I thought I’d do some writing and some proofreading while it’s still quiet, though I doubt it’ll be all that noisy today. Right now it’s a miserable 5º. I had to sleep with the heater going continuously. I totally hate this cold!!! It’s so miserably uncomfortable, unlike the hottest day I ever experienced in Arizona. What I don’t get is why Massachusetts is so much warmer. They’re going to be at 65º in a few days! That’s so backward. They’re supposed to be colder and snowier! Our highs have only been in the 20s, though it’s supposed to be back in the 40s this weekend.

The floors in here, especially in the kitchen and bathroom where there’s no carpet, are like an ice rink. I have slippers on over my socks right now. When the heater turns off, it drops two-tenths of a degree every 10 seconds or so.

Last year the canal dog would shut up for the most part when it was under 40º. This year it seems we need to get under 30º, but at least I’ll get a few days off. As for the one in front, I have to hear from it every time it’s let out to shit, but at least the cock that owns the thing goes right back inside once it’s done. It has to be up in the high 30s for it to want to lounge out front while the fucking dog barks its ass off at everything and nothing at all.

The wakeboard people still haven’t come through, not at all surprisingly. Like I told Tom a zillion times, I knew they were scammers by all the phone play we had to do and when they said to call them if we didn’t get the wakeboard before I had asked for a cash equivalent. I was like, call if we don’t get it? But why shouldn’t we if they just put it in the mail and send it to me? That was the biggest red flag right there. It’s because of the cruise. If we didn’t need the extra money right now we’d have gotten it a long time ago. After all, they did fulfill the runner-up’s prizes, according to the posts I read. So this means that we’ll probably be stuck having to take a train to the airport in Portland, rather than driving a rental car to the Sacramento airport. The good news is that he found a company that specifically goes after companies that don’t give the prizes they promised. According to what he read, we have one more step to do first and that’s to call them one last time after being told of a set time frame in which to expect the check, which we were given over a week ago. So he’ll let them bullshit us one more time, then contact this company. Better later than never, but I have a feeling they won’t be able to get them to pay up till after the cruise, and they may want to help themselves to a percentage of it, too.

I just wish we could get this damn cruise over with so we can get on with our lives! I’m still sorry I won it. It’s brought nothing but headaches so far, so I hope we’re greatly compensated with lots of fun and adventure come January. I know I’ll be looking forward to escaping winter for a week, though with my luck it’ll be in the 40s or 50s while we’re gone. That’s still worth escaping! Really, I wish I could snap my fingers and have it be January 7th, 2 PM ET. That’s about when we’ll be boarding the ship. Then when we come back we can either find out if we really are going to get rich and get to live where we want to without the threat of losing the place, or if we’re going to be back to square one – trying to figure out how and when we can escape this shitty state to go live with troublemakers in the warmth.

At least there’s one thing I can relax about and that’s that I know no giant spiders are going to be terrorizing me anytime soon!

Here comes the trash people. I feel bad for them having to work out in this bitter cold!

Well, I got shorted an hour or so of sleep, thanks to one of our local attention-getters. If these people are that hard up for attention, why don’t they just parade around naked in the streets? That’d get them attention! Oh well, being woken up by rude assholes is all I’ve known for over 20 years now. I’ll just add the sound machine to the picture when I’m sleeping during the daytime. I had only stopped using it because she stopped being a company junkie next door.

He went to Safeway after I got up and was checked out by Liz. She didn’t say anything. She’s definitely not friendly. Not mean, but not friendly. The good-looking ones usually aren’t.

Saw a skunk late the other night. It came across the street and ran up her driveway. It was of a pretty good size too.

Back when Doe and Art had various people reporting my business to them, I hated it at first, figuring that if I wanted them to know whatever was up with me, I’d tell them myself. Then I pretty much didn’t give a shit who knew what. Now, however, I almost wish someone could tell them about the cruise. How funny it’d be if they knew I’d be right under their noses yet still out of reach!

