Tom’s gone to an award meeting at a place where they’re gonna be giving out stuff to their top employees. I couldn’t go, though. I guess they don’t allow employees to take anyone they know.

Believe it or not, I’m still on a schedule. Even an hour and a half behind the usual 7:30 I’ve been getting up (sometimes 8:30). The two nights before last, I hadn’t slept well at all. Nothing woke me up, but I kept waking up on my own, either to pee or just because, so I was getting kind of tired. I was sleeping erratically, too. Two nights ago I sleep from around midnight to 5:30, then for about a half-hour at 8:30, then I ended up taking a two-hour nap from 5 PM-7 PM, so I thought I’d screw up my schedule for sure by needing to catch up if I could sleep straight through which I needed and hoped to do. Well, last night, I still managed to crash at around midnight, thanks to the Melatonin, and I only woke once, fell right back asleep, then got up for good at 6:00. Technically, I won’t need to be on a schedule for the next week or so, but I want to keep it going as long as I can. I’m curious to see how long I can keep it up. I also don’t feel comfortable sleeping during more of the hours when that Ranchero could come blasting in, like today, for example. That pickup hasn’t been there all night and all day so far, which means the Ranchero’s more likely to come banging in sometime in the afternoon or evening.

I was astonished to see that next door recycled shit yesterday. They were always too lazy to in the past.

We went by three schools that were just letting out yesterday (I can’t believe they start school so early out here!) and I swear to God, not one kid was white. Everywhere I look, it’s mostly Mexicans, then blacks, then white. What is this world coming to? Tom says whites are still the vast majority, but you could’ve fooled me. I feel like they’re running us out and that we’re gonna be totally overrun with non-whites before too long. It’s both sad and scary.

They’re still trashing our yard. And theirs, too. They’re not necessarily deliberately throwing their beer cans and juice cartons in our yard, but they leave them littered all over their yard, so when we have dust storms, the wind carries their shit over here. They’re such filthy shits! Total trash. I mean, they really are filthy pigs! If I’d heard someone say that without having firsthand experience with them and seeing how they live with my own eyes and ears, I’d be like - how can you say something so mean! But it’s true. It’s so true that they really are filthy, lazy, dirty, sloppy, messy, stupid, rude, sick, inconsiderate, scummy, lying little waste products!

Yeah, well, we’re outa here in just 27 days or a little less, you shitfucks! The apartment is gonna be much worse, though, cuz the noise there will be more consistent, since next door does give me a few days of peace here and there, believe it or not, but at least we’ll be out of here and I can get all my mail out.

Can’t wait for Ciara! At least I know I’ll be awake when she comes.

As far as I know, the weekend’s been quiet. I try to keep the stereo on in the bedroom when I’m in there and in the living room when I’m in there like I am now.

The cream pickup returned some time last night or today. It’s been out front all day and doesn’t look like it’s moved. Like I said, the trips in and out have cut way down. I’m sure they’ll go in spurts. It’s at a lull right now.

The gold car came and went today, which neither of us heard, and also a shiny, silver pickup.

Friday night I had a moment’s worry for a while there, when I looked out and saw that along with the red car, a white car was out front, too. I hadn’t seen one vehicle all day till I saw these two at 7:00, and I was like, oh no. That’s that white car that banged in and out back when we talked with them. Now it’s gonna live here all weekend and be banging in and out. Well, I was only partially right, thank God. I never heard music, and it didn’t stay there all weekend like before (if it was even the same car) but it did stay overnight Friday night.

So, they didn’t wake me up, but I sure did wake up a zillion times last night, and I get so sick of this 4-hour shit! I have periods where for many nights in a row I wake up just 4 hours after I went to bed and it takes me an hour to get back to sleep.

Tom trimmed the palm trees in back and is napping now till I have to get him up for work.

We talked and lay together in bed reading, but I was right; he is taking to his advantage the fact that we don’t have to have sex regularly. He could’ve made time for it over the weekend, but fortunately, he didn’t bother me with it just like I figured would be the case. I only say “fortunately” cuz I need a break from the same old same old.

He kept his word and tried to order Sekarina, but she’s sold out, so Ciara’s coming instead! She should be here by the 2nd. She’s coming by air instead of ground. I still think I may be able to get Sekarina in the future, though, or else I’d think her item number response would’ve said, “no longer available” instead of “sold out.” Either that or be assigned to a new doll (the item number). Fortunately, they keep them around for a while cuz there are others out there like me who can’t just get something the instant they see it.

I’m hoping to get Sekarina and Chyna when we leave here, then when we get into the new house, I’ll try for those two Indian dolls from Ashton-Drake and a doll from the mall. I might buy a doll kit with any birthday/Christmas money I may get.

We had a huge storm during the late afternoon a couple of days ago that knocked the satellite signal out. I thought the thunder was a stereo at first, cuz these car stereos sound exactly like thunder. But it didn’t leak! How nice of God to sit back and watch us struggle with this leak and not be able to fix it till we get all the way up to right before we move.

Still can’t believe we got such a high offer for this house. Like Tom says, it’s like we were paid to live here.

Mary offered to take the animals if need be, which was very nice of her. Most people would never offer to do something like that.

Earlier, when Tom and I were reading, certain emotions the girl in my book was experiencing were oh so familiar to me that it brought tears of bad memories to my eyes. Tom, being the patient, loving, supportive, caring, understanding guy that he is, listened to me as I told him how I could remember being excited about things that shouldn’t be the biggest thing a 17-year-old gets excited about, like when Art would come to visit me at Valleyhead (if he wasn’t snowbound). It also went the other way around where I was bummed out about things no 17-year-old should have to be concerned with. I remember the feelings of being trapped, helpless, and having no control all too well.

Tom was such a good listener, and as I told him, he’s the most non-selfish person I’ve ever known. The only thing he’s ever considered himself more so than me (which he didn’t deny) was when it came to having a kid.

Saturday’s trip was so nice with the AC! We looked at a few pieces of land, and like I told him, the first 10-acre lot we looked at is ours! I just know it. I had an instant, strong vibe about it that said, “We’re home.” It was so beautiful, but I’m not gonna really get into being descriptive about it till my vibe is proven right and we actually buy the land. The only catch is that if we buy 10 acres, we may have to sell about 3 acres or so if the property taxes get way over our heads. Tom said that even so, there should still be plenty of room for them too, and they shouldn’t bother us. Like I said, God will find a way to bring noise to me anywhere I go, but there’s no way it could be as noisy there as it can get here. Not even close.

I have both wonderful and shocking news!

First, I went and got my retainers. Yes, they are way better than braces, although trying to talk with these things is a nightmare. Melanie said that her first week with the retainers was like - oh God! But then she got used to them. True, cuz when you hear her talk, you’d never know she had anything in her mouth. It’s also hard to drink with these things. The bottom ones make swallowing hard and the top ones make talking hard. I was a little sore at first, and still am, but I don’t have any irritation like I did with the braces.

