I’m lying low right now, cuz the civil court server may be here any time now. He may try well after 5:00, figuring I don’t get home till then. Yesterday Tom said he put a card on the door saying to call him in order to avoid any inconvenience later. Oh, I’m really scared of being inconvenienced! Tom just left the card there, though, to make it look like no one’s gotten it. We don’t use the front door, anyway.

That really was packing sounds I heard after all. He hasn’t been there since Saturday, so all’s been peaceful. No music, no door slamming. He’ll be back anytime, though, and I know they’ll torment me with music and other things at some point, too.

A part of me wondered if the dog disappearing could be cuz of the city letter. Maybe they came out in person about it and she told them he just visits. Meanwhile, they saw the dog and told her to lose it. And now, could he be hiding out while she’s going through her legal troubles? I doubt that one, though, cuz this would be between us in court. The city would have no cause to come out to the house for this. Tom said that as far as the dog, the people who tore up their yard and replaced their main line could’ve seen droppings, or someone who came over to check or repair something else could’ve. That makes more sense if she didn’t plan to have the dog just for a little while, cuz if she felt I caused him to lose that dog, she’d make up something to drag me into court for. I told you she’s been waiting for the chance to jump out at me. There’s no proof whatsoever that I was behind this bottle thing, yet she’s blaming me anyhow.

Well, Tom’s been finding out some good news and maybe, just maybe, we can move in less than two years. The price of an acre isn’t nearly as costly as we thought it’d be. At $400 an acre, we can use our stock money to get the land ASAP. Then we could either get a mobile home till we build the house we want. Or we can get a home assembly kit that enables you to put together a house in just a couple of days till we build the house we want.

Tom got a certificate today for processing 23 million checks! That’s a lot. He also got a gym bag and a denim cap.

Later...

I just got done listening to music for a half-hour or so, so if anyone came to the door, I don’t know about it.

Boy, is that barometer way down. I’ve never seen it so low. It’s cloudy and windy now, but are we in for that big of a storm? I just hope that whatever it does helps the pollution. It’s been awful! Worst I’ve ever dealt with during winter out here. My allergies have been miserable. Last night my nose was so stopped up and sneezy that I thought I had a cold. Singing was like old times. It’s like God just wants me to suffer one way or the other. If I don’t use cigarettes to aggravate my lungs, he sticks me with more allergy problems than I’ve ever had out here. Tom says he thinks it’s 80% pollution and 20% mice. Well, if it is the mice, I’m not gonna give in to him and get rid of them. See what I mean, though? I not only have to pay for every little thing I do wrong, but I have to pay for any happiness, too. If I had to pay with such bad allergies for the mice, imagine what I’d have had to have paid if a doctor could’ve enabled me to have a child?! He’d break my legs for it if he didn’t do something to Tom or to the baby and have it born with its hands where its feet were supposed to be or its nose where its ear was supposed to be.

I forgot to mention one other part of Andy’s trip to L.A. He went with his roommate Gary, Michelle, and her butch pal Chris. So there were 4 of them. Andy’s always been fascinated with Charles Manson and his “family.” So they went to the home of Sharon Tate, an actress who was murdered there at 8 months pregnant. It was a new home, though, and it was in a slightly different spot, but Andy recognized a certain tree that was still there from pictures taken of the crime scene. They saw a Jewish name on the mailbox and saw that there was mail in it, too. They left the mail alone but stuck in one of my wacky notes I periodically make up for him to distribute. He said that the house seemed like it was partly under construction. The front door was unlocked (I guess the residents figured no one would have the guts to go into a place where there were several grisly murders) and Andy and Chris went in and Andy played on the baby grand piano that was there. He also stuck a note of mine in the bench with the sheet music that was there.

Later...

I think someone was watching me from out back just now. I went out to chase that bitch of a cat off and their back patio light was on. A few minutes later, though, it was off and I thought I smelled cigarette smoke. I don’t know about that one for sure, but I do know that the cock smokes. I don’t know if the cock is even there, though, so maybe it was the bitch and maybe the bitch smokes. Or the teenager. But I just got a feeling that I was being watched, not that I give a rat’s ass. I mean, it’s not gonna change my life one way or another if they do watch me.

Sure is windy out now! But Bunny doesn’t mind. I stepped out to see if he wanted to come in, but nope. I don’t know how much rain, thunder or lightning will go with this wind, but we’ll see.

Later...

OK, at nearly a quarter after 8:00 at night, I’d say no one’s come out today unless they came when I was listening to music. That means that now we gotta wait and see if they’ll pay another fee for 3 more shots at me, or if they’ll drop it and go about things as they normally do, or if they’ll drop it and start even more shit.

I could be wrong, and it’d be nice if I were, but I think the freeloader’s back. I thought I heard car doors, but it’s hard to tell with the wind.

There was a local number on the caller ID box when I got up. The origin of it was unavailable. I tried to call it, with our number blocked, but all it did was ring. So I don’t know about this and the two anonymous calls that came during the weekend.

Later...

Tom is up now. I showed him how I was typing my next 4 journals, even though they’re ruled. It sure was hard to size up my margins to fit these pages. It took several tries. I’ll be using different colors, too. I thought I’d go with purple for this book, pink for the next, then cyan and green, all with bold or larger entry dates.

Yesterday was the first time in ages that we had time for sex, but I didn’t take the opportunity. I don’t know what it is with me lately, but I just don’t seem to have much of an appetite these days. Tom gave me the signal - he said he was going to go lie down. I laid down, too, as I usually do, but kept my clothes on. I just couldn’t get in the mood.

We did have a nice talk, though. He told me he was concerned that if we go to a doctor and it’s found out that I’m perfectly OK and the problem is him, how will I react? Will I blame him? Certainly not, I told him. It’s when I get suspicious that he’s lying to me and holding back on his true feelings about having a child, that I have a problem with. But he feels that I blame him for all kinds of things that are out of his control. Even things like the weather. That’s being a bit paranoid and sensitive, and I told him that. A part of me wishes it was him with the problem and not me. Guys are easier to fix, cuz they’re on the outside. We women are on the inside. I still think, though, that the problem is both of us. I think it’s mental for him and physical for me. I still acknowledge the fact, too, that he may not know he has a problem. It still could be all in his subconscious.

Later...

We finally got some rain going out there. The kittens are out there now trying to get me to come out and play with them, but it’s just too chilly. I got quite a surprise as I opened the door one time, though. As I opened it, a cat fell down in front of me. White Feet was more than halfway up the inside of the screen door, the little devil! He dropped to the ground as soon as I opened the door, though, and ran. We never have the screen door shut tight, so that’s how they can get inside it.

I had been sending Bob my drafts for quite a while. You know, the system I’ve been using for ages where I type a page or two, print it out, then copy it into my written journals. I’d send the pages to him once I’d copied them. Anyway, since I have an envelope and a few pages set aside to go to Bob, and since I’m not gonna be doing drafts in the usual fashion for a while, I’ll just use those pages and print out a bunch of bull for him. Maybe old excerpts from Springfield journals.

I guess I wore the cats out. they’re quiet now. Good. I can concentrate better.

Anyway, Tom’s gonna be off to work real soon and I’m getting pretty tired. I’ve got to get back with the proofreading, so maybe I’ll do that till I crash.