Last night was quiet. I started to believe Tom’s theory about someone else opening up Dan’s place and getting it ready for him was right, cuz of something I saw that was out of character for Dan. A light outside the back door burned late into the night, yet he’d never have that light on unless he was outside. When he was inside, he’d turn the outside lights off. I know he couldn’t have been outside cuz it was too quiet, and cuz he also has the carport-like thing lit up too, when he’s out. Tom said he heard movement over there while he was out working on the car, but again, time will tell if it’s him, although it probably is. If it is, he’ll blast off or gun off at some point during the weekend, although his shit’s not limited to weekends. He can blast or gun off at any time. Darkness and wind don’t stop him, either. In fact, last winter he seemed to prefer the wind that’d carry his noise even further. Sounds also carry better at night, and he knows more people are around at those times, too. Anyway, I expect to hear music from him and definitely from the renters this afternoon or this evening. Probably more towards the evening.

I can’t wait for it to cool down. Not just cuz I’m sick of the constant heat, but it’ll also help lessen the bugs. These little black bugs bred from the puddles of water that huge storm left, making it impossible to open windows and take advantage of the almost cool, pleasant evening air, cuz they can get right through the screen and they’re more active at night when it’s cooler. Well, slowly but surely the weather’s cooling down, but we probably won’t need heat till well into October.

It’s funny to think that all apartments in the northeast had their heat turned on yesterday. It’s the law that they go on September 1st and stay on till June 1st. This was always a miserable time for me, Labor Day, as a kid. This is when we’d leave the beach in Old Lyme, CT, and head to our MA house in Longmeadow. Although I preferred the house over the cottage, it was a depressing time cuz school was about to start, and I hated school. Especially grade school. I liked middle school better, and high school even better. The real one, that is.

I was watching shows about airplane disasters and car crashes. I found the test car crashes with dummies to be the scariest, cuz car wrecks are so much more common than plane crashes. Even a lower-impact car crash is very violent.

Last night my mind got a little racy on me. I’ve been getting up a half-hour earlier each day, yet I’m still going to bed at midnight–1:00, cuz I’m all wound up. A 3mg Melatonin alone just won’t knock me out. I need Benadryl, too.

In my mind, I kept going back and forth between, “If only I had just taken their shit! If only I’d been a doormat and let them stomp all over me while I turned the other cheek and at least pretended to ignore them since I couldn’t ignore them for real, cuz then I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Then I’d switch to, “If they had just shut up and left me the fuck alone, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Tammy and I once argued over blacks. She asked me, “How many good “N’s” do you know?” and I defended these people. Can you believe it? I defended them! How embarrassing to think I defended them, but anyway, as time went on and I got fucked over by more blacks, I was the one to ask myself, “Yeah, how many do you know?” Not many. Not very many at all. There may be 100 white assholes for every 1 good white, but there are 1000 non-white assholes for every 1 good non-white. I don’t know if it’s something in their culture, their genes, or what, but I’d be kidding myself to say they’re no better or worse than us. 80% of the prison population is black for a reason. I think it’s cuz they’re caught in the past. I think, be it subconsciously or not, they’re using the fact that their ancestors were slaves as an excuse to act out. They somehow feel justified by the way they were treated in the past. When are they ever gonna let go, grow up, and move on?

Later...

Wow, it took till 3:00 in the afternoon to hit 100 degrees. Yes, it’s cooling off.

Tom’s in the shower now after working on the car. He said it was much easier to fix than he thought it’d be. That’s a first. And it didn’t cost anything, either. Just time.

I’ve been seeing this same lizard around a lot. The way I know it’s the same lizard is cuz its tail is missing. I also noticed little pink flowers sprouting up through some of the weeds out there.

For the not-so-cool news. No, Dan and the renters haven’t acted up yet, but the pickup got its stereo fixed just in time for Labor Day. So now I gotta listen to that blast by till it breaks again. I’m hoping that when it breaks again, if it breaks again, they’ll either not bother fixing it, or that they’ll move out (then God can replace me with a new blaster). My guess is that they’d move out before they just threw a $400 stereo away. And again, these people need things like this almost as much as they need oxygen. In fact, I don’t know what the fuck any of these Mexicans are doing out here in the first place? Why would they want to be out here? There’s nothing for them out here that I can see.

I’m not at all looking forward to tomorrow’s bullshit sex session, although he may put it off till the last minute and wait till late Monday. I can’t remember anymore when sex used to bring me pleasure. Instead of bringing me any pleasure, all it brings me is pain and boredom. Even though I only feel it when we screw, I’m sure it’ll hurt when he goes in there. The skin around the opening just never heals. Tell me I’m not sexually hexed, given all the irritation I’ve had and the kind of sex I’ve had with people, and I’ll tell you you’re full of shit. It’s too obvious it’s a curse. No one gets this “unlucky” with sex year after year after year.

Later...

The pickup went by quietly. Broken already? Nah, I doubt it. There were at least half a dozen freeloaders this time around and they probably had the music off so they could hear each other discuss what drugs they were gonna buy/sell. They’re more active again. Yeah, having the stereo fixed will probably prompt them to come and go more often. Gotta get out and spread the holy bass!

Later...

Time goes by. I live my life. I think about the everyday things in life. And then this court shit pops into my head, souring my mood, quickening my heartbeat.

No activity at Dan’s or the renters. Too early, too hot. Although the southwestern heat has never failed to keep outdoor activity down like the northeastern cold.