The designs aren’t as nice as I hoped they’d be. The tie-dye colors aren’t as nice as I thought they’d be, and the pink glitter’s not as shiny as I thought it’d be. I should’ve gotten the musical notes and the ants. Yes, you heard right. I did say ants. They just looked so cool and so lifelike. At least I’m getting used to how they feel in my mouth. They’re nothing compared to braces. If having braces is like having your appendix burst, having retainers is like getting an ear canal cleaned.

Melanie sure does look much better with makeup. Yesterday she had pretty much no makeup on and she looked almost plain.

I told her I tried to get my hair into two French braids like she had hers, but couldn’t do it. I can only do one. She explained how she did it, which was how I tried to do it, but I guess I have to practice some more.

Unfortunately, I can’t have either gum or Tic-Tacs with the retainers. Not so much because they stick, but because it’s awfully awkward to chew gum with the way the retainers stick to the roof of your mouth. I don’t really like the idea of having mints or things like that that I can’t feel in my mouth when I wear these things. I don’t have to go back to see Mel and have my fillings done till September 27th, the same day we have to be out of here. Yes, we got an incredible, unbelievable, mind-boggling offer of $83,500!

First, the Ranchero shocked the shit out of me by coming and going quietly last night at around 10:00. It was too dark to see if the driver was her or him, but I still couldn’t believe it. You know how it is - when you’re moving they quiet down, but when you don’t know when you’re moving and aren’t moving they’re noisy. I’m not saying that I won’t hear from them during our last month here, cuz I know much better than that. Also, the cream pickup wasn’t around when the Ranchero was here. That’s how it usually works. The cream pick-up was here late in the afternoon, but it’s been gone ever since. The red car was in and out yesterday, too.

At around 8:00 this morning, earlier than I’ve ever seen it here, I saw the blue pickup take off. Whether or not it lives here now and stood overnight, beats me.

Tom said he read statistics that said that this area has the least amount of kids. I’m surprised. You’d think God would put me where they were most plentiful. Then again, most of the houses we can see from ours have no kids, and of course, the two that do have to be right next to us (next door and next to next door). Tom said that when he was doing the roof, he discovered an oriental family with tons of little kids two houses down, which is like three houses down with W. Weldon in the way, towards the other side of us.

We received the whole $1000 back that we had given Leona.

This has got to be the longest time I haven’t heard from Andy. We’re talking two weeks now. I didn’t say anything about his little phone call the first day the house was listed (I’ll mention that in his mail), but I called last night to tell him of the offer we got and that the house is off the market, so he can call directly anytime now. I haven’t heard from him, and believe me, if I don’t hear from him, I’m not leaving any more messages. I don’t know if he went and dumped me knowing I would anyway, or if he’s busy as all hell, or what, but if he did dump me, then I guess that’s good. That way I won’t feel as guilty about dumping him. Nonetheless, I don’t want him to call me if he doesn’t want to while we’re still here. I don’t want to make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.

I can’t believe I’ve been on a schedule for nearly two weeks!

Later...

Tom just left after coming home to eat, gather up the loan papers, have me type a quick note to enclose, and look at the property listings he picked up this morning. He’s gone to drop the loan papers off now and pick up my meds.

The mountain house is still for sale, and the ad we liked best was for a 10-acre secluded corner lot that’s rigged with utilities. He’s gonna go back tomorrow to see about buying that, then he’s gonna contact Steven who’s gonna bring the contractor in the next day.

Someone’s gonna come within the next ten days to do a home inspection in this house. It looks like we are gonna dodge fencing the pool, after all. Great!

If this deal goes through - and it better - I’ll be able to get Chyna too, and have her, Sekarina, Pine Leaf, Sacajawea, Ciara, and whatever I get at the doll store I got Bailey at. I just hope the Indian dolls and the ones from the shopping channel will still be available. I can’t wait for them and to return to the store I got Bailey at!

After just one week and two showings, someone wants this house! It is the couple who last looked at it to be buying it and we were just so shocked to learn that they put $23,000 down already! Also, it’s so weird how they barely looked at the house. They never went into any closets or anything. I really think they’re gonna rent it. I hope so. They seem way too nice to live here, but if they do, maybe they’ll be able to tolerate next door’s shit. Whatever happens, it’s not our problem or responsibility.

The catch, though, is that there’s a very good chance that we will have to be in an apartment for about a month, but fine. Anywhere but here next to these freeloaders! We’re gonna sneak the animals in, cuz it’d take them at least a month as it is to evict us, so let them evict us if they catch us with them.

I’m also excited that I can finally send my mail out in a month!

I wonder - was God having next door’s shit dumped on us as our compensation for getting such a big offer on the house and being able to get the stuff on the list for the new house, the computer stuff he wants, and an extra doll for me, too?

Poor Tom. He’s had just a few hours of sleep for many days now, but now he can finally catch up. He just went into the bedroom, and when I’m ready for bed, he’ll move to the couch. I have his stereo on out in the living room that’s even more powerful than mine, so I’ll be less apt to hear the Ranchero just as soon as it’s back to its old shit, but I don’t care! We’re out of here in just one month! As long as they don’t steal my sleep. They haven’t yet, but you never know what to expect on weekends. Anything can happen anytime, but weekends are worse, cuz it ups the chances of anyone banging by.

I was too bummed out to write for a while there, but now I’m in a good frame of mind to write.

Let me go in order of how the events unfolded.

First, at Osco, before coming home to listen to the cunt in the Ranchero, we got an electric toothbrush. It’s great. Melanie recommended it, saying it helps vibrate plaque and tartar off. Well, it sure does remind you of being in a dentist’s office with the way it vibrates. The cool thing about it is that we can both use it. It’s got separate brushes you attach to it, with colored rings to know which brush is whose. Naturally, he’s blue and I’m pink.

The best thing I got there, although that toothbrush sure was a fine investment to help kick this cavity crisis once and for all, was a 16” doll that was only $15. I got a lot of doll for just $15, too. She’s my cheapest one too, next to my first one which I stole while at the Vista. It’s hard to believe I have other dolls about her size, give or take an inch or two, that aren’t as nicely dressed and cost around $80 like Sunshine and Lollipops.

She didn’t come with a name, but I’m sure she had one that was on the box that Osco took her out of before setting her on a shelf, so I named her Ashley, and I also renamed my first no-name doll Katie, since Mystery is my nickname, and since I’ll probably end up with several no-names over the years.

When I first walked towards the shelf I noticed the other doll they had first which was a couple of inches bigger, thinking, oh good. I can finally have a black doll. However, her eyes looked totally phony up close, although her hair and her mint green dress were nice enough. She was $25.

