There are no parties going on right now, though Patty let the dog annoy me earlier. It barked twice to be let in, making me want to shake Patty and say, “Stop leaving the damn dog out back unattended!” I wish dogs could be litter box trained like cats. Better yet, I wish they weren’t so damn loud! As I said, if I’m going to be forced to listen to barking no matter where we go, we may as well get our own dog once we get settled down in Sacramento. At least down there, I could leave it outside during the daytime when I happen to be asleep to bark with all the others and know no one’s going to complain.

She’s taken to hanging things out, too. Mostly big things like sheets and blankets.

We took our walk earlier and got $13 worth of groceries for just $6, thanks to the girl that fucked up for the better for us. It’s nice when people fuck up for the better! It was slightly warm for walking, but not too bad. We may walk to the Chinese place next weekend or order a pizza, depending on my schedule, because as Tom said, we deserve a treat. I agree, so long as it doesn’t screw us out of getting out of here. We are giving notice come September or October at the latest. What’s weird, though, is that walking has been causing me to get cramps in my hips. They walked us to death in Valleyhead yet I never got shit. I know I’m older now, but Tom’s even older and he doesn’t get that.

The summer hours at work start this week, which means he’ll be going to work and coming home an hour earlier.

Today was 10º too cool, so tonight, just like last night, the heater will need to be on. At least it kept things quiet around here. I don’t even have bad vibes about tomorrow, but we’ll see. Either way, we’re going to walk to the grocery store in the late afternoon or early evening.

The first week of dieting has lost 4 pounds. I don’t think I’ll lose any more without dropping my calories to 1000 or lower after I’ve been having about 1100-1300, but I also don’t think I can do that.

Tom has been burning floppy disks onto CDs. You can fit around 500 onto a CD. Then he’s going to ditch most of the floppies. It’s all in preparation to fit our stuff into just the truck alone for when we get out of this state. He thinks that if we leave at 8 AM, we can hit Redding by 11:00, then Sacramento by 3 PM. But when??? This year? Next?

Yesterday was cloudy but gorgeous. I saw Patty. She was pulling out as I was pulling the dumpster in. She waved to me. 

Next door’s been quieter today.

We submitted my story No Escape. It came out to have 57518 words. If it doesn’t make it, I’m not going to submit anymore. At least not for a very long time. Also, if it doesn’t make it, I’ll at least not have to worry about being so perfect with my writing, and I can then use all the racial slurs I want. Even the names of celebrities.

I also finished Traces of Hope. Finally. I’m proofreading it now.

I decided to give the sweepstakes until we move out of this duplex. Even I’d be surprised if I didn’t win at least some kind of small prize between now and then, as pessimistic as I am. I mean, you’re talking hundreds of entries a day!

Tom got the bird-chirping wall clock to work again which had failed to work once we got to Maricopa. Maybe some of the evil that dwelled there had a hand in that. Our shit broke in Phoenix too, but not nearly as much as it did in Maricopa.

Not much happened today. Tom said he heard a few minor bangs from next door, but that’s it. It rained and was cloudy, so maybe that had a part in it. After not having to run the heat for two days, I may have to run it late tonight.

Just as I was thinking we ought to kill next door’s cat since that seems to be what mostly stirs up the dog and since it’d be easier to kill a cat than a 45-pound dog, I hear her come out and make her cat calls. She’s also taken to leaving her door open around this time too, so I said to myself, ok, lady, now it’s time to hear me. And the timing was perfect too, because Patty was leaving. So I cranked up the tunes, and sure enough, she closed the door. Yeah, it sucks to be annoyed by neighbors, doesn’t it, Crystal? Oh well. At least they’re still quite tame compared to past neighbors. Still, it was funny to have annoyed her for a change. Why would you want to open doors in the first place and let all the bugs inside? What’s wrong with the windows? Anyway, I won’t annoy anyone too often till we’ve officially given notice. They complain here, and while it may not get us evicted (it didn’t get the last people in here evicted), it could hinder us from renting elsewhere, so I won’t overdo it.

It’s to be around 80º today, 90º in Sacramento and 100º in Maricopa. At least for once, we’ve got the best temp of them all. 80º is perfect. I don’t think my heater went on at all late last night or early in the morning. After all, I got it up to 85º in here by 7:50 when the sun drops down behind next door’s roof.

I have the back and front doors open, but the screens are latched. I’m not afraid to take on any would-be intruders, not that that’s likely in a place like this, but I wouldn’t want them sneaking up on me before I had a chance to do anything about it, but you have to be really, really asking for it to go breaking into people’s houses on such a busy street like this. Some do want to go to jail, though, not that God would allow anyone that messed with us to pay for it since He would only protect their identity, but still, there are some sickos who will stop at nothing.

Later…

This weekend, we’re submitting No Escape. Right now I’m working on Traces of Hope. I’m on a roll with it, though it won’t be very long or as good as No Escape.

It’s still pretty warm, and not surprisingly, next door’s outside gabbing, even though it’s dark now. Fortunately, I can’t hear their chatter in the bedroom with either music playing or the fan on low. Tomorrow I’m going to drown them out with something from the get-go. I know they’ll be outside all the time now, so why wait for them to distract me and interrupt my train of thought while I’m working on my stories or sweeping? In August they’ll probably be out at night only, so I kind of wish we could jump up to that month. We’d not only be a couple of months closer to moving, but as uncomfortable as it may be in August, it may drive them inside more. Then again, maybe not. Heat doesn’t seem to drive people indoors the way cold does. Oh well. In just 4-5 months they’ll be just a memory (I hope), then we can deal with whatever noise we may move next to. At least it couldn’t get this close to us, whatever it is! And I thought the freeloaders were so close! I still don’t see how we could move this fall, even though I still don’t see a house here in Oregon either. Maybe the old white house with dark trim by train tracks that I saw a while back is really down in Sacramento.

Another reason I don’t see us moving this fall is because of what he just found out about unemployment. Each quarter, he’d receive more money. Right now, if they laid him off he’d get $98 a week. Fortunately, they like him at work because that ain’t shit. In August he’d get a little over $100. In October he’d get a little under $200. But come fall of next year he’d get more than he’s taking home now which is barely a grand a month.

