It was cooler today, so it put a damper on next door’s hanging outside and going back and forth, but we had to hear from the dog twice. He heard a couple of yips that I managed to sleep through, then the thing took a fit after we got back from our walk. It was barking at someone in the house on the other side, then at something in back. Just when I was wondering if she was going to do something about it, she came out and got the damn thing. She’s just too damn lazy to stand outside with the beast.

We didn’t hear any banging, but I thought I heard what may’ve been someone knocking on Patty’s front door, then I heard a bang that was louder, but nothing that’d wake me up.

Tom feels that attempt number 3 to get into a house should be no problem. If he’s right, then we’re out of here in 119 days. We hope to stay in this neighborhood since it’s a nice one, but we’ll just have to see. As long as it isn’t connected to anybody, I’ll take it!

I know no bed is going to be a “magic cure” for us and make us interested in each other sexually, so when I finally do get a bed, I’m going to have to let Tom know that while research says couples should talk this out, I know sex isn’t something he likes to discuss, unlike every other guy in the world, and that rather than make him or myself be something we’re not, we should just forge ahead with the attitude that we’re going to continue on as friends. Or maybe we’re just not right for each other anymore. It’s just that I can’t imagine life without Tom the person. Tom the person is wonderful and so much fun to be with. Even I have to admit that giving him up wouldn’t be worth an occasional piece of ass. A woman is no more meant to be now than it was in the past, and it’d just kill me to give him up. I’d be losing so much more than I could ever gain. I’d miss him so terribly and I’d always wonder and worry about him. The thought of life without him is a very depressing thought, so maybe it really would be okay to leave things as they are. We’ve been doing just fine since before the sickos got me thrown in jail, so I don’t see why we can’t keep going as we have been. It suits us well, it’s what we’ve come to know, and it’s what we’re comfortable with.

Later…

Tom said it was so quiet today that he doesn’t even know if she’s over there. All I heard since getting up at 4:00 was next door slam back and forth a few times. Part of that is due to the weather. It just won’t stay warm. It’s almost like it’s fall again. Tomorrow’s supposed to be only 47º! I hate this state. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned in Oregon it’s to not assume any future dreams are impossible. I only assumed living in California was an impossible dream because just about all my other dreams were impossible. If anything, experience has taught me that if I want to go one way really bad, I should go the other way instead if I know what’s good for myself. Trying to undo what’s meant to be only gets me in trouble, as well as trying to make something be that can’t be.

I’ve decided how I’m going to handle his shit of a mother depending on what happens. If she cares enough to remember our anniversary and his birthday while my book gets rejected, she won’t hear from me at all. If she acknowledges our anniversary and his birthday and the book gets accepted, I’ll gently let her have it, probably by email. If she fails to send anything, whether or not the book makes it, I’ll blast the holy hell out of her via postal mail.