A silver car just quietly dropped the bitch off. Although I don’t have a bad vibe, I’m still sure her sick pals will bring over their little kiddies at some point, so they can all raise hell for a little while.

It still pisses me off that I gotta get the doll while I’m out. Yes, the mailman’s left packages before, as Tom’s pointed out. He’s left CDs, but he’s not gonna leave a $100 doll sitting out there. So, Tuesday’s the day I’ll have it unless it’s gone to someone else. Then I have to wait a month for Patrice. I wonder if doll collecting is worth it. If it’s gonna be such a big deal getting dolls, maybe I should quit after these two.

Later…

Oh good. I just caught the regular mailman and asked if he’d be delivering on Monday. He said yes, and I told him about the package that may very well come that day and just to leave it here. He said fine. I hope so. I hope he remembers.

Later…

All’s still peaceful around here, but from 6:00 - 10:00, who knows?

I made a total pig of myself yesterday and at 118 pounds, I’m paying for it. My clothes are pretty tight. So, since there’s no room for the walker in the living room, and since walking didn’t really do much for me anyway, I’ve taken a water pill and have decided to stop eating for a while. I’ve taken vitamin pills, too, and with lots of water, juice, some tea, and coffee, I’ll be OK. I won’t do this very long or very often. It’s just that it’s soooo natural for my body to be heavy and if I just say fuck it all together and eat whenever I’m hungry, I’m gonna be 200 pounds in the long run and the more I think about that, the more I don’t like it. I may never be thin again and I may never have my old metabolism back, but I don’t want to be huge, either. I just wish maintaining the same weight didn’t take so much work and suffering! Why does it have to be so hard?

I called Tammy and told her about yesterday, then she told me something that shocked the shit out of me. Something that I almost never hear out of her mouth. Well, she said things were going well there.

There’s a movie premiering on HBO tonight that I’ve been wanting to see and on Tuesday, Gloria will be on a request show. I’m sure she’ll look shitty as all hell, but that ought to be interesting; seeing her perform whatever people call in to request.

I kind of like the computer in the living room better. It looks kind of cool where it’s at, it’s closer to the bedroom, music room, bathroom, and kitchen, and its sounds are better cuz it’s in a smaller room. The only thing I don’t like about it is that I feel like I’m vulnerable prey to kids playing in the street or next door. I feel like my sitting here will lure them right to that hoop as if they sense my presence. Well, God knows I’m here.

I better enjoy the peace from barking dogs in the living room while it lasts, cuz according to Tom, they’ve got a for rent sign up in front of that house (he says it couldn’t have been rented yet) and you know there’ll be a dog. Also, with the way their fence is laid out, it’ll be up front 99% of the time and not in back by its alley. Their front is our front, of course, so I’ll be hearing it loud and clear and having to drown it out with the fan. I can forget about my 9 PM-6 AM peace.

Tom just told me a computer game’s coming out based on John Saul’s Blackstone Chronicles series. Can’t wait!

I’m immune to Benadryl now, so who knows if I’ll get to my appointment. I thought earlier that I would, and still do, but time will tell for sure. All the Benadryl did was give me a dry mouth and make me drowsy, but it didn’t knock me out like it usually does. So, I’m gonna take Tom’s advice and not worry about when I sleep. I’ll just keep caught up. Going one day without sleep won’t kill me.

In response to my message - he said, “But we weren’t even talking about sex.” I told him that that was the only subject he’s ever gotten defensive about. Well, I’m gonna shut up from here on out, cuz I don’t want him getting the wrong idea and thinking that it bothers me if he doesn’t cum, cuz I have a feeling that may turn him on and influence him to play games with me. I want him turned on, but not by something I said. I want him to not cum if it turns him on and I want him to cum if it turns him on. Whatever he feels comfortable doing, he’ll do, and that’s fine.

Earlier, I reminded myself that God has an obsession with giving babies to women who don’t want them. I asked myself what made me so sure he wouldn’t do that to me. The answer was that I just knew he wouldn’t. But that wasn’t good enough, so I thought about it some more, then it hit me. The reason why he won’t is cuz I couldn’t handle it. Most other women who get unwanted babies may not be happy about it, but they can still handle it.

I’ll be getting my doll on Tuesday. Tom said he’d rather pick up the doll the next day if the mailman tried delivering it while we were out Monday and left a note on the door, rather than having me leave the mailman a note to just leave any packages there. This is no doubt to make me wait another day since he seems to get off on making me wait for things. Like I haven’t waited long enough already? And I know that doll will get here when we’re at Melie’s, too. No doubt about it. Can I ever get a package while I’m home and awake? Of all the times I’m out, packages just have to wait till then! They can’t get here when I’m home, which is 95% of the time, and when they do, it has to be while I’m asleep.

Mary had her thyroid removed today. God seems to enjoy having her parts go bad. Let’s see… she’s had to have her female parts removed, her gall bladder, her thyroid. What’s next?

Later…

My strong vibe is ringing true so far. The doll will come Monday when we’re out, then he’ll go get it the next day. Tom said it could come tomorrow, but nope. Monday’s the day. If it doesn’t come while we’re out on Monday, then I think we’re looking at a definite case of being misdelivered.

Later…

Today turned out to be one of the shittiest days I’ve had in a long time. God totally cursed us both today, but I’m too beat physically and emotionally to get into it now.

Although I’ve become sort of immune to Benadryl and stood up till 3 AM last night, I did get up earlier after all and only slept barely 6 hours. So I’ll expand on shit tomorrow.

Later…

I’m still hours away from going to sleep and have had some time to relax, so I’ll write about our shitty day now. Naturally, Tom was taking it so well and even saying things were wonderful and that this was a great opportunity and all that. Yeah, a great opportunity for what?

I knew it. I just knew that not only would people be wanting Tom to do for them, but that more shit would occur around here once that house sold. Eileen, the 60-something woman that Tom used to work with at AMEX called with a computer question on behalf of her granddaughter. Tom’s going to go see them on Sunday. Helping someone out once in a while is fine, though, and she pays him fairly.

It just hit me that Wendy hasn’t called in ages, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she did anytime now. Especially before we move.

Speaking of moving, I just can’t fucking wait!!! I am so sick of living in dives and having to deal with one piece of shit after another as far as this old house goes!! I was sitting in the back room while Tom was talking to Eileen when we heard this buzzing and saw sparks go spitting across the room from the plug that’s on the inner back room wall. Tom hung up the phone and yanked what was plugged into the outlet out, which was the camcorder, which is fortunately OK. Fortunately, he didn’t get zapped, either. It continued to spark a few more times after yanking the camcorder plug out and really scared the shit out of me. Tom hit it with the fire extinguisher, then took the outlet out to examine it. That was when I noticed, that after a day of unbelievable rain, the leak had spread again and was much worse. It had not only crept further up the outer wall but in towards the middle of the room, too. So I figured it was water that caused the sparking, but Tom couldn’t find any wetness close to the outlet. He thinks the outlet just failed, but I don’t know. It tripped a fuse and killed all the back room electricity. Who knows how long it’ll be before we restore electricity to the back room? Tom’s gonna go around and redo all the outlets in there, but thanks, God. Thanks a real fucking lot, you merciless, unfair, insensitive, cruel bastard!

