The babies are doing fine. It’s so cute how sometimes all 3 adults nestle in with them. It’s amazing that they don’t get smothered with 3 mice sitting on top of them.

As soon as I got up, fed the animals and made my coffee, Paula started my day with a good laugh. She says it’s sleeting there and that the place is all iced over. Also, there’s no school there today, so I had to deal with at least a little of her screaming at Justin.

I’m now on step 2 of the Nicorette program. For the first 6 weeks, you have a piece of gum every 1-2 hours, but now it’s down to a piece every 2-4 hours. For weeks 7, 8, and 9 it’ll be that way. Then for weeks 10, 11, and 12, I’ll be at a piece every 4-8 hours. So, I’m halfway through the program and should be getting more mail from the company soon.

Later...

Got more pictures in the mail yesterday. I was wondering where the pictures were that I took of Spunky when we first got him. And it turns out that I did take pictures of Gizzy the gerbil, too, so Mom, Dad, and Tammy will each have a couple of envelopes of pictures to look forward to.

My folks left a message saying that they’ll update me on their trip in a few days, but first, they have to catch up at the store.

I’m really really pissed at Tammy. So pissed I could wring her neck! I should’ve known better when I wrote something about Tammy not making Lisa feel it was her fault that she got sexually assaulted. I’m sure that in the beginning she didn’t, but Lisa told me when we talked the other day that she called her own daughter a slut and told her that as far as what happened, she brought it on herself. Can you believe that?! I can, cuz that’s typical Tammy, but how sick can she be? How sick can anyone be to blame someone for someone else’s sick behavior? Especially a 14-year-old? Tammy has a way of seeming to be on your side one minute, then pouncing on you in the next minute. If there’s another good thing to never having a child, it’s that she and my parents would make me feel like I couldn’t handle it or that I’d be a lousy mom, if they didn’t come out and just say so. Maybe they’d have been right, but who would they’ve been to talk? I hate it when people pretend they can handle something or do well at something when they can’t, and then turn around and either tell or imply to others that they can’t either.

Lisa also told me what it was that she wrote that set Tammy off. Lisa started a journal, at the advice of her social worker, who she says also says it’s her fault and poor Lisa believes it, too. Tammy was rude enough to go and read it and I guess the problem was all about Lisa being friends with a bad boy. Lisa said she understands her parents not wanting her to hang out with kids on drugs, but she says she really cares for this guy as a friend. Lisa also told me she’d never write down that we talk, much less tell anyone.

Anyway, I told Lisa it was not her fault that some pervert hurt her (someone had to tell her what’s true). No matter what you do, say, or wear, a sick person is a sick person and we are not responsible for the actions of others. Parents should do their best to raise their kids to behave and all that and set good behavioral examples, but after that, we’re all on our own, all responsible for our own behavior. Not anyone else’s. Others may influence how we act, feel, think, believe, or our attitude, but that’s about it. We don’t control them and what they do.

Boy, do I have mixed emotions about God and Tammy. Tammy never should’ve had kids and God shouldn’t have allowed her any, but if she didn’t, I’d never have my niece Lisa as part of my life.

Tom doesn’t have a cold after all. Maybe he was just tired, as usual. Still, something will act like there’s a real pregnancy to avoid. Of course, we’ll also be busy, but that’s nothing new. God’s got to keep our time for sex, or for anything, in spurts. The positive side of it, though, is that it makes what time we do have more special.

Also, Ziggy went upstairs and came down without a problem, so I guess she just felt more comfortable waiting till she had the babies. Now my question is, is Shy pregnant? I doubt Cocoa is, but who knows with Shy?

Later...

Here we go with the bull. Tom’s implying that he’s gonna get off like hell tomorrow. When he works out his fears and paranoia - maybe.

I reminded Tom about the city letter, and now he wants to wait for a little to see if there’s a pattern. I knew it! I knew he’d stall and he’s gonna keep putting it off and making excuses with the false hope of my changing my mind about it. He still says he’s sure this letter will work, too, but I know it won’t. But if I can get him to send it and show him that it won’t work, then I can go and take care of next door myself in a way that will work till God punishes me for it.