With the snow gone and the temp around 50º, we went to the store today after he got off work. The poor guy’s been so beat and his feet have been killing him too, cuz of all the overtime they’ve been making him work. Anyway, not only did I get to see Liz, but she got to see me, too. She didn’t say much and I couldn’t think of anything to say to her. I can’t swear to it, but I thought she looked about 5 months pregnant, although with those bulky aprons they wear, I couldn’t say for sure. She sure as hell didn’t look pregnant that time she walked by me and I got to see her like never before, whereas from behind the counter, I don’t usually see as much of her. When she walked by me she wasn’t wearing her apron and she walked swiftly, too. She didn’t wobble like pregnant women usually do. She’s got some mighty narrow hips to be pregnant with, so maybe she’s just bloated if it wasn’t the way the apron billowed out. At least she didn’t leave me depressed. If anything she left me feeling sorry for her if she is pregnant. She’s just so young and it not only would be such a waste of youth but of life, too. This could explain why she seems to be there more lately; because if she is having a kid, she needs all the extra money she can get. Tom, however, hasn’t noticed her there more often. Either way, she wore her hair down with the front pulled straight back. I’ve never seen it parted in the middle, which I think might look best.

Tom called the people about the check and he said that they remembered who I was right away and that I wanted cash instead of the wakeboard and that the sponsor, who is the one running the sweep, should be mailing the check out to me within a week. He said he’d call to make sure things were on schedule. I wish they’d hurry the fuck up so we can open a savings account before some of these checks expire! Especially a bank with branches in California. Besides, I’m in a hurry to get going with EFO. I want to see it spit out hundreds a day at us and not just hear Tom say he’s 99.9% sure it will.

I can see not hearing from Mary, but not hearing from Paula this long after sending her a package, along with the fact that none of the numbers I had for her were in service, makes me wonder if she’s in jail. She probably got caught driving which she’s not supposed to be doing.

Some of these people are so weird. 50º may not be like 30º, but it’s still not toasty either. Yet there the people next door were, as we walked by to go to the store, sitting on their front porch as if it were a gorgeous day. They were gone when we came back, so I guess they decided summer was over by then.

Another day of being teased and losing sleep to the damn sweeps I’m once again considering dropping. Last night UPS left a message saying they were making a delivery today that needed someone with a government-issued photo ID to sign for. Assuming that maybe they weren’t scammers after all and I was going to finally get that check, I ended up losing sleep to that damn diamond that’s probably not worth shit. It’s what they say it is, but it still doesn’t look like we could get much for it, even though it’s bigger than they said it’d be at .57 of a carat.

Meanwhile, Tom’s gonna play phone yet again with the scammers tomorrow and see what bullshit they tell us next. He thinks maybe there was a dispute of some kind over paying me cash rather than sending the wakeboard and whatever other shit was to come with it.

And they didn’t even have the decency to call and say so? Just what kind of bullshit company is this? So what if there’s a dispute? They already gave their word about sending a check rather than the wakeboard, so that’s what I should get! Tom says he thinks that worst-case scenario we’ll get the wakeboard, but that won’t bring us nearly as much money, and of course there’ll be the hassle of trying to sell the damn thing. Tom says all we have to sell to make the cruise I wish I hadn’t won is the guitar if we end up getting nothing. Yeah, but this delays my getting this Indian doll I’ve wanted, some beauty supplies, and worst of all, it delays EFO. Something does not want us roaring full blast with that thing!

Yesterday, someone stole the bottles and left the gate open. I wondered at first if maybe Bill came around to do clean-up, thinking they were filled with trash, but his SUV wasn’t here when I ran and checked. I’d have chewed him out for taking from us without having the decency to tell us if it had been him. Anyway, God spared someone a very vicious beating. They were only bottles, but I’d have been sending the wrong message if I’d done nothing, especially if the klepto saw that I saw them. One saying “Help yourself. I’ll just sit back and watch.” Tom thinks it’s kind of funny. It’s obviously someone as desperate and as broke as we were who passes by regularly enough to realize the bags had been out there too long to be regular trash. Besides, you can kind of see through the bags anyway to tell what’s in them.

For 2½ miraculous days, which was mostly during the time it was snowy, I didn’t have to hear from the canal dog or the one across the street. But now that we’re back in the 40s and the snow and rain have come to a temporary stop, the fucking beast across the canal goes on its 4-hour barking spree which usually starts around 4:00. I hear it every time I step into the kitchen and away from the radio.

The good news is that my ear’s doing remarkably well. I thought by this time there’d only be a few scattered days where I didn’t need to take ibuprofen or something, but instead, there have only been a few days where I have needed to.

