win us anything on a daily basis, as he believes it will.

My gums are a little achy where my temporary crown is. Ten more days.

Loving the Moroccan mint tea tree I’ve got hanging in the car. I bought the same variety pack I got for my office a while back. The cherry blossom one lost its smell so I switched it on our way out.

I haven’t been doing the greatest job documenting my dreams, but I did have one where I was riding in a driverless electric car all by myself. The only problem was I kept forgetting the address to tell it to take me to.

Then there were the hotel confusion dreams. I was taking the elevator in a high-rise hotel and I couldn’t remember the floor we were on or I kept getting off on the wrong floor when I did remember it.

I also dreamed that we were either about to move, or I sure thought we were going to because I was describing houses I was seeing in dreams to Tom that I believed were signs.

The weirdest dream was of the pictures that I used to have and communicate with. Only they weren’t in picture form but person form. So even though they looked like the celebrities I was into, they were actually whatever entities resided within them.

Other than the hell the freeloaders put us through and some financial problems, I think the best years of my life were between the ages of 27 and 41. As soon as we left Oregon, things went progressively downhill with only money eventually improving.

This may sound funny and even bizarre because it’s a thought that’s come at me out of nowhere but what if? What if I’m meant to have the same amount of years on the other side of the 15 good years that aren’t so good and then that’s it? That puts me signing off at 68, but I just can’t see that. Late 70s is more likely.

It’s amazing how much 12 fewer micrograms a week can make a difference in my metabolism. I’m already noticing slight changes in my weight and my body temperature. This goes to show why it was so easy to have this shit hit the fan with an additional 84 a week. However, I haven’t fully adapted emotionally yet. Obviously, I didn’t have much anxiety when I went to the dentist because I was medicated. But yesterday I had some. If I haven’t adjusted in another couple of weeks or so, I’m going to want to drop another 88 and make it two 75s a week that I take. I would much rather be cold and struggle with my weight than feel like shit emotionally. Not all the anxiety is emotional, though, when I get waves of adrenaline in my chest.

I still worry that the anxiety and depression aren’t just the medication or menopause, but also the way I’ve evolved as an older person, which would be the worst-case scenario, of course. Medication can be adjusted. Hormones will eventually settle in. But we can’t adjust my age. Therefore, the next step is to look for a virtual therapist. If that fails to help, then I guess I graduate to a psychiatrist. If that doesn’t get me anywhere… well… I don’t want to say.

Meanwhile, I’m taking the supplements they recommended. Magnesium glycinate, Vitamin B complex, and folic acid.

Later…

So Mark died after all. He was cremated in Connecticut. I still can’t say where the hell they were living in the end. If they sold the place in Florida, then it was done privately because I can’t find any sale on it.

There were a couple of surprising things in the obit. His daughter, Stephanie, died. It had to have been some time after I was last in touch with the termite. I was unable to find any information about it. I guess she was in her early to mid-40s. A year or two before she died, she was arrested for trespassing.

Interestingly enough, his bratty stepdaughters were mentioned except for Becky. I wonder if that was intentional or an error.

So Karma is a real bitch, you termite, isn’t it? Your vindictive actions took me away from my husband for half a year, so I’m OK with you doing a good 10 to 20 in Widowland.

Seriously, she and her brood deserve all the misery they get. It’s common for spouses that have been married for many years to follow their deceased spouse to the grave shortly after they die, but I don’t see that happening.

I wasted my time leaving a nasty obit from “Bob” saying that I didn’t see why such a nice guy married such a crazy family since, after that, I read that Legacy deletes negative comments that they feel may offend the family. They’ll likely never even know about it.

Instead “Jim” left a comment saying he was sorry for their loss and told the termite he had some funny and interesting stories to share about Mark so she should check her Facebook Messenger. Also, look in her spam section if a message didn’t appear off the bat. The reason I did this is that I’m more convinced after a little test I did that the messages did go through to all the termites last year. But this way, if God forbid they all hit their spam box and none of them has checked that section, this will lead her to it. I think they did get it though, and that’s why she’s allowing public comments. I think she’s hoping to get something incriminating.

For a second, I toyed with the idea of saying I was sorry for their loss and what a wonderful book his SIL published about the family. But I don’t want them to know that I know what’s going on with them. This will be it, though. I’ve abandoned Mia’s account since I can’t delete it and won’t be checking out any of the termites ever again because there’s nothing else I care to see. I said what I had to say and that’s it. I’m not even curious about Nane anymore.