According to what I read online, many places are putting bans on these outrageous car stereos we’ve been cursed with for the last 12 years, but they really aren’t doing any good because noise violations aren’t easy to enforce. What they need to do is stop selling the damn things in the first place and make them illegal to have, but that’s just our stupid society for you. All they have to do to really curb the problem is ban the damn things.

By 4:00 this afternoon, I realized it would get well into the 90s in here if I didn’t shut the blinds and drop the blanket I’m using as a drape. It’s still pretty warm in here in the mid-80s. It’s to be in the mid-80s tomorrow, a little warmer than today, so I may not open anything. At least not the blinds. I’d say the heater is definitely not coming on tonight! I missed the summer and I love the money it’s saving. I just wish next door would hang in front like they do in Arizona!

It’s to be in the 80s today. Next door’s already sitting outside gabbing. If this were Arizona they’d be in front! Nah, God would make them an exception and send them in back with me. This is what I figured they’d do once it warmed up. At least it’s just talking. There’s no music, banging or screaming, though I’m sure they’ll be there all day. They’re not always right outside, but right by their open doors and windows. Unfortunately, their bedroom and bath aren’t in back. Their kitchen and living room are. They’re lucky next door’s not empty or else they’d have gotten bassed to hell a little while ago. I’m sure they heard me singing, but oh well. Speaking of bass, the warmth is enhancing the stereos now that people are driving with their windows down. These things have two speakers. The one inside for those inside the car, and the one in the truck that’s meant to annoy anyone they drive by. I still can’t believe there are people out there so desperate for attention that they’d spend hundreds of dollars on a stereo like that, but that’s just our competitive and pushy society for you.

I’m so sick of this home-all-the-time trend I’ve been living with since ’93! But when you live where everyone’s either retired or disabled, that’s what you get. I just hope it rains like hell on Memorial Day! It just may do that too, according to the weather site, and it may also drop down to the upper 50s. That wouldn’t necessarily stop them from partying as opposed to it being cold and snowy, but we’ll see.

I wish we’d skipped Maricopa and Oregon altogether and just gone straight from Phoenix to California. I just didn’t think we could afford to live in areas of the state that weren’t so crowded. If we’d gone straight there, then I probably would’ve gotten out of having to go to jail and I definitely would’ve gotten out of having to play motel so much and now be stuck crammed in here with these people, old and white or not. I’m sure, though, that God had a hand in guiding us in the wrong direction just so I would have to be stuck living with so many damn people along the way. There’s just no escaping them! I’m never going to get to live in peace and seclusion. I guess Tom and I wouldn’t have spent so many years in cities if we weren’t meant to be in them. At least we can walk to stores and things like that.

Later…

The dog was just barking frantically at next door and their cat. They’re going to live out there till the fall! Anyway, I appreciated how she came and coaxed the dog away as soon as it went off, but still, can’t she leash it down by her door if she’s going to have it out there for more than a few minutes?

When I again mentioned poisoning it to Tom, I just got the runaround, but I’m not surprised. I knew he’d never do it. I just hate it when he agrees to things he knows he won’t do!

They’re talking about overtime where he works, but if he’ll really get any, who knows? That sure would be nice and we sure could use the extra money. Because of that, I have my doubts. It seems that the less you need money, the more it’s available. They’re hiring now, too. Especially since the husband-stabber is going to prison for drugs, and someone else is going to do time, too.

It’s over 85º in here. Quite like Arizona! I love it. I missed the heat more than I realized. It’s nice not having to wear socks or gloves. No more frozen hands or nose tips. No having to sleep with shirts on either. In another week or two, we should be able to turn the heaters off till late September. That’ll save us big time. The heat may not come on tonight at least in the bedroom as it is, and if it does, it shouldn’t be till close to dawn. Being in a real building really helps as I know that if I were in that RV right now, it’d be freezing not long after dark.

I went from 130 pounds to 126, but that’s no surprise. That much is easy. I realize, though, that what was tripping me up in the past was that I was replacing what I’d lose over the week on the weekends. It takes me a week to lose a few pounds, but it only takes a day or two to put them back on. Well, I was pretty much just going around in circles. I still don’t think I’ll lose a significant amount of weight, but I’ll definitely make sure I limit my weekend treats. Especially since getting carried away only makes it hard to jump back on track anyway.

The tree blossoms have withered away, but along part of the back wall of the place are these big bright orange-red flowers. They’re quite lovely.

I read that a bunch of bigots filed a lawsuit against a school whose sex-ed department not only showed a film of a woman using a cucumber to demonstrate the proper way to put on a rubber, but that taught that gayness is a biological trait, which is true, and demanded that they teach students that same-sex attractions can be “overcome.”

That’s quite a world we live in when you can sue someone for teaching acceptance and tolerance and make them teach bigotry instead and stuff that’s simply not true. One can’t “overcome” gayness or straightness anymore than one could overcome their heights and I wonder how many more years it’s going to take this world to realize that. If I could quit being attracted to women at will, then a straight woman could quit being attracted to men at the snap of her fingers, too. When that happens, then I’ll believe we aren’t born one way or the other and that it’s a choice or a learned trait.

We’re in the process of figuring out how to convert all the little files a DVD makes to one big file so I can store as many Charlie’s Angels episodes as there’s room for on my hard drive.

We’ve been hitting the 70s lately. For the last few days, the heater’s been off in the bedroom for half the day. It got up to 79º in here. The warmer weather’s stirring up mom and daughter a little bit, but not nearly as much as I thought it would.

As usual, Patty was quiet over the weekend, but today she had her usual slew of weekday company which meant that the dog had to go outside and on a 20-second barking spree. I saw the driver of the maroon pickup. It’s a young fat chick that looks like it could be Patty’s daughter, though she never did mention having family. If she does, I’m sure I’ll be forced to meet them on Memorial Day.

Tom and I took our walk up to the grocery store, then came back and were playing with the rat when I noticed the webs and spider mites on the big palm that’s been slowly dying ever since I got it, so Tom put it in the garage.

Although the ground flowers are still in bloom all over the place, the cherry and apple blossoms are withering away.

I had yet another great story idea, but I’ve been so busy sweeping that I don’t know when I’ll get back to my writing. I’ve been making zillions of entries on the unlimited-entry contests I’d like to win. One’s for an iPod, two are certificates for clothing/accessory stores, one’s for an indoor cactus arrangement, and another’s for a DJ machine we can sell if we win.