Saw Liz today, but again she didn’t see me. To say that something up there’s keeping a wedge between us is an understatement! We were waited on by Olivia instead.

Still no check. There’s another understatement – saying that something wants to delay EFO. It’s delaying the Indian doll I want to order as well as a small order from Yves Rocher, too! Tom’s going to play phone with them again for the 10th time in a couple of days. I’m sure they’re going to make excuses for all kinds of problems they’ve been having, etc. I knew this one was too good to be true. To win a cruise and get the expenses paid for, too? I didn’t think so! Tom doesn’t think I’ll feel this way come January, and I hope he’s right, but right now I’m sorry I won that damn cruise. Totally sorry! It’s been more work and money than fun so far. Meanwhile, I’m sure they’ll bullshit us some more and say they’re still gonna send the check. We’re going to show them, though, that you can’t promise us $2500 and expect us to forget about it. We can’t make them pay up, but we can make their lives rather hellish, and we will, too!

It’s been snowy and cold, in the 30s. It’s windy right now and as much as I hate the cold and snow, I love hearing the sounds of nature and wind chimes as opposed to barking and banging. This is day two now that I haven’t had to hear from the canal dog or the one in front. I just hope the power doesn’t go out. It happened to a lot of people last night who came into work late today, according to Tom.

Tom continues to hate his job so much that he almost wishes he could work elsewhere till he can quit.

Saw Estella the other day who had her hair up and who looks 10 years older with it that way, but no Liz. What’s the point anyway? I’ll never have her even for just a friend. After that time I was given false hope when she gave me that friendly “hello” and asked how I was doing, each time I saw her after that was more and more discouraging. The next time I saw her, she checked us out but barely glanced at me. The next time we were checked out by someone else and she still didn’t see me, even though I was just a few feet away. The last time she walked by me and again she never saw me.

The stereos have backed off a bit, but not the dogs. The one in front was going berserk while the cock that owns it was sitting on the front porch bench gabbing on the phone. What the fuck’s it doing sitting out gabbing at 39º anyway? Hell, I’m not even going to the store in this shit later on when he gets off work. Liz ain’t worth it. I went yesterday but she wasn’t there.

Because we still haven’t gotten the check I’m only going to be ordering a handful of books later on, and some incense, including a smoking bottle, from the Incense Rack. I just hope they’re there and that no one died because they haven’t had their live help turned on in ages.

In gay news, Mexico City approved civil unions, and MA may try to ban gay marriage in 2008. If they ban it, those already married would be allowed to retain their rights, but no more marriages could occur. My first thought was that they’d ban it since there are still more bigots than not, but it is Massachusetts, not Tennessee.

What I also want is for these non-whites to be stripped of the extra rights they have that whites never even had, same as I want to see the gays get equal rights.

Normally I don’t follow the elections, but this latest one has brought some stunning results! Back when I wrote about South Dakota banning all abortions but those where the woman’s life was in danger, well, it turns out that they didn’t ban them back then. They just wanted to try to do so yesterday and were preparing themselves and all that back then. To my surprise, however, they rejected what would’ve been the toughest abortion ban in the nation.

Now here’s something a million times more shocking. Just like 2 years ago, 8 states had ban-gay-marriage on their ballots. At first I was confused, wondering how they could ban something that didn’t exist in the first place, but I guess the gays were trying to ban what marriage is defined as, which in most cases is still a man and a woman. Of the 8 states, there were 4 in the southeast, along with Wisconsin, Colorado, South Dakota and Arizona. By the time I crashed last night, Wisconsin and the southeastern states accepted the ban, not at all to my surprise. I also read a headline saying that those damn conserves were worried about Arizona, and I was like, worried about Arizona? Please! Arizona’s one of the most hateful states in the nation, why would those bigoted control freaks worry about them? Anyway, when I got up I fully expected to read that all 8 states supported the ban, but who should be the one state to reject it of all states but Arizona!!! I was like – Arizona?!?! You’ve gotta be kidding! Way to go Arizona, not that I’d ever want to live there again! I was so shocked and happy for gays I had tears in my eyes. Even though I loved Tom too damn much to care what body parts he had when we met, and even though I’m not the least bit religious, I still consider gays and Jews to be my people. I guess Arizona now has a bleeding heart for all but us Jews, though they also surprised me by starting to crack down on what was always their precious illegals and wanting to make English the official language of the state.