Ashley has green eyes and long brown hair which was in two braids. I took it down, though, and brushed it out. Amazingly, she didn’t have anything on her head. No hats, bonnets, feathers, flowers, anything. Although her imitation leather shoes and purse are an ugly shade of dark green, her outfit really is nice. She has white stockings, and a pine green velvet dress with a white pinafore (blue, green, and white really are the most common doll colors!). At least I think it’s called a pinafore. It’s a white, lace-trimmed apron-like thing with straps that go over the shoulders. There’s lace that puffs out at the shoulders, as well as at the hem of the pinafore and at the sleeves of the green velvet dress. The velvet feels nice. I put my heart necklace on her and she looks quite dazzling for such a small cheap doll. She looks like she could be on her way to a fancy Christmas party. She needed some work, though. I polished her nails dark purple to give her hands definition and make it look like she had barely visible nails. I also glued the latch on her purse that tore off and wiped some dark smudges off her face. What’s weird, though, is that she has glued on and painted upper lashes. Usually, it’s one or the other and not both.

I put Bailey, Maria, and Ashley in a big box, so I’ll have just four doll boxes and one loose doll (Sekarina) when we move.

Fortunately, the cream pickup did come back yesterday, as did the red car. The red car didn’t stay there all night, though. I also saw a red pickup over there I’ve never seen before, but the Ranchero took yesterday off, thank God.

Tom suggested I don’t go skinny dipping even at night cuz he’s caught next door peering over the wall many times. Many times? Not that I don’t believe it, but I’ve only caught them looking over once and it was too dark to see for sure who it was. He said he’s seen both kids and adults looking over and he says it’s cuz they’re nosy and perverted, wanting to see me naked in the pool, but I also think it’s cuz they’re looking to see what they can steal. Amazingly, though, they haven’t stolen anything yet (they’d sure get a good laugh and be disappointed with all this flab and all these craters!).

Tom got the AC fixed in the car yesterday! It’ll be so nice not to have to sweat my way to Melanie’s today! I just hope God lets the car be OK till at least after we’re moved and are a little bit settled.

While he was having the AC fixed, he walked to the mall to get a 5-year battery for this really beautiful Gucci watch Dureen gave me, which he said the guy admired like crazy. He panicked when it came time to pay for the AC repair cuz he didn’t have his credit card. It turns out, though, that he left it at the jewelry store. He also said the AC people were so nice, cuz they told him he could take the car, get the card, then come back and pay them, but it turned out he didn’t have to. That’s cuz he had the account number on the receipt from the watch battery.

Later...

Yesterday Tom called and left a message with Steven. Instead of him calling back, he sent a couple with a male realtor to look at the house without even calling first, but at least someone was looking. They were a white, middle-aged couple who seemed very nice. The woman, who resembled Norah a little, seemed easy-going, and the guy was very complimentary towards the house. I couldn’t imagine any woman, though, wanting this house.

So, Steven did end up calling later on, but not until after he was asleep. He was so dead to the world that he didn’t hear the phone, so he contacted him this morning from work or Mary’s house. According to Steve, although we agreed not to get our hopes up, he’s got an offer on the house for us. We should’ve told Steven up front what our limit as far as offers go is so that he wouldn’t waste anyone’s time with something like a $50,000 offer.

We both think it’s the couple that came to see it yesterday since the fem didn’t seem interested and since it’s been a week since he’s seen the place. If the offer’s good and from the couple that was here yesterday - great. I want to get out of here. However, I feel a little bad for them. They seem too nice to be living next to a pack of wild freeloaders.

After he gets done taking care of our daughter, he’s gonna finish filling out the loan stuff in between her appointments and mine and do it at Mel’s if he has to, then we’re gonna drop them off. As soon as we get in, he’s gonna call Steven and he’s gonna come over and present the offer to us. Do I have any vibes? Not really. All I can say is that the numbers 71, 72, and 76 come to mind, but I don’t know if that’s connected with this offer or not. It may not even have to do with the house at all.

Tom and I had a pleasant talk after I last wrote, and here’s what we agreed to do. He’s hopefully getting the car AC fixed right now, and then he’s gonna call Steven when he gets in to get the price slashed and the sign out, which I can’t wait to show off to the freeloaders like I was supposed to last week. If that still doesn’t work, then we’ll just take whatever we can get for this house, and settle if that means getting out of here. We’ll just grab a ready-made 3-bedroom off of some manufactured home dealer’s lot, forget buying new furniture, dolls, etc., and just get the fuck out of here before I end up killing these freeloaders. Life is nothing but one big settlement and not getting what you want anyway, and he agrees with me, so fuck buying new stuff for the new house. We’ll just take what we’ve got here for furniture and use that in the new house, as dumpy as most of it is. I just can’t stay here the many more months it’d take to sell this house at a high enough price to get furniture and dolls. Tom offered to buy me all the dolls I want right now if that’s the key to making me feel like I have some say over my life, but I’m not a selfish off-brand. I wouldn’t just hog the money like that which we need for moving and not let him have any fun, either. If he can’t get stuff, neither can I. The number one thing is getting the fuck out of here and if the price I have to pay for doing that means giving up the material things I want, so be it.

He says next door’s not running my life, they’re disrupting it, but I’m sorry, they’re about as close to running it as they can get. Because of them, I have to sleep with music on and have music on when I’m awake that I don’t necessarily want on. They’ve stolen my peace and they might’ve stolen our dream home and that furniture and doll list too, although I will be getting Sekarina this weekend as far as I know unless he’s full of shit and doesn’t order her like he didn’t order the CDs.

I’m using my old portable CD player to sleep with that Steve gave me ten years ago, since my stereo stalls from time to time. He offered to get a new stereo for me or that CD changer. That’s nice of him, but for now, I’ll just use my old box and see what happens. I’d prefer to get most of the stuff we want after we move, but like I said, it doesn’t look like that’s gonna happen if this house won’t hurry up and sell at a decent price. We can’t even begin to sell something no one will come look at.

Again, as we both agreed, life’s not what we want, so I’m seriously considering quitting this story-writing I’ve been doing. Why should I bother? I won’t be allowed to do anything I want with it, so why should I make a fool of myself and waste my time trying to be successful with it while God’s at my side doing everything he can to see that I fail?

Later...

The cream pickup hasn’t been here all day. An extremely bad sign. One saying that the ranchero will definitely be here every day sometime between 2:30-7:00, so I’ll be forced to choose between listening to its music or mine. Naturally, I’d rather listen to my own if I’m gonna be forced to listen to music.

I wish Tom would hurry up and get home so he can call Steven.

I saw those figurines at Osco yesterday and decided they just weren’t that impressive the second time around, so I didn’t get any. They just didn’t have enough color. They had other figurines I had seen before that were nice, but again, the colors were dull.

I did get a birthday card for his mom.

It happened again. AAA Taxi came next door, although this time it was a white guy who pulled into the driveway. He got out, went to the house, came back, then left without taking anyone with him. Weird.

The furniture truck didn’t spend the night there last night, and the Ranchero is still taking a break, thank God!

I can’t believe I’ve kept a schedule for over a week now. In the past, when I couldn’t fall asleep till later and would want to go to sleep earlier the next night, I couldn’t. However, last night I fell asleep two hours earlier like I had hoped to. If it turns out I can really keep a schedule, then the only thing about motherhood I couldn’t have handled would be the kid itself, besides carrying it and having it. That’d be nice to know, but I still want to keep it just us two, and I know God will see to it that although I may not get 98% of my wishes, I will get this one. It’s a done deal. Something I know I don’t even have to pray for. Regardless of what a woman wants/doesn’t want, she can count on her intuition to know these things.