Even the garbage disposal is out of use to us now, since its electricity is fed off of the back room. Thank God for having Tom be home when this happened and thank God, we still have electricity where the refrigerator’s plugged in and that the computers didn’t get damaged, but goddammit I’m sick of this shit! We have enough shit to do/fix in this dive. We don’t need or deserve this shit!

Not only was it frustrating and depressing, but it was unfair and it angered me. It really pisses me the fuck off to see people like Dureen and Art who lived like kings and queens when they were younger than I am, and who’ve never had to worry about money, live it up without a care in the world. And it really pisses me the fuck off to see Marjorie, whose life is virtually over, sit there with a good hundred thousand bucks or so just sitting in her account. Meanwhile, those of us who struggle and who need it, have to keep on going without and have to keep on struggling.

I want out of here sooo bad. I asked Tom why the fuck Mom can’t advance our share of the money she’s to will to us, but Tom said she doesn’t know how much she’s gonna need to spend before she dies. Watch. With our luck, she’ll need a nursing home towards the end of her time and that’ll dry up her account so we don’t get shit. This fucking user should’ve paid to fix this roof as soon as it began leaking, though, and I don’t care who disagrees with me on that one. I sit and fantasize about smothering her with a pillow! God, go pick on someone else for a change, will you? Leave the good, struggling people alone. Let someone like Dureen and Art live a day in their lives for a change in a dump. Let them struggle. Let them have to fix this and fix that.

Tom said he’s gonna think about it and decide whether or not to call someone to come in and fix the roof, or if he’s gonna do it himself during his remaining vacation days that he’s got off in November. He’s actually gonna be off more in November than he’ll be working. He’ll be off 16 days and working 15 days, but this is no way for this guy to have to spend his vacation, fixing roofs. God, don’t you have any empathy whatsoever? Can you leave the poor guy alone and give him a fucking break for a change? Can he ever spend a vacation doing fun, relaxing things?

I kind of like the idea of leaving the job to someone else, although it’ll cost more and we won’t be able to use that $5,000 to pay off our debts like we’d originally planned, but the question is - will they do the job right? Somehow, I have my doubts. The fucking cocks that did the AC didn’t seal up a gap that allowed the music room ceiling to leak and stain, so now that’s one more thing we’re gonna have to paint before we split. I asked Tom, who should know better and who I believe, if they can come, fuck up the roof, and get away with it? Meaning, can they do shit we can’t prove and get our money back on? He said yes.

If Tom’s willing to take the time to do the job, that’ll save us money, but can he fix it? Every time he’s so sure he’s got a handle on it, we’re either right back where we started or worse. What if our beautiful God who’s supposed to help those that help themselves won’t let us fix the fucking thing? Is all this shit a compensation for good, relaxing, fun times to come? I sure hope so! God, I hope so!! And we deserve it, too! We’ve had enough of this shit! We’ve struggled and gotten nowhere enough and enough’s enough!!

Do I have a bad vibe about the weekend and the freeloaders? No. I don’t have a good one either, but if those freeloaders had made a scene when I was pissed off as I was earlier, I’d have killed them! And they better hope they stay off my ass this weekend, cuz I’m not in the mood for no shit. I never am. I mean, who is? But the point of it is my moving-in-June vibe is weakening and for all I know, we have 17 months left here instead of 7 and I’m going to keep my promise to myself about the freeloaders. If I hear one more outburst from them that isn’t very occasional, there’ll be no city letters. Just my fists. Even once a week won’t cut it with me. If I hear them a few minutes every few months, I can live with that, but as long as I’m still here, they’re under my rule and thumb.

Yeah, those fucking, fucking, mother-fucking freeloaders!! If something breaks in that house, they get to have someone take care of it for them free of charge. God, I hate you and your unfair ways! Meanwhile, we gotta foot our own repair bills or slave over fixing shit ourselves. Fucking asshole freeloaders! Oh, what I would do to them if they were at my door right now or making a ruckus outside! I’d fucking kill them, so help me fucking God!!

Anyway, I don’t trust that fucking back room worth shit. I told Tom that I didn’t want to ever have to come back into that room, or at least not for quite a while unless it was to go out back or to tend to the animals. I’d have to see it rain hard several times before I trusted that the leak was fixed, regardless of who did it.

So we moved my computer, printer, and scanner into the living room. His computer’s still back there, and he’ll use the power cord that the microwave uses when he wants to use his computer. He uses the TV way more, so that shouldn’t be too inconvenient for him. Our computers aren’t networked, but again, we can just pull a cable if he needs to send or take anything from mine. I had to rearrange and deal with so many inconveniences due to this shit. I have to drag the phone cord that’s in the computer to the phone splitter in the phone here in the living room if I want to go on AOL. Can’t just log in.

I just went and checked and the stove and toaster work, which is nice.

The kids are out playing ball again in the street and I guess they’ll go inside after dark. I think they moved into that house that was having the tag sale. So let me guess - they’ll be venturing over to use the basketball hoop soon enough to next door’s delight, huh? I still can’t believe the Lopez’s kids and the freeloader’s friend’s kids haven’t used it yet. Anyway, these are blond kids. The girl looked to be about 6 and the boy looked to be about 9. Can’t kids out here use their backyards to play? Why does it always have to be their driveway or the streets?

Bill pulled out at 4:30 and the bitch went with him. Haven’t heard them come back yet.

It’s gonna be another chilly one out there tonight. I had to run the heat last night for the second time this year and reckon I will tonight, too. I wish to hell it’d rain on Halloween, but I know I’m dreaming. I know it’ll be noisy next door, cuz everybody’s gotta take their kids to the bitch. The bitch can’t go to them. Well, hopefully they’ll get here after dark when it won’t be too easy to play ball, and hopefully they won’t be out late screaming since it’ll be chilly and since it’s kids who don’t usually stay up too late, anyway. I’d hope that the adults wouldn’t want to keep them out too late and I’m hoping that with the kids in tow, the adults will want to get back earlier. I mean, who’d want to stay out as late as 10:00 with kids in tow?

There were some kids and two adults that I could see standing in the Lopez’s driveway, but I couldn’t make out who they were. It looked like a woman and a man. The woman might be blond.

