I flushed the remainder of my Theodur down the toilet!

I was wrong. Those dogs are still there. I just heard them. I also heard the baby cry. Are they living in their trailer for now? But why would they do that, rather than stay in the house? And why disconnect the phone so early? I thought they were staying with someone else till they moved out of state. Or at the new house if they were staying in the area.

Last night they all drove in and I spied on them with the lights off from the window in the music room. I could see partly into the house. Their living room is a good size and it looks like it’s connected to their kitchen like the apartment I had on Bell Rd. was. I could see a few folding chairs, a radio, a plant, and that was it.

The weird thing was, though, I saw Lenore pick up what I think was a phone. She looked like she held it up to her ear for about 20 seconds, then she moved out of view with it. If she went to pick it up to see if it was disconnected, then why did it take her so long? It only takes 1 second. Not 20 or 30.

Tom just left for work and I’ve got the music cranked louder than I ever have before.

Now they have their trailer hitched to their van, and Tom says they’ll probably leave today. I wonder how well they can hear this music over all those screaming kids? If they can hear the words, then I’m sure they’ll really appreciate Sexy Motherfucker by Prince.

Later...

Holy shit. I just went out back to see if I could hear the music and I couldn’t. How weird. I mean, that music’s too loud even for me. I moved on out to the kitchen.

Today I’m gonna figure out the chords to the song The Sweetest Gift on the guitar, cuz I really love that song and want to record it. A couple of days ago we videotaped me singing Allison while he played keyboards and some of it was pretty good. There were a few notes that were pretty nasally, too. As a trained singer, certain things become so much a part of you that you can’t deprogram. Subconsciously, we breathe differently than those who don’t sing. Other things take serious focus and concentration, so when my mind wanders, or if anything sidetracks me, I get lazy and screw up some of my vowels.

This morning Tom sealed up the cats and the notes but when he went to seal up the notes some of them ran so I’ve got to color in a background.

Later...

I’ve got to clean my CDs. Some of them are really skipping. Soon I’ll call AOL now and see what mail is there.

I’m on the phone right now with Karson who’s not in a great mood. Right now I’m playing her a song she likes by KC and the Sunshine Band that I think sucks. After I get rid of her, I’ll write all about my phone conversation with my mother.

Later...

The van and trailer are gone now. Maybe all of them, their dogs, and stuff are gone. I can’t believe the house hasn’t sold yet, although Tom said the house was for sale for months before they moved in. I didn’t know that. Oh, it’d be so wonderful if no one was there for 4-6 months. Either way, though, whether the house sells now or in a few months, I must face and go through the inevitable, as I said before. There’s no avoiding it. It can be delayed, but not avoided. Oh, how I wish one of the 4 houses across the street with no dogs, no kids, or older kids all grown up could be plopped down next door and their house thrown across the street! I can dream, can’t I?

I had a great talk with my mother, but there’s one thing she said that’s got me contemplating lying to her and telling her I’m dancing. She said, “Get a little job, work with kids or at a hospital. Be a little more independent.”

She knows I am independent and that I have my share of responsibilities around the house, but since there’ll be no kid, I may as well make them a bit happier with a little lie and say I’m dancing part-time which I told her I was thinking about. It won’t hurt anyone.

Why is it that people think that those who are home with no kids are doing either nothing or not enough? Just cuz I don’t have a child doesn’t mean I can’t occupy my time well today, next week, next month, next year, and every year after that. It’s not always easy, though, and I have my moments of laziness and boredom, but I try. I try as hard as I can. Tom and I share our lives together and do things together, but aren’t each other’s parents. He can go to the racetracks or do whatever he wants and so can I cuz we know we’re #1 to each other and where our top priorities are. If he wanted to go out, but I was sick and needed him, I know all I’d have to do is ask him to please stay home and help me out and he would. The same goes for if he were sick. Meanwhile, we’re free agents with excellent judgment as to what to do and when to do it.

First Mom told me she sent out a package to us yesterday. She was teasing me by saying it was many bars of soap, toilet paper, and other non-edible stuff. Get it? She’s referring back to the days when I was broke. That’s the type of stuff they’d send me. If I don’t get the package tomorrow, I’ll probably get it Monday.

Naturally, I’m skeptical when she says that next summer is her target for coming out here, but nonetheless, she tells me she always thinks of me and has never stopped loving me.

Later...

I was talking with Andy, so I’ll finish with what my mom and I were talking about before I get into what Andy and I were talking about.

Mom said she realized the Brattleboro Retreat was wrong, but that she