What a record loss for those poor, poor conservatives, and for once the Dems were winning like crazy! Something Dureen and Art O. would no doubt love to see. While they were never as liberal as me, they were never conservative either, being pro-choice and not as anti-gay. I laughed when I read that it was “a blow” to them. Just what the hell did they ever think they were trying to conserve anyway, the constitutional right to rule the country? If someone had told me that incredibly, one of the states would reject the ban, I’d have guessed Wisconsin first, which was the Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s first guess, too. My second guess would’ve been Colorado. It’s a small victory yet a big one at the same time. I don’t know enough about how elections work to know if the rulings will be overturned or not, but for now, it’s a great thing.

Another thing that surprised me which shouldn’t have was the one state (I don’t know what the outcome was) that wanted to strip judges of immunity, allowing them to be sued, jailed, etc. I was like since when were they ever immune in the first place??? No judge should ever be immune in the first place. They’re not God. No wonder there are so many twisted judges. What better occupation to get into than one you know you can be as corrupt and as unfair as you want and get away with it, too.

As much as I couldn’t imagine life without Tom, I’m not going to force myself to have sex with him even if he truly did want to, which I still don’t see how he could, because then I’d only be doing what I did with guys like Ron M and Al L, making myself have sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to. So yeah, I’d rather be celibate and be teased with the Lizs of the world which I can never have.

Normally I would respect the losers. After all, these conserves still have a right to want what they want too, right or wrong, yet I know I’d be laughing my ass off at them if I could!

Still no check, but we got our passports. It’s cool for both of us since we’ve never had passports before.

We got a newsletter about the cruise from the cruise line listing the activities available to us at each stop. They’ll have snorkeling, mini-submarine tours, glass-bottom boats, scuba diving and more. Scuba diving requires certification, though, and he can’t scuba dive anyway due to the pressure he’d get in his ears. I’d hate to see what it’d do to my ears! I’d like to do the submarine, but that may be a bit pricey.

Kim’s gone 3 days with no company, and next door went 3 days with the burning. Looks like they’re taking today off. It isn’t just them. Lots of people are burning brush lately.

Yesterday was so nice that I even slept without a shirt, though it’s to be back in the 40s tomorrow. I haven’t needed to sleep with the heater on, but like I said, that’s about to change.

I’m now just over 10,000 points on that site I joined.

Yesterday when we went to Safeway, I was just entering it when Liz walked past me and disappeared somewhere at the side of the store. She never returned to the registers either, so I assume she either went on break or went home. She looked beautiful. Her hair was down and gorgeous. All one length and straight down to her waist. She really does have a nice body too, and I liked the way she walked. She walked gracefully yet a bit dyky. Ain’t no way she’s bi, though, let alone gay. I can’t imagine a woman giving another woman a ring like the one she wears anyway, and especially so young. Nonetheless, she looked so good that I got depressed. I want something I really don’t want at the same time. Most of the time I accept reality as it is, but every now and then it sucks. I want to get it on with this girl who’s straight as an arrow and 15 years younger, yet I know that if we did, it wouldn’t be like in my fantasies.

Bluefly has saved our cable! I’m surprised, too. I didn’t think they’d pay up till later in the week, though they did catch the extra $100 they gave me and took it back. So another group of problems bites the dust. I just hope that the next time we have a problem it won’t spawn another, which spawns another, then another…

So I guess we’re still on for Friday’s shopping spree. We’re also on for making a run to the store after he gets off work. Hope Liz is there!

Looks like the compensation is over too, because I won a 1/3-carat diamond worth $600-$800! If we could get half that for it, that’d be great. Now all I have to do is hope the check gets here soon and that Tom’s sinuses get better. What’s strange, though, is that they didn’t mention affidavits or notaries in the email notification. They just asked for my details, saying they’d get my prize out to me soon. I would think a prize like this would mean a lot more work on my part than just providing my name and address.

Yesterday was day two of the brush-burning, so who knows how many more days we’ve got left of this shit, which I assume they’ll do again in the spring.

The weather’s been incredible. Around 60º. The heater hasn’t needed to run during most of yesterday and it looks like it’ll be that way today, too.