Anyway, the story idea is to have some chick get in trouble for some petty crime in a place where they’re doing this “new experiment” which is to place inmates in the homes of cops, guards, POs, etc., rather than jails. The chick will have to wear an electronic anklet whenever the cop she’s been placed with isn’t home. I figured the chick and cop could fight for a while before they eventually fall in love. Tom said my characters fall in love too quickly anyway, so I’ll slow it down with some conflict beforehand.

Patty took off with some chick in a dark gray van. I think they even took the dog with them, which is customary here. Everyone takes their dogs out with them. I’m surprised they don’t take them to work!

I haven’t heard any outside barking for a couple of days now, though I’ve seen the dog. We decided that if the dog becomes an issue, though we doubt it will, we’ll kill it. A poisoned piece of meat tossed out in the middle of the night should do the trick.

A gray SUV visited yesterday and that blue car was back again today.

With the exception of when Bev had the animals over, I don’t know if I can say this one is better than she was. She has the dog, she has company nearly every day, and she’s constantly out back, even if it’s mostly just to let the dog in and out. Before bed, she turns the patio light on for a while too, as she lets the dog do its last shit of the day.

Of all the rodents I’ve ever had, none have been as clingy as this rat is. It’s a good thing he can’t scream like a guinea pig because he’d never shut up.

I’m now quite convinced that yes, Mary only responded to my letter so she could try to use me to connect her and her dumb boyfriend, and that no, I’m not going to hear from her again. She probably figures that now is a good time to give me what I gave her for 8 months which is silence. Only she’ll probably remain forever silent. No prob. All she does is use people, so it’s okay.

Last night was when I learned that Patty can be just as hypocritical as Bev was. The dog went on a barking fit at 7:30. It was only for a minute, but it was highly annoying and distracting since I was on a roll with my writing. This morning, however, wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I saw the dog, but it didn’t bark. She had that maroon pickup there, as well as a dark blue car I’ve never seen before. As usual, the company was gone and all was quiet by 11:00. They didn’t bang around too much.

The dog seems to be let out an average of 3 times a day, though not on any particular schedule. Perhaps we’ll get a dog in Sacramento. I figure that if I’m going to have to listen to barking, it might as well be our own.

The day we give notice will be the last day I’ll worry about keeping my music for my ears only.

The good news is that I don’t “see” a house here any more than I ever saw a washer, which Tom now says he doesn’t want to get, because he wants to exercise on the weekends, too. As he said, he doesn’t want to struggle on Mondays because he lazed out over the weekends. I still don’t see how we can bust out of this state this year, but if I’m right, then something’s got to break. His computer programs won’t be ready this year, I couldn’t make shit off my book if it got accepted, so that leaves the sweepstakes or a lottery ticket, for sadly the queen ain’t going belly-up for 4-5 more years. That’ll mean about 15 years of being her perfect daughter’s daughter – hee, hee! I think if Miss Perfect could ever have anticipated her hanging on this long, she’d have had second thoughts about taking the selfish bitch in for sure.

I forgot to mention getting a letter from Paula last week. She’s going through one Puerto Rican loser after another, as usual. She said I was nice to her and that I could send her whatever incense I wanted to send her and that she may send money after her birthday for me to get her some. I’m sending some along with a couple of CDs for her birthday, then if she sends money, I’ll have Tom grab some from Jan. She’s not too far off his bike route.

No barking today, but that may be because she had no company. Meanwhile, if the housekeeper is a weekly thing, she’ll come by tomorrow and bang around while the dog barks outside. I’m trying to keep on days at least throughout Memorial Day. That and Labor Day are the only major holidays we should have left here, and of course, I don’t know when Patty’s birthday is. She could have a party here if her birthday is between now and when we leave. As much as I’d hate to stay an extra month, I wish we could be here for a full year and go straight to California, rather than leave at the 11-month marker and get a house downtown, which is probably the only place we’ll find one since that’s where all the dumps no one wants are. Even if the yard’s flanked by dogs and screaming kids, they at least won’t be able to get this close. I hope not anyway!

I let Tom know that this is it, too. Meaning, I’m not going to keep bumping up our moving dates. We’re out of here come either October or November. Period. I’m not looking forward to another 130-160 days here, but it’s better than forever.

I also let Tom know that I refuse to ever be attached to anyone again, other than in motels! Not even God can keep dragging me back to live with others once we’re out of here. We’re going to hopefully get a place in the heart of Sacramento for two months while we get to know the area, then get a place once we pick out a location. I’m not going to get to know Sacramento in a duplex or an apartment, because I know better. I know that first and last month will turn into a few months, which will turn into a few more, etc.

The cost of living is much higher down there, so we have to make sure we leave with enough money, no matter what he may be collecting from unemployment.

Tom’s finally gotten me to see that yes, we really can move in the truck without having to spend an additional grand on a trailer. This is because we’re going to sell or dump most of our stuff and mainly take the computers, dolls, clothes and hygienic items. We’ll only take a couple of mugs, cups and plates. Not a zillion of each. We can get new things little by little down there. We can downsize our wardrobes and much more. One box fan and one portable heater are enough. We don’t need 3 of each which is exactly what we have right now. One of the large rat cages can go, too.

I gotta bounce to Kate’s DVDs since bouncing to music is boring me lately. It’s discouraging to know you can never lose weight unless you eat so little you feel like you’re starving. That’s just what I’m going to do, though, whether it makes me lose weight or not because I’m bound and determined to get out of here. It may not be to California, but I ain’t staying longer than the 1-year marker in this place. So, whenever I get hungry, I’ll think of Freckles and the banging, even if the banging’s not nearly as bad as the animals were. I doubt I’ll lose weight in the process. I never do. I haven’t lost more than a few pounds in years and all I do is put it right back on when I do. At least it’s been stable.

