This is the day I was admitted to the Brattleboro Retreat in 1981. It’s been 8 years since that rather traumatic day. It still seems my past is something so embarrassing and humiliating that I’ll always have to live with and run around trying to cover up and hide from everyone all my life. On the other hand, I’ve become very proud of my background cuz I’ve come such a long way and have developed so many different skills and talents. Not too many people make it out on their own for 4 years after going through what I’ve gone through and being where I’ve been. Brattleboro and Valleyhead were like Alcatraz. You go there and you either come out dead or alive and if you’re alive, you’d better hope you’re sane!

Later...

Well, I just finished playing the piano, and believe it or not, I could play Can’t Stay Away from You, but my timing was way off, as usual. As far as the Canciones de mi Padre book, I got absolutely nowhere. I tried Por un Amor and La Ciggarra only to fuck up left and right. I did start composing Rooms on Fire, but first I want Andy to write me the lyrics. As far as sheet music is concerned, well, it’s much easier if I just compose and write the music myself on piano staff paper by ear. Obviously, this is why God and Nana and Pa gave me the gift of perfect pitch, so I’ll use it. As far as other songs I need to compose, well, there’s My Time Has Come, Carry Me Away and the last two songs I recently wrote which are On and On and Dreaming and Believing.

When I was jamming with Jeanie in #15, she played and sang me a song she wrote, and it was beautiful. She says she’ll give me a demo of it so I can sing it and play it on la guitarra.

I still need to learn the rest of Gloria’s tape and the Judds, too. Cuts Both Ways and River of Time.

I was teasing Nerve earlier over the phone. Andy was so right when he said, “What a sucker to take all that abuse and let you use him.”

Well, he’s got nothing better to do as desperate as he is and males are only good to use, but he’s always paid back.

I polished my nails white earlier and I need to put on the second coat.

Later...

Yes, as usual, I am still wide awake. I’m all hyped up about being here with Andy and Juliet. We’re staying at the Suisse Chalet. I still like Howard Johnson’s better with their indoor pool which is always fairly empty, free local phone calls and their restaurant. And here, in order to get to the vending machines, you’ve got to go outside. Ain’t that weird? What about in the winter? And what do the housekeepers do in the winter? There’s no door to a hallway, only outside. They have a huge outdoor pool here which Andy and I went in and it felt great. The ride down here was unbearably hot.

After we swam Andy and Juliet decided to go to the beach, but I just wanted to hang back. Especially after being up since 8:00 last night.

We’re gonna go eat dinner and all go to the beach later. I want to see Tammy and the kids. I already made the first call to Nervous. I’m just listening to Gloria’s new tape, but God knows I’ll sleep like a rock tonight. I’m just too hyped up right now.