Yesterday really ended a lot better than it started, but first, next door’s back to stinking the place up with their damn brush-burning. Who knows how many days this will go on for? Why can’t they just shove the shit in bags and dump it with the trash? And why does everything have to be done right by our place, including the parking of the fucking car I thought they sold? Someone slammed a door to this car so incredibly hard, harder than next door ever has, and the whole place shook like an earthquake. Makes me wonder if maybe that’s what woke me up a week or two ago, rather than next door.

I don’t know who I’m more pissed at right now, Bluefly or the property management. On the 10th we’ll have a grand and if management could’ve just fucking waited, Tom wouldn’t be put out as he has been. Safeway only allows a $200 cash-back limit and we need another $100, so he’s gotta go back. Like the fuckers would starve between now and the 10th? But no, they just have to have their precious money right away. He paid a part of it yesterday and explained the situation. They said we wouldn’t be charged the $50 late fee if the rest of it was dropped off over the weekend, which is what he’s trying to do. Meanwhile, if Bluefly doesn’t credit us by Monday, we’re gonna lose the cable for a few days and have to pay a $50 fee to reactivate it.

Thanks, God. This is just what we need. We needed this wonderful trip down memory lane, struggling, being your little bums.

For all I know I may still be right when I predicted we’d have money problems all our lives. Until we get the check, we can’t do shit with EFO to find out if I’m right or wrong.

I saw Liz, but she didn’t see me. We were two registers away. She had her hair up which I think looks the worst on her.

Kim came over yesterday to see if she could use a phone to activate her new phone, but as I told her, Tom had our only phone with him. We ended up chatting for about 10 minutes before she went to the old lady’s house on the other side of her to get it activated.

The first thing she said when she stepped into the house was that it smelled good in here. I gave her a stick of incense and one of the burners I’ll never sell.

I asked if she had a roommate and she said her mother was staying with her for a while, but it didn’t work out. Century is actually her aunt, which I was surprised to learn. I didn’t think an aunt would visit her niece that much. When I told her I had worried she was moving, she said she wasn’t, but maybe she would in a year when she goes up to Eugene. She’s from here and she hates the winters too, she said, after I told her we hope to go to a warmer place next summer.

She did get the same letter about management’s bullshit claim that the drain problem was tenant-caused, just like I figured. I guess she must’ve talked to them about it at some point and they’re pretty sure it was her because they mentioned tampons and Q-tips being present. That’s when she informed them that she doesn’t get periods because she takes birth control. She’s lived here for two years and I think the problem started building up way before she entered the picture, filthy or not.

She is working graves, though she didn’t say what she was doing. She just said she had trouble paying her rent once too, and was freaking out with no job and that she lost her cable as well. I guess she spends most of her time watching movies. She also says that once a year you can get out of having to pay the late fee, so I told Tom to mention that if we can’t get the rest of the damn rent paid over the weekend, though I think we will.

She’s paying $285 for that little shack and agreed we’re paying too much, too. She said she’s so cramped in there that she can’t sit on her toilet without having to have a foot in her shower stall, a hot spot for spiders. She has no sink in her bathroom either.

I told her we were laughing at how she must’ve been surprised and even thought there was a real person standing in the bedroom when she cut through to use the bathroom the last time she was here. She said she wasn’t though, and that she knew it was a mannequin and that they’re way cool.

She said we’re the best neighbors she’s had in a long time and that the last people used to park in her driveway, and I guess they accidentally turned her water off, too. Well, she better enjoy us while we last, because if we do leave sometime in June, the rest of the summer’s going to be anything but peaceful for her. I’m sure the next people will be barbecuing up a storm back there, though they’ll probably hang out in front for the most part. The back door is just too fucked up. It needs to remain sealed or else you’ll get a hell of a draft and tons of bugs. Besides, you’d lock yourself out if you went out and shut the door behind you.

Anyway, I told her she’s the best neighbor we’ve had since Tom and I have been together, even if the car doors do get a little vibrant. She said she’d watch that, but I think Aunt Century should watch it more. She’s the one that parks right outside my bedroom.

Later…

At last, the rent is paid! Poor Tom, though, is still coughing his ass off and never having just one day off to just relax and do nothing. Now, all we have to do is hope the cable doesn’t get shut off.

Liz was gone when he went back to Safeway for the rest of the money and groceries. That makes me think she’s on 1st shift unless she was on break.