Later...

Here I was worried about kids coming in and trashing the place when what I really have to worry about is someone - anyone - coming to see the house in the first place! I do have a show vibe for today, though, so I changed the animals and tidied up really well.

Today my teeth are a little sore. I guess it took a while for all the pressure to catch up to them. Also, I’d say that the most cursed tooth on the bottom which was the furthest off from being straight, has started to shift back slightly. I hope there won’t be a problem fitting the retainer, but I guess they should know what they’re doing. I guess that if they thought my teeth shouldn’t be free of anything for a few days, then they wouldn’t be. It’s just that Kathy told me something that made me wonder how they could let the teeth be free for a few days. Maybe Kathy was exaggerating just so I’d be faithful with using the retainer, but she told me that if I took it out upon waking up and left it out all day, it could be a very tight fit that night when I went to put the retainer in. If that’s all it takes, then why are they letting me go for three days with nothing? Maybe it was different for Kathy, who said her teeth were so bad she had to have braces for four years. How lucky I am, then, to only have had the top for 16 months and the bottom for 8 months.

Later...

I’ll have my company keep it down, my ass! Yeah, the fucking Ranchero just blasted in. It was that kid with her two kids, not the cock. I knew, though, that they were lying through their teeth when they told the cops they’d have their company keep it down. They lie about everything, the fucking lazy, rude, selfish, sick, fucks. Ooooooooh, I want to kill them sooooo bad!!! Fucking, motherfucking freeloaders, I hate you all!!!

Well, since Tom can’t stick to doing anything we agree to do and we can’t call that non-emergency number, I’ll just keep my headphones on for the rest of the day, cuz I know it’s gonna bang in and out and in and out. Hey, didn’t I just say that the peace won’t last? I know how these fuckers operate. They may be quiet for a few days, then it’s right back to the same old shit. They just don’t care and they’re just gonna do what they want and what they want only. They think they own the world.

Why must I always pay for every little good thing I get in life? Why?! I was out enjoying myself with Tom and I got a $15 doll, an electric toothbrush for us both, and some barbecued ribs, and now God just has to compensate me with next door’s shit. He just has to! He just can’t let assholes like this leave me the fuck alone! I’m tired of him allowing people to fuck with me like this when I never did a damn thing to them to deserve it in the first place.

Later...

I told Tom I was going to call that number, cuz I was just too pissed off and wasn’t about to take this for another God knows how many more months. To make matters even worse, my stereo had to stall out on me again. It’s working now, but lately, it’s been hit or miss with the fucking thing. It’s like something up there is saying, “I want you to listen to their music! You must!” Well, why must I? Huh? Is it really that important to God that I be forced to listen to neighbor’s noise, not be allowed the right to ignore them, and have to sleep with music on the way I do and hope it drowns theirs out? Is it really fair? Is it really what I deserve? Why is God so hateful, controlling, and vengeful? I just want to be left alone! Why has that been too much to ask for since 1992?!

Anyway, when I called the number the woman said she could send a cop out to talk to them, but they could just turn the music back on when they left, so I should file a formal complaint and prosecute. I told her to forget it cuz by then we just may be lucky enough to be out of here. Tom, though, didn’t handle it very well, as usual, making me feel like I did wrong by telling her to forget it. He said he wasn’t trying to blame me for anything, it’s just that I used poor judgment. I guess he thinks I should’ve gone through with it. However, as far as I was concerned these things take too long, anyway, and may not be effective. This is why I told her to forget it. He said that it depends and that not all complaints go to court. Yeah, well, just forget it. I know God would make sure it took a lot longer than it will for us to get out of here, anyway, so what’s the point? He just refuses to help me help myself, so fuck it.

OK, God, you won. And so did your freeloaders. You happy? I’ll just live with whatever they do, and not bother to bitch to Tom if he’s gonna get all stressed out and paranoid. Besides, maybe if I just take it, God will go easier on me when we move. Maybe if I quit trying to fight him on the things he wants dished out to me, not that I could fight, he’ll just lay off me. I also don’t need to be making Tom all nervous, paranoid, and emotional in any way, so I’ll just take it. Maybe we’ll be out of here before the year’s out, and maybe things really will be quieter where we’re going.

Tom’s insisting he’s gonna call Steven tomorrow to tell him we’ve only had one showing, then slash the price next week, and get a for-sale sign, and then contact the mayor, but I know the mayor part of it, city, government, or whoever he says he’ll call is pure bullshit. He doesn’t want to deal with it. Period. And therefore, he’s not gonna do shit about next door. Fine then, but again, I hate it when he says he’s gonna do something he doesn’t do and tells me a whole new plan every week. He’s always got this bullshit story to tell me just to hold me over till we move. That’s what he’s had in mind to do all along - tell me one bullshit story after another and make one excuse after another each time I bitch about next door till we move. Well, I still say that the city is overwhelmed with these kinds of complaints and has other more important things to do, as far as they’re concerned, and that bitching to cities, governments, cops, courts, mayors, etc., won’t do shit.

Meanwhile, I’m tired of my CD player stalling, so I moved the cordless headphones, the freeloaders nearly made me break in my anger and frustration of being forced to live with their noise harassment, into the living room so I can listen to music from the satellite with no commercials (till God ends up being the one to break the headphones). It’s good how the songs overlap each other, but if I want to listen to music without going into the bedroom to use my stereo, I may have to listen to a song I either don’t like or don’t know. I hate being controlled like this! Fucking freeloaders!!!! I’m so fucking sick of them disrupting my life, stressing me out, pissing me off, and coming between my husband and I!

The braces are off!!! My teeth look great. The only thing I don’t like is that uphill climb from right to left on the bottom, and how they’re naturally pretty yellow. I’m gonna get them bleached one of these days, although they charge $500. I think it’ll be worth it, though, as long as it lasts longer than two weeks.

Tisha, the secretary, was joking with me when I first came in saying she heard I wanted to keep my braces.

Charlene’s not working there anymore. There’s a new hygienist there named Kathy. She’s nice, but her hairstyle is pitiful. It’s really short all over except for the sides. She has these long scraggly strands at the sides and it looks quite ridiculous.

She asked if I was excited and I said that I was psyched to finally be swapping in one misery for another, but she said it wasn’t like that. She said retainers were no big deal. That’s not what Mel says. Well, everyone’s different, so we’ll see.

The whole appointment took nearly two hours, and of course, it felt like I was there all day. It’s definitely easier getting braces put on than taken off, but at least you don’t have your mouth on fire for four days afterward. Kathy popped the brackets off, which didn’t tickle. It only took a couple of minutes to get them off, and most of them popped right off, but a couple were a little stubborn. After that, she had to drill and scrape like hell for what seemed like forever. I got my face splattered with water and mist, I choked on saliva and swallowed wrong a few times, I got my gums poked and bloodied, and the bonding reeked like hell as she drilled it off. It looked like I was exhaling smoke and it even smelled smoky. When she was scaling the cement at some points, it sent cold shivers through me.