Tom said it’s not taking too long at all for the doll. He used to work at the PO, so he knows their procedures. He says it probably wasn’t bound for Phoenix the day it left the warehouse, and that sometimes packages sit at the PO for a few days before they deliver them. They don’t deliver certain things every day. I know when she’s coming. She’s coming on Monday while I’ll be seeing Melanie. I’m gonna leave a note for the mailman to leave any packages by our door should we get any, but the question is, will he acknowledge my request?

Bill brought the bitch back just now.

I haven’t been hungry for the last couple of days, but I know it’ll catch up to me and that my body will always compensate. By the weekend, all I’ll be able to think about will be food.

Found an old pair of earrings I can wear comfortably. I can sleep with them and use the headphones with them. They’re not hooks or post-earrings. They’re chains. The little diamonds on chains that Dureen sent for our wedding. Thanks, Doe.

I was at the stove heating up some soup when I was like, who the fuck’s banging by now? But it kept on and on, till I realized it was Blackie at the screen door banging that to come in. That’s how similar the two sounds are, though. Imagine that - stereos that sound like someone’s pounding on your door? I wouldn’t have believed it years ago and so many more people blast by with these bassy stereos than they did with the old ones. That’s the idea, though, to get attention and be heard and be noticed. They get these stereos more for the people who’ll be hearing them as they drive by with them than for themselves. That’s really fucking sick, desperate, and insecure; buying these stereos for others to hear. But that’s our lonely, selfish society, for you.

Tom measured my waist at just under 28”. That’s gotta be the lowest it’s been in over a year.

Later…

Well, I sort of spilled the beans on Tom. In a suggestive, hint-like sort of way. We were talking earlier about how everyone’s got psychological quirks, then he got all defensive saying he was afraid I’d suddenly come out and accuse him of lying about something, so he was getting all defensive about it. But I haven’t. I’ve been keeping my knowledge of his bullshitting me about getting off to myself. So unless he’s been reading my journals, he shouldn’t have any way of knowing about it, and like I said, my lips have been sealed. So I took this opportunity to leave him a message pointing out how that was a bit overkill on his being defensive, and that it made me wonder if he had anything to hide. Then I told him I wondered if I was stupid to think he’d been cumming regularly, but knew he’d come out and correct me when I’d comment on how he was if he wasn’t. I told him as long as he’s happy, it didn’t matter if he came or not and that if he was lying about it, he doesn’t have to. It only would matter, I told him, if we were trying for a kid, which we won’t ever be doing again, or if he refused to give cum for testing, but he said he would, so I’m taking his word for it. So, we’ll see what he does with this message. What I told him is true, though. I don’t care if he cums or not, but by God, he better squirt if we go for testing! If he fucks with me on that, I will be so pissed, and I won’t give a shit if it’s deliberate or not. As soon as he does, and I should listen to my strong vibes that say he will and not even bother setting myself up by going to get tested, I’ll walk right out of there. Tom, don’t you fuck me out of getting the information I want!

Tom worked on the front security door some more yesterday. It’s still not done yet, though. He has to rekey it.

Again, this address label company really wants my business. They sent 9 Christmas labels. It’s nice that they send me labels periodically, but everything’s Christmas, Christmas, Christmas! Or seasonal. Can’t they just send labels that have nothing to do with any season or holiday?

Evie told me more stuff pertaining to kids and all that. I asked her why she didn’t adopt years ago. She said she thought about it but just didn’t. She said she was a foster mother to a teenage girl for a couple of years, but that’s pretty much it.

She said doctors recommended she have a full hysterectomy back in 1981, but she refused. She said they also told her that they recommended she abort Nickolena cuz she’d be a Down's baby, but she said she was gonna take whatever God gave her.

Later…

Just called Ashton Drake since it was during normal business hours, hoping to get a handle on when the dolls would ship. The lady told me that it depends on the availability of the doll. I was told both dolls were available, but that’s not what I was told today. Patrice won’t be available for shipment till December 12th. But the good news is that Summer Dream was shipped on the 21st. That’s been a week, though. Would it take that long to get here? Or did our dumbfuck mailman misdeliver it?

Later…

Well, Summer Dream’s not coming today. He drives those by. The mailman always drives to all the houses that have packages, then he parks his little van at the end of the street, gets out and gets his satchel of mail, then delivers it up and down the street. If I don’t get her this week, then I’ll wonder who did.

Later…

On and off for the last hour or so, I’ve been hearing kids screaming in spurts, but couldn’t tell or see where they were. I took a closer look out front, though, and I think they’re associated with the house that just had a moving yard sale. The same ones that were playing in the street after dark.

Later…

There are a couple of strange-looking vehicles in the alley right now. One of them looks like a small cement truck. The other looks like the mobile home that the people behind us have, but its back is open and it’s just all one big compartment. It doesn’t look like a mobile home inside.

Bill’s working pretty late tonight. Its car is still over there, so unless the bitch is back and chatting with daddy, that ole bitch is working overtime tonight. That’s OK. It won’t kill her.

I hear it leaving now, come to think of it. Gotta make a big fucking production out of it, of course.

Although I don’t yet have a bad vibe, or even a good one, I’m not looking forward to this Halloween weekend!

Got the fans going now. The dogs were quiet throughout the day, but at sundown, they really go off. If they could talk, they’d be screaming, “Don’t leave us out here for another chilly night!”

In case I didn’t mention this before - Evie thinks I look fine at what I weigh now. Said I look less frail, healthier, happy with life. A 160-pound woman would think I look OK.

Been writing for 11 years today.

The sales calls are picking up again. There was an anonymous call too, but no message. I’m sure it was Andy.

Still haven’t seen Measles. Is she nesting, or what?

Oh, no. I called Ashton Drake again and asked what “parcel post” was. I didn’t know if that was UPS or regular mail. Well, it’s regular mail. That means its chances of being misdelivered are higher. Also, it’ll be just my luck that I’ll be asleep when they come, and instead of them being left out front, they’ll leave a note to call the PO for re-delivery.

If I ever diet again, it’s not gonna be for a long long time. I haven’t really been dieting lately, but fuck worrying about getting too fat to bend over or rock out. I’m tired of the many, long hours I spend hungry. From now on, I’m gonna eat whenever I’m hungry, and if that means eating all the time, and if that means getting up to 200 pounds, so be it. I love food too much to deprive myself of it, and anyone who isn’t young who’s thin and who’s not thin due to a medication they’re on or some type of drug starves themselves. I’d have to starve to get down to 100 pounds, and then I’d have to keep starving to stay at 100 pounds. That’s no way to live. It’s just too much work trying to go 5-6 hours in between eating. I have to eat every 2-4 hours.