These last couple of days have been pretty shitty and it’s mostly due to the big sweeps I’ve won. In fact, I’m seriously considering stopping sweeping till after the damn cruise I never should’ve won, thanks to all the fucking hassles. It’s been more work and stress than fun lately and it’s been costing us big time as well. I entered the record-high count of 300 sweeps that came in on the 1st and most of yesterday’s newbies, but I haven’t done the dailies or today’s newbies. Believe me, I’m tempted to, though, because it gets addicting and it’s been my job for a year and a half now, and perhaps there won’t be any more big wins to sweat over for a while, seeing how compensated I was with a record low of just 6 wins last month. But then again, maybe I would win big again, depending on how long the compensation is scheduled to last. Either way, when the fun turns to a loss of money, sleep and time, it loses its appeal. It really does. It seems our only gain lately is stress and the only good that brings is weight loss, even if it’s only a few pounds. Meanwhile, I guess I’ll try to focus on writing for the remainder of the year.

The only good thing is that my clothes from Bluefly should get here today. Tom says bad things always happen to us in groups and that there’s no threat of being evicted, but first he couldn’t pay the rent cuz of his cold, then yesterday when he went to withdraw money for a money order to take to the management company during lunch, the ATM locked up and froze a certain amount of money in our account. It’s still locked too, which means that he’ll have to go in and explain it to them at lunch and why he can only pay half the rent at this time and deal with the late fees, etc. Plus there’s a good chance the cable will be turned off in a few days because Bluefly needs 3-5 business days to transfer the $200 credit to our card, according to what they told me when I called them, assuming they don’t fuck up again.

All this shit started with the cruise which spawned all kinds of other problems. It’s like I’m being punished for winning! If it hadn’t been for the cruise, Bluefly’s fuck-up wouldn’t have caused us to be in the jam we’re in now, and if it hadn’t been for us waiting on that $2500 check, I wouldn’t have been up 21 hours yesterday for no reason at all. Here we are stressing over money all over again just like old times and it really pisses me off! And once again, when others fuck up, we pay. But I knew that all good things eventually come to an end and that we were only given a temporary break from struggling. How many of these win punishments are connected to EFO, I don’t know, but I do know that if there is a connection, things are bound to get worse. If whatever’s up there doesn’t want us getting rich, it’s not going to just stop it from happening, it’s going to break us down, kick us back to where we were before, and see to it that we’re dirt poor for the millionth time.

The reason I was up so long yesterday was that UPS left a delivery-attempt notice on the door the day before with something that required a signature. We thought it was the check, but all it was was that damn shirt and cap I won on account of the Tonners which didn’t get delivered till the early evening! So I was up forever and on top of it all Tom’s been having to work all kinds of unwanted overtime, is pretty exhausted himself, and has not fully recovered from his cold. He’s still got a bad cough. What was even more frustrating was that Tom got the package and wasn’t even asked to sign for it. Why the fuck would someone have to sign for a damn shirt and cap in the first place, then not have to sign at all the next day?

Lastly, to add even more annoyance to the picture was Century. Yeah, despite the rainy weather, she came around when I was trying to rest in peace and slammed doors on and off for a half-hour doing whatever shit they do when she visits. Yet to put on music to drown her out would’ve been drowning out anyone knocking on the door, so I was forced to deal with it.

Just why is this all happening to us all of a sudden? What did we do to ask for this shit? Is it compensation for winning big? A warning to back off of EFO? I know one thing for sure and that’s that we’re going to start paying the rent a few days before the 1st so that when he’s sick or the account gets frozen or whatever, at least there’s no issue there. I sure as hell would rather lose the cable than get evicted. Unless God wants to force us to move into a place that’s noisier than this, there shouldn’t be any real threat of eviction because this place is noisy enough. You know those are the hardest places for us to escape.

I suppose if I get too bored I can do limiting sweeping by staying away from those that’ll cost us or that require credit card info. If I win any of those I’ve already entered, I guess I could always forfeit the prize.

Another Halloween in the city has come and gone. Although I didn’t get up till 8:30, I never saw or heard any animals. I thought one threw something at the truck and smashed a window at one point, but all was fine when I went out and checked.

The blimp’s been slamming in and out all morning, but not in an overly obnoxious way.