After she polished me up and took x-rays, it was into Mel’s room where she took impressions. I didn’t realize I’d have to have that done again, but as she said, they couldn’t fit the retainers to my old ones. She did a better job than Anne did and I didn’t feel like I was gonna gag this time.

Then the doc came in, checked me over, and man, he just does not like to answer questions! I asked how many cavities I had and it took him forever to tell me I had three up top and a few downstairs that were just starting that they’re gonna keep a watch on (but I know this means I’ll have to have them filled at some point).

I asked him if it were common to have so many cavities with braces and he said it varies, but that yes, it’ll be much easier to clean my teeth with the braces off. Mel says she hasn’t had a cavity since she was ten years old. Lucky her!

Mel gave me my new toothbrush, a little tube of toothpaste, and some floss. It’s so much easier to floss my teeth now that they’re straight. It’s so nice to have smooth teeth and not have to deal with wax and knobs poking and irritating me. My teeth are smoother compared to what they were when I had brackets, although the surface of my teeth is still a bit coarse and seems to have been stripped of their enamel cuz of all the filing they had to do. I’m surprised I’m not sore due to all the pulling she had to do to pop the brackets.

Mel showed me a little photo album of the different designs you can get for retainers. I was shocked at all the choices. They even had ants! I picked pink glitter for the top and a tie-dye design for the bottom. They had musical notes I almost got, and they had butterflies and other cute things. Mel said I could probably get mice or rats put on, but because I wanted the glitter, which would’ve covered it, I didn’t get that. I like bright, shiny, and colorful things. What I didn’t realize was that they don’t just give you retainers the day the braces come off. It takes a few days to make them, so we’re gonna go get them Thursday. Poor Tom has to take his mother to two appointments that same day. I hate it when she gets in the way of our plans, but he says it’ll be no problem. I hope so, cuz I really get tired of feeling like she’s our daughter more than our mother/mother-in-law. One of the many reasons I don’t want a child is so I can be free of the restrictions/responsibilities it’d bring. We need time to take care of our own affairs too, and I just wish more family members would pitch in and do their fair share of taking care of her. Everything’s gotta be on Tom or Mary. Nonetheless, I’m gonna enjoy these few days of having absolutely nothing in my mouth.

He’s got a lot to do this week. Tomorrow he has to take the car in for the AC to be fixed and hopefully they’ll fix it without breaking something else along the way and charging a fortune, but either way, something else will break on that car soon enough. We’re totally cursed with cars.

Wednesday we may go out to get me those barbecued spareribs I miss so much, Ma’s final birthday card (I hope), an electric toothbrush, which Mel recommends for vibrating plaque/tartar off, and whatever else we may need.

Thursday he’s gotta deal with three appointments, and I forgot which day he said he was gonna call Steven, but we’ve got to get this house discounted or else we’ll never get out of here. We still may have a hell of a time even with a discount and I really think I’ll be here to turn 34.

As I told Tom, I’m thankful for all his support throughout the braces and for his taking the time to take me to the appointments.

I’m looking forward to ordering Sekarina this weekend (hopefully), and I’ve suggested he talk to someone live so he can tell them that twice they’ve said we’d receive dolls in ten days, which was total BS, and see what he can do to ensure that they get here on time.

Later...

I went for a quick dip in the pool at dusk after the bees turned in for the night. I was amazed at how quiet it was. I’m amazed at how quiet it’s been for the last few days, actually, and if the freeloaders could be like they have been for the last few days while we’re still here, things would be fine. I know better, though.

Typical poor, lazy freeloaders - get this: instead of having any blinds, shades, curtains, or anything like that in their living room window, guess what they’ve got hanging there? A floral sheet or towel. It might be an old blanket, but I’d say it’s a sheet.

Also, not that I’m complaining, since they weren’t hurting anything, but just to prove my point about when I said that they think they own this neighborhood - last night at 11:00, the red car drove over a corner of our yard in order to get by the pickup and into their driveway. Well, there’s nothing but good old desert dirt on that corner, so fine, as long as they keep their trash to themselves. For a while now, they have, cuz when they do hang out front, it’s been on the street. But they just totally think they own this neighborhood and can do any fucking thing they want. They think they can drive in people’s yards, put the garbage can where they want, blast music, etc. I still can’t believe, though, that I haven’t seen anyone or heard any music since last Thursday. They’re definitely night people most of the time since the pickup doesn’t move till sundown, but even then, it’s not going in and out a million times like it used to. Well, I’m just gonna enjoy the peace cuz it won’t last.

Got a ton of jokes from Kim. Like 22 messages from her. Most of them were good and I forwarded the ones I liked best to Tom and Evie.

I’m still managing to get up at 7:30 with the alarm. A couple of nights ago, I started taking Melatonin again. That natural substance that’s supposed to help with sleep. I learned that just because the Nicorette didn’t work the first time, didn’t mean it wouldn’t work the second time. So, I’m applying that lesson to the Melatonin. It worked at first, but then it seemed useless the last time I used it. Well, we’ll see how long it’s helpful to me this time around.

I’m surprised how mellow next door’s been (that I know of) this weekend. I expected them to loiter out front, as usual, but they didn’t. I also didn’t see any vehicles visiting last night, but I was out by 10:00, rather early for a pack of wild freeloaders.

My theory has been right so far - the return of the cream pickup has lessened the Ranchero’s visits. I think this is because the fat tub of shit’s been around more, and she seems to be half and half. Meaning, half the time she doesn’t give a fuck about loud music, but the other half, she wonders if it would be smart to risk eviction. And I have to agree with Tom - I think yes, they are rude to anyone in general, but I also think they like to go one-on-one like they have with me. I think some of their shit is aimed at me, and some they’d do anyway regardless of who was around and who did/didn’t complain.

Last night they took a break, but the two or three nights before that I heard a few loud, deliberate door slams coming from the carport. I’m almost certain this was done by fatty, too. This, for example, had to have been aimed at me. Well, it won’t work as far as waking me up goes. The blacks already tried that when that bitch and her boy toy would slam doors real loud over and over and over.

I haven’t seen the silver car come or go and I really think that’s broken too, along with the van. But now we have 4 vehicles living there - the silver car, the van, the furniture truck, and the cream pickup (I hope the pickup stays). Like I said, why doesn’t she just have everyone she knows move in? Why not have the blue pickup move in, too? And the striped van? And the gold car? And everybody?

I like how the pickup has been blocking their driveway. That way the Ranchero can’t pull up in between the houses, even if it is still too loud from the street, anyway. They’re doing this cuz the furniture truck and the pickup together are too long to be in front of just their yard. I’m surprised they had the decency to block their driveway and not the one next to them since their driveway is adjacent to their yard. Ours, though, is a yard away, fortunately. I don’t imagine that they will, but that’s fine if they want to block our driveway, cuz we’ll just have the vehicle that’s blocking it towed.