Here’s a real pisser. Arizona’s now giving free medical to Mexicans. Meanwhile, nothing’s free for us. No, we have to work our asses off and pay for insurance and some of us still can’t get insured even then! Why don’t they just make Arizona a part of Mexico? It is Mexico! Then they go bragging that they just elected the first Hispanic mayor in many years. Why can’t they just elect the damn cock and leave it at that? I’m sick of their reverse-discriminating bullshit! They ought to shut their traps and get over it! All the Americans do is give, give, give, and all the Mexicans do is take, take, take! What’s wrong with this picture? The world’s fucked up!

I “swept” for 6 hours! If all this work doesn’t pay off in a few months, even I’ll be surprised, and I’m as pessimistic as you can get!

Again with the morning company and barking. The dog only barked once, but once is all it takes to wake me up, depending on how deep of a sleep I’m in and what ear I’m laying on, so rather than struggle to stay on days, I think I’ll use earplugs when I’m sleeping during the daytime.

The company stayed for an hour, maybe a little more. And I was just about to praise her for not having much company, but just like Bev, she seems to have it a few times a week. As long as 6 little kids don’t go stomping around over there, we’ll be ok.

I’m getting pretty convinced that Mary’s lack of letters is because she can’t get anything out of me, so I’m going to stop the letters permanently unless I hear from her.

A couple came and mowed us down. I was wondering when they were going to mow. The grass was getting pretty tall.

We’ve revised our moving plans again. Neither of us wants to live with Patty, Freckles and next door, no matter how quiet they may be overall, for another 16 months, so we’re going to give notice in either September or October. Our first goal is to try to bust out of this state this year, which would mean we’d leave here at the 1-year marker of moving into this duplex. If it doesn’t look like we can get out this year, and I have my doubts, we’ll move into a house around here a month earlier. The reason we don’t want to move now is that the rates are cheaper in the winter. Plus, we want to save money to get out of having to have a lease. Money makes them go away, and in that case, we wouldn’t be losing any because we’d get the deposit back. We think we can have a grand saved up by then, which would be enough for a deposit, on top of first/last month.

For me, desperation or rage is often the key to my success with things like weight loss. However, as an adult who doesn’t care what others think, I’ve had a hard time motivating myself to lose weight, as opposed to when I was a child with a mother taunting me all the time. Well, while the desire to get out of here may not be as bad as it was in the NHA, PHX or jail, it’s high enough. Therefore, it should motivate me to save money by getting very little food, which should drop me some weight. I’m even determined to save money by toughing my teeth out and putting off the fillings as long as I can. In fact, I’d like to tough it out till I lose the damn teeth. I’m sick of the cavity game. So much so that I’m dead serious about wanting to lose my molars, which is where I mainly get cavities.

If every day could be like yesterday for as long as we’re stuck here, then it wouldn’t be so bad. It’d take a lot of stress off of me. Patty was quiet all weekend, save for 1 backyard bark and some in front while she was cleaning her van, which she’s parking in her garage more often. I’d rather 100 barks in front than 1 in back because of how the bedroom’s in back where I spend most of my time.

It was dark and rainy all day yesterday. Not even a peep out of next door was heard. We’ve been having a lot of rain and clouds. The kinds the locals hate.

If you asked who I think is better, Bev or Patty, I’d agree with Tom and say they’re about equal. It’s the fucking dog that keeps Patty from winning over Bev. Patty’s definitely more of a weekday/morning person. There were visitors, banging and barking this morning. A dark blue pickup, which I saw last Friday along with a maroon one, was here for about an hour. I don’t know if it was a friend, a nurse, the housekeeper or what, but I wish she’d quit leaving the dog unattended in back when she has company. Normally, she stays by the door and is ready to let it in before it gets the chance to bark at the door, but when she has company, she gets distracted. It was only a couple of barks which I wouldn’t mind at all if I were always on days, but I’m not. I’m going to have to live with other people’s dogs for as long as I live, so I better get used to it. The banging wasn’t anything like the kids, so that’s good, but still, I want to bust us out of here like YESTERDAY! I know Sacramento will be just as noisy, if not noisier, but it’ll be warmer!

What I don’t get is why she would knock on the door to apologize for the barking, just to be allowing it to happen over again a few days later. Gee, what a hypocrite!

We walked up to the grocery store on Saturday. We also checked out a couple of video stores to see if they had season two of Charlie’s Angels, but they didn’t. I guess we’ll have Walmart order it for us. The less we have to get by mail, the better.

We also stopped in a store that sells tons of beads and fragrance oils, along with Indian and hunting-related stuff. This red fox fur they had for $75 was way nice. I especially liked the tail.

The best news of all is that I got the oils on Saturday! Bob’s never been that fast. The 6 trial scents have yielded 2 fantastics, 3 so-so’s, and 1 bust. The Hugo Boss and Magnolia are nothing like Bob’s. The Angel is, but it’s like the newer one. The Caramel’s just ok, but the Pecan Pie and Jasmine are fabulous! So the plan is to get the Charlie’s Angels DVDs next month, then more oils a couple of months after that.

We also “shook up the earthquake” in my book yesterday and made it more intense, but when we’ll ever get it submitted, I don’t know. I still get the feeling he’s stalling for time.

Although it took us until nearly mid-May to hit the 70s, that’s just what the weather report says we’re going to do tomorrow. Finally! And of course, I have mixed emotions about it. It’ll feel better and do our electric bill a world of good, but a part of me wishes it was cold and snowy so people wouldn’t be as likely to hang outside. So far, mom and daughter next door haven’t been as bad as I thought they’d be, but it’s not summer yet, so we’ll see. I don’t know about next door, but my vibes say mom and daughter will be here till we move. That’s both good and bad, I guess. I mean, they have no rowdy kids/dogs, but I still have to deal with their doors. I guess I just gotta deal with something no matter where I am. I just don’t understand God’s obsession with me having to live with people. And so damn many of them, too. Having an average of 3 roommates for the two years I was at Valleyhead should’ve been enough of a sign telling me that that’s what I’d be in for, for the most part, though back then I slept just fine with all the shit they had me doped up on. It was getting up in the mornings that was hard.

Anyway, the only thing I heard from her yesterday after the outburst from the dogs was her washer/dryer. She must’ve been drying something heavy because I could hear it clunking away.

Today I noticed before 6 AM that her van wasn’t there and thought – great! No morning banging. But then I saw a dark blue pickup and heard her talking to someone in the utility area, along with some bangs. About an hour later the truck left. I’m guessing she parked in the garage to make room for it, though she could’ve slipped out, came back in the pickup, then left in the pickup, planning to take her van back.