I quit the chromium picolinate cuz it’s become utterly worthless. I’m back to being hungry all the time, and as soon as I hit around 115 pounds, my body knows that’s too low for this day and age and resets itself back to 117-120. I can’t lose any more weight than I already have without going out of my mind and without ultimately becoming physically ill, and I can’t keep walking for nothing here. Oh, I’ll keep walking, but it’s a pity that I finally find some exercise routine I can stick to, only to have it not do me any good. Tom says it helps me in more ways than I know. In what ways? It doesn’t tone me up or cause weight loss. I’m still around the same weight range, and my legs are big, mushy, cratered, tree trunks. I have hips and tits I never would’ve dreamed of having once upon a time, my stomach now has 3 rolls rather than 2, and I’m still a fat-faced, double-chinned, porker, so why bother? I’d have to stop eating and lift weights like hell in order to lose inches and firm up.

I’m usually able to make it to most of my appointments these days, but I wonder if I’ll make it to see Melanie in the end. My schedule’s a little off for it. Tom said he thinks I will, but not to worry about it for a few days. He said I can decide what to do about it in a few days, but if I decide to do something to hold it back or fast-forward it, Halloween might very well stop me. Fucking kids, man! They fuck up/interfere with your life if you have them. They fuck up/interfere with your life if you don’t have them. Thank fucking God this is our last Halloween here. At least I think it is.

Changed the mice’s cages and sent out a letter to Tammy.

Got a letter from Bob about how he’s been in fights with black cellmates, but no dolls.

Tom got his old piece of shit (1984 Nissan Centra) towed from Ma’s old house. Instead of them taking and stripping his car, then selling the parts, it’s gonna sit on a lot for people to bring their own tools to strip it of whatever they want.

I figured out how to number my index thing. There’s a thing in the tool menu for inserting numbers automatically.

Speaking of numbering, I couldn’t believe it, and I was so pissed off, but that great Ruby book I told you I was reading, had its pages numbered wrong. It jumped from 224 to 257, had the 280s pages printed twice, and was missing about 40 pages.

I sent Marla a message since it’s been a while, and soon I’ll try calling Andy.

A cranberry-colored car just pulled into the freeloader’s and I couldn’t see the driver, who sat there with the car idling till a black boy with silver, metal-rimmed glasses got in the passenger side, then they left. This boy was in his late teens to early 20s. It wasn’t Mike, but I don’t know who it was.

I learned some pretty wild and shocking things about Evie. She said she was married 17 years before meeting David and could not have kids. She had surgery to remove several huge tumors from her ovaries, her uterus is completely backward, she had endometriosis, and doctors told her she’d never have children, so she and David didn’t plan on having kids as Tom told me they did. Maybe God just wanted her to wait till she met and married David before she had kids (David’s her third husband). Or maybe it was cuz I came into the picture. She got pregnant right after Tom and I hooked up, so maybe it was to rub it in my face. God seemed to really enjoy rubbing kids in my face back then and making me jealous. And back then it was hard on me and I was jealous, and I did feel left out a bit and like I wasn’t as good of a family member cuz I didn’t have kids. I felt that maybe we’d have been given more and given more attention if we had had kids, but it doesn’t matter to me in this day and age, and I know they still cared enough about me.

I also told Evie how God ignored me, although no doubt for the better, back when I’d want a kid and would pray for one. Her response was that he wasn’t ignoring me and that he did care about my request. He did? Could’ve fooled me. He can’t care about everyone’s request for a kid. He didn’t give a shit about Mary’s wanting one.

I don’t know what endometriosis is, but I’ve heard the word. I also didn’t know uteruses had fronts and backs.

Although I acknowledge I was wrong about saying quitting smoking wasn’t meant to be, along with marriage and other things, I just know a kid isn’t in my cards, but again, I can’t complain. Tom says if it were him with the problem, he’d get fixed, then decide what to do from there. As long as there are no health hazards from sterility and as long as I don’t want a child, whether or not I could handle one, I see no need to get fixed if fixing is possible, but I am curious still, to find out all I can find out. Then I’ll take it from there.

I’ll tell you one thing for sure, though, and that’s that as soon as I see one bit of Tom not cooperating if that’s what I truly see, I’m outa there. I will not play games. I’m not gonna go there to deal with the issue of why he won’t let them have his cum for testing. I’m gonna go there for answers to my sterility. So, the second he does what I suspect he’ll do, that’s it, so I may never be able to get the info anyway, thanks to him and his personal, private, deep-rooted fears. I meant it when I said I’d no longer deal with the lack of cumming issue. He either cums or he doesn’t, and if he wants to change his not cumming much, that’s his choice and his problem to deal with. Not mine. Meanwhile, he seems perfectly content with how he is, so then so am I.

Later…

I’m on the phone now with Andy. He’s still so sure he’s going back east in 6 months.

We’ve been talking about this and that. The usual. His work, Quinn, David back east. And I’ve gabbed about the usual, too - Tom, computers, animals.

Later…

OK, I hung up with Andy, who I spoke with for an hour and a half.

I made it clear to him that I would not visit him back east and why. We also discussed how no one’s perfect and everyone has some quality we don’t really like. He doesn’t like David’s beer drinking and David doesn’t like his smoking pot, but they both smoke cigarettes. From this stemmed how I felt Andy either had the worst memory on the face of this earth or just didn’t care, about how he had such a problem with simple requests like not eating on the phone. That’s so fucking annoying and it makes it hard for me to concentrate and keep up with what he’s saying. He said he thought he had been getting away with it by eating really soft and didn’t think I’d notice it.

Anyway, he and I talked about our hardest times with those we know. In my opinion, the worst thing that happened between Tom and me was the fight we had over Kim, Phil, and Alex’s visit. I’m sure Tom feels that that was our worst fight too, but for different reasons. No matter what he says, I’ll always believe that the shit Tom gave me for it was about nothing but pure jealousy. Tom felt jealous, threatened, and left out. Period.

Now I’m gonna go do some more indexing (my daily table of contents).

Later…

Why do I sneeze every single time I walk on the treadmill? At least changing cages around here today didn’t spawn an allergy fit.

As much as Evie can be a bore or a pest at times, I really love that woman. She’s so accepting of me and she’s just such a sweetheart. She agrees with Tom, though, and thinks I look better now. She said I looked fine weight-wise when she saw me at Mary’s, and that I looked healthier, happier, and not so frail.

Time to give a vinegar treatment to my dog and cat mugs soon and get rid of these coffee and tea stains.