I can’t believe how much the constant trips in and out have cut down for the most part. There are some days when vehicles go in and out, but I only saw the pickup make one trip yesterday. Deb and some beefy guy with a shag that’s connected to the furniture truck made the trip.

Since fatso likes cops, I’m making a point of putting bullshit accusations on every other page, so that each piece of paper accuses her of doing something like beating us up, vandalizing the house, cussing us out, yelling racial slurs, etc. This way, if she does decide to run to the cops, she can’t show them anything I’ve written that’s true without them seeing these bullshit accusations too, which won’t make her look very good. She may not care, though, but let her show it to the cops. It’s the same thing I say with the blacks, cuz I know the laws. I know they can’t do anything to me for what I’ve written. If I did something to them, that’d be different. Cops act on actions, not words.

Yesterday was absolutely ridiculous - no one came to see the house. No one! And Tom said the weekend would bring more people and Steven said we’d have a lot of showings. Bull fucking shit! I told Tom we’re never gonna get out of here till we take 10 or 20 thousand off the price, and he said that when we do cut the price it’ll sell in a day (yeah, right!). Also, people are more interested in houses that have been discounted, rather than that start off cheaper. If they start off cheaper, it’ll make people think there’s something wrong with the house. He still swears we’ll be out of here in two months, but I don’t know if I trust him. I’ve seen him be off on his timetables way too many times, and overestimate things way too often. He still insists it’s important for us to wait till after next weekend before we slash the price and that having only one person look at the place in four days is normal. Especially in the first four days it’s been listed. Well, we’ll see, but I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be turning 34 in this house. It’s been delayed a few months at a time since last March, so why not keep on delaying it? We can’t make anyone want to buy this house no matter what the price is, and God could see to it that no one wants it if he wanted to. I would hope he wouldn’t do that to us, though, and that he’d take a break from his let’s-stick-Jodi-with-neighbor’s-noise obsession. There’ll still be noise in the new place and I think we’ve been here long enough and have worked hard enough to move. We deserve to move on now!

As I told Tom, though, the fem wasn’t the least bit impressed. He said no one’s gonna be “impressed.” They gonna say that this will do. Yeah, that makes sense, since this certainly is no impressive house.

I made a point of mentioning several times to Tom how good it is to know I can go weeks in between sex without getting irritated. Why? So he’ll use that to his advantage which would also be to my advantage. Although I said we could have sex as often as he wants, and although he says he wants more sex, I know better by his actions. He has a very low sex drive. And so do I. Therefore, telling him we don’t have to worry about going too long and getting me irritated, will lead to his not initiating sex for weeks at a time for some reason or another, and that’ll suit me well, too. It’ll give me a break from the same old, predictable boring shit.

He says he still thinks I can and will conceive naturally. You mean he still believes that shit?! Good, God! I asked him how many years it’d take for him to see that, fortunately, since I do prefer life over a child, I can’t conceive. He said six more. Oh, so he needs over a decade to believe me, huh? I think he’ll be forever in denial. He’s a very arrogant, stubborn guy at times, who’s obsessed with disagreeing with me. When I’m 60, he’ll be telling me I could’ve conceived, but that I just didn’t, which would be a joke cuz people either can and do conceive, or they can’t and don’t conceive. I can’t conceive, I never will, and I’ve never been wrong about that yet, so why should I start? Deep down, though, I don’t think he really believes I’ll conceive someday. I think he just says that so he can disagree with me, but that deep down, he knows I won’t cuz I haven’t yet, and cuz he knows he’s gonna hardly ever cum.

There’s another thing I don’t understand - why hasn’t God inflicted me with female problems? Why did he see to it Tom had a low sex drive? Why did he see to it that he rarely came? These things just don’t fit into someone who’s destined to be forever childless whether or not she wants to be. I know God doesn’t have to do anything to carry out his plans for us, and fate is fate no matter what, but you’d still think he’d have me have to have a hysterectomy, or that Tom wouldn’t be able to get hard at all. The only way Tom’s sexual ways would make sense would be if God did have it in our cards to have a kid, but he just wanted us to wait, and since we know that’s not the case, how do Tom’s ways fit in? I guess it’s a separate issue, although he is how he is just like I am how I am. My low drive and lack of cumming, though, don’t matter and is irrelevant cuz a woman can still screw when she’s not totally in the mood, and she doesn’t need to cum to conceive.

Later...

So far, nothing’s gone on next door since I’ve been up. The furniture truck hasn’t moved, the cream pickup went out once, and the blue pickup visited, and that’s all. The blue pickup parked on the street, too. The cream pickup’s in front of their driveway, the furniture truck’s in front of their yard just behind it, and I guess the blue pickup managed to squeeze in behind that with no trouble.

I just hope Deb sticks around as much as I hate her flabby guts, cuz there’s definitely much less music when she’s here. The house stereo would only be loud when she was out, except for when they had their big bash upon moving in, and the Ranchero basically only comes around when she’s not here. This is why I think that for the most part, Deb would prefer the music to be kept down so there’s no shit between us for her to have to deal with, but then there are some times when she just doesn’t give a fuck and feels the need to rebel every now and then. Just to know you’ve done something you know someone doesn’t like even for just a minute or two, can mean a lot to you if you’re the type of assholes they are.

Tom’s slowly, but surely getting over his cold which I’ve managed to escape catching so far. I was pissed at him earlier for his typical shit - not being able to find stuff cuz he’s gotta be such a disorganized slob. We can’t find our tax returns for ‘97 and ‘98, but he says he’ll find them somewhere. Well, he better or he better get copies or find some other alternative, cuz we need to get the fuck out of here. I can’t wait for the next weekend to hurry up and pass by so we can slash the price on this house! We’re never gonna get out of here in two months at this rate!

I suggested to Tom that we deserve a break what with the delays, setbacks, and shit we’ve had to deal with, and that we should get at least one thing we want that we were gonna get upon moving. Of course, he had to make me wait a week first, but he agreed that we can order one thing next weekend. I don’t know what he’ll get, but I’m getting Sekarina!

I wish I had begun my story years ago, even though I couldn’t write back then like I can now, cuz by now we just may’ve had enough money to have escaped having to deal with a herd of Mormons, only to end up trading them in for blacks and Mexicans, although I’d take those Mormon’s back any day! They didn’t do loud stereos, in houses or cars.

I keep trying to reason with myself about the writing and tell myself I’m kidding myself if I think it can amount to anything, but I can’t help but feel I’m destined to make something of it. I know it’s silly to even think for a minute that I could, even if my writing isn’t too bad. My singing’s not too bad either, and yet I thought I was going to end up doing something with that. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you’re destined to be doing it, I keep trying to remind myself, even if you have the means to do something that you didn’t in the past. Meaning, I didn’t have the know-how, money, or connections to break into the music business, but it’s a little different with writing. Today, I have the essentials for writing, even though that won’t change a damn thing if I’m right about not being destined for any kind of fame, fortune or success, and God not wanting me to do something I choose that’s non-material. Look at Andy’s friend Donna. She can sing just as well as Linda Ronstadt and other famous people out there, yet she still can’t make it in that business (maybe cuz she’s so big?). Well, I’ll just go with the flow, so to speak, and not let what I believe stop me. I’m trying to be more correct about it, of course. Trying to stay away from words like cuz and gonna unless that’s part of how a person talks or it just fits into the story somehow. I also prefer to do shorter chapters than fewer longer ones.

