Several things have happened since I last wrote and one of them wasn’t so funny. I’ll update all the little stuff first. Laurie’s definitely straight and hung up on her boyfriend.

Lyle moved and stood me up tonight and two nights ago about taking me to practice and a gig. Last Monday night, Lyle and his kids and I went to one other band member’s house. The bass player. I also met the drummer and the other guitarist. They were all nice and the rehearsal went well. I was ticked off about being stood up with Wednesday’s rehearsals. I gave up going to the Sheridan that night to end up doing nothing. That night at the Sheridan there was supposed to be the same modeling and search seminar that Kim and I were going to go to in Springfield till her car got rammed. It ain’t meant to be. Now I know that for sure. Plus, a business like that is a sure way to meet all kinds of rapists and perverts. Even more so than music.

Next time I speak to Rick, I’m gonna demand some facts. Will he transport me instead of Lyle? Is he serious? Does he really want me in his band? Did he speak to Mitch from the country & western band? In plain simple English, I wanna know what’s going on. Over and over he complimented me on my singing, guitar playing and even the keyboards. So what’s wrong? I’ve never stood them up or said or done anything I shouldn’t have. Why do they always back out? Is this my compensation for being hired twice in only 5 auditions total? When will I ever get someone who’s serious?

I just saw a show with people like me who have premonitions, visions and have made predictions. But if it’s so meant to be, as I’ve always felt, when is serious shit gonna start happening? I’m reluctant to mention this to Tammy and Bill cuz they’re only gonna twist shit around or pin the blame on me. They put words in my mouth while they insist they’re not calling me a liar. A major example is last Easter Sunday. On Easter, Bill’s sister and niece were over for a big dinner. That was the day I woke up at 10 AM with a bad attack after only 4 hours of sleep. The previous 4 or 5 days I’d only slept a few hours also. I was unable to sleep at night and was always being woken up by next door. And believe it or not, I was in the living room asleep with the earplug in. I knew I couldn’t control the attack and called 911.

Barbara came over and I rambled on about how hard the complications were to deal with at times. She told the EMTs we’re on two different schedules. Suddenly I became worried about how to get back home. I knew there were no buses and that Tammy was tied up. Tammy has had and is having her share of physical and mental anguish. I did not want her or anyone else to know my business and there was nothing she could do. Especially when Barbara came out and said she’d bring me home. I had no idea after they took me away and she locked up that she was gonna call Tammy, but she did.

After I was treated and released, there was a message that Tammy had called the hospital and for me to call her. Although she encourages me saying that if anyone could work things out it was me, she’s siding with Barbara, saying I let myself get stressed out and I should’ve stayed home. First of all, this situation is no one’s fault, although it has been quieter next door and easier to sleep. I also don’t “let” myself get all stressed out and in this situation, it’s pretty hard to avoid it. Lastly, you know when you can’t control an attack and need oxygen and an updraft. There’s no guessing and assuming you can control it at home. I’ve had enough experience with this to know. The EMTs said the same thing. That was really low of her about the stress, partly after her saying she herself had to go to the ER due to Ma’s shit when Ma was there last summer. Ma’s a bitch, but I’d rather one day with her than to live here and deal with this place on a daily basis. I never once came out and blamed her for bringing on her own stress and saying I don’t feel sorry for her, she asked for it, etc.

She asked me why I call Barbara up and cuss her out which is BS, and Barbara can tell her so like she told me she would.

That’s what pissed me off about Tammy. Now here’s what pissed me off about Bill.

Tammy and Barbara misunderstood each other about who’d be picking me up. Eventually, Bill did and Tammy was upset about that which wasn’t my fault. When Bill picked me up I asked him to stop at a gas station. The drugstores and everything else were closed. I told him I had to get a few things. He said cigarettes were what I wanted and I said yes, that was one of the things. I said loud and clear, cigarettes, candy and pads. He said they don’t sell pads there. I said they did cuz I’d seen them before in there. However, they were out of stock with them so I got some cigarettes and a candy bar. When I got in the van, he said, “Don’t fuck with me. I know you got cigarettes.”

I said, “Yes I did and I told you on the way here that I was getting them.” I also told him he’s not my daddy and I’m not a child and I had no reason to lie or feel intimidated by him or anyone else.

Tammy said Bill said I never left the counter. I didn’t need to as the place is so small. You can see everything from the counter. She said, “No one’s calling you a liar, but my husband wouldn’t lie.”

I said, “You guys are my sister and brother-in-law. Not my parents and your husband IS a liar.”

She hung up on me and called back the next day as if nothing ever happened.