I called Ashton Drake to see if I could find out what their shipping schedule is but the lady who answered my call didn’t know squat. When we last checked last Friday, they still hadn’t taken the money out of the account for the dolls, but they may verify the account, then send the dolls first, and then take the payments. Or they may ship only once or twice a month. It depends on how much volume they’ve got and where. If they were shipped last Friday or today, they could get here at the end of the week, but I’d say it’s more likely that they’ll get here during the first or second week of November.

I was right about the freeloaders. Last night’s episode only lasted a couple of minutes, but there was a horn honk and about two kids and two adults yelling something I couldn’t quite make out.

Today it was a horn honk and the music from that aqua-colored car that’s usually a problem when it comes around, but fortunately, the damn thing doesn’t come around a lot. No white car this weekend. Instead, it’s just been the aqua one. The music was amazingly soft enough so that it couldn’t be heard in the back room over the air cleaner that’s back there, but it could be heard up front. I saw 3 freeloaders leave in this car, but don’t know who the hell it was. I thought I saw a 10-year-old boy that I thought I heard last night.

Anyway, it’s too soon to know if they’re going back to their old shit or if this is just one of their occasional outbursts just so they can say they rebelled against me and the city, but I’ll tell you one thing for sure and that’s that there isn’t gonna be a third city letter. I’m not gonna send letters that are only good a few months at a time. My fists will take care of the problem permanently, and if they give me music regularly again, I’m not only gonna give them music of my own right back at night, but I’m gonna break every bone in their sick bodies. I’m not gonna even bother with a city letter or evictions. I’m just gonna put them in their place till we move.

Tom, who was as quick to defend them as he usually is, said there’s always music on Sunday mornings. No there isn’t. Not for months, there hasn’t been. Besides, if she really wanted to stay at that house, why would she kick the cock out, make sure he never parks in the driveway, have people lose the music, but just keep the Sunday morning music? If she really wanted to stay there, there wouldn’t be any music. Maybe she’ll rebel every few months like she just did, but not once a week. That’d be too risky, wouldn’t it?

Later…

Just took a shower, and while I was in there, the white car pulled in. I could hear the banging while in the shower and asked him about it when I got out. He said he saw some guy fiddling with the trunk. He said the trunk’s broken and so that’s what the slamming was all about this time. He couldn’t tell who the guy was but said that he thinks she goes somewhere on Sundays, so he’s over there watching football. I don’t know about that. I think she’s over there. I don’t think she left with that aqua car.

I’m tempted to start by giving them some music tonight no matter what else happens today. I’m just so sick of their shit, and I’ll be damned if I’ll put up with it every day. Even every week. If they gotta honk and yell on weekends, fine, but the bottom line is - no music. What kinds of things could happen in these people’s lives to make them this insecure that they gotta go getting the attention of people they hate? When you’re into attention-getting from people you’re supposed to hate, that’s really fucking desperate.

Later…

The bitch should be back soon enough.

Why are my tits sore? I only had a few cups of tea with caffeine in it, but only a few, and there’s less caffeine in tea than there is in coffee.

Tom tried putting a new hinge on the broken back door but didn’t have the right screws.

Later…

I was just mentally visualizing tomorrow’s setup for the mice’s cages and accessories. They need changing badly! I hope changing them doesn’t spawn a 10-hour allergy attack!

I was surprised that Tom wanted sex again today, but it was nice. Neither of us came, though, and you could say that that was the non-surprising part of it. Still, the time we spent together in bed was nice. Screwing’s always nice, even if it gets boring at times, but I read in bed while he napped and that’s still spending some quality time together as far as we’re concerned.

The thing I don’t get about Tom, though, is why sex is so strenuous for him. Most of the time I’d swear I had an 80-year-old man on top of me. He huffs and puffs and his heart goes booming and I wonder why it’s so hard for him. I know he’s 41 and not 21, but still, don’t most guys in their 60s have it easier than this? And he’s not acting as far as this goes, either.

The unfortunate news is that the leak in the back room started leaking again. I should’ve known it was too good to be true that it’d finally be fixed (this time the dogs did go off on Tom). I was surprised at how much rain we had today and that it rained at prime bitch time on a weekend. It rained on and off. Usually, out in Arizona, it only rains a few minutes, then that’s it. So, while it was pouring, Tom went on the roof to see where the water was building up and he patched up an area that he suspected water was getting through. Hope it helps.

I’m surprised Andy hasn’t called during the weekend, but I haven’t heard from him since last weekend when he left me those 3 long messages about his visit from Marla, Evan, and the boys. That’s a long time for him.

Tom looked to see if there were more miniature golf games online, but surprisingly, there weren’t. I like the golf game we’ve got, except it’s “too male.” You can tell by the dull colors and by the content of most of the courses, that it’s male-made.

The current Ruby Jean Jensen book I’m reading is a typical Ruby book. It’s great, and I’m two-thirds of the way done. I want to hurry up and read it to the end, but at the same time, I want it to last. Once I’ve read it, I’ve read it, and I know the story.

Tom felt that the best thing to do with the $5,000 coming from Ma as part of the sale money from the dump she had, would be best spent by paying off our debts rather than put away and saved. We’re about $4,000 in debt.

Now here’s something really fucking weird! I know White Paw’s meow. Hers was lower-pitched than Blackie’s. I let Blackie out a little while ago, sat down to write, then I could’ve sworn I heard WP at the door. I know I did. So I upped and opened the door, but there was no cat in sight. As soon as I opened it, though, I could hear Blackie’s higher-pitched meowing and then I saw that he was at the back of the yard. There’s no way that meow could’ve been his. So unless that was the ghost of WP, she is still alive and she took off when she heard me coming. But why, though? That cat practically loved to piss me off by sticking around when she knew I didn’t want her.

So, all in all, last night’s honk and shouts, and today’s honk and music were all that was heard from our beautiful freeloaders. The white car took off after I last wrote, and to my surprise, the aqua car never returned. I thought it was gonna come back just as loud or louder, but if it did, it was while we were in the bedroom with the fan going.

The white car came and went two more times after it left just after I’d written. See, I still think that all these cars are running drugs and or supplies, but Tom said that that white car that came and went could’ve been running to the store for her, but still, who does this bitch think she is to have all these people doing so much for her? I could never have gotten someone to babysit my kid 5 days a week if I had had one, I could never have gotten someone to take me grocery shopping regularly, I could never have gotten someone to take me out every weekend, so what is it with this bitch having her finger wrapped around all these people? Is she Dureen persuasive, or what? And I’m sure she’s not giving them anything in return for all their slavery. What can she give them? I’ll bet that if she needed something in the middle of the night, there’d be at least 10 different people she could call. But not even my best friend would ever have come running to me like that and that often. Not before. Not now. Another question is how do all her cronies get the time to spend catering to her? Don’t these people work or have lives of their own to live? Obviously not.