I like being on nights as much as I like being on days. Days keep me from being woken up, but nights are so peaceful around here. Even more so than Maricopa was.

I was all set to give next door a stamp of approval, and maybe even consider her better than Bev until a little while ago.

Then yesterday I saw the dog out back at just after 6 AM, but it didn’t bark. Then I decided in the afternoon when I saw her in the yard doing what appeared to be picking up dog shit, to take the direct approach rather than stage an accidental meeting. So I went out saying that I thought it was time I met the new neighbor, and introduced myself. Her name’s Patty and she is on disability. She said her dog, Freckles, who ran up to me barking, yet was friendly, is a service dog that is 13 years old. I told her that if she and her dog are as quiet as they have been, then I hope they’re here as long as we are. She said we were so quiet ourselves and seemed grateful for it, and that she too, uses headphones. She has a housekeeper come out once a week to clean for her and the state pays for it. In fact, that’s who she thought I was at first because she says we sound the same.

She’s lived in Ohio and southern California, but that was many years ago. I told her where we’re from and that we’re saving to move to California. She also says it’s usually warmer by now, but that they’ve had snow in June and July here.

I still can’t believe they allow those on disability to have dogs, vans and cars like she and Bev have, but she said Freckles is a service dog that she’s had ever since she was a baby. We only spoke for a few minutes cuz all I wanted to do was settle my curiosity, though she never did say how long she planned on staying and I didn’t want to pry or give her the idea that I’d be her buddy. She did say to let her know if we needed anything and I said she could do the same. So I thought, yeah, she’s cool, and hopefully Freckles will stay cool, too. She didn’t give me any wild or partying vibes. She’s not as high-strung and doesn’t seem like the type to be a company freak, so I thought that just maybe we were finally being compensated for past assholes we were stuck with, though I still can’t wait for a house in California!

Then, just after 8:00 this morning, I heard more than the usual scattered and subtle bumps and bangs from over there. I could hear the dog barking, but through the walls, it was pretty muffled to the point where it was no big deal. Still, this told me something was going on over there. At first I thought oh no, Bev’s grandkids are back! But when I pressed my ear to the wall, I could hear another adult woman chatting with her. There was no other vehicle parked in the driveway from what I could see unless it was hidden by Patty’s van, so the person was either picked up by Patty or they walked over. She didn’t come alone, though. She came over with a huge black lab much like the one an associate of Bev’s had! They were both barking at the back door to be let in. I don’t know if they heard me yell “Hey!” over the racket, but so much for thinking she may be a better neighbor. Barking dogs would be just as bad as Bev’s grandanimals shaking the place apart. I just never get to live in peace no matter where I go, and I never will, though today’s got me contemplating giving notice once again. It’s just that that could be taking a worse gamble than staying here would be, to say nothing of how it may set us back financially. Besides, I know Tom would prefer to stay here. I’m hesitant to move too, but apartments, duplexes, they’re just too bangy. I didn’t come here to play roommates, which in a sense, is exactly what we are.

I just wish she’d wait for the damn dog at the door. It’s when it comes up to the door to find no one there to let it in that it goes off barking. I’m so sick of being tortured by other people’s dogs and kids! If it’s not one, it’s the other. It never fucking ends. Never. Now the pressure to stay on days is on. The barking really echoes loudly within the confines of the patios. I swear people shouldn’t be allowed dogs unless their nearest neighbor’s at least a half-mile away! They’re just too damn loud.

Anyway, I don’t know who this is. I don’t know if it’s the housekeeper, a friend, a relative, or what. I just hope to hell they’re not staying for a few days! I’m sure they’ll be there for at least most of the day. Therefore, I’ve got the stereo going in the bedroom. It’s not blasting, but it’s going to be if I hear any more barking.

I heard whoever it was go out back with a wind chime and then call out, “I found one” (probably Bev’s old hook).

I hope to hell this person doesn’t come around regularly, because if they’ve brought the dog this time, then they always will. What kind of housekeeper would bring their dog, though? Not this one, I hope! Because if this is the housekeeper, then that means I’ve got to deal with it once a week and even that would be way too much.

I’m just so sick of going through this shit. So fucking sick of it! I don’t make neighbors a part of my noise, so I really wish they wouldn’t make me a part of theirs. As the pizza lady said, though, people just don’t care. They’re going to do whatever it is they’re going to do and to hell with whoever has to deal with it. God, I wish I could stay on days! I’d still have to put up with the noise distracting and annoying me, but it couldn’t wake me up. Not as long as it wasn’t a round-the-clock thing. At least she has a schedule. She seems to sleep from around 10 PM-6 AM, so at least I know that those hours are likely to be peaceful. The afternoons and evenings seem to be pretty quiet, too. She’s definitely a morning person. I wonder if I’ll be early to bed and early to rise when I get old. I doubt it. I mean, I just can’t imagine myself doing that every single day. Being without a schedule is just so much a part of who I am.

If there’s any good news it’s that my oils have been shipped. I can’t wait to try them! They apparently got the money order yesterday, as we figured they would. I could get the oils on Saturday, but more than likely on Monday. This site, unlike Bob’s, has an order status feature that actually works and it was cool to see it go from “on hold pending payment,” to, “in production, will ship soon,” to, “shipping today.” They sent me emails when each thing happened, too.

Later…

Here’s a happy update. After an hour of going bump, bang and bark, though not consistently, there was a knock at the back door just after I finished vacuuming. As soon as I opened it, Patty said she was so, so sorry, and explained that her housekeeper brought her dog over to see if it would get along with hers. Why the hell she’d care if it did or not, beats me, but anyway, she said her housekeeper won’t be bringing it around again and that she told her, “My neighbor just got done telling me how quiet I am which makes me feel all the worse. I don’t want trouble with neighbors.” So I told her it was no big deal and that I really appreciated her letting me know what was up, cuz I was wondering. I just hope there aren’t regular outbursts from over there! For now, though, she’s back to being cool (I think). A part of me still wishes Bev were here. Her animals only came around occasionally, but this dog is always here.