Anyway, as far as patterns go - there is a pattern. There’s been a pattern for most of the time they’ve been here. At the same time, there’s a pattern, though, there isn’t a pattern. Meaning, instead of banging in loudly 2-4 times a day. It’s now usually twice a day and it’s sometimes not too loud. Also, the times vary. There’s no set time for when he comes and goes. He could leave at 7 AM and return at 5 PM one day, then leave at 8:30 AM and return at 7 PM the next day. Even so, he’s had about 3 different patterns in the times he’s actually lived there. First it was the loud music 2-4 times a day. Then it was no music, but the dog and the car doors. Now it’s car doors and music about twice a day that’s sometimes not too loud.

The asshole’s now beginning to park just outside the carport now where I can see him, now that the weather’s chilled down.

Like I said, if he or the city can’t or won’t do anything about their shit, I will.

We drained the pool some more today and it’s just about empty. There’s still a little bit in the Jacuzzi part.

Andy left 3 messages, 3 minutes each, telling me that he likes his job.

Again, I really like and care for my pal Paula, but boy is she a doofus! She doesn’t know who the father of either of her sons is. It’s fine to be a slut, cuz you know me. Whatever turns you on and to each their own is fine. But Jesus! Know the father of your kids for crying out loud!

She’s so full of shit too (unintentionally), saying that she didn’t know she was pregnant till she was in the 6th month and then she tried to tell me she had screwy periods till she was 6 months pregnant, then they stopped completely. First off, it’s impossible to not know you’ve been pregnant for 6 months. You’d have to be showing, be sick, or feel it moving around. Secondly, if you had that much bleeding, that fetus would be wiped out for damn sure.

It’s amazing how it wasn’t till this year that I really, really began to see and understand just how spacey and out of touch with reality Paula is. Sometimes, it takes being out of a person’s life for a while, then re-entering it, to see them for who they are. I knew she wasn’t too stable and that she was lacking at least a part of her brain back when we were neighbors, but not like I know it now. I was just too fucked up with too many of my own problems to be as receptive as I am now.

Later...

I’m so fucking pissed! Thanks, God. Thanks for rewarding me with next door going back to the way they were when they first got here for my not smoking and for my never doing shit to these people to deserve this. I swear to God, I’m gonna be out back making a ruckus every night that I’m up and I don’t care how much sleep I lose over it.

There were 6 helicopters swarming around the area really close by, and you know how loud those are. Yet over that, the fucking freeloader could be heard leaving louder than he has in well over a year. Tom heard it, too. I mean, we’re right back to where we started at the very beginning. Then, he came back just as loud. Tom was right when he said that in time, they’d go back to their same old shit after our screaming match, so I’d like to think he could be right about this letter shutting him up, but no way. And if it did, these fucking sick mother-fucking freeloaders would do something else. They’ll go out and get another dog or do something. Like I said, it’s either music or dogs with these sick fucks. And if it shut them up in all areas, God would have something else disturb my peace. Maybe a Mormon family will move in across the street, maybe there’ll be more construction around here, etc.

I’m gonna end up killing this freeloader! It’s just a matter of time now. When I get done with this fuck, this fuck’s gonna be out of commission for quite a while, and then when he is physically able to drive, he’ll be too fucking scared to blast that music, cuz he’ll remember. He’ll remember and he’ll have nightmares of me for the rest of his life. I really am about to be this freeloader’s worst nightmare. By the New Year, I’m sure.

Now this could be cuz they heard me talking to Tom out back and this is his way of saying, “I heard you. Now hear me.” Yeah, I hear you, you fucking black asshole. And soon you’ll be more than just hearing me! It could also be cuz they’ve figured out it’s me banging at night and why, but either way, I know they planned this the moment his bitch and I laid into each other.

What? Does he want me to do something to him or his car? He gets really loud at just about the same time he starts parking in front of the carport (as well as when the dog leaves). Is he looking for an excuse to take me to court? Well, he isn’t gonna get that, that’s for sure.

The only thing that’s improved here, is that due to the fact that these freeloaders don’t dig winter, they’re not having as much company, nor are they hanging outside gabbing.