Pleasantly enough, there weren’t a million stereos out there today like there was yesterday. I’m sure that had a part in the aqua car’s music. They probably felt left out, and all those stereos probably encouraged them to follow right along.

Speaking of cars and stereos, I haven’t seen that big white car that used to be a real bass blaster (I mean big-time) bass since the second city complaint went in. I’ll bet you the reason why is because they reacted the same way that bitch did when she asked them to lay off the music cuz of me and my complaint. I’ll bet they were just an oh-so-true friend and said, fuck it then. We either play it loud or we don’t know you. She could very well have told the shit in the aqua car to cut it out too, and got a reply of, we’ll lower it, but we won’t turn it off completely.

I wonder if she thinks that the basketball hoop is part of the deal. Does she think that I’ll complain if she lets anyone play ball? Well, I kind of hope so and that she’s afraid to let anyone use that hoop cuz of me, and I just can’t believe that it’s almost November and there still haven’t been any games yet!

I got an awesome idea. I’m not gonna go back to my first journal and do this throughout my past journals, but from here on out, and maybe even from the start of this month, I’m gonna do a table of contents. After each day of writing is complete, I’ll go to my index98 file and type a list of stuff I wrote for that day.

Tom made a pile of papers from our file box for me to scan and save, and to scan and trash. So I made a legal document folder on the computer that Tom will put on CD.

Did laundry, dishes, and the usual weekend stuff.

Got an email from Kim. She’s doing OK. Still with Walter. She forwarded me some blonde jokes, but they weren’t all that funny. Why are there so many blonde jokes? Is it cuz people really hate blondes? Or is it cuz people are jealous of them?

We had sex which was typical - cumless.

My schedule’s backing up again. A few days ago I got up at 12:30 PM, yesterday I got up at 10:00 AM, and today I got up at 8:00 AM.

I forgot to say that the city woke me up at 7:30 on Friday. I awoke to a huge truck with a thunderous idle that was parked on the corner here by the fire hydrant right in front of our house. They worked on the sewers all day, but like an idiot, I forgot to turn the music beats on. The amazing part of it was that I went back to sleep and didn’t get woken up again. Without Benadryl, either.

There was a ruckus around here alright (this morning), but it wasn’t next door. The people across the street had a tag sale. A big one. There were enough car door slams to make up for several weekends of that from the freeloader. It drew a few stereo bangers in, too. By just 11:00 AM I had heard 5 stereos bang by.

Tom says their sign said it was a moving sale, although there’s no for-sale sign up over there. I don’t know if I like the idea of these people moving. These people, by the way, are a couple with a couple of small boys, I believe. The guy bought a small TV from us when we had our tag sale and he seemed nice enough. Anyway, I hope they’re not moving, cuz it’s too close for comfort. Too close for potential trouble from new neighbors. The only time I had problems with these people was when I first moved in here. They had a black and white dog that yipped its ass off. The problem with this house is that they don’t have a block wall running around its back and sides like we do. They’ve got a chain-link fence which means if there was a dog over there, it could go right up to the front of the house at the side and bark out at the street all day and night like the one they had did (I’m surprised I haven’t heard more from these boys, though). So, if they leave and if new people come who are owners, there’s an 80% chance there’ll be a dog, and gone will be the peace from the living room. Especially at night. There are a couple of dogs somewhere across the street within a span of 8 houses or so, but they seldom bark and they don’t have loud or shrilly barks. And who knows how many kids there’ll be playing out front, since people out here usually use the front of their house for play and for sitting around gabbing and shit like that, and who knows what stereos they’ll have?

The people that have been there all along, though seem like the last family was - decent, friendly, and respectful of others. They don’t seem to be the selfish assholes we got next door.

Tom said they didn’t have anything really nice to sell. No dolls or anything like that. Mainly toys and furniture.

Later…

You could say that I’m not in a very good mood right now, that’s for sure!

Tom bought T-shirts so I could make up shirts for my nieces and Tammy with family pictures for Chanukah. He bought the iron-on sheets too, that claim to be better. They claim this kind’s better cuz you can peel them off when they cool so you don’t have to be rushed. The first one went on fine, but it was too easy. Just like with the CD-making. Sure enough, to make up for that easiness, I couldn’t get the rest on. Some wouldn’t go on at all and some would only partially go on. So, I’ll see if Tom wants to do it, but if not, we’ll just mail them a card.

Today has been horrendous as far as stereos go. It’s just been one after the other!

Tom saw the little clown next door sitting out front as if she was waiting for someone. Then an aqua-colored car (or some medium shade of blue) that I may or may not have seen before pulled in, then left.

It’s dark now. Are the kids gonna come out to play in the street?

I got a good look at Caddy Kid today who Tom said was white. Weren’t no white boy in that car. Just a couple of freeloaders. Obvious drug dealers too, driving a nice car like that at such a young age.

I hope my ominous feeling pertaining to next door and this weekend is wrong. Yes, the cock’s been happily out of the picture, and things have been quiet with the exception of door slamming, but something tells me it’s time for them to stir things up a bit. I just feel a bit of a ruckus over there coming on, but what kind and for how long, beats me.

Ma’s house was bought by a company that plans to tear down the old, sagging barn and fix up the house to either sell or rent. She’s giving each of her 5 kids $5,000. There may be a little bit of extra after she pays the realtor his fees so that we can have too, which should be an additional $1,500.

Well, this is nice of her, but we’re not gonna take a little chunk of it to have fun with. We’re gonna save it all to move with. I just hope the stock improves so we can get out of here this summer! Better yet, why doesn’t God kill Mom, who’s just hogging up time and space, and that’ll really get us out of here!

Speaking of time, I’m so glad that fucking house is gone!!! Now all Tom has to do is have his old car towed away. Hopefully, we can have more time to do our own shit now.

Watched a couple of movies I decided to tape. Yeah, I still tape movies every once in a while, but Jesus fucking Christ! Can there ever be a movie where no one’s pregnant? Not only was one of the major cast members pregnant, they even had to show a gross and rather scary clip of a childbirth video she was watching. It’s sickeningly old! The 80s had nothing but drug-related shit on TV and with the 90s it’s the pregnancy. What will the next decade bring? First it bothered me cuz it was a constant reminder of what I couldn’t have that I once wanted, and now it bothers me cuz I’m sick of it. I can understand Doe and Art’s frustration over repetition, but the difference is I don’t try to control these pregnancy fanatics. I just ignore them. Really, though, I wish they’d come up with something new for a change. This is why I don’t watch much TV. Same old, same old.