Later...

I can’t stand all these spiders I find every day! I find 3-5 a day and I can’t wait to get out of Spider Kingdom! I was in the bathroom when I felt what I thought was a hair tickling the side of my arm, but when I reached around to take hold of it, it was a spider on its web. Gross! Fortunately, it fell right in the toilet. We can’t bomb cuz God just had to let our AC break when we’ve got enough shit to deal with already, and I don’t know if my animals could take the heat like that. I just wish God would quit letting us get hit with delays and just let us out of here! God, just let us out of here and make true those that say you help those that help themselves.

The blue pickup came back for round two, and I think it’s out there right now for the third time today, but it’s too dark now to say for sure. It’s definitely not the Ranchero. Stick around, you fat tub of shit!

I hope that furniture truck hurries up and moves. A truck with graffiti on it won't look very good for prospective buyers.

I was stunned to get all the way up to 9:00 at night without seeing one car come in and without seeing the pickup move. After that, though, I saw the red car and the furniture truck out front and also saw that the pickup had finally been in and out. There was some other vehicle parked in front of the furniture truck after the red car left, but I can't say what it was. It was too dark to make out.

Yes! So far so good. Tisha called to confirm my Monday appointment. Can I still have this appointment, though, or come early Monday morning am I gonna receive a call saying there’s a problem? Well, if he plays games with me yet again, I’m out of there.

When the Ranchero came back for the second time, I headed into the bedroom for the remainder of the day with the fan and stereo on. At some point, it left and the red car and the striped van came in. So my guess was right - the Ranchero cock wanted to see its cunt before Deb and Chester arrived. Anyway, after the Ranchero, red car, and the striped van left, the furniture truck and the cream pickup arrived for the night.

Here I was bitching about Deb and Chester being jobless and lazy, but if going back to being home all day means getting this cunt out of that house who’s obviously helping out with the kids while they work (or at least Chester works) and therefore causing the Ranchero’s visits to drop back to 2 days a week instead of 6, then that’s what I wish to hell would happen. I’m hoping to hell the cream pickup is back full-time cuz I have a feeling that if it is, that’ll keep the Ranchero away more often.

What I wonder is - when’s the Ranchero gonna move in, too? Why don’t they just have everyone they know move in? They visit enough to live there.

I’ve taken shit from neighbors since 1992 and I really, really resent God for allowing it to go on like it has year after year. I don’t see what I did to deserve it and there’s no doubt in my mind that something up there is hell-bent on me having to deal with neighbor’s noise. No one happens to accidentally get this unlucky and end up next to noisy people like this 8 straight years in a row. It was definitely meant to be. That’s why, as much as Tom says I’m crazy and dead wrong, I know that even if we move to a so-called secluded spot, God will still find a way to harass me with teenagers and their stereos driving by the nearest road to us, and I still say there’ll be kids and dogs to listen to too, if not nearly as close by and as loud as I’ve heard them be here. It will never end. Never. No matter where I go, God’s got it in for me noise-wise. His 80s theme for me was definitely funny farms that are little more than drug havens and prisons that call themselves residential schools. The 90s theme was the neighbor’s noise. So what will the next decade be? I’m afraid to know the answer, but it won’t be long till I find out. If I’m right about his having it in for me with the noise from here on out, no matter where I go, then the theme of every decade I have left on earth will be noise.

I’m also upset with Tom for being the typical liar that he is. He’s always got an excuse ready for why he has to back out of something we agreed on. I knew he wasn’t going to contact the mayor when he said he was going to, and I know he won’t contact the mayor in the future. I should’ve known that when I said I wanted to call that non-emergency number and have them have to deal with cops showing up at their door every time they blast in and out, that he’d have an excuse as to why we shouldn’t and that I should trust him to get us out of here. Well, I don’t trust him. Not when he lies and makes excuses like he has ever since I’ve known him. How can such a wonderful man be not only such a slob but such a liar and a procrastinator? Why couldn’t he tell me from day one that it’s not his nature to cum, or that he just didn’t want to with me for whatever reason? Why couldn’t he tell me he’d deal with it if it happened, but that he’d rather not have a kid? Why did he say he’d order those CDs when he knew he wasn’t going to? He’s a fucking pathological liar (who has another one of his famous colds that I’m sure I’ll be getting, too)!

He also contradicts himself too much. First he says he’ll contact the mayor if there’s a problem selling the house, but now he says we have to get the contract first before we go calling any cops or mayors.

Also, he said next door was rude to anyone in general and that they don’t even consider me when they do their shit, but then in the next breath he said things were worse cuz I yelled at them. No, things are worse cuz the girlfriend of the cock that drives the Ranchero is staying there alone a lot. Yes, they do like having conflict and enemies, but if they wanted to aim shit at me they could have more car stereos going in and out for longer periods of time and they could blast music from the house. There’s much more they could do than have the Ranchero visit 6 days a week instead of 2.

I don’t know if getting a sign out front would be such a good idea after all, cuz I can’t be so sure like Tom is, that they’d want us to go. Remember, these people love conflict. They live to make enemies. So why would they want us to go when they know the music bothers us? Why risk new neighbors who just might not complain and give them the fight that they totally get off on?

I just feel bad for those kids. Right now they may be all sweet and innocent, but someday they’re gonna grow up to be just like their rude, selfish, sick, scum parents, using race as a crutch. Nobody will like them and the few “friends” they do have will be carbon copies of themselves. They too, will be just as fucked and will cry racism every time they have a problem with someone.

I not only have to hope and pray that the house sells fast and that they let me sleep (especially on Friday and Saturday nights), but that they shut up when people are here checking out the house. I never should’ve wasted my time politely asking them to turn their music down or cussing them out about it. I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere but to vent my steam directly at them which would only be temporary till they shit on me again. I mean, what can I do? Go over there and say, “Look, I know you hate my guts for asking you to turn the music down, however reasonable a request that may be, but if you want us to go, then kindly shut up so we can sell the house, OK?” Yeah, right! And like I said, I’m not so sure they’d be happy to see us go. I don’t think they want us to go.

No wonder I didn’t feel like it was over when the blacks left. Because it wasn’t over. We just switched from blacks to Mexicans being the source of trouble, that’s all.

Later...

That was weird. Some guy just parked his car in front of our house and took Polaroid snapshots of the house across the street and the one next to it. Does that have something to do with our house being for sale? Is it to show what houses are near us?

Later...

Unfortunately, there’s been no calls yet to show the house, and I know yesterday’s fem was not the least bit impressed with this house.

I’m surprised we’re already almost up to 11:00 and the cream pickup hasn’t moved yet. I’m also surprised there have been no sales calls, but I’ll bet you anything the first one of the day will come in the next 15 minutes.