We only spoke for a few minutes and I thanked her again for filling me in and said to let her know if I get noisy myself. She said, “Oh, don’t worry, sweetie. You’re as quiet as a mouse.” I get the impression she doesn’t want us to give notice till we leave the state, which is good if that’s the case, cuz then she’ll be more considerate. I don’t want to gamble on an Oregon house for the same reasons Tom doesn’t, as much as I didn’t come here to play house-sharing.

Yesterday we walked to a Laundromat we’d never been to before which is right by Fred Meyer. It was a long walk. About a half-hour each way. I felt a little strain in my left hip and a lot of strain in my left ankle. In fact, my ankle is still killing me. At first I thought it was age because I used to walk to school in Longmeadow, and of course Valleyhead made us go on walks, and I was fine. But then I realized that Tom has no problem and he’s 8½ years older. He says it’s just a case of me using muscles I don’t normally use. I guess that’s why variety in exercise is so important. He went through this when he first started riding his bike, but now his muscles are getting used to it.

It drizzled on us all the way and was even cold at times despite the heavy jacket and gloves I wore. I was like, what’s wrong with this picture? What’s wrong with it is that it’s May and I’m still fucking cold! I can’t wait to get out of this state. Especially since there’s snow on the ground right now! Snow in May? That is so fucked up! Nonetheless, it was good walking weather, and the blooming flowers and cherry and apple trees were pretty to see. They seem to really like tulips and daffodils here. Meanwhile, it’s been pouring since I got up 3 hours ago. I’m glad it never rained hard on us.

Tom had to wait a little while for a washer, but it only ran for 32 minutes, so it wasn’t too bad. We never bothered to dry the clothes. Instead, I hung them around here when we got back.

While he was washing the clothes, I got a few things we needed at Fred’s, including the other doll in the My Scene series I wanted which was on sale for $10. This one’s Barbie and she’s wearing purple. She came with a spare outfit which is just about the nicest Barbie-n-friends outfit I’ve got. It’s in the top 5 anyway. The dress she has on is a purple satin dress that goes over one shoulder and has an angled hem. It’s sheer at the waist too, making it look like two pieces from a distance. Her spare outfit is a pink metallic top and a black skirt with zigzag stripes of pink glitter. Her shimmering black shawl makes a great halter for the Tonners.

Anyway, I’m glad I did the walk, as sore as I am. It was fun and it was good to get out and get exercise and fresh air.

On the way back we stopped at a convenience store for snacks and he got a lottery ticket that won $7.

The lady next door not only didn’t have company over the weekend but she was gone for most of it. Can’t complain about that!

I’ve been having a lot of nights where I only sleep for 6 hours. As long as I don’t get too tired, I’d love to be able to sleep for only 6 hours. It’d help me maintain a schedule tremendously.

Although we are going to keep our eyes open in case there’s a hell of a deal that may come along, we’re thinking we may just stay here till we can get out of this damn state, and hope for the best along the way. That would mean the neighbors staying put and not being replaced with nightmares, or becoming nightmares themselves. Meanwhile, we’re not locked into a lease, so if it gets bad here, we’ll split, even if it sets us back a bit. I’ve lived enough places in my life that were a nightmare, so I won’t put up with any shit here. I just hope I won’t have to and that we can go straight to rural Sacramento from here, skip the motels, etc. That may be asking for too much, but if we can at least stay here till we leave the state, then that’d be one last move to have to make along the way. I just wish I had more singing privacy and could blast my speakers. Oh well. I can make do as I have been for another year or a little more. I just hope it doesn’t end up taking us a few years to get out of here. We still have to deal with my teeth either way, and his shit of a mom isn’t going to drop dead anytime soon. She won’t go till we’re settled in California and not as bad off as we are today. My vibes still say she’ll be 86-87, and she won’t even hit 82 till August.

Time to go do my daily sweeping!

Later…

The Phoenix and Tempe letters to Marilyn have been returned as “undeliverable as addressed.” What? Does this site print wrong addresses or something? The Scottsdale one is still out there, so I’ll just hope she got that one, though I highly doubt she did. Same with the sick black bitch. Yeah, I found her. I finally found her. That’s real fucking bold to allow your address to be listed after you got someone thrown in jail. That’s wanting to be killed for it! I doubt she had the brains to think of that, though. If anything she was hoping I’d start up with the journals again so she could get me thrown in jail a second time. But still, could you bait yourself like that after doing what you did? I couldn’t. I’d be too scared to and I don’t usually scare too easily.

Anyway, I sent a quick note to 3 different addresses, one being in Surprise, compliments of the user in Florida. I used some of those postage-paid envelopes I was supposed to send to her friend. At least this time around, associating with her paid off, but just the fact that she hasn’t written and won’t even do me the favor of connecting Hope and me after all I’ve done for her goes to show how truly selfish she is, like most people in this world, or so it seems.

The note was brief and meant as a little scare-tactic, even though I knew it’d be short-lived since I couldn’t possibly have the blessing of doing what I said I was going to do, and that was to sue her and her cop friend for setting me up. Just for her to know I hadn’t forgotten her and knew where she was (assuming any of these addresses were current) was what I was out for. Besides, I promised myself I wouldn’t let what they did scare me from exercising my right to free speech, and that’s exactly what I did. No threats, no racial slurs, just my constitutional right to speak my mind. Meanwhile, if the black pig wants to put time, money and effort into hunting my ass down through Tom’s social security number or his family, I’m ready for him. Yes, this time I’m ready for him, and in the end, I can promise just about anyone that he’ll end up saying, “You know, I am so sorry I ever bothered to find that girl!” if he ever does have the balls to find me. It’ll depend on how suicidal he is. Some people have death wishes, that’s for sure, because cop or no cop, finding me would be a definite death sentence for this mother-fucker. He’d have to make something up, though, because after learning all I have about the laws, thanks to them, nothing I did could possibly call for grounds to come after me. I even handled the letters and envelopes with gloves and used tap water to seal the envelopes, so if they came after me, it’d only be because they hate white Jews as much as I hate blacks.

In the end, I know God made sure none of those letters got to her because they would shake her up, and we know how God not only loves blacks these days but also loves to protect anyone who’s fucked me over, so I’m sure she never got any of them. If I’d been dumb enough to write something they could get me on, then yes, He’d make sure she got one of them then. But if all it could do is piss her off or get her all worried, then no. Her feelings are much too important as opposed to my welfare. Oh, and of course I wrote no return address, so if they ever noticed the Oregon postmark if they got any of them, who knows?