I did go out and weigh myself this morning, after all. I’m down to 112 pounds. Although, when I stepped on the scale again, it said 114. I asked Tom if he felt it’d just keep slowly going down as long as I walk and eat sensibly like I have been. He said yes, but of course, it’ll stop at some point. If it is really dropping some more, when will it stop? Certainly not at 100 pounds, right? Maybe 110? Well, wherever it stops is where it stops. As long as it doesn’t go up to the 120s again.

I contemplated sending Larry and his parents duplicate copies of my journal excerpts written around the time they pulled their shit on me. If I did, though, it wouldn’t be till after we moved. Maybe I’ll include them with the bitch just for the kicks of it and to express even more things to them that I feel would help me to put them further into the past, even if they don’t like one thing I have to say. On the other hand, is it worth it? Are they really worth it? Would they even read it? I don’t know. Well, we’ll just wait and see what happens.

As I may have said before, Ray, the oldest in Tom’s family, is his most stupid sibling from what Tom’s told me. Also, Nora’s never been right in the head, Ryan’s a retarded mental case on SSI, Jackie’s a user, and so is her sister Pam. Pam’s actually worse. She beats the shit out of her 5-year-old daughter Jennifer. That’s why Child Protective Services came and took her away.

Evie emailed me saying she heard that they wanted to keep Jennifer in the family and that I may be one of the ones called about taking her. I reminded her of my sterility and of my belief that if God felt children should be a part of my life, he’d have made sure my plumbing was in order, and that I believe Tom would’ve made a good father, but I wouldn’t even know what to do. I really believe that if God had faith in me as a mother and felt I could handle it; I’d have been a mom by now.

Evie had asked me about adoption or foster parents, and she said that Tom and I would make excellent parents. That’s nice of her, but I really think only one of us would’ve made an excellent parent.

I’m very glad to hear that Jennifer was removed from Pam as sad as the situation is, but again I question God. Why? Why even bother in the first place to let the Pams out there have kids to beat? Thank fucking God it was just one kid, though, if God just had to give Pam any at all, but please God, don’t let her have any more!!

When Tom got home, he told me no, they don’t want Jennifer with family. They want her to make a clean break from the family without people connected to Pam, with the hopes of her being young enough to cope with the abuse she got from Pam. I think it’s too late, though. I think she’s gonna grow up to be an aggressive, loser and abuser herself.

He also says that Pam, who’s always been crazy, is in a nut ward and he says she’s been pretty much put away for good and can never have Jennifer back. I disagree with that one. She’ll get out and she’ll get the kid back. They always do.

Later…

Just watched another movie. The pregnant one in this one had hers vacuumed out.

It’s the weekend now, so I can expect calls from Andy.

Evie’s 45 tomorrow. Damn, 45 with a two-year-old?! Guess it’s not so uncommon these days. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with it.

I can hear that the weekend has arrived. There goes thumper number one.

Yeah, it was the bitch that left with Bill. He took her grocery shopping. They returned at 6:00.

No, the stage isn’t being set for anything. My schedule jumped 5 hours. I was up a long time last night and didn’t get up till 12:30 today, rather than 7:00 like I did yesterday. I figured as much, though. What I’m doing right now, and what I’ve basically been doing since marrying Tom is my peak destiny and what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life, and no, that’s not a complaint. Far from it!

I may be just under 115 pounds, but I’m not gonna bother to weigh myself without feeling a major difference. I just feel a slight difference. I still walk for at least 15 minutes every day. Sometimes I do more.

Yesterday, Tom got me a list of Ruby Jean Jensen’s books at her site that I couldn’t get into. Unfortunately, most of her earliest books that she wrote in the 70s are out of print so I may never get to read those books that I know are great. I just finished one of her books last night and am about to begin another. The one I just finished was good but different for her. There was nothing supernatural in it. It was about a guy who killed his wife that he leaves in this secluded cabin in the woods. Meanwhile, he steals 4 boys and a girl that he abuses. He kills 3 boys. The remaining boy and the girl escape him.

I changed Ratsy’s cage earlier and on Monday I’ll do the mice.

Got a wonderful message that Mary left from work. She said they got an offer on the house for $35,000 cash and she just wanted his opinion, but since they had to close this deal today, they were probably gonna go for it.

That was fast! I love it when my vibes are wrong for the better. Does that mean this is it? That house is out of our hands? In the past? We’ll never step foot in it again? What about Tom’s old car? Did he have that towed yet? If the house is now out of hands, no Mary, no Marge, Tom’s mine. You cannot have him for other jobs. He has his own life and responsibilities.

I wonder how Lisa’s doing. I haven’t talked to her since Tammy and I talked to her. I still worry about her associating with Larry. I wish to hell Larry would change his number for Lisa’s sake, but I can’t make either of them do anything.

Sex last night was typical mid-cycle sex. He couldn’t really get into it. Too scared. His excuse was “bad rhythm.” That’s a lame one. Can’t he do better than that? I still wish he just wouldn’t bother. Can’t he come out and admit his fears, as he’s admitted there’s a 5% chance in his mind I’m OK, and just not touch me then? Or can’t he just say he’s too tired or just not in the mood? You know, if I was told we couldn’t have sex for years, I wouldn’t miss it! Thank fucking God I don’t feel as bored with him as far as the non-sexual side of the relationship goes, as I do with the sexual side of it!

Tina in Maine should get her letter today. My nieces should get theirs tomorrow.

Later…

One of the family pictures came down as a screensaver. Before, Tom and I could only get journals and Norah and Gloria pictures to show up. I tried to get another family pic to show up but couldn’t. Tom said he’d look into it, but of course, that could be quite a while from now.

It’s gorgeous out there now. Blackie’s doing his thing out there, of course. He’s just sitting there or walking across the yard, and all the while he’s meowing his head off. I thought cats had to have a reason to meow, but not this one. He meows when he eats, when he’s just sitting there by himself; all the time.

Later…

Some great, responsible parents we have today. There are 3 kids batting a can out in the middle of the street and it’s nearly pitch dark out there. What kind of parent lets their kids play out in the middle of the street in the dark? I don’t know if these kids were associated with the Lopezs or what, but they sure are fucking weird!

Later…

The kids weren’t out there long. I can go back to reading my book of Ruby’s in peace, which as usual, is great even though I’m only on the 8th page.

I’m waiting for it to hurry up and rain so we can do the big test and see how much it leaks in here. I can smell the rain in the air, but as usual, the sun’s poking through the clouds. Yeah, that’s Arizona for you. It’s never usually all cloudy, but clouds mixed with sun. The clouds are mostly towards the northwest and the sun is towards the southeast. Wish it would rain from 5 PM-9 PM on Halloween, but fat chance! At least I strongly vibe that this will be our last Halloween here.