Later...

It’s almost 1:00 and the pickup’s still in place and no phone calls have come. This isn’t good. I sure don’t feel like the house is up for sale with no signs or people looking. I hope Tom’s right about the weekend bringing more people.

Tom just brought up a very good point - that some people who look at this house may not mind loud music coming and going. True. Very true. Well, then I just hope God sends us those that don’t give a damn, or at least keep next door quiet if they do.

I still set my alarm for 7:30 even though our house isn’t for sale after all. I had to if I want to make my Monday appointment. Of course, there’s still the chance that they won’t make it, but so far, no call’s come to play the rescheduling game.

Tom mowed yesterday and went up into the attic for what was hopefully the last time to bring down bowls, towels, and old bomb cans.

The Ranchero took the night off from visiting yesterday. I doubt the red car, which came and went a few more times that I know of, stayed overnight, but the furniture truck did. So that’s gonna live there now, too?

God, I hate the unpredictability when it comes to next door! They follow some type of pattern or routine for a few days, then it’s anything goes. Anything can happen, any time of day over there. You never know what vehicles you’re going to see and when. You never know what you’re going to hear and when. Although I would think it was unlikely at this hour, the Ranchero, or a car I’ve never seen before, could come blasting in really loud right now. For a while there, it had gone pretty dormant traffic-wise during the daytime, but yesterday was just like the weekend or the evenings usually are. So many cars came and went.

I hope Tom won’t wait till tomorrow and that he’ll call today and find out why our house isn’t for sale when it’s supposed to be.

Later...

I hope that when we move, our AC will be more temperature-sensitive. This AC needs to be turned up as it gets hotter and turned down as it gets cooler. I hope that as the sun comes up in the new place, the thing will run more often on its own, and less often as the sun sets.

Tom just called. He’s planning on stopping at someplace to get a part for the broken car AC, then when he gets home, he’s gonna look online to see if the house is listed. He said he’ll call them today if it’s not. He thinks it is, though, and that it takes time for things to get rolling, even though we don’t have a sign, and that the weekend is gonna be when there are more people out house-hunting.

Well, I finished the prologue and the first chapter of my story. It’s definitely going to take about a year to complete this story if I can at all. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I just feel it’s destined. I’m supposed to be doing this. Yet it makes no sense. Why would God let me be an author? I’m not destined to be rich, famous, or successful. As I learned, just because I was attracted to women didn’t mean God wanted me to be with one. And just because I had a fairly decent voice didn’t mean God wanted me to be a singer. And just because I was with a man didn’t mean he wanted me to have a kid. He hasn’t let me do the things I chose to do that weren’t material in the past, so why should he start now? Well, nonetheless, I’m just gonna go with the flow of whatever’s fated to be. That’s all any of us can do. I’m gonna try to write this story, and if I like how it comes out, I’m going to try to get it published. That’s all for now. I’m actually kind of enjoying writing this story as slow as it’s progressing. Tom says that’s normal, though, and that he’ll help me get it out there. If I finish the story to get out there in the first place, which I don’t expect to do in this house for two reasons. Because there are more distractions here, and because I shouldn’t have time to finish it here if someone would just get the fuck out to the house to check it out and buy it!

Later...

It’s listed! It’s listed! A Betty with Southwest Properties just called wanting to show the house between 1:00 and 2:00. No problem!

Later...

Fucking Goddamn liar! Our first call was a no-show. Tom said to expect that. Makes sense. If they can bullshit you with false promises of seeing you or calling you in bars and other places, why not do it in real estate? Of course, there’s always the chance that they drove by and didn’t like what they saw, so they didn’t bother to come in. I suppose that the no-shows will be more often than not.

The freeloaders are hanging out laundry on their back block wall. What’s wrong with their clothesline? Too many people for that little line, huh?

Today’s been like it usually is during the daytime these days; not a car in sight.

We went online and saw our house listed there. It’s the cheapest one in this area with a pool.

Tom said we should be getting the lockbox. A box with a key to this house in it that the Realtor uses when we’re not home. I doubt no one will be home, though, when and if someone finally comes to see the house.

Also, he said it’s common for them not to put up signs right away. They’ll do it when it’s an efficient time, he says. He says it’s not the Realtor doing it, but someone who works at it part-time to make extra money.

Later...

Well, the realtor did make it over here after all. She came with her fem client after 3:00. He never said a word about the house. Tom said that’s common, though, for them not to say anything to the owners. They wait till they’re alone with the Realtors before they talk.

I agree with Tom - most gay guys aren’t very handy unless they have a more masculine boyfriend. If you ask me, this is a total bachelor’s house. It’s too small for kids, and I’d think most women wouldn’t like the looks of it, but guys are less picky about things like that.

Right after they left, and I mean right after, the fucking cock in the Ranchero came in, bass hammering. In the driveway too, the motherfucking cock! It was so close to the realtor, and oh God, did I want to let them have it! Aaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhh!!!!!!! I HATE welfare bums!!!!!!!!!!!! I fucking hate them, man I’ll tell you! 

I’m just so afraid they’re gonna ruin it for us. Stay out of our way, you fucking scum-sucking freeloaders! Tom says that if a realtor can’t sell a place cuz of their shit, they’ll complain, and since the mayor’s up for re-election, the last thing he needs is realtors complaining. This will force the city to do something like maybe buy this house (so only the same scum that does the same thing ends up here). 

I disagree. I think there are enough other houses for realtors to make money off of, and I think the mayor could care less. As for the city, they won’t do shit. They’ve totally given up on next door.

I do agree with him, though, when he says he thinks it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. The cock that’s been coming in the Ranchero almost every day has something to do with Deb’s not being there. I think that the cock’s girlfriend, who’s probably Chester’s or Deb’s sister or cousin, has been staying there to help out with the kids and that that’s who the cock’s been coming to see. Yeah, well one way or the other, I’m gonna make sure they get theirs when I leave here. I’m not finished with them and I’m not gonna just walk away like a little wimp. I’ll be back, freeloaders! I’m gonna torture the fuck out of these little shits! I’ll scatter popcorn all over their yard to not only make a mess but to attract ants, I’ll throw nails all over the driveway to puncture their tires, whatever!

I have the headphones on now, but according to Tom, the Ranchero blasted in again. If it’s blasted in twice a day during the week, imagine how it’ll be during the weekend! The weekend’s when we’re gonna have more people here and this isn’t gonna look good. They’re gonna totally get in the way and ruin it for us, and I totally disagree with Tom when he says there’s something we can do about it. There’s nothing we can do about it. Nothing at all! I’m gonna end up killing these people before we get out of here, and I’m telling you, that’s the only way. The only way to shut people up and take care of a problem is to do it yourself. The system is too fucked up to be of any help.

Tom goes on and on about how he appreciates my control, but it can’t last forever. How far do you think you can push someone before they snap? They can only put so much pressure on me, and I’m telling you, they’re gonna get themselves killed. If not by me, then by someone. Whoever does the deed, though, will be doing the world a lotta good.