Did I tell Tom? No way! I secretly mailed them from the next block that has an outgoing slot on their boxes. Well, I started to, but then I ran into the mailman as he was doing our own box and he took them from there. I’d never tell him even a decade from now, that’s how paranoid he is. If he knew about it now, he’d still be paranoid they were going to come after me when he was 80. I’m paranoid, too. I mean, these were very determined and obsessive people after all. But life must go on and we must live our lives as we see fit. We can’t let sickos like this scare us and bully us out of taking a stand for ourselves and doing what’s right. I believed firmly that I was doing the right thing by contacting the Arizona Republic and the sicko, and so I did. I don’t know if my email was read any more than if my letters got to the sick bitch, but I did what I felt was best and now I can move on a little easier. Not as easy as I could if they were either made to pay for wronging me or killed, but at least a little easier.

Starting late in my day yesterday, my ankle got better, but both hips have been on fire ever since. I still don’t see how I can get this sore just from walking. Had I walked 20 miles, or run, or gone by bike, then yes, I should be sore.

I see so many pros and cons of staying versus renting a house. I know we’d be taking a gamble either way because we can’t know for sure that it’ll stay quiet here until we can get out of this damn state, nor do we know if it’ll be quiet in a house. Or stay that way if it at least starts off quiet. Although we’re unsure of what’s going to happen, and although my vibes say we’re not giving notice on the 1st, I know there’s a slight chance I could be wrong, so I guess I’ll do a pros/cons list. Sometimes it helps to see them written out, though I know that can still be deceptive if you have a few small pros versus one huge con.

The pros of staying are spacious rooms, good neighborhood, good neighbors (for now), close to stores, each room has its own heater, good shower/toilet pressure, would save money by not moving unless he could find someone reliable or we moved close enough to here to chance taking the truck, bedroom is blocked from street, busy street, garage. That’s a total of 10 pros.

The cons of staying are wet/moldy windows, electric heat, far from work, connected to next door which calls for banging/music, the dog next door, neighboring duplex too close, next door’s doors, expensive, no vent in the bathroom, no self-cleaning oven or self-defrosting fridge, no dishwasher, can’t send/receive mail at the door, no singing privacy, can’t blast speakers. That’s 14 cons.

Tomorrow would be the earliest I could hear from Marilyn if she got my letter, and if she turned around and wrote back the instant she got it. Somehow I doubt I’ll be hearing from her. Not because she got the letter and decided not to respond, but because she didn’t get it in the first place. Oh well. I tried.

Tom used a large duffel bag to stuff our laundry in and rode his bike to a Laundromat he’s never used before which he said was very nice. He was only gone for 1½ hours. He’ll have to make two trips a week, though, just like with groceries. Once we get moved, we’ll get a washer for sure.

I haven’t heard the dog since the other day. When Tom gets up I’ll ask him how things were with it being a Saturday. I crashed at 11 AM, so I wasn’t around for the most part.

I’ve had severe bloating lately and I can’t figure out why. Most days I’m not overeating, though I could still afford to cut down greatly, and I’m just about over my period. I guess it’s just fat.

This morning at 8:45, I saw and heard the dog barking at the dividing fence. I’m sure it was barking at one of next door’s many passings, if not their cats. The woman softly, yet firmly told it to hush. Then after a few more barks, she said, “Come on, Jelly Belly,” and it turned and ran inside.

I was like, fuck this shit! This dog may not be a problem like the Arizona dogs, but I’m sick of being forced to live with other people’s dogs and kids. They’re not my dogs/kids, so I shouldn’t have to be the one to hear them. That’s why I have none of my own; so I don’t have to hear them. Instead, I’m stuck having to deal with listening to everyone else’s, and it gets old. It really does. I better get used to it, though, because Sacramento’s no doubt going to be quite noisy. The warmth should be worth it, as long as we’re not next to what we had in Phoenix. We checked the satellite map and they appear to have rural places close enough to places he could work. The question is, would we be able to afford to rent something like that? Or would we be forced yet again to live wedged tightly in with others and their damn dogs and kids? The dogs down there are going to be kept outside 24/7 by most dog owners and that’s about 90% of the population.

After I heard the dog and they went back inside, I stomped around for a few minutes, hoping she’ll be like, well, you know, it’s awfully soon for me to start racking up complaints here, so maybe I’ll take the dog out in front.

I’m not only sick of dogs and kids, but I’m also sick of this home-all-the-time bullshit! Why can’t we ever be next to someone who works? And why can’t they come up with some real spyware? The kind that not only lets you see the basic design of a city or neighborhood but also detail, too. That way, if there was a place we were thinking of renting, we could see what the neighbors were up to and get to know things like if they had dogs, kids, and massive amounts of visitors.

So I did what I thought I was supposed to be able to stop doing in ’99, and I rearranged the sound machine to help ensure my sleep. I propped it up so that the sound shoots straight on my pillow, rather than upwards. I’ll never be able to sleep without both the fan and sound machine during the daytime. Never. And if I’m wrong about that, then certainly it’s years away from now.

She seems to be mostly a morning person. That’s when I hear more scattered little bumps and bangs, but nothing unusual for being attached to someone. She did laundry at just after 7:30 this morning but didn’t hang anything out. It would’ve gotten rained on anyway.

She also seems to go to bed around 10:00 on weekdays and 11:30 on weekends, though I don’t know why she’d stay up later on weekends when every day is the weekend for her and every day is the weekday.

I’m a little apprehensive about what weekends may bring, along with Memorial Day, and what company may have to be my company, too.

We got a priority mail package delivered here in the name of Dorothy C. We’ve gotten mail for her before. I thought it was the last person in here, but then when we opened the package, which was mailed from Hawaii, we found a Mother’s Day card from her granddaughter. From what Beverly told me, no one who was in here before us was a grandmother, so we’re assuming it was whoever was in here before the last people. If you don’t know that your grandmother moved over what would be a year ago, then you deserve to have the package you sent her opened by someone else! At first Tom was paranoid about it because priority mail is marked as delivered. After I pointed out that the PO’s not going to kick down the door and demand to search the place for it, and that all he had to do if asked was say he brought it to the PO since the box was too big for a mailbox and since the PO doesn’t have cameras like banks to prove/disprove someone was there, we opened it and found souvenirs along with the card. The first thing we pulled out was a boring canvas with individual pockets for mail, bills and coupons. The second thing was a pair of wooden magnet sandals which was kind of cute, so we kept those. I didn’t expect anything too exciting for free, but they’re cool.