Yesterday I called our neighbor behind us (Gloria) but her husband answered. I told him we’d more than likely be moving this summer and that I had some things she could have free of charge. He told me to call back after November 15th saying that Gloria’s working at the state fair till then and isn’t getting home till 10:00 - 11:00 at night. According to Tom, though, the state fair doesn’t start for a few more days yet. Now, why couldn’t the fucking liar just tell me they weren’t interested? I’ll just throw the stuff in the recycle bin. To me, that’d be a lot like if I brought the stuff to Goodwill. It won’t be entirely wasted and thrown away. It’ll be used again, if not in quite the same way someone who bought them from Goodwill would use them.

It looks like it’s getting sunnier out there, so maybe the rain will miss us. Tom said it always rains during the fair, so maybe we will get some soon.

Being “normal” last night was a bust. He went to bed at 4 PM, then I came in at 7:00. By 9:30 I had to kick him out. He just wouldn’t stay still and kept waking me up just when I’d conk out. So I had to move him to the couch and take a Benadryl.

He said he wants the sex today that we would’ve normally had on Monday. But why? How can he be in the mood any more than I am these days? Although my reasons are different. I’m just not in the mood. Period. But him? He just came, and it’s too close to mid-cycle for him to really feel comfortable about sex enough to enjoy it and cum. So why bother? I hate to see him do things he doesn’t really want to do, but again, maybe it is deep in his subconscious and he doesn’t know what the fuck’s going on. Sometimes someone else can understand you better than you can. They can see things about someone that they themselves can’t see.

Later…

Just did my daily 15-minute walk. Sometimes I do more, but I try to make sure I always do at least 15 minutes of walking.

Today my stomach feels like it’s the flattest it’s been in a while. I probably woke up as low as 112 pounds, so I probably won’t shit today so my body can balance things out and not end up weighing below 112 pounds where it doesn’t feel comfortable.

I hate having to wear a bra at all times, though. My tits are still bigger, so even when they’re not sore, I still have to wear bras, or else they bounce around and that’s not comfy.

God, this fucking annoying cat! Even Tom agrees he’s the weirdest cat he’s ever known and that he meows more than any other cat he’s ever known. He just goes on and on and doesn’t shut up! It’s like Andy on the phone. I left him a message on Monday but haven’t heard from him since. What’s he doing? Waiting for the weekend?

The sun’s coming in and out, but still no rain.

Got 3 dead friends on my wallpaper now - Bunny, Spunky, and Teddy Bear. As Tom pointed out yesterday, it’s so weird how T-Bear got along with Bunny and Spunky, but not Gizzy. And I think it’s also weird that Bunny got along with Piggy and Spunky, but not Velvet.

Later...

Just had my shiny friend in. I call him my shiny friend at times cuz of how his black coat shines.

Ratsy wanted to come out and nestle with me too, just now. He’s been keeping weird hours lately. He’s usually pretty nocturnal, but he’s been staying up later these last few days. Or getting up around this time for a while.

With all the birds that are out there, I haven’t seen Measles in days. I don’t know what this means. Maybe she’s sitting on eggs now, but I think this is the wrong time of year for that.

Still no White Paws either, and that’s gotta mean that she, as well as her mother, is dead. Why else would they stay away for this long? I hope Blackie’s not next to disappear, although I sure don’t miss the other cats.

Tom told me when he got in (I’m to wake him up at 8:00 so we can have cumless fun) that the reason he kept shifting in bed last night was due to stomach cramps.

I made the freeloaders a table of contents. This that I’m about to write obviously won’t be enclosed with the freeloader’s journal excerpts, but anyway, the table of contents (door-slamming, music, dog, bitch’s fit on our doorstep, city complaints) and other BS that I added in like bogus things I saw, heard and did, like the house hopping incident and her chasing him with the weed whacker, is to further ensure that they read my writings. I want them to be interested enough to read just what I have to say about them (that’s both true and bullshit, of course) and it’ll also lower the chances of them dragging the cops into the picture. The cops can’t do shit about what I wrote. Period. A person can write all they want. But because I’d periodically write about all the vandalism we’d supposedly receive from them, it should lower the chances of them showing this shit to the cops, cuz I’d still prefer that they read it and not the cops, so this table of contents should grab their curiosity all the more. It isn’t just vandalism I accuse them of, but it’s also drug-related stuff and violence and things most people wouldn’t want the cops to hear about even if it were bullshit. I can picture the bitch and her cronies laughing over something like the weed whacker chase and therefore, being all the more willing to read about it. And they’ll have to find it themselves. The table of contents only includes subjects. Not page numbers or dates.

I prayed to God that they don’t go before we do and that they read what I give them.

Got some wind to add to these clouds, but still no rain.

Later…

Now here’s a day to be thankful that we don’t live about 5 houses towards the north. Maybe even more, since it’s a bit breezy out and the breeze is blowing south. That’s probably why I could hear what I heard unless it’s a new edition to the neighborhood. There’s this dog going off somewhere with the most obnoxious bark I ever heard. It reminds me of that dog with the high-pitched, screechy bark that the trailer people had. It’s worse than the freeloader’s old dog, and in a way, even worse than the guard dogs. The guard dogs seem to take most of their fits in the early morning and early evening hours. I’m surprised they didn’t pitch a fit when Tom was patching up the roof.

I wonder if the freeloaders will go back to their old shit when we move. Will the cock come back and go banging in and out 6 times a day?

It’s still cloudy out, but even so, it’s nice out there.

Later…

Finally! It’s raining. No leaks yet. It looks like he did it! He fixed it! I’m so proud of him and happy he fixed this shit once and for all.

Got a card in the mail from Evie who lost 10 more pounds, cut her hair really short, said Parker’s Baptism was wonderful, and thanked me for prayers I never made.

Also, if it’s so much easier to care for her hair now when it was only to the shoulders before and is so straight and thin, how would she cope with this thick, long curly hair that I’ve got that’s just an inch or so away from the thighs?

Tammy was in a foul mood when I called there. The usual, she said. Lisa’s lying and doing the opposite of what she’s told to do. She caught her smoking downstairs again when she wants her smoking outside of the house.

Another thing I won’t include in the freeloaders’ write-ups is how I just put old pictures in the manila envelope that their stuff’s in. There are a few old baby pictures of Tammy’s kids that are blurry, some of Bob, and one of Mark standing in uniform by his cruiser. Mark W, Kim’s ex. They should be pretty baffled about them.

Later…

Now that’s weird. Why would that bitch be leaving with Bill now? I didn’t look long enough to see who the fuck it was for sure, but someone was on the passenger side. If it was her, why would Bill sit the mistake all day, then take the bitch off somewhere when she got home? And how did she get home? By Bill or the cock? I didn’t see. I just know I heard a series of door slams that were really starting to irk me.