This was the day 9 years ago that I was admitted to the Brattleboro Retreat till December 19th. It’s so hard to believe it was a whole 9 years ago. And it was 8 years ago around this day, this month that I was admitted to Valleyhead and 6 years ago I left.

Well, last night was the finals at the Frontier and several people are pretty pissed off including me, Brenda, Andy, Andy’s sister Marla and others. Once again it was 100% fixed just like the Pub. 500-pound Sue, who looked totally ridiculous, won. Rachel, whom I hear was boring, got second place. Renee got third. Renee is good, though, and so is Bruce who decided at the last minute he was going to perform. I’m telling you, when it comes to amateur productions in a meat marketplace they fuck over any decent person who’s got talent. Another thing is that they hate real women. They’re jealous. Plus, it’s all about popularity, too. Sue’s an ass-kisser and knows everybody and probably fucks everyone and parties with everyone. She has been nice to me, though. She bought me an $11 pair of shoes I needed for Vogue, helped me with my hair and made all the people that lost flowers. It’s still not fair though. They’ve fixed these things before on me, Andy and many others. Of course, Dedra will win the finals at the Pub.

Also, Brenda told me one of the judges they call Roxy gave her dirty looks and Brenda overheard her say, “Oh, she’s just using Jodi,” in the bathroom. All bitter, spite and jealousy cuz she’s not a real woman and the bitch can’t sing. I can’t wait to confront this bitch. I never even saw or met this queen before in my life and neither has Brenda. Andy knows her, though.

Andy’s sister Marla videotaped the show so I’ll have to see it. Andy says he liked my singing and so did many other people and yes, there are a lot of good honest caring people there but always the one or two jerks get in the way and fuck everyone and everything up.

In the dressing room, Bruce and a few other people said they were pissed Roxy was one of the judges cuz she’s unfair. They also lied when they said the judges wouldn’t know anyone and there’d be no favoritism. Everyone said Carl’s singing sucked. I feel he hit some very high powerful notes well but yes, he went quite flat on a few notes and really poured it out too much. I did have a lot of fun with rehearsals and the performance and I do have true and sincere friends there, but life sucks and it’s just not fair. Now all I have to do is wait for Sunday so I can hear some more depressing news about that band Cue. That’s if they even call me, and you know what that means if I’m the one who has to pick up the phone and call them.