Tom thinks that out of every 500-600 sweepstakes entries, be it one-time entries or daily entries, I should hit something. We’ll soon see. If I don’t hit anything in 3-6 months, then I’m not going to bother doing all this work for nothing. For now, I have a sweepstakes system where I do all the daily sweeps until they expire, then I check out the new ones for the previous day. They don’t all come out at once. They come out throughout the day, so that’s why I wait until the next day. At midnight I’ll check yesterday’s sweeps after I do the daily ones. I wish there was a program that would sign me up for every sweepstake out there that I’m eligible for, and as often as each one allows entries.

I decided not to bother saving/spending $40 a month. I just want to get out of this duplex and then out of this state! Until then, I’ll mostly just get oils. Smells are my #1 thing right now anyway, and I’m now plenty used to not getting much in the way of dolls other than an occasional Barbie which would only take up more room when we pack to move.

We’ve had lots of rain. The apple trees look really cool now with their blossoms.

I was just waking up when I heard a faint bark, followed by a louder bark that probably would’ve woken me up, so once again and even though we rarely hear the dog or the lady over there, we’re on for giving notice on the 1st. More than likely, she opened the door to let it out to do its thing, then it went up to the door when it was done and barked to be let in. It’s clearly an indoor dog, thank God!

Tomorrow we’ll be mailing off a $20 money order for 6 1-oz. bottles of Caramel, Pecan Pie, Jasmine, Hugo Boss, Magnolia and Angel oils. Hopefully, nothing will be out of stock, and putting them in the mail and mailing them to me won’t be such a challenge for them. They should ship by next Friday and I should receive them by the Friday after that, but I’m sure I’m going to have to fight for them. If not the PO will screw up.

Tom’s building up to riding his bike to and from work nicely. His legs are rock-hard. It’s a good thing those things don’t turn me on or else I’d be in trouble. I’d be on my own for sure if that were the case. A few people offered to drive him home, including his boss, because it was raining. He turned them down, though, because it was just a little drizzle. It’s good to know that he could get rides if he had to. There’s a guy that lives just up the hill and drives by here all the time.

The new neighbor continues to be quiet, but it’s too soon to say if she’ll stay this way. I wish I were psychic enough to know if it would be quiet here until September of ’06, which is when he thinks we’ll be able to go to California if we save $50 a month and only take $40 a month for ourselves. I’m definitely going to wait and get the mannequin down there. Getting it here would only delay the move and it might break along the way, let alone hog up space in the trailer. We want to get a little U-Haul or something to pull behind the truck.

I hope we only have to suffer through just one more winter here and that it’s a mild one. According to what they’re saying, we came right at the start of summer last year. So, 6 more weeks of shivering. It’s 5-10 degrees warmer in MA, and they don’t get so cold at night like we do.

It was so wonderfully weird discussing the budget/savings plan to move to California. That was only done in my fantasies before, but this time it was for real!

I’m still sweeping away at the sweepstakes. Hopefully, I’ll know in a few months if all this work is going to pay off. I wish they had a program that automatically entered you in all sweepstakes available, and continued to enter you as often as they ran them. Some are daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and of course, some are just a one-time deal. I had to pull a few pranks like I did at the celebrity sightings site. Never did it say anything about penalties for fabricating sightings. It doesn’t reward you for your supposed sighting, but still, I couldn’t resist coming up with a tall tale about my meeting Kate and having a one-nighter with her, so here’s the story:

I was 28 years old in 1995 when I met Kate Jackson, then around 45 years of age herself. I am a lesbian who had just had a fight with her girlfriend one summer evening. I was in tears and so I went to my favorite place to be when feeling down – the beach. There wasn’t much activity on the beach, which was a bit odd for June, though it was also after 10 PM. I sat crying with my face in my hands. Suddenly, a woman asked me if I was alright. I looked up and recognized Kate Jackson right away. I couldn’t believe it at first, but it was her, alright. She was dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt. I looked around me, expecting her to be in the company of others what with her being a star and all, but she was alone. I guess because she was getting older, she felt more comfortable venturing out alone. I briefly told her what happened and she asked me if I was “just friends” with this woman. I assured her we were more than that. That’s when she said, “Well, maybe a night of fun is all you need. Maybe you just need to come up for a fresh breath of air with no strings attached.” I always suspected Kate was either a lesbian or bisexual, and this night would more than confirm that!

I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details because I don’t know if that’s allowed, so I’ll just say I had quite a night, alright! One I’ll never forget. I was nervous at first, but ended up having a great time. She wined and dined me in a quaint, cozy little cottage on the beach which she said was a friend’s, and then we got rather intimate there for a few hours, mixed in with pleasant chatter and mellow music.

When it was over she told me to forget that place forever. Okay, I told her, but I’ll never forget you, and I never have! I’ve only told a few close people about this night, and one of them doesn’t even believe me, but hey, it really, really, did happen!!! It’s no joke. So you could say I had more than a sighting, but quite an encounter instead!

It’s May and I’m still cold! Especially at night. Oh, I can’t wait to go to Sacramento!

So far so good with “Pam” next door, even though she does have a dog. It’s a fat, older medium-size dog, but it hasn’t been a problem. At least not yet anyway. We’re dubbing her Pam because she looks like her. When I got a better look at her I could see that she really is about 50 and her hair is all gray. Sure enough, she doesn’t work. Yesterday she had company twice before I got up, but all Tom said he heard was the front door and some hammering. He did hear the dog bark once too, probably at the company. All day today, I never heard a peep out of her or her dog, though I didn’t get up till 2 PM.

Tom enjoyed biking to and from work but says it was rough getting up the hill coming home. He should be used to it in a week or so.

I’m signing up for tons of sweepstakes. I must’ve signed up for over 300 already! All this work better pay off!